


Those Nine Years

by veronicamarsl3ve



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 175,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veronicamarsl3ve/pseuds/veronicamarsl3ve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you ever wondered what happened over those long nine years? How Logan reacted to Veronica leaving? How did he join the Navy or get together with Carrie? What reconnected Piz and Veronica?<br/>I found myself consumed with these thoughts after the movie, so here is my take on what could have possibly happened. Enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Those Nine Years...**

**Here is the first chapter of my Logan and Veronica fan fiction. I love this relationship, and this fandom so much. I appreciate any reviews or comments. I state that I do not own any rights to these characters.**

**This story takes places over what _could_ have happened over those nine years. At least my take. Enjoy.**

Chapter One

Veronica:

The rain pitter pattered off the old panes of the windows. Everything here felt slightly more sophisticated, more refined. Which inadvertently made her feel like she did not belong. Life in a west coast beach town, full of the gaudy sea life statues, and sketchy motels and store fronts to please the cheap tourists -That was her life before now. She had always dreamed of getting out of there, escaping with some shadow of her dignity left.

She furrowed her brow at the thought of dignity, still studying the falling rain drops. _I may have escaped, but with dignity? That was questionable now. After costing her dad the election, her scandalous tape for everyone's viewing pleasure circulating Hearst, and pushing away everyone she had ever cared about? Yeah I would say dignity was far gone._

The rain lulled her, almost mesmerized her. It was always such an unusual sight for a rainstorm to sweep trough Neptune. The always sunny and perfect 70 degree weather almost had a way of making you feel like you were living a Ferris Bueller's day off- type of life. Most people would die to live in the climate, for her it had always been a sign of the way Neptune operated. We house low lives, murderers, hostile gangs and the occasional rapist but- "Come check us out, where the sun always shines".

_Yeah sunshine didn't even describe the half of it._

Sure the weather in Stanford was still that of California weather. But something, everything abou here was different. Escaping the seedy beach town and entering a level of class that was not just deemed by the 09er zip code -She was occupying a different world now.

But today, it rained. Much like that fateful day when she realized that she had ruined everything. And that train of thought made her stomach clench with guilt, a solemn reminder that she cannot ever fully escape it. She shut her eyes to push the flashing memories aside, but it was no use, her nostalgia and guilt were taking over.

««

_I felt my eyes on him, just studying his every movement as he moved out of the cafeteria. Still reeling from the fact that seconds before he had personally seen to the punishment of the videographer of my "greatest film"; I was always amazed at the way Logan operated. He was full of life and passion. No one could ever argue that. He lived life to the fullest, even if that meant he was living it to the fullest potential of mourning or revenge. But I liked him best when it was to love, but unfortunately few people were the recipients of that side.. But boy could he ever do that._

_My heart tugged and all the emotions of anger and frustration faded slightly as I watched him apologize to Piz . Sure it was not the most eloquent apology I had ever heard, but still for him to apologize, he meant every word. He did not look back at me, he had fully gotten the message I had so forcefully shoved on him all this week. He was out of my life._

_I could tell it had truly settled into his mind on his last attempt to make things right._

" _Look, I apologize. I know I can be pretty dumb sometimes."_

_Something about how genuine he seemed made me even more mad. He was not getting back in, not this time. Some would say I was heartless. And though I wouldn't agree out loud, my inner self knows well that I can be the meanest to Logan than anybody. I could see him flinch a little, his brown eyes always gave a way his deep emotion though his face could stay emotionless. I had pushed hard enough this time and he was backing off. And what was worse is I knew he would. I knew he would do anything I wanted just to make me happy. Even if that meant saying goodbye._

_But in usual Logan fashion he was not going out unnoticed. After all "Some one always has to pay right?". He was right, in he and I's world, that was an absolute truth. And sadly we had made the mistake time and time again- to make the other pay. I could tell Logan had grown past that with me- but me? Here in this moment I was proving I had not._

_The whole scene honestly felt surreal. I am not sure why Logan Echolls getting into a fight while defending my honor would shock me. He had proven time and time again the lengths he would go to protect me, even if they were misguided at times. I truly in this moment, as I watched him pummel Gory to the ground, was overcome with the fact- that he had done it anyway. Despite how I pushed harder than ever. Despite how I warned him of Gory's connections. Despite that he knew he would gain nothing of it. He chose to protect me anyway-even when I was not choosing him._

" _Yeah, someday." His cocky grin, the one that always managed to win my heart, was plastered on his face. The thing about Logan and me, the thing that has always scared me most is: with him I lose all control. With everyone else: Duncan, Troy, Leo and even Piz, I had a way of keeping my heart in check. But with Logan I had lost it from the very beginning, after all it was hard to control something that was not yours anymore._

_The thought stunned me. First a since of awe flooded me, and then utter panic. No wonder, I thought, no wonder._

_Duncan was my first boyfriend and I loved him, I did. Not in the epic, devastating, all consuming way that I did with Logan. But still it was there. My first go around with Duncan was such a token of a different time of life. Before Lilly was gone, before my dad lost everything, before my mom bailed. That version of me, well she has been gone awhile._

_Logan and me were like mixing gasoline and fire. We were both full of passion whether it being encompassed in anger, hate, determination or love. We could't help but ignite when we came together, and we truly never were the same._

_I did not want to see it at the time, but that is why it was never the same with Duncan. I kept trying to hold onto that former relationship, but truth was it was long gone. Now Piz- I feel the onset of reality hitting me. That no matter how much I do care or how close we are. He can't have my heart because it is not mine to give anymore._

_I eyed his back as he walked away, a small smile of realization dawning on me before the ache took over. He and I would always love each other. But I knew it would never work, we would never be able to get past it all, no matter how hard we tried. The sickening feeling swept over me as I felt the color drain from my face, and in perfect timing my eyes connected to Piz. Judging by the way he was looking at me, he seemed to have had the same realization._

4 months and that look on his face is still sealed into my brain like it was yesterday. I guess that is what guilt will do to you, cause truth be told that is all that is left for him now. I hate that, because I know that the last thing he wants is my pity, but honestly how can I not feel that way? I was horrible to him.

_I followed behind him several steps as he led us outside. I guess this conversation was not one that he wanted on full display.. who could blame him after our little "tape" and now my ex boyfriend making a scene in the cafeteria. I guess he wanted the break up to be at least private._

" _So Veronica?" He lifted his eyebrows in a fake indifference. "Is there really anything left to say?"_

_I took a deep breath, as I stepped closer. His blue eyes flashed with pain the closer I got and he tried to look away and hide beneath the bangs that hung in his eyes. I could not find the words. I was not sure exactly what he had seen or what his interpretation was, but now in my heart I knew it was over._

_He blew air out his nose, forcing his hands to his hips as he chuckled in the silence. "So is it just a you thing? Or just a you with Logan thing?"_

_I took the bait. "What do you mean?" I tried to keep my voice even and calm. After all I deserved whatever he threw my way._

" _Do you always look at your ex boyfriends like they are your source of life?" He said it with a sarcastic tone, trying to make slight fun of me. I knew that truly that was exactly what his interpretations was, and honestly it was mostly true. "Cause if it is I have a problem with it, considering- considering I have never seen you look at me like THAT- ever." He pointed back toward the cafeteria in accusatory manner._

_I looked down at my converse, looping my fingers through my belts loops as I hesitated. "Piz, I don't want to hurt you…"_

_He chuckled a little more and I looked up. If this was Piz mean it proved to me even more how nice of a guy he was, and how most people would want to admit me into an asylum for breaking up with him._

_"You didn't want to hurt me but- because I am not a violent, trust fund kid with a privy to wasting my days away on a surf board and tendencies to do big gestures… then I am just not your type?" I flinched a little. "Oh wait that doesn't sound like a type Veronica. If it is then I know only one person who can meet its qualifications."_

" _It's complicated, it has always been complicated alright? What do you want me to say? I care for you, I wanted to date you, truly I did."_

" _Already speaking in past tense are we?"_

" _I think you and I both know that I am obviously not healthy enough to be in a relationship right now."_

_He crossed his arms protectively across his chest. "Yeah, with anyone but Logan Echolls."_

_I shook my head no in quick defensive motions. "No, no. That is not it at all." He rolled his eyes in return and I reached out to touch his arm but hesitated. "I have already tried that. Four times in fact. He and I just don't work. Not like that."_

_He seemed unconvinced. "Do whatever you want, Veronica. After all it is clear now that you are a free woman."_

" _Piz, I am telling the truth. You have to believe me."_

" _That is kind of hard right now, sorry."_

_I sighed, fighting the tears back. It was hard to be on the other end of a verbal lashing from someone like him. He was such a genuinely, good guy and to make him this upset- I must me horrible._

_"I wasn't lying to you. I really did - do care for you. I just had no business dating- not after everything I have been through these last few years. It was just too soon."_

_He was softening a little but the hurt was still evident on his face. "What is it, Veronica? What is it about him that you just can't shake?"_

_I pulled my lips in as I looked at him. If I knew the answer to this question then my life would far easier. I shrugged, taking my stab at the question."We have known each other a long time. We both lost someone who we deeply loved and we both came from some messed up situations. His worse than mine, but still." My words did not seem to be making him feel any better. "Honestly, there are a million reasons and none of them are going to make this better. Sometimes you can't put words to something like that. A connection, is a connection. I am just sorry. Which I know is not good enough. And I am also sorry that I didn't meet you a few years in the future, once I had some distance from it. All I can ask is that you try to forgive me. Even if I do not deserve it."_

" _What? You want to be friends?"_

_I nodded, pushing through his poisonous tone and maintaining my cool. I wanted him to know that I did deeply desire to stay friends. "Yes, I would love that."_

_His face was emotionless now. "It's going to take some time.. If ever." I nodded in understanding. "So I guess you will be gone this summer?" He seemed conflicted about that._

" _Yeah, I am."_

" _Well, I will see you in the fall."_

_He started to walk away and I called out, feeling my voice crack. "Piz, I really am sorry." He looked back for a moment and a slight sweetness returned to his face and then he was gone._

_««_

3 long months of summer and already a month here at Stanford and I still have not been able to completely leave those in my life behind. I mean sure I did not expect it to be easy. Honestly there was just one person in particular that I had to get far, far away from.

After the fateful day in the cafeteria, and soon finding out about my father's loss I felt the FBI internship encroaching upon me. Everyone knew I was going, was excited for me. Everyone except me. For some reason the luster of it all began to fade. What had driven me to want to pursue that route had been all the years of assisting my dad on cases and well, taking on a few of my own. I had lived and breathed it, truthfully I was addicted to it. The rush of taking down the person who was wrong, avenging those who had been mistreated. To me they all represented Lilly. I could not save her but I could help others. The criminals were Aaron, being brought to justice. Each case stood for a problem in my life that I had no control over. My rape, my mother's disappearance, the bullying. They even began to stretch to become the people I cared for's problems. My dad's unfair circumstances, Logan's abuse, Duncan having to run with his daughter. If I was not able to save _them_ from those horrible fates- I could surely save others. I was in over my head, and that day in the cafeteria I realized that I was not only suffering for it, I was bringing the people I loved into it far too deep.

I looked at the heap of Gory laying in the floor, I was a 19 year old girl and had targeted one of the biggest secret circles in the nation, and in doing so probably pissed of a mobster family. But that wasn't just it, looking at Logan, who with full knowledge of who he was fighting chose to do it anyways. Because of me. I was _his_ addiction. He would do anything to keep me safe. Even if that meant putting a target on his back.

The reflecting began as I watched Piz walk away. How many people had I hurt in the process? People close to me, people who were not even friends, as well. So many people had payed the price for my need of vengeance. When my father lost the election due to me, that was the last straw. Maybe the PI life really was not for me. It was costing me too much.

My father would hardly speak to me when he realized I was behind why he would never be sheriff again. Yet again he was let down by this world, the best man I know, and this time because of me. I knew I had disappointed him frequently because I took it too far. I had pushed Duncan away when I chose not to drop the investigation of Lilly's murder- I had even lost Logan as one of my best friends. There were countless times that I had pushed Wallace too far and my curiosity getting in the way of his mother and my father dating. The worst one of all is I knew, that my inability to stop had cost me Logan. And well that one stung the most.

After a few days of my phone off and sulking I decided to turn down the internship. I told my dad of course, and at first he did not seem too pleased- but when I explained that I wanted to leave "the chasing criminal" life style behind he could not argue. After all, he always deep down wanted that. I had already saved enough money for my stay in Virginia, so I decided to cash in on it. I had a bank account full of cash, no where to be, a dad who was barely speaking with me and friends who would bombard me with questions. So I left.

The only person I informed of my change in plans was my dad. Everyone else: Mac, Wallace, Logan, Piz, Weevil.. To them I was in Virginia.

I started out in Canada, I always wanted to visit and now I had the chance. Next stop was Colorado, then Florida. I even took a peak at Martha's Vineyard and ended up in New York City for a day.

««

_My cell phone was burning a hole in my pocket today. I had rarely checked it on the trip, maybe twice a day to communicate with my dad and return the texts and calls to Mac and Wallace. I don't know if I was running from everyone or if it was the fact that every time I looked at it it reminded me that Logan had never called. Never texted._

_I was ridiculous though right? I had told him he was out of my life, what else did I expect. He beat up a mobster kid for me and well, I never even checked on him. He was giving me space, just like I asked, and still I was upset._

_Piz never called as well, not that I expected him to either. I had obliterated his heart before leaving. But he was the main reason my cell phone was taunting me today, here in the city. I knew he had taken the New York internship and I wanted to call badly,but I was scared. Maybe it would give him the wrong idea or hey, he may reject me. But honestly right now I was lonely and I needed a friend. After all we had worked much better as friends anyway._

_I picked up the phone and selected the contact before I could talk myself out of it, the ringing tone went on and on and I knew I would go to voicemail- when I heard his familiar voice._

" _Hey, Veronica." He didn't sound chipper but at least malice was not present._

" _Hey, how's it going?"_

" _Oh you know, surviving the big apple and all."_

" _Yeah, speaking of which." I hesitated as I bit my lip. "I am actually in your stomping grounds."_

_His voice lit a little, I am sure at the hope that I had come to my senses. "Wait, you are here?"_

_I interjected quickly. "Yeah, well it is a long story but I have been on an "exploring" adventure and stopped in NY for a day. And well, I know you probably still hate me but I was wondering if we could meet for coffee?"_

" _How long you here for?"_

_I looked down at my watch. "Till 6. My flight leaves at 7:30. Flying back to dear, old Neptune."_

_He paused. "I never hated you."_

" _Well, I wouldn't blame you if you did."_

_He took a deep breath. "Are you available in say- 30 minutes?"_

_I smiled wide. "Yeah I can do that."_

_I beat him to the coffee shop and picked a corner table. I saw him before he made me out and I felt another smile stretch across my face. It was not one in sentiment towards our relationship, in fact what had struck me was how I truly could see him as a friend. The same guy I met on the first ay of school. I stood slowly, feeling unsure, after all who was to say he felt the same. He saw me, his eye darkening for a moment before he smiled, quickening his pace and reaching in for a hug. We didn't hold it long and stared awkwardly at each other for a moment. He tried his bets to cover up his emotions but I could size up that it wasn't as resolved as it was to me.. To me he could be a friend again, he seemed on the fence._

_He looked confused as we sat down. "So, Veronica, Virginia?"_

_I shook my head tracing the cup. "Yeah, I decided to pass."_

_His face fell a little, I wasn't sure why. "I have to ask, why? You were so excited."_

" _Yeah, things change. I realized that "that life" was not healthy for me. It had cost me a lot. Friendships mainly." I smiled making my point and he returned it. "But, you and my dad are the only ones that know. I needed some time to think and to not have others questioning me. So I selfishly took off on my own adventure. To sort through things."_

_He nodded seeming unsure of what to say. "Well, are you happy?"_

" _Getting there." I smirked. "I ended up here and well I know it is another selfish move on my part, but- I was hoping I could see a friend. Any chance I still have one named Stosh Piznarski? Those are very hard to find."_

_He looked down for a moment thumbing the table. "Well, I would say yes, but your greatest use to me was your PI skills." He clicked his tongue against his cheek and I busted out into laughter. "No, Veronica, we are good." He trailed off. "I have done a bit of discovering of my own this summer and I get it. I may not completely understand, but I get it. And it would be a shame if we wasted a great friendship, especially seeing each other at school all the time."_

_I gritted my teeth. "Actually, here is another secret."_

_He seemed instantly more burdened. "Wallace is going to kill me huh?"_

_She nodded. "I am not going back to Hearst. I am enrolled in Stanford."_

_Piz had taken the news in stride. I could see his disappointment, but also relief. I am sure hearing that you didn't have to see you ex constantly did relieve a load. We didn't meet long, just discussed his love of NY, and the opportunities that were coming and I smiled, feeling overcome with happiness to see his spark back. I was glad I had not taken it from him forever, like one boy I knew._

_I did not arrive in Neptune until early into the next morning, and I was surprised when my dad was at the gate wearing an actual smile. I had to restrain myself from running to him at full speed. I leaned in for a tentative hug and he pulled me close, bear hugging me_

" _Oh baby girl, you are back." He said sweetly in my ear._

_My mouth hung open in shock as I wrapped my arms around him tight, fighting back a few tears. "Yeah. I am."_

_He pulled back looking solemn, but relieved at what he said next. "But not for long."_

_I shook my head. "Nope."_

_He grabbed my chin. "It is the right move. It is. You deserve so much more than this place and I have to offer you."_

" _Dad, you have given me everything."_

_He looked at me with a world of emotion and wrapped his arm around me. "Let's go find those bags of yours."_

_««_

I had two weeks, two weeks to gather 19 years of life's earnings and to break the news to my friends. Mac took it better than Wallace. She said she got it, but I could still see that she was upset. Wallace displayed a wider range of emotions, which I expected, but truth was he and I- we had been through a lot together. He finally came around, I think he too saw that me getting out of Neptune was the best option for me. Weevil, seemed relieved, his reaction the most shocking. He told me to go and never look back, and something about the advice made it all too real. _Was I saying goodbye forever?_

Logan. Oh Logan. He was the one I was avoiding. Thankfully we hardly ran in the same circles anymore. Mac had distanced herself after Parker and well, we all know his relationship with Weevil and Wallace. I didn't know how to break the news to him, that Neptune would be in my rearview mirror soon. Partly I knew he would take it the hardest, but I think deep down I knew he was the only _one_ who could convince me to stay- and that frightened me.

«

_One week was left and I decided to take a stroll on the beach. I hadn't been here all summer and even though I wasn't a big "beach goer", some pretty special memories were held here. Mostly with Lilly, Duncan and Logan. It was funny, how I had managed to lose all of them somehow. Lilly was brutally ripped from me, Duncan and I grew a part for the best, but Logan- he was the one who ended up meaning the most and the only one that I intentionally pushed away. I clenched my hands around my arms as I crossed them across my chest._

" _Chuckles, back from Virginia I see."_

_I couldn't see him, but I knew that voice anywhere. It had the ability to send electricity through me like no other. Even though running into him was the last thing I had wanted, I could not help and smile, because I always wanted to see him- always._

_I turned to face him. "Hey, Logan."_

_He stepped closer placing his board to his side. Seeing him excited me- even with all that stood between us I never got tired of the butterflies that multiplied at one glimpse of him. His hair was disheveled from the waves and water droplets still were dripping from his face. This was the way I would always envision him in my head. That thought made my chest sink._

" _Did you nail any serial killers or terrorists to the wall this summer?" His eyes lit with expectancy, but he seemed reserved like he was unsure of how to act._

" _No, it was pretty boring."_

_He stepped a little closer and the wind picked up- catching a hint of his cologne and the mix of sea water. It made me ache with desire._

" _You? Boring? Never." His trademark smirk was now taking over his face._

_I crossed my arms again, using my feet to draw lines in the sand as I studied them. "Actually, I did not go to Virginia after all."_

_I peered up and he looked stunned. Hurt- was there at first but he pushed through it, forcing his always ready smile. He knew how to do that so well, fake through with a smile plastered to his face. I spoke before he could._

_"I actually kind of decided to leave all that behind. You know my "sleuthing" as you call it."_

_I saw relief wash through his liquid brown eyes. He always had worried about me. "Well, I can't say that that doesn't make me feel a tad relieved. But I have to say even more worried. You said 'It was you and that was never changing'."_

_I hated how he was the only one to call me on it. Even dad wanted to desperately believe that this was what I really wanted. And I did. Didn't I?_

" _Well, I guess I realized it had cost me too much and the people I care about." His face lit up and I could see the hope rising that maybe, maybe I was coming back to him. "So, how was your summer?" I smiled, changing the subject._

" _Well, pretty boring." He ran his hands through his hair like he always did. "I actually took a summer class." He said knowing I would be proud. I was. "Dick got back from his vacation with his dad and we did end up hitting Brazil for a few weeks. I just got back."_

_The quiet moments between us could always be so loaded, like we were saying a hundred things without words. I looked at him feeling myself dread the goodbye that I knew was coming. I knew I would have to tell him, but I knew it couldn't be today. I still had a week and that was plenty of time for him to talk me out of it. No, it would have to wait._

" _Well, my dad is expecting me."_

_He nodded seeming to hate to see me go. "Yeah. Well tell him hi for me."_

" _Will do." I walked past him and our shoulders brushed._

" _I heard about you and Piz." He said as I passed. I turned around and he looked at me with care, the only person who could quite make me feel like he saw me to my core. "I am sorry, Veronica. I really am."_

_I nodded. "Me too."_

_He looked down grabbing his board, pain was evident on his face even from his profile. He had read into my words and truthfully I had wanted him to. I was sorry about Piz, maybe not in the way he was now thinking, but in the way I had handled it all. But right now I had to keep Logan at arms length. It was for his good and mine._

_««_

The rain cleared and I sighed with relief. Just in time for my walk to class. I had scored and gotten a spacious dorm room with a girl who was quiet and well, never here. She spent most nights at her senior boyfriends apartment and well that left the place to me.

I loved the campus, it had such history and I reveled in the fact that I was becoming a small part of it. Four weeks here had been freeing and I even was leaning towards a major. I was still staying with Criminology but in hopes of entering law school after my three years here. It was a good way to fight the fight without getting my hands dirty, if you will. My dad had called every night and I did miss him dearly and our small apartment. I even missed Backup curled up around my ankles at night while I slept. I missed everyone. I spoke with Mac and Wallace frequently and Piz had even called once. The only person I couldn't bring myself to talk with was _him._ That isn't to say that he had not tried to make contact.

To say that he had not handled me leaving well would be an understatement. He reacted worse than I anticipated, but how could I even prepare myself for it. I had not handled it well, and as usual Logan Echolls was collateral damage in my wake. I felt myself cringe at the thought.

««

_My flight was in 2 hours and here I was standing outside of his suite. I had literally waited till the last minute to say my goodbye and I began to doubt my decision. I knocked on the door for the hundredth time and realization set in -that this was it. He wasn't home and I was leaving in just a few hours. This was our goodbye._

_I hesitantly reached into my bag and pulling out the familiar room key from my wallet. I fingered it with care and all the memories tied to it came back slowly. I choked back tears as I put it into the slot one last time and watched the light blink green._

_I had been right no one was home as I was greeted by darkness. I flicked on the lights, far too familiar with where each switch was. The room was clean, all except a few stray beer cans. I smiled when I passed the game cube and gently touched it. I had a stare down with his room doors, feeling like I was invading his privacy, but everything in me screaming for one last connection. I pushed through them remembering each time I had done it before._

_Some of them filled with memories of sneaking in and waking him up. Many a times me charging in without a hello, immediately informing him of my current case as he eyed me adoringly from his bed. The fights and the make ups. They were all here, right in this room. The last time now registered as I remembered every word I said._

" _We tried to be friends, and it didn't work. This is the moment Logan, where it is juts done. You are out of my life for good."_

_Just hearing the words play back in my head made me flinch. I had been cruel. I traced my finger along the bed and stared at his stray belongings placed along the nightstand. It all hit me in one motion. This would be the last time I was ever here, ever in his world, in his space. Because I had to let him go. If I ever loved him I had to._

_I pulled open the nightstand looking for stationary and my hand pulled back. A framed picture of us was placed in the drawer. I resisted the urge to pick it up, to study it. But everything in me burnt to feel those emotions again. To be close to him._

_Resolve filled me as I picked up the Grand Stationary and I began to write the Dear John letter. I am sure a letter he could place in the mental keepsake box that housed a thousand painful memories. Now he could add me to the list. He would never understand that I was trying to protect him. No he would probably hate me forever._

_Logan,_

_I do not really know how to start this letter. By time you get it I will be gone. Truthfully I have not known how to break this news to you and honestly I knew if I told you that you could talk me out of it._

_Here is your room key back. It houses a great many memories for me and I will always have them. You are my oldest friend. And I will always say you are. Truth is we grew up together and helped each other through the worst of the worst. We played out each other's purpose in the other's life. We carried the other, we were the surviving grace, but now. Now we have to let go. I know if I stay here I will never be able to. And I know you would be the same way._

_You wont understand this and honestly I don't completely as well. All I know is I have to find a different life. I have to escape. I always intended to, that was the plan. I should have. It would have spared us both a lot of pain._

_I am sorry, Logan. I truly am. And I am sorry I did not get to say goodbye in person._

_Take care- Veronica_

_I left it on the nightstand along with the key and walked out, never looking back._


	2. Chapter 2

Logan:

Scotch for breakfast and whiskey for lunch. Yeah that has been the usual. I downed the glass, slamming it on the night stand with force. I want that stupid table to feel an ounce of the pain it inflicted upon me.

_Good going Logan, now you sound certifiable._ I knew it was not that poor table's fault that she chose to leave her _farewell_ there. _God, just looking at this place, it makes me want to scream. Pain and suffering. That is all life has been._

And then there was a break from the sadness, a light amongst so much darkness and that was Veronica. And this place houses most of it, the good, the bad and the ugly. She had been an unexpected miracle, the last person I saw saving me. Truth is I know now she is the only one that could have. But now I am stuck here in this constant reminder, and the sick part is that I could leave, move out. But with the same level of madness as everything else, I can't let it go, because now, this is all I have left of _her._

I lay back onto the bed letting all hopelessness wash over me, letting the anger pulse through. I never thought she could let me down this way. Not Veronica. Everyone else did, but she was the one person I could _always_ count on. I suck in a deep breath, I am stunned every time that it hurts to breath. Everything hurts now. To walk, to talk, to just be, it is excruciating.

I rub my hand through my hair, letting out a chuckle. _I really had lost it. Sitting in an empty room, laughing out loud._ Dick's theories had been right - I had fully and willingly let her in, and all the while she was gathering what little sanity I had left. She took it with her, every last bit.

The summer had been hard, I could not lie. I had spent most of it alone, constantly plagued with thoughts of her and the last interaction I had with her. She had looked at me in a way- in a way that made me know it was never over. I had seen it a few times over the years and even though the times before caused hope to rise within me, this time I chose to remain cautious. After all she was still with Piz and well I had messed up pretty bad too many times.

Based on her words she wanted me gone. Because I still loved her Parker left, taking Mac's friendship with her. Dick was leaving for his trip with his dad and now I was alone. I enrolled in a class, figured I might as well do it since I had nothing better to do. It was accountability, a way for me to make sure I did not slip off the deep end too much. I fought the depression that loomed, and Heather still called once a week and demanded online matches of Mario Kart. My last friend was a 12 year old.

It was when Dick had called me two weeks into his vacation to catch up and fill me in on the twins he was partying up with in Australia- that I heard the first bit of hopeful news.

" _By the way man, you better not be all sulking and emo. That room better be spick and span when I return. No sign of your man filth and sadness you hear?"_

" _Yeah, sure." I said indifferent as I looked around the room. Sure it wasn't like it had been months ago, but it was not "spick and span."_

" _Speaking of the Ronnator, I heard that she has added another male heart to her collection. Though she did break the trend that he wasn't rich. Poor dude doesn't even have his money to fill the black void Veronica Mars left."_

_I finally perked up, this being the first important thing he had said the entire time. "So we have been talking for 10 minutes and you are just now getting to this?" I fired._

" _Good grief man. She still has you in a vice grip."_

_I ignored him. "Where did you hear this?"_

" _Uh.." He had to think for a moment."Parker. I had drunk dialed her and she was not too happy. She got a few jabs in about you and then asked if you and Ronnie were back in your love nest. Then went on to explain that she talked to Piz and found out about the break up. That enough info for you?"_

_I felt my heart rate pick up. "Yeah, man. That is good."_

Dick could live up to his namesake for sure, but honestly I could not quite defend myself. He was right, Veronica did still have a hold on me, stronger than ever. I built up in my mind after the news, that the break up had to do with me. That she was taking her time in Virginia and when she returned that maybe, just maybe we could do this _again-_ the right way this time.

It had taken all self control not to call, not to text. But I knew there was a reason she had not made contact and I figured the time and space would be good for us. We had never been good about not just jumping back into it all. I had found new resolve though, the same reason, just a new hope for it. I would hold out, do my best over the summer and be ready. Ready for when she was back.

I had stuck to my class and on my down time spent most of my days cooped up in the suite. I started a reading list for a class I wanted to take in the fall, and watched more paperview than I needed. I didn't even touch a lick of alcohol. I was putting it all behind me, even the willing coeds that would throw themselves at me. Nothing was getting in the way- I would not add one more mistake to my closet to join the other skeletons. This time I waited for her.

I was stunned when I saw her at the beach. I had figured she would be home soon, school was starting in a week. But I guess I had figured she would make some sort of contact, and when I saw her standing there looking weighed down by the world I felt the hope began to deflate.

" _Chuckles, back from Virginia I see." I tried to keep it light._

_She turned around and greeted me with an expression I did not know how to read. She looked overcome with happiness to see me, but dread to talk to me. Contradictions- however do they haunt us. I had watched her every move, analyzing her. She was kind, but distant, not the homecoming I had been expecting. I felt myself shrink back in, feeling the shame flood in rapidly. I had built it up, she had never even given me an inkling that she wanted us together. In fact she had said the opposite. She wanted me gone._

The next week had been torture. I was glued to my phone and I began to think Dick was going to have to tie me to the wall to keep me from seeing her. School was starting soon and that was what I held onto. I had that. I could earn back the trust- I would do it this time. She would see I changed.

_Finally Dick had convinced me to go to a back to school/end of summer bash at the Pi Sig's. I had relented but he was insistent, and I knew if I didn't do something I would for sure end up on Veronica's porch. We didn't make it back until early morning hours, and I dragged plastered Dick into the hotel suite tossing him onto the couch with a laugh. It was funny. Whenever you have to tend to your drunk friends while sober it always makes you wonder why you ever get wasted. He was already out before I could stand back up. I chuckled at him again, and as I straightened I felt a morbid sense fill me. I couldn't quite explain it as I walked towards my room. I felt silly, crazy even- that I could swear I smelt the lingering of her perfume in the air._

_I stopped cold at the doors, specifically remembering I shut them, and their wide open state now made me tense. I cautiously walked into the room checking for unwanted guests as I flicked on the lights, and like a laser my eyes went to a letter perfectly propped up against the lamp. I rushed over my heart sinking at the sight of the worn key card. I already knew where this was going._

_My hands started to shake as I picked it up and began to read. I felt a mental block take over as I could not process the words, re-reading the lines over and over agin until they became clear. I stopped. Take care, Veronica. **Take care, Veronica.**_

_That is how she chose to end it? After everything? Take care?_

_The shaking stopped as the adrenaline focused and I stood to my feet reaching for the lamp, throwing it across the room unleashing a violent scream. I circled the room, my hands laced behind my head, as I studied the broken glass- shattered to pieces all over the place, the sound of Dick rushing into the room a lulled rumbling as my head began to spin. The room became tunnels and as I felt my grip on consciousness fade, Dick grabbed me scooting me to the bed. I laid back, his voice still distant as he asked question after question._

_The spinning only amplified and my eyes fixed on the letter, laying in the broken glass. I found the energy to sit up reaching out for it as I heard Dick panic, calling for the staff to come clean the mess. With each time I read it, it became less clear. She was right I would never understand. Never._

_My hand dropped limply and Dick stood in front of me. I did not look up as he reached out to grab the paper from me. A shock jolted through my body as I involuntarily reached for my phone from my pocket. It was like I couldn't help myself, I had to try again. The phone rang and rang reaching her voicemail and when the sound of her voice filled the speaker I felt the first choke of tears hit me. I immediately hung up and dialed back. Again and agin. No answer._

_I could hear the crinkle of the paper as Dick placed it by his side, a look of complete dread and pity filled his normal care free face and he slowly sat next to me._

" _I am sorry, man."_

_I nodded, cupping my hands around my mouth as I steadied my breathing. I still had my phone clutched in my left hand as I stared off._

_The knock on the door came quick and Dick was up to deal with them. I didn't move, not even a little while they cleaned. I could see as they stared at my catatonic expression, I could see the worry in the strangers eyes. I looked like a man that had lost everything, because I had. I had lost my last reason for living, in the form of a stupid letter._

_They hurried out and I looked at the phone in my hand again. I brought it slowly to my ear as I heard the rings. The clicks followed as her voice taunted me and this time I held on. The beep sounded louder in my ear than ever before and I bit my lip hard before speaking._

" _Veronica, really?" My voice cracked. "How could you-" I could't finish._

" _Please." I cleared my throat trying to gain strength to convince her. "Please don't do this."_

_I hit the end button as Dick slowly entered, his eyes on me like I would explode in any second. Suddenly I felt a sensation I had never experienced, it was like my heart physically stopped beating as I accepted it.I looked up at my roommate as a tear escaped. "She's gone."_

Veronica:

He called non stop for two weeks. Normally Logan's way was to get piss drunk and leave voice mails laced with venom. But the first one, the first one was nothing I had heard before. I could physically hear him breaking and I sobbed as I repeated it over and over. I had screened the calls, I had been up, unable to sleep as I knew he would be discovering the news soon. I knew he would call and though I knew I couldn't answer, a part of me wanted to be there to listen. To feel a sense of closeness.

The calls kept coming. Some made me doubt my decision, others confirmed it as I felt my blood boil with anger- but mostly they just reminded me of the empty space that was left because of him. I was hallowed out and I knew he was too and that was excruciating.

The phone calls didn't stop or the texts. Mac and Wallace were even being hounded. The situation had reached new limits when Dick was making secret calls to me on their balcony, pleading with me to just talk to him. I tried to explain that I couldn't, that it was best for both us, but he didn't understand. No one seemed to really understand my tactics. Even his "fan club" doubted me. They accused me of being heartless and I could understand why. But I knew that sometimes the pain has to be unbearable before you get better. At least I am banking on that. Because that is the only reason I am standing right now.

Keith:

_Veronica has been gone two weeks and the drama she left in her wake, well it seems only fitting. I understand why she is doing it. Do I think she is being like her usual self- running from what scares her? Yes, of course. But do I think she is where she needs to be? Yes._

_Veronica always thought I hated Logan. Truth is that was never the case. Was he the idea of what a dad wanted for his daughter? No. But he could not help his upbringing. I had low expectations and time and time again he proved me wrong. I saw the love he had for my daughter- has. And well that is exactly what you want for your daughter. The shame is that if it were based on love I know those two would be happily together, but unfortunately there is so much more to it than that._

_A loud crash fills the lobby of my office and I stand grabbing the gun from the drawer. Before I can reach the room Logan clumsily falls into my office, catching himself against the chair in front of him. He points at me with a smile, and I lower my gun. He looks like hell- and by the redness of his eyes and circles around them, I would say he has been drunk everyday for the last 14._

" _Mr. Mars, you know- that daughter of yours-" He slurs his words and I rush over to him, helping him to the seat. "She knows how to leave doesn't she? How to make an exit?"_

_I just nod, taking in the broken boy before me. I have pity on him. Despite him being stupid and driving drunk, and despite the way he is trying to convey his hurt. I know underneath all of this persona, he is undone._

" _Logan, I am sorry. You know how she-"_

" _I do, sir. I do." He chuckles and then his face goes stoic. "Where is she? She never told me and I can't get anyone-" He stands to his feet as he yells. "ANYONE - to tell me!" He stumbles again._

" _She obviously did not want you to know for a reason." I state calmly._

_He turns towards me and I see his lip slightly quiver before he straightens up. "To break my heart even more? Was that the reason?" He slides down into the chair and my resolve goes with him._

" _If I take you there will you promise not to approach her? Just to watch from a distance?"_

_He nods fervently like I have given him the key to life as I jump up grabbing my keys and lace an arm around him._

_The ride had been silent, honestly he seemed so wasted that I began to wonder if he would even remember this trip. But as the hours passed he sobered and what replaced it was far more unsettling. Logan Echolls, the smart mouth, confident boy I knew- was gone. Veronica had truly taken everything of him with her and I had to say I felt for him._

_We pulled up to the campus and he honestly had not seemed surprised at her location. I parked in a convenient parking lot and waited. I was thankful for the cell phone tracker in moments like this. She would be around the corner any -_

_He sat up, his shoulders tensed. The guy beside me who had seemed lifeless- sparked with small flickers. She carried her black leather purse around her arm as she balanced her books, seeming preoccupied. I kept waiting for him to make his move, to reach for the door, but he never did._

_We watched her walk all the way to her Saturn completely unaware that the two men who loved her most in this world were watching her from afar. I heard him as he slouched into the seat, pulling at the sleeves of his shirt to cover his hands._

" _I have to let her go." He whispered._

_I nodded. "She says she needs you too, so she can let you go too."_

_He sniffled as he studied the tips of his fingers. "Whatever she needs."_

_I reached over and squeezed his shoulder in reassurance, suddenly overtaken. His large brown eyes looked right through me and I had no doubt in my mind... he loved my daughter. He loved her more than anything._


	3. Chapter 3

Logan:

_Four months. It has been nearly four months since that fateful day in the Stanford parking lot beside Mr. Mars._ I place my hands in my pockets as I stroll down the street. Even Neptune falls privy to the decorations and cheer this time of year. And me? I am this year's grinch, though I never have been keen on Holidays. If it wasn't dad ruining it, or my mom drugging herself to make it through, then it was fights with Lilly. Or if things were boring, dad getting stabbed at the annual party. This year should be no different. Just another version of pain inflicted by someone who was supposed to have my back.

I stopped calling, texting, harassing her fiends. It all just stopped. Truth was that I loved Veronica. I could not deny that. But you can't make someone want to be with you. If what she needed so desperately was to get away from me. Then fine, I would give her that. Hell, she knew that I would give her anything she wanted. It did not mean it hurt less, no, in fact it was the opposite. When I saw her that day on campus, I knew I was leaving a part of myself there with her. A part I would never get back. And that, _that hurt like hell._

_Moving on._ Oh there have been many a song written on the subject- a million movies about it-and poems describing each excruciating detail. I believe those who have truly had their heart broken never knew how to quite get over it. Hence the sad songs, movies, poems, etc. Me? I was no different. I was in the motion of life, but not living it. I knew it and those around me knew it. I would always love her. You can't help who you love. That is another fun fact about the ways of the human heart. I knew deep down I would always hold out, hold on that she would come back to me. And that- that made me feel weak. Even after all she did, even though right now I hated her- I would always love her more than any of rest.

Veronica had been noticeably absent from Neptune these past months. She never came home- not for any of the long weekends, or Thanksgiving. I had gained some intel from Mac, though very little. We had made our way back to distant friends with a pact intact that Veronica not be mentioned. We slipped up on it once or twice, but honestly I did not want to know. Any thought of her just made it worse, and the analyzing that would take over my mind left no room for anything else.

Mac and Wallace made a few trips there, they never told me that, but I put two and two together. Where else would those two be traveling for a weekend together? Mr. Mars had seen me in passing around Thanksgiving. We had a silent understanding since that day when he confided in me of her whereabouts, a mutual respect. I had to say it was ironic that I was halfway getting along with the man when all chances of me reuniting with his daughter were slipping through my fingers. He had not mentioned her either but had said he would be out of town for the holiday. What a coward she was. Fearless Veronica Mars could not even deal with being _here_ for a few days. What does that tell you?

I had seen Piz a few times on campus as well. We had awkward exchanges of nods, but no words, as we had nothing left to say. Before just the sight of him could make my blood boil. Not that it was his fault, it was my own jealousy. But now when I saw him I felt pity. He looked a mess too, just another broken heart left by Veronica. We both seemed to see it in each other, the mutual pain, because I could sense it - he felt bad for me too.

I walked into Java, the tacky Christmas decorations not lost on them either. I sighed to myself. "Ho,ho,ho."

It was two days until the big day and everyone was in the normal "chipper" mood these sort of events evoked in the less emotionally berated. I wondered if my long lost ex was feeling the holiday spirit. I knew she was having to face the music this time around. I had seen Keith earlier today driving by the Grand as I made my way to the Range Rover. That meant she would be due to make her drop into Neptune any day now.

"Your usual, Mr. Echolls." The flirty barista with the long, fake lashes smiled naughtily at me.

"Allie, you're always fulfilling my needs." I said as she gave me a not so innocent look. I waved with a wink as I made my exit and the little door chime sounded like an announcement of an arrival of a fairy. I stopped in my tracks as I saw her, more a devil -pixie than fairy, her face stricken with emotion. I swallowed hard as I put on my antagonistic smile. She would not get anything else but that from me.

"Ronnie." I said with a confident sarcasm. The venomous bite I used was clearly to agitate her- she had always hated it when we called her that. She surprised me with her lack of retort as she looked down, appearing far more tore up than I expected. _After all someone heartless shouldn't feel anything right?_

"Logan." She barely whispered looking up.

I held my smile, never breaking character. It was the only time I was glad to be the son of two actors- it made it easier not to outwardly show the heart I thought I lost, breaking all over again. Just one look at her, just one glimpse of her broken and I fought every instinct in me that screamed to take her in my arms.

"How have you been?" She asked. I could feel the awkwardness, but she was trying hard to be polite.

"Fan-ta-stic." I cocked my head to the side with my hands drawing up dramatically.

She shook her head, seeming to be getting angry at my mood. "Glad to hear it." She snarked back.

"Wasn't expecting to see you here. Back in Neptune. Thought it was your version of hades or something." I looked at my cup, taking a big swig.

"Yeah, well I have to come back sometimes."

"AH, I see. That is right. You weren't running from Neptune. No.. it was just me you were leaving behind. I forgot." My smile dropped as I eyed her intently.

"Still the same old Logan I see."

"And you are still the same old Veronica."

She placed her hands in her pockets, and I struggled to keep my gaze from expressing my longing. She _was_ the same old Veronica. _Beautiful, sarcastic, stubborn, and had complete control of me._

"Well, as much as I would love to catch up, I have somewhere to be. Merry Christmas Mars." I whispered in her ear as I walked past, making her shoulders tense. I almost made it to the door as I stopped, turning back towards her. "And I guess this is the part where I say have a nice life." I saluted towards her as she turned my way, I could see her tough exterior crack as she flinched a little.

Her voice broke as she ignored my obvious digs. "I am so sorry, Logan."

I scoffed rubbing my free hand through my hair. "Yeah- me too, Veronica."

Veronica:

Truthfully, Christmas sucked. It was all down hill after my run in with Logan at The Hut. _Oh he had a way of ruining my days._ Just when I had gotten to the point where he did not preoccupy every second of my mind, I see him, standing there looking as broken as I have ever seen him. Sure, he wears his cocky and narcissistic front well. I used to fall for it all the time. But now I knew him better and I could see it, I had devastated him.

How badly I wanted to tell him that walking away had inflicted the same turmoil on me- but what good would that do? Just make him feel more conflicted? It was better if he hated me. I knew that. Maybe one day we could get past it and be friends. But for now, we both needed the distance that came from his malice towards me.

I watched as the sparkly ball dropped with Backup curled up against me on the couch. Dad had long sense gone to bed- and me? I could care less about watching a tacky ball fall from the sky. I couldn't sleep, thoughts of _him_ tormenting me. Not like that was anything new. I would be gone the day after tomorrow. Back to my new world, the one I had made no room for him in.

It was not like it had been easy to do, leaving this place behind. I had left a life, friends, family. I just knew that for all those I loved, me getting away was the best option- for them and me. We all needed to move beyond this place, and I had to be the one to start the chain reaction.

"You think they would think of changing the show up a bit don't you boy?" I said to the panting buddy next to me. I grabbed the remote as I clicked the power button. _Another year behind you, Mars._ I stood to my feet, folding the throw blanket neatly and tossing it in the corner.

Just when I reached for the lights and called for my four legged friend to follow me to bed I heard a knock. My heart always jumped when someone was at the door this late. Every time it had happened, nothing good had followed. Backup ran to the door, growling and I peered behind the blinds to see Logan leaning over the rails of the balcony.

I swallowed hard as I slowly opened the door, him matching the motion as he faced me. He was surprisingly sober as he eyed me, and we both stood there in silence doing our usual- talking with everything but words.

"Is everything okay?" I asked, knowing that after how we left things days ago, something was truly wrong for him to be here now.

He laughed to himself as he rubbed his hands through his hair, his trademark move when overcome with emotion. "No, not at all." He peered up, looking at me with betrayal. "You see you just go and leave town, treat me like trash- and here I am feeling bad that I was rude to you a few days ago." He clicked his tongue and I felt my brow furrow in pain. "Ironic huh?"

I exhaled deeply. "I know you hate me, I get it okay. I do."

He smiles. "Yeah, that is true. Right now, I do. But I still love you- more." His words came out sharp before he laughed again seeming slightly deranged. "How is that, Veronica? How can I still love you after this? After how many times you have broken my heart?"

I shook my head- the tears began to burn my eyes, and I hated that I could not hide my weakness for him. Seeing him in agony and knowing I was the cause, was the worst kind of torture.

"I am sure it will not always be that way."

He matched my nod seeming unconvinced. "I wish that were so, but I have a feeling you are wrong." He grasped the doorway like it was his life line. "I do not understand it. I don't even try to anymore. I have run every possible scenario in my mind and still nothing makes sense. But-" Defeat filled his dark eyes. "I give. I am out of your life. I know I have been for months, but this is my formal resignation." He paused, the way his gaze bore into me left me breathless. "I just did not want that- to be our last interaction. Me being an ass." His lip quivered in the corner before it turned up into a faint smile."Good bye, Veronica. I hope your life is charmed and you find everything you want."

I stepped out further trying to speak but failed as he walked away slowly and dejected. I kept my eyes fixed on him, letting myself feel every ounce of the pain.I felt the need to memorize him from a far- to take mental note of each deatil. The way he carried himself, the color of his eyes and every freckle that decorated his face. I shut my eyes tight wanting to permanently seal them there, never to leave my mind.

I could truly feel him slipping away this time and I fought all urges to run after him, to stop him, to tell him how much I loved him. _Don't be foolish, don't make a mistake._ He stopped, his hunched shoulders straightening, as he peered over them. It was almost like he could read my hesitancy.

"But you know, I am always here." It was his last olive branch and all did was I nod and I hated myself for it instantly. My lack of response broke him further as he picked up the pace, disappearing around the corner.

I eyed where he was standing moments before in mourning, I could feel it down to my soul, he was gone. Logan Echolls was no longer in my life, no longer my constant. He was my first true love, but now a figure of my past, a memory of what I would never have again. And that type of pain was debilitating. I crouched to the ground as the tears unleashed, sobs followed as I fell even further. _Yup, that is right. Another tragic memory to add to this doorsteps catalogue._


	4. Chapter 4

** Thank you for the kind comments! I know it is sad :/ I am sorry... At least we know they get their happily ever after! Thank you for reading! **

Logan:

"Logan, Logan, Logan!" The group encircled by the bar chanted as I downed my 12th shot. Dick hollered in delight as he wrapped his arm around me, pointing to me with bragging rights, as the best friend. I glanced up with a smile the colors and people blurring for a moment as the alcohol hit my system again- the rush always numbing for a moment. This was the way to bring in the New Year, Miami style. Far away from Neptune and all that was associated with it. I downed another shot as I grabbed the napkin smeared with bright red lip stick and the hot black head's number from earlier. _Robin wasn't it?_

I worked my way through the crowds and the rush of the music, and the beat through my chest was oddly comforting. This was how I liked to be now, somewhere so loud that I did not have to hear my own thoughts. I grinned at the group of sorority sisters passing by full of intrigue. Dick and I could tackle that group of 10 with no problem. The distraction that had just passed by was quickly wiped from my mind as I eyed my roommate engaging with a petite blond at the front of the club. Everything in my stomach clenched as I moved closer, the contents of it threatening to spill out. _Why was she here?_ The way the words sounded in my head were a mixture of excitement and loathing. I stumbled over the tight crowd keeping my eyes ahead, stopping cold when the blonde turned to face me. _She was no one I knew and suddenly I realized I knew no one here. No one at all._

I swallowed hard, making it to Dick, and once he saw me we headed out onto the street in front of the club-his laughs boisterous when forced into the sudden quiet. He knocked shoulders against me as we relived the night and I chuckled with him as I tried to push the ghost from before back to where she belonged. _In my past._

It had been a year exactly, one year since that night on her porch. It feels like yesterday, but then it feels like a lifetime ago. Actually doing what I told her took time, it was far from easy. _But eventually as they say you are forced to go on- life stops for no one. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?_ Did I get all the cliches? In my case it was maybe not stronger, but for sure colder. Losing Veronica meant I was able to operate on little to no emotion. I had lost the ability and well if you are trying to forget that is much appreciated.

School continued though my best efforts were certainly not put towards it. Dick and I did what we knew best- we partied. He was glad his "old pal" was back and I was glad for the ability to black out, to feel nothing.

Mac and I still were connected, that is whenever I was not hung over or planning my next legendary feat to accomplish. Dick and I have taken to traveling, conquering fear, being real men and all that jazz. It started out as a sky diving trip and turned into bigger and bigger quests. She started to try to bring up she- who- shall- not- be named, I think as a life saver hoping to pull me ashore. But didn't she see I did not want to be saved anymore?Eventually she had given up, still being cordial when seeing me at school, but never going beyond that.

I had plenty of other failed relationships now added to my list. _Let's see, there was Britt, Colleen, Amy and what was her name- Brianna. That is right._ I did not much care for the dating thing now- I had been robbed of that over a year ago. All it was was a reminder of how they failed in comparison, which did me little to no good when their purpose was to make me forget. I would even find myself angry or frustrated at them for not being _her._

It sounds twisted but it was how I coped. I tried live in the here and now,to make me forget, but who am I fooling? She is always there, lingering in the back of my mind, haunting. But that is what another shot of whiskey is for.

We stumbled into the large suite we had obtained on our stay and I hated that I had to fake being as slammed as Dick. That is the down side to this much drinking, you can grow immune. I listened as he prattled on about the tasty wings he had devoured in detail, his non stop chatter abruptly turning to silence as he passed out onto the large sofa. I ran my hands across my knees, deliberately. _Oh no, I could feel it._ My inability to resist was taunting me again, plaguing me to give into it just this once -the thoughts of her swimming in the back of my mind.

I jumped up raiding the mini bar to divert my attention and my phone alerted with a group text. I opened the text from Mac a picture of her in a party hat and in a sea of confetti was seen, causing me to smile. I was on a long list of contacts, most likely an oversight that I had even received the text- but I didn't mind, I liked feeling a part of that world for just a moment. _Her_ world-my entire body hurt as I studied the picture, there she was in the background talking with a person I didn't recognize. And suddenly a years worth of progress faded away.

I was not surprised when the call went to voicemail. An ache accompanied by a smile went across me as I heard her new recording. It had been a year- and to physically hear a change I knew nothing of struck me funny, but at the same time happiness at getting something new of her, not just a memory.

"Hey there, long time huh?" She would know I was drunk, I shook my head, I had the lit like a kite tone. But I didn't care. Not right now. Not in this moment.

Veronica:

I hated this night. I had come home for the holiday break again this year after Mac had assured me that Logan and his BFF would be anywhere but here. I resisted the urge to ask her why she was so sure of the fact, after all _he_ was not my responsibility anymore. Mac had wanted to party this New Year, her way of getting over her break up with Max and who was I to not give the girl her wish. Even if all I wanted to do was be anywhere but here- on the rooftop of The Grand.

It was amazing to me how they could transform a place that held such nasty memories for me into party heaven. I wondered if we should have signs that pointed to landmarks. _Here is where Cassidy Cassablancas held Veronica Mars at gun point. Here is where he jumped from the roof. And here- here is where Logan Echolls saved Veronica's life. Yet again._

My stomach sank and I gulped back the champagne. Far too many memories. I felt accomplished. I could say that I had successfully put Logan away. I had come to terms there was no ridding my heart of him completely- but over the year I developed a box for him, one that I could put him in at least temporarily to save me from the plaguing thoughts. But here right now, being at the Grand, being on this roof. There is no way I am running from it tonight.

I had another two semesters at Stanford behind me, and law school was approaching. I had adjusted to the lack of drama in my life and living in a town full of honest people. I was moving on, life was becoming what I always knew it should be. Hey, I had even dated. First Grant and then my current boyfriend Ben. It had taken some time but I was able to encroach on the dating world and though I had not been graced by "epic" love again- I had a liking to the steadiness of this new found relationships. Slow and steady, that's my motto.

My phone began to buzz and I was relieved, certain it was Ben and a way to take a break from this "party". I nearly answered it in autopilot but my finger froze as _his_ picture appeared on my screen.I had not seen _those_ eyes in over a year and suddenly I was reminded of the emptiness still there, inflicted by losing him.

I remembered the day I snapped the picture, studying across from each other in the library. It felt like yesterday. My finger stayed on the answer button, but I did not react. I knew speaking with him even after all this time would lead to no good. If just a picture made me ache, then what would his voice do?

I placed the phone back into my clutch as I nervously tapped my fingers along it, quickly scanning for a cater waiter carrying the silver tray of champagne. I grabbed two downing them quickly, the bushy haired waiter eying me with slight disgust. I snarled back and he moved on as I searched in the crowd for Mac. I was suddenly feeling ill and I needed her okay for my exit. I saw her flirting with a highlighted blond and though I cringed- I could see the perfect rebound scenario playing out, and well I could't ignore the smile on her face. It was the first one I had seen sense I arrived here in Neptune. I decided it wasn't worth interrupting, I would head downstairs and wait for her in the lobby. That was what I would do.

I took the stairs until I reached the elevator, my insides full of knots as I clenched my eyes tight. Here I was again in the _space_ elevator. How many times had I ridden this thing feeling overcome with emotional pain over Logan?

I could see his brown eyes on me, eyeing me like they used to, seeing through me like they used to. The air was thin and I exhaled dramatically when I reached the lobby,- not much rest was found there when I ran into Tina head first. She smiled seeming to recognize me instantly, the concierge friend of Logan's always was fast on her feet. I could see elation build behind her eyes and before she could speak I pushed passed her towards the exit. I know it was rude, but I couldn't take the path she was about to take me down.

Once I hit the parking lot I bent over taking a deep breath, standing slowly, placing my hands to my hips. I looked up at the large building and nostalgia hit me in a vicious and sudden attack. My hands trembled as they made their way to my purse pulling out the phone.

"Hey there, long time, huh?"His voice, I had longed to hear that voice so many times this year. I blinked away tears.

"I know, I know I am suppose to stay away. Leave you alone." He breathed heavy. "Don't worry, I am not changing the plans on you. I just-" He paused. His jesting drunken state seeming to disappear. "I just wanted to see if you were okay, I miss-"

He cleared his throat. "This here Veronica is why you don't drink three times your weight in alcohol." He laughed his contagious laughter and I found myself laughing with him. "Anyways, I hope you are well. Take care." I could hear his smile linger as he spoke and the sound of him disconnecting the call hit me like a freight train.

That was a mistake... I should have never listened to that message.

Logan:

"Logan, it has been six months, and still we are at the same stand still as three months ago." I watched her green eyes glimmer with tears, as she pushed her sandy hair behind her ear. She reached out grabbing my hand tenderly, and my eyes followed.

I was surprised I felt nothing more than apathy. After all it had been 6 months and still nothing more than slight attachment. Natalie, was sweet, and beautiful, and had a depth that the long list of failed relationships these past 2 years were missing. I had met her in my English Lit class last semester, and when she had turned around to ask for a pen I immediately noticed the way she made my icy exterior thaw. It was not a lot, but after the state I had driven myself to, anything was considered good.

It has been nearly a year and half since I drunk dialed Veronica. Another year had come and gone, another set of holiday, and Senior year was coming to an end. It had seemed like just yesterday was my first day at Hearst -facing the idea of college with _her_ by my side. And here I was nearly four years later on the verge of graduating, a mere shell of the guy that started his journey here.

I never thought I could land to a lower place than where I was that New Years day, calling her from the hotel in Miami. I knew full well that my life had become meaningless, nothing more than an economy booster by my paid taxes and the money I poured into my addictions of trying to forget. Little did I know the levels I could reach.

Dick, had even begun to grow tired of the lifestyle by the summer, and I began to panic. He was my last connection to any sort of "feeling" - the only person who kept me form completely forgetting my former life. I think he began to see me dwindle and die, losing all of my identity into alcohol and strings of girls. He had hoped me rallying and returning back to my "old ways" meant good times and reveling the good days- but even he had come to the conclusion he liked the version of me that came with Veronica better. I had to agree with him.

_ Dick stormed into my room, pulling back the curtains, the bright sun coming in with vengeance. I groaned, as I awoke laid out crookedly across my bed. Dick picked at a pile of clothes in the corner and traced the tops of the dozens of empty beer bottles scattered across the dresser. _

" _What the hell, dude? That is so bright." I threw a pillow his way, missing terribly as I laid back down with a growl._

" _Oh I am sorry. I am sorry that it is 3 in the afternoon and I have not seen you surface before evening hours in weeks." He pulled back the curtains more. "Look, Logan, look at the world- see all the people living and breathing."_

_ I sat up on my elbows as I raised an eyebrow. "And?" _

_ He sighed, seeming burdened. An emotion I had rarely seen on Dick. "Look man, you know me- I am all for a good party. But coming home to dozens of burn outs and wash outs rifling through our stuff. I am over it and you should be too." _

" _I will pay for any lost paraphernalia." I laid back down._

" _Seriously dude? This is what you want for yourself?"_

_ I picked up a fluffy pillow and placed it across my face, burying my nose into it. "Bingo." My voice muffled into the dense fabric. _

_ He scoffed, pulling the pillow from my face. "Dude, so what? She left. You really are going to wallow in it forever? Get over it." _

_ I had rarely lost my cool with Dick, I viewed him much like a harmless golden retriever and thus chose not to take much of what he said too personally. But now he had crossed a line, and in doing so made me come alive- a surge of anger bursting through me. I jumped to my feet as I could feel my veins protruding from my neck, my face was stricken with rage. _

" _You think this is about -her?" I raised my voice, clenching my fists as I opened and shut them. I felt my head spin from the adrenaline- It had been a long time since I felt any range of emotion this strongly._

_ Dick seemed unaffected as he stood his ground, almost pleased from gaining a reaction. "Yeah I do. We both know you have been screwed up ever since." _

_ I laughed loudly as I paced the floor, pointing at him accusingly. "This is so much more than- that. This is how its always been. I am left alone to cope with the crap others inflict upon me. Excuse me that I am sick of the game, Dick! I am sorry that I don't want to fulfill my destiny of being other's emotional punching bag." _

" _Logan, man- you have got to let it go. She is gone. And I get it -it sucks. It killed you- but you have to rally or you will end up far worse than your old man."_

_ I had never tried to throw a punch at Dick, but their was a first time for everything. I don't believe he ever thought I would either, which is the only way I got one in- considering how hungover I was. His head threw to the side and he looked at me with painful expression, blood running down the side of his lip. _

" _Nice going." He said flatly. I felt my anger defuse as my knees gave way, me sitting abruptly on the bed as I studied my bleeding knuckles. I wearily looked back to him. "I wonder what Veronica would think of you now? She would probably see that she made the right choice." He didn't even attempt to look me in the eye as he marched out the door._

_ I gripped the sides of my head as the throbbing pain of last night caught up with me, and at the same time the gnawing ache in my chest returning. It was like I had been dosed full of narcotics unable to feel each and every broken bone of my body, but now the temporary fix was wearing off- and what was left was far more painful than anything before. _

That was a turning point. I had taken my friends words to heart- he was right, I had just proved everyone in my life right who never thought I would be more than a crazy rich boy with a murderer as a father. He was right, Veronica had been right to leave me in her past and I had to escape that truth and turn it around- or else.

We were weeks away from the start of our Senior year and I knew changes would have to take place. Sure I wasn't planning on jumping back into the "lay it all out" mentality as before. But the partying day and night, the no other meaningful relationships besides my long lost roommate and the room service delivery. That had to change. That is why when Natalie came into my life, a faint sign of hope, I had grabbed on with both hands.

I had found myself able to at least connect somewhat to her. She made me smile and every so often I felt a feeling that had long been gone- happiness. There was no ups and downs, no high levels of emotion or passion- but she was steady and I was in. She had brought a sense of stability, something that gave me accountability not to get inebriated with alcohol. Life began to slowly return to a more balanced way. I attended classes and less parties. I spent boring weekends with my now girlfriend, and I even made a few new friends outside of the rager followers. The only problem was, I may have jumped in with both feet, but I was missing something I had no idea how to get back- and without it relationships could not quite thrive.

"Logan, Logan?"

My eyes flashed as I gripped her hand, returning back to where she way. She eyed me curiously but she didn't ask. She had grown used to my moments of being "somewhere else." I cleared my throat.

"Natalie, I don't know what else to do. I am giving you all I've got."

She looked down, taking her hands back. "You know, we have never talked about it. I know there were people before me and-"

I cut her off. "Please let's not do this."

She stood defensively, her kind nature leaving for the first time since I had known her- not that I could blame her. "Really? Six months and I am on the verge of walking out that door and never looking back- and you can't just tell me why?"

My voice stayed calm, I did not even have to energy to fight for it. I knew she deserved better, and well I knew I was too hung up on a spunky blond from my past to even consider moving forward. "I am a jerk. People are right about me ok? I can't give you more because I have nothing to give."

She seemed unconvinced. "I have a feeling there is someone out there that you could find something to give to."

I nodded. "That doesn't matter, because I can't go back."

She grabbed for her purse. "Well I suggest you find a way to go forward. Because I hate to break it to you, but I wont be the last girl that walks out on you if you can't choose to forget her. Whoever she is."

It stung a little when she slammed the door, but her departing words were what hurt most. So I was forced to leave _he_ r behind if I wanted to not be alone the rest of my days? I knew the chances of her ever returning were slim to none, after all she had never once returned a single call. But now I had to choose to leave all memory of her there as well? I gripped my hands together. _How would I even begin, how could I make myself do it?_

Veronica:

I spun in a circle, taking in the pitiful excuse of an apartment as I held the last box underneath my arm. I had far too much stuff for such a small space, and the piles of boxes waiting to be unpacked made me overwhelmed. I collapsed onto the small, full size bed as I cracked open my cell phone. This moment was momentous after all, right? I was in my first grown up apartment, living in the big apple and about to start law school? What more could I want? Hadn't all my dreams been coming reality?

This seemed like a moment you would toast with friends, or hey- even call one. Mac was at work and Wallace at conferences preparing him for the up coming school year as he began to student teach. I traced my finger along the screen, scrolling through the contacts.

It was moments like these, that I would have always called _him._ It had been three years since I had picked up and left everything behind, since I last saw him. The everyday had become more manageable, I had a life after all and had made a good one without him. But it was these moments that still were difficult. He was still the person I wanted to call when all my dreams came true, because in my mind he would always be a part of the dream.

I closed the flap of the phone with determination, standing as I eyed the boxes. I had come too far for this sentimental crap, I was too strong for this. Everything was within my reach, it was juts nerves, that is all. Just nerves.

After hours of lifting and unloading, my only company that of my blasting stereo, my cell phone came taunting me again. I had done my best to pack up all memories that would remind me of my former life and leave them with my dad. It had become an art form and way of life to not let myself be tempted by the old lifestyle and everything attached. I had found the first year at Stanford the most challenging when I would hear my peer's stories of their "issues" that knew I could solve. None of them were aware of my skill set and I had bit my tongue more than a thousand times to keep it from escaping. That was the old me.

With time, as with all things, it got easier. That didn't mean the scent of a good mystery had not turned my head, or the craving of adventure had not snuck in every so often-that the desire for something beyond sub par emotion would flood me. But that is why you get new hobbies, distract your mind with school work and when _The Notebook_ is on TV- you change the channel.

My small flat had only two tiny windows in the makeshift kitchen, bedroom and living room area. I watched as the sun's last rays of the day disappeared into darkness and suddenly I felt very alone. I picked up my cell again quickly and dialed, giving in to one aspect of my past.

"Well, well, Veronica Mars is calling me?"

"Hey Stosh." I faintly smiled.

"I take it you are in the city now?" He asked.

"Yeah, just unpacking my crappy, old apartment."

"Hey, I have one of those too!" He interjected with a laugh.

I knew Piz was in the city, he had gained a job after graduation at the same place he had interned with that summer after we broke up. He and I had stayed friendly, talking ever so often and seeing each other over the few holidays I had actually been home when he was still in Neptune. I figured he was a safer bet to cave to, after all he was _just_ a friend now. And he was here, not drawing me back to that old place, he was New York- and well I could really use a friend.

"Listen, this may sound extremely dumb and very un-Veronica like- but I could really use a friend." I said slightly emotional as I dwelt on my loneliness and the homesickness that was tugging at my heart.

"Hm, well I believe you have one already in the city. How convenient."

I grinned. "You had dinner yet?"

I met him at a diner that he gave rave reviews on and I had to say the mixture of warmth and pain that filled me at the sight of him was shocking. It had been over eight months since I had seen him. He had a more mature look, going for a shorter hair cut. His band t- shirts were replaced with cardigans and he carried himself with a slightly more confident air. _It was nice to see him._ Piz had always been a sense of comfortableness with me, we had always been able to talk with ease and being reunited with a long lost friend was exactly what I needed.

"You look great." He hugged me sweetly before taking his spot in the seat across from me.

"You don't look so shabby yourself. "I quipped back, making him grin.

My chest clenched a little, the pain was there too. Being with him had a way of reminding me of that year at Hearst. After all that was really the last time I was ever around him for long periods of time. That is where we met, became friends, dated and broke up. That was our history, but what struck me funny was that it wasn't our story erupting these depressing notions in my head. It was all the reminders of Logan when I looked at him. Because just as much as Piz had been around, Logan had been around too-more.

"So you okay, Veronica?" He said as he leaned his head down to make eye contact.

I took a sip of coffee. "Well, what can I say, this cold heart actually does get homesick every so often?"

"Really?" He played shock. "I thought you only thought of who to to take down next on your road to success?" He softened his shoulders along with his baby blues. "Come on, you act like you are some heartless monster. Me and everyone that knows you- knows that is the farthest thing from the truth. You are the most caring person I know- " He pointed to the space around me. "Underneath all that armor."

"This armor?" I caressed the fake substance. "I get it from off the black market. Only the best."

"Well, I would assume it would be only the best with you." He took a deep breath as he smiled at me. "It is good to see you."

I smiled back, feeling caution flood me. It was good to see him too, it was. But not in the way I felt he we alluding. "You too." I cleared my throat. "So you graduated?"

He nodded. "Yes, I left dear old Hearst behind me. Can't say I was too sad to see it in my rearview mirror, except for leaving friends of course."

"Of course." I smiled.

"But I can't be too hard on the place, I did check off a great many life experiences along the way- thanks to her. Had my first girlfriend." He motioned to me and I bowed. "First sex tape scandal."

"Your next one should be a little more edgy."

"Oh well of course, that is the plan." He rubbed his chin playfully. "Acquired fake id's. Attended frat parties and helped take down a rapist." I couldn't help but chuckle at the stroll down memory lane, my body relaxing into the nostalgia. "Oh- and lets not forget my first fight, though I did not get much of a shot to 'fight' back."

I felt my smile drop at the mention and his vanished as he awkwardly fidgeted in his seat, regretting the reference instantly. He paused for a moment. "So I see some things have not changed." He didn't say it with cruel intention more just in awe. I raised my shoulders with a shrug, taking another sip. "Have you seen him lately?" He asked.

I shook my head with a dry laugh. "Ha- no, no, no. It has been over three years since I last saw him or even spoke to him."

He seemed confused. "Really?" I nodded, wishing we could leave the subject behind. _After all that was why I was here. I called Piz to keep me from calling Logan._ When the thought registered, I cringed. I really hadn't changed. "I mean I guess I kind of figured. He has not seemed in much of a state that screamed that Veronica Mars was an active member of his life."

I scrunched my face, hating myself for letting the words escape. "What do you mean?"

He didn't seemed bothered by the mention of Logan, in fact he was far more relaxed than ever before. I guess Piz had really matured and changed these last few years. At least on of us had.

"Well, he and I didn't exactly run in the same circles after you left. In fact we avoided each other like the plague. But I did see him from time to time and of course stories of Aaron Echoll's son always swirled around campus. He and Dick became notorious party gods there for awhile and I heard a few girls on a rant about him. But I didn't know how much was true of it all, but I can say the guy looked different."

I felt a twisted snow ball effect of jealousy, concern, and anger swirl inside of me. "Like?" I said softly trying not to show how deeply it was affecting me.

"Well, I was never one to say the guy had a brightness too him. Especially with him whaling on me in the sound booth, I had seen a pretty dark side to him, that's for sure. But I don't know it was different than that, he just looked vacant. Like life had been sucked out of him, and I don't think I was the only person who saw it."

_ The life sucked out of him? Little do you know, Stosh. You were looking at the life sucker, personally in the eye this moment. _

"Well, you just described why he and I have not spoken in awhile."

He looked confused. "Yeah, but you were so close? In fact I remember that being a problem with us." He played at me with a joking grin.

"Yeah, well some people you just have to let go."

He seemed to understand that as he nodded. "But sometimes you can go back to them." And realization hit me. I had been a person he had to let go of. But here we were sitting here years later, like nothing had changed.

I smiled sweetly catching his meaning. "Enough about Logan. I pride myself on being above all the brooding and drama these days." I flicked my hair and he chuckled. "So how's life with you?"

Logan:

Spending three months traveling with Habitat For Humanity had a way of changing your perspective on things. I hammered a nail into the plywood as the director of the trip stood close by.

"You know Logan, I wish we had more recruits like you." Ken said with pride. I wasn't quite sure how I had gotten such respect from someone so involved in such a meaningful organization, but I would take it. I liked someone seeing the best in me again. I nodded appreciatively as I lined up the next nail. "It is always neat for me to see ones like you, people of privilege coming on these trips and discovering what 90% of the world is living like. You have been an inspiration how much heart you have put into this."

I smiled. "I am glad I could come. Someone suggested it at a time when I really needed to get outside of my own selfish thinking. So thank you for having me."

He touched my shoulder kindly with a squeeze as he moved. "It is amazing how different life becomes when you are giving to something bigger than yourself huh?"

His words struck me for a moment, before I nodded in agreement. I had never been raised to have such mentalities. I was told that money, fame, success, rich friends.. That was the key to happiness. It seemed me and the rest of the Echolls family as well as the Kane and Casablancas- had discovered first hand how untrue those notions were. It had never truly dawned on me that the times of peace I attributed to Veronica were not only directed form my love for her, but from everything she and her father stood for. They gave to others, always helping out those who could not help themselves and that was one of the many reasons life had lost purpose without her.

It had been a year since graduation. Most everyone moved on to their 8-5 jobs. That is everyone but Dick. He liked the ways of his trust fund life style, acquiring a beach house to catch the waves in the morning. He was simple, but he was Dick. Me? I didn't have the normal motivator as others to hit the work place. I had plenty of money. So thus began the question. _What am I going to do with my life?_

After Natalie had left I had made an active effort to leave behind my self destructive behavior. I had never fully achieved getting rid of it, but I was far better now than before. I had started seeing a counselor, I figured if anyone was messed up enough to need to be analyzed by a shrink it was me. I remember being stunned by what advice the doctor had given me, it being far from the diving into every morbid detail of my past like I thought.

" _Logan, what I see in you is misguidance. It appears to me that even after going through things that would turn most people into the worst of people, you still have a large capacity for love. You seem, based on what you have expressed to me, that your happiest times have been when finding a person that brought that level of care out of you."_

_ Just her being mentioned made me flinch. _

" _I think you don't realize that just because you lost that relationship does not mean you are immune to love. Love comes in many forms, in fact giving to others is the greatest way to learn about true contentment. I believe if you travel down this path, then you will find answers, and then maybe just maybe find the healing you need to fall in love again."_

I had taken baby steps. First just volunteering with the brothers and sister problem. I was surprised by how much reward I got from befriending kids who were dealing with the same types of abuse that I was the victim of. The shrink was right, bits of hope began to flicker. I became an active member of charities in the area and even spent a few Saturday a month volunteering at the homeless shelter instead of partying. I still lived at The Grand and though I did not see Dick as much, he seemed relieved that my lavished days of partying were behind me. _What a shock._

Even alcohol had dwindled from my life. I had gone from being a person who lived continually drunk, to still needing the numb out occasionally, to never even craving the taste. It was true, life was bigger than my own hurts. I couldn't do anything about what happened to me, but I could be to others what no one was for me.

I still had not reached what she refereed to as being able to "fall in love" again yet. I wasn't exactly looking for it. I knew I had to take it in strides and well, that was something I could feel was a far too big of a leap just yet for me. But still the thought did not inflict dread anymore.

Veronica, was still with me. It hurt somedays. But most days I had learned to live with the fact that I would always miss her. It was an emotion that would be etched on me forever, but what I did with it was what mattered. I knew deep down why I had lost the love of my life was due to my unhealthy behavior. If I had learned what I knew now, maybe I would be living the happily ever after I wanted so badly with her. But now it wasn't reality. She had to get away- she had seen before I did that we would undo each other if we continued down the same path.

The ache was present, and honestly everyday something reminded me of her. But I had learned to live through it, and well I found a sense of strength to carry through because on the days I felt weak, I knew her moving on had been best for her. I had heard around that she had graduated Stanford and was now attending Columbia Law. I felt such a sense of pride. Those types of goals, those were the type Veronica deserved to achieve- and I knew she would have never done that tied down by me and this toxic town.

Through my charity worked it had bee suggested to me to take a tour with Habitat For Humanity, that it would be life changing. I had nothing else to do but sit in an empty suite and so I signed up for it spending the months of March through May traveling around the world building shelter for the less fortunate. It had changed my perspective and I knew I would never be the same, now I had to discover what purpose was waiting for me once I reached home.

"Dude, you're back!" Dick held out his arms wide, waiting for me at the baggage claim. I genuinely was filled with excitement to see my old friend as I gave into a hug that normally I would resist. He patted my back."You are tan!"

I looked down at my skin. "Yeah well that is what happens when you spend three months outside building houses."

"I need to do that." I laughed. _Yeah a tan is the main reason to do it._ I shook my head, Dick would always be, Dick.

We loaded my bags into his new truck and I climbed into the passenger seat overtaken with being back in the states for the first time in weeks. We passed The Grand and my eyes darted back towards my "home".

"Woah, you missed your stop."

He laughed almost maniacally. "Okay, okay I know you are tired. But you have been gone for months and have been deprived of good parties."

I cut in. "No, I am in no mood for that-"

"It's not that kind of get together. Just a beach barbecue. Just people from high school. Gia, Luke, Carrie, that other guy, uh Cobbler."

"Stu?' I asked in surprise.

"Yeah, he hangs with them now. He is loaded." Dick seemed indifferent.

I reclined into the seat, I knew there was no use fighting him, but the last thing I wanted was a high school reunion. Especially if they were expecting "old Logan" Yeah, he was just not around anymore.

Dick drove his pick up right onto the beach and everyone waved from the fire pit as they stood. It seemed relaxed. Luke at the barbecue and everyone sipping on drinks- not a rager by any means. I sauntered behind my over zealous friend who hugged and high fived all our old peers.

I shook Luke's hand and Stu's feeling my anti- social tendencies surfacing. Gia approached me, reaching for a hug, but her usual peppy annoyance was noticeably absent.

"Logan, so good to see you." She smiled kindly.

"You too, Gia." I nodded politely.

I watched as Carrie approached and shook her hand. I had never really noticed her much in high school. She had always been notorious for gossip thus being Lilly's mortal enemy, which meant we did not spend much time together. Veronica and her had a few run in as well- and by the time we graduated we had run in the same circles with actually never interacting.

"Carrie, how have you been?"

"Oh you know, I am not dead." She said darkly but with a smile.

She struck me differently, everyone here did. These were not the same people I knew. They, like me, seemed bruised by life trying to survive. Her eyes flickered with an emotion I could not place and my heart fluttered a little. I had never noticed how attractive she was. We kept contact for a moment and I felt like I had been caught when Luke's voice carried out over the quiet.

"The burgers are ready!"

"Food!" Dick exclaimed.

We all circled around the fire pit, the sun going down a beautiful back drop. Everyone was far more mellow and I actually found myself enjoying the catching up.

Gia turned to me with a mischievous smirk. "So Logan, how is Veronica? Haven't seen or heard of her in awhile." Inwardly I cringed, but I was pleased with my outward expression of calmness.

Dick interjected before I could speak. "No, we do not mention that wench. Her name is not uttered where bro-ski here can hear it." He wrapped an arm around me and I flicked him off, everyone laughing.

"No, it is fine. She and I haven't spoken in years. So I don't really know."

Gia looked stunned, as well as everyone else. "Really? She always had such a hold on you. Well you both did. I am surprised." She clicked her tongue as a thoughtful expression crossed her face. "Good for you. To moving on!" She raised her beer can and everyone hollered up in unison- raising their drinks in the air. I lifted my Pepsi and took a swig as I watched Carrie throw back a Bud Light in one gulp, the sight left me unsettled.

"I can't say she is my favorite person anyway." Gia continued, getting a little tipsy. "But almost everyone feels that way I suppose." She said bitterly. I clenched my mouth shut, the desire to defend her still came as a quick reflex. "But anyways another toast! To Carrie and all her new adventures!"

We all threw back another drink, and I wiped at my mouth. "New adventures?" I asked locking eyes with the brown eyed girl across from me.

She nodded. "Yeah I am moving to LA this week. I am getting signed for a record deal, at least that is the hope. It is a long road still ahead, but a big label is interested."

I held back my surprise. "I had no idea you could sing."

She smiled, the first genuine one of the night and something about seeing it made one appear on my face. "Yeah, I love it."

"And she rocks!" Gia interjected in full on fan girl mode.

"Well good luck." I said.

She shrugged. "I could use the luck, thank you." She fiddled with her hands in her lap and studied them and I found myself preoccupied with what was filling her head.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you guys so much for the comments! So glad you are enjoying the story!**

Veronica:

Third semester of law school behind and I feel free. I had adjusted to life in New York, the cut throat environment actually fueled me- and it was only even more intense at Columbia's Law Department. Finally I had gained enough courage to come back to Neptune for a full three weeks, taking a few weeks of vacation from my part time receptionist job and enjoying the two week break from the University. I was ready for those warm beaches.

I walked to the baggage claim -Mac and Wallace greeting me with bear hugs. I loved my little crew. Mac looked fantastic, every year getting more corporate business woman, leaving us all behind. Her normally long hair was getting shorter every time I saw her. Wallace was now teaching at Neptune, and his goal was to make it to coach someday, though right now his position of assistant, varsity coach discouraged him- I knew it was only a matter of time until he was running the old joint.

"My lovelies." I said with emphasis and they laughed.

"About time you visited us for more than just a few days." Wallace smarted.

"Hey, give the girl some time."

"It has been four years, Veronica." Mac held up four fingers in my face and I swatted them away like bugs.

"No one said I was a fast mover."

"So your dad made fancy reservations and we are instructed to be there right at 6." Mac recited the information back at me.

"The old man better be back from San Diego in time." I said grabbing the bags from the claim.

"The life of PI's. You may remember this. It leaves those around them always waiting." Wallace hooked his arm around me and I returned it, softening. They had all spent a good amount of time waiting on me.

We threw back coffees at The Hut, and something about the coffee here had always seemed better than any coffee shop in New York. Being back I realized it was just nostalgia, cause the stuff tasted like mud.

"We actually used to like this stuff?" I gagged.

Mac crossed her arms in front of her, bugging her eyes out in pretend offense "Oh miss fancy New Yorker- too good for us now?"

"Yeah, you New Yorkers, always looking down on the little folk." Wallace added with a large sip, the steam releasing from his nose.

"Harty-har-har."

They both laughed, the sound like the harmony to your favorite song. The one I was guilty of not listening to in a long while. "Speaking of which, how is my guy Stosh?" Wallace asked.

"Really well. We shared a cab on the way to the airport, he was flying home too."

"Really? Any reason for us to be suspicious of this rekindled friendship."Mac questioned, and Wallace raised his eyebrows playfully.

I choked on the last gulp, pointing at them. "Don't you dare! I have worked my butt off to get that friendship back and the last thing I need is Piz thinking that." I took another brave stab at the bitter substance in my hands, it went down with a slow burn. " We are better off as friends, anyway." My face contorted sourly as I looked back to them.

"Yeah, yeah whatever, girl." Wallace smiled.

There could not be more truth to what I spoke- He and I were better off friends. The last year and half had been hard, trying to rediscover our friendship without discovering other aspects of our former relationship. I think it had been harder for him, but even I had my moments. I would always be attracted to Piz, how could I not be? But I knew the chances of that reunion ending well, were slim to none. I still had lingering thoughts of someone else. And that never ended well for Piz and I.

I kept looking up each time the door chimed, I secretly hoped I would see my long lost friend. I knew it we was twisted, even wrong, but a part of me hoped of an encounter. The deepest parts of me couldn't deny that they held on for it, I had missed him and though I knew seeing him would do more harm than good- I seemed to want to take the risk. Sure I would not search him out, but if I ran into him what would stop us from catching up?

"You and your never ending boy drama. You really don't change, Veronica Mars." Wallace pointed at me accusingly.

I rolled my eyes as Mac spoke up, joining the obvious agreement they both had on my love life. "Well, at least you don't have to worry about a former, smoldering ex this vacation."

Wallace nodded like he understood what she meant and I tried to hide my disappointment. _What is wrong with you, Veronica?_ You pushed him away and now he is gone, and you still are pining.

"Oh, why is that?" I tried to sound indifferent, but I don't think either one bought it, the sudden realization that I cared making Mac's face fill with panic as she looked at Wallace. I sat up straighter. "What? Mac, tell me." All sorts of morbid scenarios played through my head, though logic tried to reason that if it was serious I would know. Logic wasn't winning.

"Well-" Mac looked at the table uncomfortably. "I was coming home from a business trip last week. I was walking through the airport and I noticed a handsome guy, in uniform, it being a weakness I let my eyes linger. That is until I realized the guy in uniform was- Logan."

I felt the air catch in my lungs- a thousand emotions flooding my heart at once. But with my usual abilities I deflected, assuming the lack of serious implications. Knowing Logan, I figured it was a safe bet. "Wait, like mascot uniform? Stripper? Paramedic?" I smiled with hope at the professions. "Police?" My eyebrows pulled in as she shook her head in response. "Military uniform?" I stuttered the words.

Mac nodded, seeming even proud. "Navy to be more exact. He is in the process of becoming an aviator."

I bit my lip as I traced the worn table, trying to hide the knee to the gut and slap to the face combination I was recovering from. I swear I could feel the hot contact against my face and the jarring impact to my stomach, it was as if it truly happened. The tears stung my eyes now, the reddened rims would be my dead give away. _How could such a life changing thing happen to him and I not even know? That is what you wanted Veronica. You wanted him gone._

My stomach sank. A mixture of pride, and fear overcame me. _He could get killed, he is risking his life for a greater purpose, he is doing something worthwhile..._

"You talk to him?" I said softly, not looking up.

"Yeah, I couldn't resist." She paused touching my hand. "I am sorry I didn't tell you, Veronica. I didn't know what to do. I knew normally Logan was a taboo subject, I just did not want to upset you."

I nodded, understanding. My somberness seemed to leave them both uncomfortable. _How could I still be this hung up, right?_

"Mac, you did the right thing." I shook my head, almost regretfully. "I lost the right to know those things a long time ago."

She squeezed harder. "He seems really good. In fact, it is the best I have ever seen him. I think he finally found his purpose and he seemed thrilled." Her words were like knives. _How come Logan being happy, getting his life together- hurt so bad? Because he did it without me._

I sucked air in, pushing all dysfunctional thoughts away. You had always wanted this for him. See - this is proof you were right all along. You both found your way once you said goodbye.

"I am glad." I smiled.

"He joined back in September. He had just finished his first initial training, that was what he was flying in from. He said he would be home for a day or two and then flying out to San Diego. That is where he is stationed out of."

"So he wants to fly, huh?" I chuckled, finding a sense of happiness in the overcoming darkness that I felt was choking me. _Of course Logan wanted to fly._

"Yeah, that is his plan." Mac looked back at the memory fondly. "It was good seeing him so together. I think he finally found a way to make sense of it all of it you know? To move on with his life- from all the hurt."

Jealousy hit me first and then joy. Two J words that did not normally go together. _Why had I not been able to find such ability? Sure he didn't rule my life. But he was always there._ I sighed.

He finally found a way to move on... And the joy in that out weighed every other emotion.

Logan:

It has been 14months since the day on the beach with Dick and the rest of the high school mates. I did not see any of them for the rest of the summer and honestly I found myself slightly reclusive after my trip. It was hard to adjust back to normal life after 12 weeks of seeing such poverty. I still continued to meet with my counselor though, that being my only source of sanity, and it was thanks to her that my life took another dramatic turn.

" _You know Logan, I have been so proud at the steps you have taken this year. I truly believe you have reached a point where my guidance is no longer needed. Where you can make healthy decisions on your own."_

_I felt my face fall. If this was me healthy- I felt discouraged. I still felt so lost._

" _Now all you need is to find that thing- that thing you want to puruse with your life."_

_I was silent, I had no idea where to even begin with that question._

_She leaned forward cupping her hands." Logan, when you look at your family.. Is there anyone that you admire? Respect?"_

_I thought hard for a moment. "My mom's dad. My grandfather."_

_She smiled seeming pleased I could find an answer. "And why is that you think?"_

_I shrugged feeling silly. "I don't know, I never even met the guy. I guess it was how my mom spoke of him and well, knowing he sacrificed himself for his country. For a greater purpose."_

_She nodded, as it seemed the answer was clearly before us. It hit me hard for a second as it registered, and then a slow smile crept across my mouth._

" _Have you ever thought about military life?"_

_I leaned forward. "I did always have a thing for Top Gun." I grinned playfully and she retuned it._

I was sworn into the Navy that September and soon left for basic training, the first step on the path to become an Aviator. I had not realized until this time that I was a perfect candidate for military. I had endured more verbal lashing and physical torture than any commanding officer could enforce. I did have a tendency towards violence and when aimed correctly that came in handy in this new life. My sarcasm could carry me through any situation and lastly I had no one- no family , no person waiting on me back at home. I was their ideal match.

I excelled in it. I enjoyed it, I finally felt a purpose besides being miserable all the time. I was helping the greater good all while doing something I loved. Everyone left in my life had been supportive, even Dick. I had to talk him out of joining too, his reason being wanting to recreate the Goose/ Maverick high five on the landing strip of the air craft carrier. _Yeah, not good enough reason._

Life had gone a route I never thought possible and though it had not been my first choice, I at least was taking joy in it. I had died to the fact that my first choice was far gone awhile ago. Even so all the excitement tinged with fear of the new, what I was risking, it made me want to call. I almost felt guilty not letting her know. What if something did happen to me and she found out later, totally unaware of my new found job. I could see the devastation across her face in my mind perfectly.

I had held out on not making contact it had been two years since my drunken call, and who was I kidding the phone went both ways and she had never returned a single one. It was for the best. She was now in the middle of law school on her way to becoming the toughest young lawyer- and me? I was learning how to fly planes. _Oh how life can change._

When I ran into Mac right after basic, I felt the guilt creep back in. After all she would have to find out now.

" _Logan Echolls, is that you?" The voice was full of wonder._

_I turned around to see the familiar face, her warm expression causing me to smile. "Cindy." I nodded._

_She laughed. "Okay, is this a late halloween party or?"_

_I shook my head. "No, no, it is the real deal."_

_Her mouth hung open in awe. "Wow, wow." She leaned in closer taking a better look. "And you are with-_

" _Navy." I interjected. "On my way to be an aviator."_

" _No way." She looked even more overcome. "My, my how far you have come from rate my ass - to now saving the world."_

_I winked. 'Well, that arrogant ass is still in here some where."_

" _I sure hope so, it would be a shame to lose all of his sick wit."_

_There was a moment of silence, but it wasn't awkward, just calming. I loved to see the look of pride in those who knew me before. I hope- maybe Veronica would feel the same way, that I would make her proud, if she knew the truth. "So how long have you been at this? I feel so out of the loop."_

" _Just since September. Actually just got back form basic. I will be here for a few days then heading to San Diego. I am stationed there so I got a place there, makes sense you know?"_

_She nodded. "It is good to see you happy, Logan."_

_I grinned, holding back the words that wanted to escape. I wanted to know had Veronica found happiness? Was she at the place she always wanted. Deep down I hoped so._

Here on the base, now almost a year into my Naval career, I am feeling the weight of my decisions even stronger than before. Dick had dropped me off, it always surprised me how he had been the friend that had stuck by. After 10 long months of training I was about to shipped off on my first deployment and sickening reality had crashed into me the moment I entered the gates.

They were fueling up the plane and I stood on the air strip, eyeing all the families in each other's embrace, bidding farewells. Loneliness struck me. That emotion had never left me. The truth was I had been lonely for over five years now, and I could never quite fix it because the only person I wanted to fill the void was the one who caused it. A lump caught in my throat as my eyes glazed with tears, pushing my aviator glasses up.

I was being shipped off to an aircraft destroyer just a safe enough distance from the middle east to allow us to sneak in for our secret missions and back. They had warned us in out intel meetings that it was a risky first deployment and to think accordingly: to have things in order and wish those we loved good bye. I had a short list: say goodbye to Dick and leave all assets to him and Veronica. I knew it was odd, that is why it was mine and my lawyer's secret. A part of me still wanted to take care of her if I was gone.

I grabbed my cell phone checking the time, take off would be any minute. A cutting sensation went across my heart.. I had tried not to entertain it. I had seen Mac almost a year ago, it was inevitable that Veronica had known by now and still no contact. _Logan, wise up man. When will you ever learn she isn't coming back?_

I looked at the large plane one more time and sighed with annoyance. "Damn it, Logan." I whispered to my self as I brought the phone to my ear.

With no surprise I reached her voicemail, her voice sounded more mature somehow and I shut my eyes tight at the sound. Just a few lines from her and I was surrounded by total peace, a false one, since she was not anywhere close to being in my life anymore.

"Veronica, hey, it's me Logan." I laughed softly. "It has been awhile. I trust your well and-" My voice trailed off. "I just wanted to hear your voice."

I paused trying to rid my voice of the sadness as I continued. " I have heard about law school. I am really proud of you, I am. I knew you could do it, chuckles." My soft laugh still rumbled under my breath- now at the awkward nickname.

"Listen, I am sorry to bother you." I cringed at the feeling of knowing that is probably what I was to her now- a bother. Obviously you only shut out nuisances in your life. "I just wanted to tell you- I get it. It took me awhile, but I get it. I hope you are happy, cause that is all I ever wanted."

I looked again at the families saying their goodbyes, a stray tear slipping beneath the glasses at the fact that I was wishing my "family" goodbye over voicemail. I pulled the phone away as I sniffled back the tears, cursing myself for the release.

"Anyways, I hope you are well- Veronica. Bye."

I quickly hung up, wiping at the moisture on my cheeks. I was a grown man now, one who had completed military training, one who was a certified naval aviator and this girl still made me cry.

They made a call to board the plane and I was the first in, after all I had no one to anxiously hold onto final minutes with. I looked at my phone again, clicking to the picture folder. I had gotten more phones than I could count over the last few years, but each time I transferred every picture. I looked at each one fondly, this was something I hadn't allowed myself to do in ages, but right now I would do it, just for a moment. She was still so beautiful in my eyes, though I had not physically seen her in years, just one look at an old picture made my heart catch in my chest.

I hit the power down button as the others boarded the plane, and I reached in my pocket. I traced my finger along the picture, one I had taken of her on just a normal day, sitting on the balcony with me at The Grand. Little did I know when I snapped it that it would be what got me through those twelve weeks of boot camp and now my first deployment. Dick would kill me if he knew I took the old keepsake along, but I did not care, after all he wasn't the one risking his life. Being just a little closer to her helped no matter how illogical it sounded.


	6. Chapter 6

Logan:

6 month deployment. They had told us in all our training to prepare, to expect it - there was no going back to who you were before. When we arrived on the carrier tensions were high. Some of the younger ones freaked, seeming to just be getting a glimpse of what they actually signed up for, others embraced it like it was a chore and me? Well I felt a sense of drive over take me.

Sure living on ship full of men, not my idea of paradise, but when I saw each man, boy- I saw a family attached to them. I may have been zealous but I offered my services as often as possible, volunteering and even asking to take other's missions. I had no one that would cry if they lost me and that is how I slept at night- I knew I could't if I did not do everything in my power to keep those around me safe.

The bonds of being at war are something no one can describe or explain to you. Nothing prepared us for the sights we saw, the stories were heard and for some of things we had to do. It is part of the game and we gladly stick to our oath to protect those who can't protect themselves- but still, it could preoccupy your thought life.

I had a sense of family again, my fellow unit members and I. We were surviving near death everyday and if that did not make you close, I don't know what would. Veronica, I found her less and less in my dreams, and even less in my thoughts. It was not that much had changed, I figured I just had little time to dwell on it. And when the time did come, it was hard not to dwell on the morbidness of our jobs. It was true that any day could possibly be your last, and normally the thought did not evoke fear in me- that is unless _she_ came to mind.

The months did drag on, even to the point where we lost track of days. There was little to do on the ship and when we did score some form of entertainment, everyone would share. Jackson, my bunk mate nearly squealed with happiness as he ripped open his care package. His mom had sent it nearly 2 months ago, it was just arriving. He flung out the dvds onto the bed, along with the candy. He threw me some sweet tarts with a grin.

He picked at a CD, popping it into our worn dvd player that we had borrowed from an officer. "Dude you have to see this girl. She has exploded all over the states while we've been gone. Jeremy had showed me some of her stuff a few days back, she is hot. Kind of tormented and dark, but still hot."

A menu popped up a list of tracks and the option to play a music video. He eagerly tapped the video and I felt my mouth ajar at the screen. "Bonnie Deville" He said lustfully.

I shook my head. "No, that is Carrie Bishop."

Veronica:

" _I thought our story was epic you know, you and me..."_

I took a sharp intake of breath, sitting straight up from the dead of sleep. I reached over turning on the lamp and quickly grabbed the water bottle by it, chugging it.

My eyes slant as steady my breathing. I had not thought of Logan hardly at all lately. Especially since the call. It was 6 months ago, and honestly I had not ignored his call this time. Not that I am saying I would have answered, I knew I wouldn't have.. I was too much of a coward these days. Still when I got out of the shower and saw the missed call I could't listen to the voice mail quick enough.

When I had heard Logan had joined the military a little less than a year ago I had found a new reason to put him even farther in the back of my mind. How Mac described it... He seemed _happy, content._ I knew I could't get in the way of that because of sentiment. No, I had made the hard choice long ago and needed to stick to it. But when I saw I had contact from him, after two years of silence... the deepest parts of my heart took over quick.

_The sound of my heart reverberated through my ears._

" _Veronica, hey, it's me Logan."_

_He laughed almost embarrassed and I felt the shame he was feeling- for calling again and suddenly I felt guilty._

" _It has been awhile. I trust your well and-" He seemed apprehended with some sort of emotion and not being able to read it made me feel disconnected. I had always been able to read Logan._

" _I just wanted to hear your voice." An overwhelming sadness crept into his tone and taking over my heart. I almost deleted it... Listening was a mistake. i hesitated. " I have heard about law school. I am really proud of you, I am. I knew you could do it, chuckles."_

_It wasn't surprising he had heard and the fact he knew and sounded so- proud of me- meant more than anyone else's display. I wiped at my eyes surprised by how quickly the tears had appeared this time, even after this many years the guy had a hold on me like no other._

" _Listen, I am sorry to bother you." An overwhelming kind of regret took over for a minute. I had made him feel as such -my oldest friend felt ashamed to call me-like a nuisance. God, Veronica- you really are a bitch like they say._

" _I just wanted to tell you I get it. It took me awhile, but I get it. I hope you are happy, cause that is all I ever wanted." I felt my heart break and be put back together at the same time. To hear him voice that he finally got it made me feel that the hate he had put in the place of our love was now gone. But if the hate was gone and the love, then that meant there was nothing left. Nothing left to tie him to me. He was truly done- with me._

_There was a long pause and I pulled back the phone thinking he must have hung up, then I heard his voice again, rushing the phone back to my ear._

" _Anyways, I hope you are well- Veronica. Bye."_

_Something about it sent a chill through me - a finality to it. I had known him a long time, years had pasted since we spoke- but right now.. I had this devastating feeling he was saying goodbye. A darkness to it beyond moving on from me. It left me unsettled._

_All I can say is panic had taken control of me. Without thinking of anything- the consequences or hurt- I redialed him instantly. The plaguing thought that something was really wrong, the only thing that mattered to me in this moment. Instantly it went to voicemail and I had an adrenaline dump into my blood stream. My hands shook slightly as I hung up and immediately dialed Mac._

" _Hey Veronica, what's shaking?" Her peppy voice sang._

_I ignored it cutting to the point, my voice trembling a bit. "Mac, do you know anything about Logan?"_

_She seemed stunned by the question. "Logan? No, why?"_

" _Listen I got to go - I am sorry-"_

" _Wait is everything-"_

_I hung up. I searched frantically through my contacts, looking for someone I thought I would never call again in my life._

_I listened to the ring reprimanding myself the entire time. You are crazy, Veronica-psychotic even._

_I felt an instant gag reflux at the sound of the old voice from my past. "Ronnie?"_

_I cleared my throat pushing back all the disdain that Dick Cassablancas brought up. "Hey, Dick."_

_He wasn't his usual chipper self, honestly seeming as happy to speak with me as I was him. "Why are you calling? Not to be too direct but you haven't been ringing my phone off for the last couple years."_

" _Listen, is Logan okay?"_

_He scoffed in total annoyance. "It figures."_

" _What does?"_

" _Ron, I am not telling you a thing- I am sorry."_

_I felt my anger start to build but I defused it. I could't blame Dick, he was protecting his friend. He was doing exactly what I would have done. "He called me a little while ago and I missed it- I am going to sound weird but it felt morbid. Like he was saying goodbye or something." I let my voice trail off realizing how insane it sounded when I said it out-loud._

" _Ah- what the crap Logan." he said to himself. "He took a deep breath. "Why should I even be surprised - Alright, I give. Logan left today for his first deployment. Hence why you probably felt the whole "my last goodbye" feel. Seeing that he is in the military and-"_

_I interrupted him. I did not need the grim details of what his new life entailed and the risk involved, I had mulled that over plenty this past year. "Where is he going?"_

" _Don't know- it is confidential. Juts know it had him a little tense."_

_I missed his call.. He was trying to make peace in case something -God forbid - happened and you could't even give it to him. "Dick, do you have a way I can reach him?"_

" _That is where I draw the line okay? No, you can't have it."_

_I was doing something I never through possible, pleading with Dick Casablancas. "Listen Dick, he can't go wherever he is going- and not know that I-"_

" _Veronica," It struck me funny- Dick never called me by my name. " That guy has just finally gotten his crap together- don't take it away from him. Please."_

" _I am not trying to take that away from him- I just."_

" _I know. But you will. You haven't spoken to him in what 5 years? You make contact while he is there- it is going to royally screw with his head. And the last thing we need is him messing up and crashing a firicken fighter jet okay?" He took a long deep breath, "You think you have guilt now? " The thought made the hot tears form again. I could't fight him on it- he was right. "Just leave it be Veronica, let the guy go- please! For all of our sakes."_

_There was a moment of silence before I relented. "Okay."_

That day was a turning point. To be able to survive knowing Logan was on some aircraft carrier who knows where- probably facing danger everyday... I had to push him farther into the recesses of my mind than ever. I could't survive- I wouldn't be able to if I didn't.

It was hard at first, extremely hard. But I focused myself on anything but him, and when I would feel the thoughts creeping in I remembered what Dick said. I had to let him go- for Logan's sake.

I kept tabs on him for sure though. I told Mac or Wallace to let me know if they heard anything or if they ever heard when he was safely back. God knows I wasn't calling Dick again to ask. About 4 weeks ago I received a text from Wallace and I did not realize until that moment that I had not took a breath in 6 months.

**_Saw Logan at beach. He's home._ **

_I quickly typed back. **Is he okay?**_

**_He seems fine. Different._ **

I resisted the urge to ask why, though I typed the text ten times. I am sure he we different. It had been 5 years since I had seen him. He had grown up. He was now a part of something bigger than either one of us. He had been gone for 6 months on some ship flying fighter jets. Of course he was different.

Once I knew he was home safe I was able to move on better - though it seems my dream world has not quite given up yet though. I looked at the clock the early morning hours taunting me as I would have to be up in less than two hours. I laid down in exasperation, the cold January air seeping in through the old window's. "Aint epic love grand?" I mocked with a whisper.

The morning came early. A not mandatory but strongly recommended course of action suggested by Columbia Law is interning at a law firm for two semesters. After much deliberating and speaking with plenty of guidance counselors I chose to take the route. After all I was in no rush, and this way I could enjoy the knowledge I would gain from observing. The only thing that sucks about it- 7 am meetings.

I practically jogged down the busy streets, bagel in hand as I still fixed my clothes with the other. Everyday looked much like this one and you would think after doing this for four months of last year as well, that I would be use to it. Morning hours and me don't mix. Morning hours and me with busy streets and small spaces with large crowds- we were from different planets.

The subway ride was always the most dreaded moments of my day. The air was stale and the people I was forced to sardine with stood way too close for my comfort level. But today- today was shaping out to success. I had actually obtained a seat on the bench and I smiled proudly, truly feeling like a New Yorker.

Much like my life usually plays out- the small joy did not last long. My jaw constricted as the smile turned to a grit, my eyes traveling to the tabloid being read across from me. The headlines exploded in bold letters.

**SON OF A MOVIE STAR DATES POP STAR**

Erase all talks of this being a good day- this day sucked- all thanks to Logan Echolls and his _epic love._


	7. Chapter 7

Veronica:

2 solid weeks- for 2 solid weeks they had been on the cover of some tabloid or magazine or website.

I sorted the mail as I tried my hardest not to glare at the two paralegals as they giggle and discuss the ins and out of Bonnie Deville's new relationship. They flipped through the magazine that was featuring them today and I had that overcoming feeling of wanting to hurl.

I had been asked plenty my takes on their budding romance- no one having the slightest clue that the man they were ogling was _mine_ first.

I had noticed Bonnie Deville's, aka Carrie Bishop, climb to fame in the recent months. She had two number one singles and the boys loved her dark and eccentric hotness.. Or so they said. Seems Logan Echolls was fond of it too. I clenched my jaw.

Jealousy- ah jealousy. What a nasty feeling. I knew I had no right to it -either. I knew that I had told him move on, I had practically handed him over to the _next_ girl on a silver platter. I guess I just wasn't expecting Logan to have such a public relationship, where I had to live every detail with them.

I tried my best not to look at the magazines, but it was hard when they were on every magazine stand in New York and every super market check out. Curiosity had gotten the better of me more than once and I flipped through the pages of them quickly- studying them.

Carrie- I would hardly have recognized her. She wore her hair raven black and painted eye liner thickly around her eyes. She traded in her cardigans for leather jackets and boots. Logan- I hated that he looked good- better than ever. Though Logan being handsome was never a chore for him. He was more mature looking now, and his hair shorter, more conservative- my guess the military. The worst part was they looked happy. I got to see all of it- the hand holding, the frozen yogurt dates, oh and the red carpets. It was all there.

They were the perfect public couple- Son of an actor/murderer. Bad boy, trust fund kid gone military hero. Girl next door hits mega fame. The public ate it up and me? I wanted to spit it out. I knew I was wrong to feel this way. After all I knew he would have to move on someday. We could't pine away forever now could we?

I rounded the corner of the bakery. It was time for Piz and I's weekly lunch date. He and I had still stayed close, in fact we were closer than ever. It had stayed platonic of course, but I was grateful for him a lot- especially these last two weeks.

"Hey there." He gave me a quick hug as always.

"Hey." I forced a smile.

He and I had not talked of Logan's celebrity status yet, but it was the elephant in the room. He cleared his throat, noticing my grouchy mood as he softly spoke.

"So, I assume you have seen the magazines?"

I looked up at him shocked and he raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, hard not to." I was pleased with how unaffected my voice sounded.

"And how does that make you feel?" He said in his best shrink voice.

I laughed for the first time in days. That is what I always loved about Piz, he could make me feel light even when the world was weighing down on me.

"I am fine. Really." He looked unconvinced. "Come on, it has been years. I am over it, we have both moved on."

"So it doesn't affect you?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Well, I mean it is weird seeing them on all the magazines of course. But it is Logan he has been on plenty of tabloids in his day. It isn't a big deal. Though I wish everyone would stop treating it like it is, remember I am the one who cut him off?" I said coldly, but convincingly.

Piz held up his hands. "Woah, sorry. Just wanted to check."

I smiled. "I am fine, thank you."

The waitress took our order and collected our menus. He looked at me a little tense, smiling quickly, though it didn't reach his eyes.

"You okay there?" I chuckled.

He cleared his throat as he looked down. "Yeah, yeah." He seemed to gather some sort of strength as he raised his head. "Actually I was wondering, there is this art show this weekend- and well, I was wondering if you would like to go?"

My mouth fell open a bit."You mean like a date?" I smirked.

He got even more nervous. "Well, I don't know. I mean-" He got quiet- now just looking at me.

_Ah I see why such the interest on my feelings on Logan. He was testing the waters._

I eyed him a moment, contemplating. A date? What would it hurt. It doesn't mean we have to start "dating". Who knows it will probably be fun. And I could use a night out anyways-

"Okay." I said confidently with a large smile.

He nearly fell out of his chair as he stuttered."O-okay?"

I nodded. "Yes, it's a date. But-" I warned." Not serious or anything. We can just see how it goes."

He nodded emphatically. "Totally, completely agree."

I took a sip of my pepsi as I bit the straw playfully. _So a date with Piz?_

Logan:

Dick did not quite understand the shock ones goes through when returning from deployment. He picked me up from the base yesterday and though I seemed drained and wanted to sleep most the day- he insisted we go out tonight. All the way in Neptune in fact. I had tried to fight it, but honestly I did want to spend time with him. It had been 6 months since I had seen him and well he was practically my only family.

My first night sleep had been anything but peaceful. I had gotten use to the uncomfortable bunks and the rocking of the sea. I had thought I would never- but now my body wanted it back. I kept waking in the middle of the night in sweats. It would take a minute to realize that I was home, safe. Safe.. I had not felt safe in a long time.

I studied the the miles of beach as we made the drive to Neptune. Dick had stayed at my place the night before and he offered for me to stay at his tonight- and hit the waves early tomorrow. That was the most appealing part of this adventure.

I listened quietly as Dick talked. He was catching me up on all I had missed and I smiled and nodded along. It wasn't that I was not interested, it was that I was still in shock of actually being back.

We passed the **Welcome to Neptune** sign and I leaned my head against the head rest. I remember the first time I saw that sign.

_I was 12. My dad and mom were both successful actors, especially my dad. I had been raised in LA since I was a baby, and I remember loving it. Hollywood life was glamorous, especially as a kid. I remember when they announced we were moving. Neptune, California. It sounded like a dirty book. I had no idea._

_They said it was to attain more of a family lifestyle, and gee did we ever attain a family there. Pretty quickly the entire town had heard of the move. Aaron Echolls embraces smaller town life- everyone was a buzz. The rich made themselves known-dying to be connected to the Echoll's name. The Kane's were the wealthiest of the wealthiest. Mom and dad were quickly impressed by them. And I was glad they had kids my age._

_Duncan and I had hit it off pretty quickly. Our love of video games and surfing instantly bonding us. Lilly- Lilly was Duncan's hott older sister. I noticed her quickly of course, but I had to say what I found most attractive about her was how she noticed me. Lilly made it clear when she liked something._

_It wasn't long until I met Lilly's best friend Veronica Mars- aka Ronnie as some called her. It was inevitable that I would meet her, Lilly never stopped talking about her. I remember peaking out the window of Duncan's room when I heard the car doors shut. Lilly jumped out- bright pink mini skirt and matching tank- so Lilly. More slowly and timidly a cute, little blond slid out of the car. She cautiously looked around as she tucked her long hair behind her ear. Lilly quickly butted shoulders with her, giggling loudly, making a small smile appear on the new girl's delicate face. My eyes wandered down to her shorts and knees socks, and I swallowed hard. Duncan slammed into my side as he took a peak._

" _Oh I love it when Lilly's cute friends come over." He grinned as he looked at me._

I smiled fondly at the memory- most good memories were tied to _her._ I hand't been in Neptune 5 minutes and Veronica Mars was already on my mind. _It figures._

I would be lying to say that it didn't bother me that she never tried to contact me in any sort of way while I was gone. I knew eventually she would have had to find out I was gone. I don't know. She knew I called- wouldn't that make her feel a need to at least just check in? Knowing where I was- what I was doing?

I shook my head. I was not mad. I just began to feel the strings, the last few strings that connected us being severed. I would always love Veronica. I was convinced, I knew without question she was the love of my life.

I had thought Lilly was, but that was way before I even knew a thing about love. Sure, Lilly was my first love- but Veronica, she was everything.

I use to be hung up on it, trying to attain a way to get to _be_ with the person I called my soul mate. But now I have faced reality, after all how many people actually end up with the person they think is the love of their life? That was a fairytale, and I knew better than anyone that life wasn't a fairy tale.

Dick fumbled with the keys, a silly grin plastered to his face. He opened the door dramatically and I eyed him, raising my brow. I walked into the eerily quiet house, and as soon as he shut the door behind me the light turned on, accompanied by screaming. "Surprise!"

I must have looked awestruck as I eyed the happy faces in front of me. They all instantly flooded me, and I wanted to shrink back- it all a bit much- but I stayed calm. I saw so many familiar faces. Luke, Sean, Gia, Casey, Shelly, Madison-yuck- and so many more. I smiled and returned the hugs. I peered up in surprise as I saw a familiar pair of brown eyes hiding in the corner. She smirked when she noticed me, slowly walking over.

"I am sure this is just what you wanted- one day back from being deployed." She said with rich sarcasm. It took me a moment to respond, stunned by her recent rise in fame, that she was here.

"Ah yes. Exactly what I wanted." I smiled, glad for someone who shared my sense of humor. I eyed her a moment, she had a quietness to her. She looked different than she did by the fire pit that night. More edgy I would say. "I am surprised to see you here- your fame is so renown that even on a ship far away in the middle of the ocean- I heard about you."

She grinned. "Really now?" She shrugged sipping at her drink. "I guess your luck did me good."

My heart fluttered a little at her reference from over a year ago. I hand't felt that in years... "I listened to your music. My bunk mate got your CD in a care package, it's good."

She laughed. "Yeah if you say so. Wasn't exactly what I wanted, but the label always wins."

"So what are you doing here- in Neptune?"

"It's home- I live here usually when nothing big is going on. I have a place down by the marina now."

I nodded. "I am happy for your success."

She faintly smiled, her eyes had a mischievous light when she did. "So, how are you doing..now being back from your duties?"

I actually felt like I could be honest. It struck me funny. "Eh, it is an adjustment. Still in a stunned mindset."

"I would imagine. I can understand feeling shocked and bombarded."

We just stared a moment. I wasn't quite sure what I was feeling as I took her in. I just know I am glad to be feeling _something._

Veronica:

"Goodnight" I gave Piz a tight hug. "It was a great night, thanks."

He sweetly kissed me and I felt a buzz over my body. I smiled back as I pulled away, opening the door and not inviting him in. He kindly smiled back in understanding.

"Goodnight, Veronica. See you tomorrow." He waved making his way to the stairwell.

I watched him, a happiness filling me. It had been 2months since our art show date. It had gone well and surprisingly it felt just like all our hang outs felt- natural. We didn't kiss or even hold hands. It was just nice.

After its success we agreed to go on another date, slightly more affectionate. It too was a success. We have continued now and though I have firmly stated I want to take it slow, it is going well. It always did just go well with Piz- there wasn't a lot of ups and downs. It was smooth sailing and peaceful. And I could use some peaceful.

Dad had been in town last week visiting, he has learned if he ever wants to see me, coming to me is the way now. I used the excuse of my busy interning job, but truth was I just had no desire to step back into Neptune. I had found a rhythm- a steady calm an almost mundane rhythm and it was nice. Such a contrast to what I had in California. I didn't want to rock the boat so I stayed put. I knew some sort of drama would be lurking if I _ever_ stepped foot in Neptune.

Dad, marveled at my new life. Pleased with Piz being a factor again, and my steady job and soon to be almost done with law school. It was everything he ever wanted for me, and he looked proud. I had to physically force myself not to ask about his cases or get consumed by it. I did crave a mystery- that would always be there- though I acted like it died awhile ago. I was grateful he didn't mention anything about the celebrity couple residing in Neptune now. The hot celebrity gossip about my ex had calmed. It was still there of course, but either I wasn't noticing or the public was losing interest. Either way I was glad for the- what felt like- slight indifference. Logan was happy- that was good. But still dad not mentioning it- wise choice.

Once the fall gets here I start back up school, embarking upon my final year of law school. It was all coming into place- My life. I was even researching law firms to interview with once I was done. It was all within my grasp, I was on the home stretch. Maybe all those hard sacrifices I made years ago would show to be fruitful- that I was right all along.

Logan:

Things with Carrie took off quickly. One date with a pop star , and suddenly you are plastered on every magazine in the world. We weren't as serious as they painted, but I did enjoy her company. She was unlike anyone I had ever met. She was strong, sarcastic, independent- a lot like someone else I know. But accompanied with that was a lot I did not understand. Carrie was a person with baggage, she had a gleam to her- a person holding on with hope that life had to get better. Maybe that is what attracted me most to her. She was a fighter.

It was odd dating again, being someone's person. We both had no family and it was nice actually having a sense of it. It was an interesting combination, things with her were unlike anything I had experienced. I do not know if it was that I had had my heart crushed before or if it was her demons in her past, but it moved slower- the romantic side of things. It wasn't electric or flammable like it had been with Veronica. It was more steady and slow growing. The friendship was strong, and the rest of the feelings grew from it.

She did have alot of darkness. I didn't always understand all she meant by the way she alluded to her past, but I listened, and what was great is she actually let me be _there_ for her. To Carrie- I was stabilizing and it was nice.

The light from the fire flickered in the fireplace, reflecting off her skin. "I love you-" she whispered as she ran her hand along my arm.

I felt every muscle in me contract. I looked down at the pretty, brunette in my arms and faintly smiled. It had been 5 months and the words had never been uttered. I studied her, her caramel eyes full of vulnerability as she waited for my response.

Truth was I was overwhelmed, for someone like her, for someone with such hurt- it was hard for her to say the words. My smile grew as I wrapped her tighter in one arm and traced my finger down the bridge of her nose. She we special to me and truth was I was glad to have her. It had been different this time around- falling in love. It felt less consuming and maybe more balanced. It did not make me irrational or as emotional, it was just steady. I looked at her and I could feel the care I have for her build in my heart, I wanted to protect her, make her smile.

I had known to stop comparing it to my past- Veronica and I, that was something you had to leave in a category of it's own. It was impossible to ever experience _that_ again. I could't dwell on that or it would have paralyzed me.

But I did love Carrie, I knew it. We both had missing pieces and less than hole hearts, but we each gave what was left to the other. I felt overcome, relieved- I had found a sense of love again and I was glad cause I thought it would be gone forever.

"I love you too..." I whispered making tears fill in her eyes.

" _I thought our story was epic, you and me."_

" _Epic how?"_

" _Spanning years and continents. Lives ruined. Bloodshed. Epic."_

I sat up, immediately looking to my right where Carrie lay asleep, peacefully. I groaned as I pulled my arms out from under her slowly and running my hands through my hair as I reclined back. My heart thumped in my chest, I was sure it was loud enough to wake her- self consciously looking her way every few seconds. I swallowed hard.

I hand't dreamt of her in a long time. I felt a sense of anger rush through me. _She wold have to appear in my dreams tonight- tonight of all nights. Dammit Veronica- always making sure I can't quite let go._

I shut my eyes tight. I knew it wasn't her _actual_ fault. How could she control what haunted me in my dreams? I slowly got out of bed, opening the balcony doors as I watched the waves roll in. I said I love you to Carrie, all seemed good and happy- then I had to be reminded.

  1. That was one way to describe it. Never ending? Check. Indestructible? Check. I was so fed up with it, if I was convinced that a nuclear bomb could destroy it I would have tried, but I knew it would have still withstood.



I had forgotten that little speech the morning after I said it. To be honest I was as hung over as they come and when Veronica was at my door I was still not convinced I was not dreaming. She began quickly talking and my head began to spin. I was hearing things I had been dying to for months and I froze. It was all fuzzy and she made some reference to us being "epic".. That I said that.

Well quickly Kendall showed and well we know the rest. What I didn't tell her was- that as I watched her walk into that elevator I remembered a faint flash. _"I thought our story was epic you know?"_

It all came back by the end of the day- but it was too late. The damage had been done.

That speech haunted me until we got back together- and now it has decided to come back with a vengeance.

I turned around, seeing Carrie clearly through the glass as she continued to sleep, a guilty pain shooting through me. I gripped the railing as I shut my eyes. I did love Carrie- I did. Veronica Mars- was gone. And Carrie- she was here.


	8. Chapter 8

Logan:

It had been a drill weekend, I was just planning on crashing at my place in San Diego, but Carrie had insisted I make the drive back to Neptune to be with her. She had been having a hard couple of days, the anniversary of her best friend, Susan Knight, death approaching. Carrie rarely talked of it, but when she did I could see her submerge into the deepest parts of her. I could tell it was the reason for most of her darkness- but that was as much as I got. I knew not to push Carrie on it. She would allow me to be there for her, hold her- but if I pressed her for details she unraveled. The last time I did that over Susan- she curled into fetal position all night.

I made it to her house on the marina- I just let myself in- I had the key and knew the alarm code. I was actually surprised to not find her waiting, she had been so insistent on me being there. I picked up my cell and dialed her. No answer.

I sighed as I relaxed on the couch. I waited. Minutes turned into hours and a dozen unanswered calls. _What was with my girlfriends never calling me back?_ I felt a little panic start to inch it's way in. I had seen Carrie slipping into a different state of mind lately. It would only last for a little and then that flicker of hope, the one that had drawn me to her, would return. But when she did give into the darkness- I saw something that terrified me- I saw myself from a few years ago, a person giving up on living.

I started to doze off, when I heard her clumsily bust through the front door, her giggles carrying through the house as Gia tried to reason with her.

"Come on, Carrie- we have to get you to bed." Gia said calmly, a slight annoyance tinged in her tone.

"Gia, how do you did it?" Carried laughed poisonously. "I just have never been-"

Carried stopped her rambling at the sight of me groggily stumbling into the foyer. Gia looked white when she looked at me and Carrie's face fell at the stoic expression on mine.

"Logan- I'm sorry-" Her voice slurred a touch.

I nodded as I stepped forward, Gia pulling her friends arm from around her shoulder and handing the responsibility off to me. "I guess I will let you take care of this."

Carrie clung to me- eying me with her large brown eyes. The look in them I had seen before. My mom use to wear it often, and suddenly I began to realize that there was more to Carrie than I had known, something that haunted her to her core.

I tucked her into bed and I made my way to the balcony. This was the first time in awhile that I needed a sip off something strong, and I slowly drank the scotch, it burning on the way down.

Carrie and I had been together nearly 10 months. It had been a new found place of security for me. Sure Carrie always had an edge to her- after all she was Bonnie Deville. But still I could still see a young, care free girl under all the dark make up and prickly exterior. I was one of the few who got through that wall, but nevertheless that side of her was there.

Our relationship had been based upon our mutual hurt's, it was odd being the healthy, more functioning one. I took care of her- that was my job. But even though the relationship was laced with a heaviness, we still had fun- her sarcastic jabs and jokes never leaving me offended- I could keep up.

It was a little over a month ago when things had started to turn. Her record label had approached her about a second album. They said since the first had been such a success, that they would give her more creative license this time around.

I had never seen her so thrilled- she was finally getting to make the music _she_ wanted. What followed was surprising, especially considering how ecstatic she had seemed. The songs grew more solemn to nearly morbid. With each new recording and each new writing session I saw the hope begin to fade.

I could feel her slipping and I was trying my hardest to hold onto her. _It figures._ I breathed in an exasperated breath. I knew it had been too good to be true. My relationship with Carrie had kept me preoccupied and though I never would have thought in a million years we were fate's choices for each other- we were what a messed up version of life brings together. Two wounded souls.

But when things grew darker and darker between us, I could't help but feel the _hurts_ of my past creep in. When I saw her pain, I saw my mother. When I looked at her life I saw a similar abuse that my father had inflicted upon me. But most of all- the thing I hated was- I began to see Veronica again, and as usual no matter how long I had let it lie dormant, just one thought and it sparked back to life instantly.

I groaned downing the rest of the drink. There was no use trying to forget that _one._ My body, my mind- my _heart_ \- they made sure I didn't.

Veronica:

I laced my arm around piz as we eyed our new place. Sure it wasn't anything fancy, but compared to both of our places before- it was a palace.

We had now been "officially" back together for 4 months or so. Yeah, it seemed fast to move in together- but there was years of history here. And when both of our leases came up we had the thought, I mean combine our salaries and get a better place? Why not?

The TV lulled in the background as piz crashed onto the bed, dragging me with him. We both collapsed onto the bed in a heavy sigh, moving was far more exhausting the older you got. Piz's fingers tickled my skin on the slope of my back, him teasing at it. I turned to face him, his blue eyes flickering with passion. I slowly leaned in for a kiss, it started it slow and sweet and picked up pace quickly. My hand traced his arm as I pulled him closer and -

" **Bonnie Deville- photographed again drunk outside of the 09er club located in Neptune, California. This time she took to screaming at the paparazzi, and even a few fans-"**

It was like ice water on the mood- I jumped up quickly turning off the TV before climbing back into bed. I was surprised how well I had not shown how it affected me as I picked up where I had left off with my boyfriend.

Truth is it wasn't _Bonnie_ who bothered me- it was the person attached to her. Carrie had been back in the headlines more than ever recently- her partying and erratic behavior growing each day. I had noticed Logan was very rarely present when she made such displays- but they were still together. That had been photographed too.

I felt for him- after all Logan always had hurt follow him wherever he went- and what bothered me most was- I knew he could't be happy. I found a way to move past Logan when I saw his life together- him seeming peaceful, it made me not feel so bad for how I treated him all those years ago. But when the unhappy headlines surfaced I felt the familiar kick to the gut sensation return.

Logan:

Carrie and I had been hiding out in San Diego this weekend. After all her run ins with the media this past month I convinced her that maybe a break from that world would be best. I had left her at my place when I went to the grocery store to pick up some food- her coming along would have been noticed for sure- undoing our quiet weekend.

I fiddled with my keys as I balanced the bag in my other arm, listening to the new voicemail on my phone as I did. Dean Hartford, my attorney had called a few times while I was at the store- he said I needed to get my former will quickly and meet him at his office. There were some new papers I needed to sign since another deployment was coming in a few weeks. He had wanted to make sure all details were finalized before I left and today was the deadline on certain papers that needed to be filed. Oh to be rich- there were far more hoops you had to jump through to make sure all those millions went to who you wanted when you died.

My stomach clenched as I thought of the deployment. This one was a shorter one- only 3 months. But the thought of leaving Carrie how she was now and at the holidays no less- it just seemed wrong.

I pushed in the front door- I was surprised by how quiet it was.

"Carrie, I am back." I said loudly, my voice echoing through the apartment. I placed the groceries on the counter, suspicious when I had not heard a thing. "Carrie?" I said again starting my search through the apartment for her.

I stopped abruptly at the sight of her on her knees in my room- stacks of papers surrounding her as she studied them in distress.

"Carrie? What are you doing?" I looked to my portable file organizer propped against the bed.

She looked up, a slight crazed look on her eyes as she held up a paper gripping her finger into it until it crinkled. "Dean called me-"

I nodded trying to stay calm- I had no idea where this was going. She swallowed as she chuckled, an evilness to it.

"He said he called me after trying you three times. I told him you were at the store and would be back soon. Then he said you needed to swing by his office before the end of the day to get some final things signed before your deployment and to bring your last copy of your will." She held it up again and I felt the blood drain from my face. "I thought I would be helpful- go dig it out for you before you got back so you could tend to your duties and we could have the rest of the night to ourselves."

I stayed silent as her eyes now sparked with anger. "Did you know that if in case of your death that Richard Casablancas inherits some of your assets? This did not surprise me- but what did is- Veronica Mars gets the majority. Did you know that?" She screeched standing to her feet.

I stepped closer handling her like a bomb about to be set off. "Listen Carrie it-"

She cut me off again. "I mean really Logan? Still? I mean we all knew the girl had a crazy kind of spell on you in high school and I heard it had continued on once we left Neptune High behind."She clicked her tongue. "Either you hated that girl to your core or you loved her till it nearly killed you- both literally and figuratively. It seems fitting that in case she actually succeeded in finally doing it that she would get all your millions right? Is that what you call poetic justice?" She snarled, throwing the piece of crumpled paper at me.

"Carrie, I made that will long before you and I. It was just I had no family and Dick was my only friend and Veronica was the last person in my life before that. It-"

She looked down, seeming to let her hurt show more. "I get it, Logan I do. What I don't get is- we have been together nearly a year. Trust me I don't expect you to leave me your fortune, we both know I already have plenty. What I don't get is why being with _me_ didn't spark in you - oh I don't know? The desire to remove your ex girlfriend from your will?" I flinched as she chuckled again. "Image that will reading? Me mourning and they call in Veronica Mars. By they way Ms. Bishop- your boyfriend never got over this _one._ "

I touched her arm and I was surprised she let me. " I just forgot about it- that is all." _Was that true? Had I really forgotten?_

She sniffled, a few stray tears escaping her eyes. I wiped them from her cheeks as she softly spoke, vulnerable Carrie was back and Bonnie Deville was suppressed. "I know okay? I know- I have always known she has a place in your heart that I wont get-" I tried to interrupt but she wouldn't let me."I don't bring her up, I don't even ask- frankly I don't want to know. But this-" she pointed to the paper still in my hand. "This is unacceptable, Logan."

I felt deflated when I had reached Dean's office. It was not easy leaving Carrie in that state but had to deal with this before it was too late.

"Thanks, Logan for stopping in. Sorry I had to have you come in" He said as he motioned for me to sit.

"It is no problem, I understand. Thank you for taking care of this before I leave."

"My pleasure, here- just sign these two papers and you can be on your way."I nodded as I gripped the pen. "Oh, by the way did you bring your copy of the will?"

I cringed as I pulled the crumpled paper of out of my pocket. Dean's face contorted in confusion but he didn't ask. He cleared his throat. "So do you want to make any changes to it before you leave?"

I swallowed hard, thinking of all that been revealed, all that had just exploded in my life. I shook my head. "No, leave it as is."

Veronica:

**Bonnie Deville dyes hair bright purple after boyfriends deployment. What will the girl do next?**

The celebrity gossip show played in the background of the coffee shop. I looked up, shocked by the words. _Logan must be gone again._ I clenched my fists anxiously before relaxing them. I stared down at the book in front of me. I was a mont in to my last semester of law school and to say the material was more challenging than ever would be an understatement. My eyes trailed back up to the screen pictures of a barely recognizable Bonnie let alone Carrie were all over the screen. She had been in bad shape before- if Logan was gone for months- she would surely unravel. It had seemed he was her last bit of sanity lately- at least how the tabloids painted it.

My phone buzzed on the table.

**So I am thinking Chinese tonight?**

I grinned from the text. I loved how simple it was with _him._

 **You buying?** I played back.

**Depends.. What do I get in return?**

I laughed focused on it before my phone rang, my dad's number lighting up the screen.

"Hey there old man."

His contagious laughter filled the phone always warming heart. "Hey there yourself! How's my girl?"

"You know- she has no life- only that of reading books and books."

"But soon she shall be a big time lawyer."

I took the last sip of my coffee. I had been taking it with extra shots of expresso these days. "That is the plan. So how are things with you- the best PI in Neptune."

"Oh you know, more cheating spouses, bosses wanting proof of employees stealing- the occasional lost animal. All in a days work."

I had known he had been keeping the interesting ones from me for years now. I traced the table as I found the courage to ask. "So nothing more interesting?"

He cleared his throat seeming uncomfortable. "Well, some pretty big things have exploded inside the Fitzpatrick family. Some people have come froward from the inside- coming to me wanting to bring them down. They have some pretty important info. They don;t trust it with the new Sheriff."

I felt it - a surge of excitement. Excitement wasn't something I had time for mush these days - was surprised I even recognized them emotion.

"You being safe? "

"You know it honey- I always am."

"Yeah, yeah- so you say." I bit my tongue- I wanted so badly to know every detail. But I refused- after all you don't leave alcohol lying around an recovering alcoholic's house do you?

He noticed my silence taking the cue. Truth was he wanted me to stay as far away as possible to that life- so he helped me purge it from my system.

"How is Piz?" He said it where I could hear his smile.

"You know. The same- always good."

"That is what I like to hear- no fist fights or scandals today?" He played at my past and I chuckled despite the stinging pain in my chest. Life with Logan had always been _exciting.._

" He is trying to limit those scandals you know." I faked my happy tone. "Hey listen dad, I am sorry but I have to go- this studying is going to go on without me if I don't catch up."

He sounded less enthusiastic, like he had read through my front. "Sure honey- I love you."

"You too." I hung up and looked back to the TV. An add for Bonnie's album playing and I rolled my eyes. _There was no escaping it._


	9. Chapter 9

Veronica:

The day had finally arrived- the day I had been working toward for nearly 7 years. Today I walked across that stage at Columbia University and was awarded a certificate of my success. Veronica Mars was officially done with law school.

I smiled when they handed me the diploma and I turned towards the crowd slightly, knowing my dad had to be beaming with pride. My eyes tensed a little as I felt a sudden urge to cry- it wasn't tears of joy surprisingly- it was disappointment. Wasn't this day suppose to feel- I don't know? More important...

Everyone had come- that is _almost_ everyone. Dad had of course flown in, but Mac and Wallace came too. They all sat in the crowd along with Piz- it reminded me of that first year at Hearst- sentiment filling me. Had I missed out by not graduating along side them? I shook the feeling off - after all it was a natural emotion to feel a let down after accomplishing something so huge. At least that is what I had heard.

Dad scooped me in his arms with joy. "You did it, kid, you did it." He kissed my fore head tenderly.

"And without making any enemies I might add." I interjected- I never could let anything get too emotional.

Mac smiled her hair now completely hipster- I loved it and her new image, along with her confidence. She had finally realized how awesome she truly was. She hugged me too, Wallace joining in quickly. We all three looked at Piz expectantly.

"So cliche guys.." He said with a charming grin.

"Who gives a crap about cliches.. I believe graduations are a fair excuse for them." I snarked back as he caved.

We had taken them all to one of our favorite restaurants, a thai- italian restaurant. Part of the fun was just that fact- put surprisingly they had killer pizza.

We even showed them our place though dad looked a tad uncomfortable- still not use to the idea of us living together. It should have felt right- having everyone here. Don't get me wrong it was wonderful seeing them, having us all together- but I just could't quite shake the feeling that we were in the wrong place.

New York has a luster- it is almost magnetizing when you first move here. Everyone is caught up in the dream, if you make it here you really have paved out the road of american success. I had heard time and time again either you loved it and thrived here- or you felt lost here. I had always hoped that maybe the feeling of misdirection that plagued me had been from not completing my goals yet, having so much school ahead of me. But now in this moment as I watch three of the most important people in my life crawl into a cab- I feel more lost than ever.

Piz wrapped an arm around me as he held the other up in a wave. He smiled wide- he looked content, happy. Piz loved New York- it was like he was made to be here. I had been envious of how well he adapted here, always hoping that would rub off on me. I think I was doing a good job faking- but still what good is that if _you_ know the truth.

"What a great day." He whispered in my ear as we entered our little apartment.

I watched as he immediately crashed into our leather sofa. "Yeah. It was." I felt the sickening feeling taking over. I had never been prone to panic attacks but I felt one coming on. The apartment felt smaller than usual, this city was so cramped- I just wanted out. I casually walked to a window, raising it to find a sense of freedom. _What was wrong you? Why aren't you happy? Hand't you achieved all you wanted._ I gnawed at the inside of my cheek. Well- had this been what I wanted all along?

Logan:

What is that saying? The crap hit the fan? Well that is at least the PG version. To say that was true of when I returned from deployment would be accurate. Truth be told Carrie and I had not communicated much over the three months, not from lack of effort on my part. It is just hard to get time to skype with your girlfriend when she is out all hours of the night and sleeping the day away.

We had not left things on the best of terms- after the will incident things were rather tense. Carrie had confronted me about Veronica- it was like she wanted an explanation. I did not even know where to start with that one. I knew she wouldn't understand the situation, I didn't even understand it.

I did not see me answering "yes" to her questions of if I still loved my ex going over well. So I just stayed quiet. She wouldn't get how I always would feel that way for Veronica- it was like I had been programed from birth to love that girl. There was no shaking it, or getting rid of it. I had 7 years of proof to back it up-or nearly 10 if you counted the years before our separation.

The other fact she wouldn't understand is how in a twisted way I had learned to function through it- how I had learned to love her as well through it. Yeah it wasn't some story book fairy tale- but look at her and me? Did we scream happily ever after? It was what it was- I did love her, not like she wanted I guess, but still I was committed.

After the many Veronica conversations - her talking about it and me staying mostly silent- things temporarily blew over. I guess she had accepted it for what it was. Something she wouldn't understand- but she seemed to see I was not going anywhere. And that spoke volumes to Carrie Bishop, so she softened towards me.

The peace did not last long- I found coke stashed in her nightstand the day before I left. At first she tried to play it off as a friend's. I wanted to believe her, I did- after all she had been so anti- drugs. It was surprising, but when I looked at her erratic behavior over the last months there was too much proof. She caved pretty quickly, sobbing and remorseful. She claimed it was one time , that our dear friend Sean had pawned it off on her in a bad moment. Thing is I believed her. I am not sure if it was my hope that I could make it work or if I did not want to accept that I couldn't.

When I got back - I had seen plenty of the headlines while away- but when I was in the states it was even worse than I thought. She had been in a hell of a lot of trouble while I had been gone.

She seemed genuinely happy to see me when I arrived at back at her house. She skipped toward me almost like a little girl, her lilac hair bouncing with her. I had seen it in pictures and skype- but in person it seemed so radical. She locked her arms behind my waist and smiled. The icy emotion I had been feeling towards her lately started to thaw- my heart warming as I looked at the glimmer of hope in her eyes again. I was back now- it would all be okay-

I did not mistake myself as one to be naive, but I guess when it came to wanting a sense of family I had fallen into that mindset before. Carrie quickly started distancing herself, I guess when she saw I would not be her club buddy and condone the addictions- she did not want much to do with me. It seemed she had picked up some pretty bad habits while I was gone. Her blood shot eyes, and thin form were just a few signs at first glance. It went so much deeper than that- her nose bleeds and mood swings, insomnia. It was like living in hell. She would cry and cry and curl into my arms and beg for help when she reached the end of her rope and stupidly I would console. Then the next day she would wake up calling Gia and Sean making plans for that night, like our conversation had never happened.

Sean- he was still around and that was something I had a huge problem with. He had dealt her the drugs the first time and though she wouldn't admit it, I knew he had to be her supplier.

The fights were horrific- screaming matches. It was like being around a teenage girl- slamming of doors and her throwing things. I would stare in disbelief at where the girl I had cared for went. She was gone- long gone. I did not even recognize the person before me anymore.

Feelings fade, they do- especially when the person you fell in love with no longer existed. I didn't go anywhere though. I had no one else- where would I run to? I did still love Carrie- maybe not the way I had before - which in it's own was unique. But I wanted to help her, save her. I did not want her to end up like my mother, so I stuck around. By the time she reached the end of herself I had nearly reached the end of her as well. I was done- she had pulled too much. Coming in drunk and high as a kite, yet again. This time she didn't even try to hide the drugs in her purse. I did not get angry, I didn't even scream- I just began packing my things.

She went ballistic, sobbing and whaling- then yelling. The girl was out of her mind. She blocked the door way and I looked at her in pity. That was all I had left for her- just sadness. The love was gone, the friendship that the relationship had been founded on had been gone for awhile. There was nothing left but a shell of a person, and I could not stand by and watch anymore as she destroyed herself. Carrie was no longer here, I am afraid all that was left was Bonnie. She had problems far past what I could help fix, her inner struggles and pains locked so deep inside her that they were literally destroying her. I had said goodbye to Carrie many months ago ,now all that was left to do was say goodbye to Bonnie- I had never really cared for that version anyway. When she watched me walk to my car - she screamed out one final attempt to keep me, she knew exactly how.

She promised to complete her treatment and I bought into the lie. I had desperately wanted to believe the girl I had known before would return. So i held out hope- yet again. When she returned home, though she did not seem to use or drink - I could tell she was still headed down a path i couldn't follow. It took 2 weeks for Carrie to blow it. 2 weeks out of rehab and she managed to cheat on me- with her drug dealer no less. By week 3 the scandal had hit every national magazine and website. We were even trending on twitter. I didn't shed a tear, I had in fact expected it. Carrie, despite how badly I wanted and still want to save her- is beyond it. I gave up.

The last 3 weeks had been out of control- I had been taped threatening her lover/ drug pusher- I had even had confrontation with the paparazzi. It had of course been painted to make me look like a psychotic person- like father like son right? What America didn't get was how the paparazzi were mocking her, asking her what drink she would sip back at the 09er, if she missed the buzz of the drugs filling her system. They were sick and well I lost it. Of course there cameras were ready and they got the shot they wanted.

I could't go anywhere without a million flashing lights in my face- it was like living a nightmare. I had even seen Mr. Mars in passing as I walked down the street. He watched from afar- seeming honestly disappointed as he saw me crawl into a limo with Carrie, fighting off the mad men. I could see how it looked- I had stayed with a girl who obviously was not over her addiction problems- even after rehab. Carrie's darkness had been shed on to me-her problems had a way of sucking the life out of you and well I looked it. I had an edge again to me, my temper flaring up without a notice- and my worst moments had been caught for everyone to see.

Sean was a horrible person, the guy had been since high school- but everyone protected him now. He was a big video producer now and a huge supplier of the sweetest drugs in Southern California. But no I was the bad guy- the jealous boyfriend for kicking him out. When the cheating scandal broke I was glad. I finally had a reason to leave without guilt. But when I heard it was Sean it sealed the last bit of affection I had for Carrie away, the friendship- the duty I had felt to her because of it- was gone.

I went in grabbing my last load of boxes, placing them in the front seat of my car. The day was bright and I could feel the sun against my skin- a sign of the returning of life. I saw her in the doorway, standing silently as she leaned against it. I moved past her calmly- grabbing my bag of clothes. I stopped in front of her on my way out- digging in my pocket as I handed her her keys. "Here."

She eyed them like they were the enemy, refusing to take them and I sighed at her childish games sitting them on the counter before I headed out. _What had she really expected? That I would stay after she had tried every possible way to push me a way?_

I took the large house in one last time, all the memories playing through my head. The good started first and than escalated to the ugly- some of the things I had seen here and had been through would always haunt me. Bonnie Deville's life was anything but glamorous, despite what others would believe.

I opened the car door to my BMW and her voice finally carried out over the courtyard, her finally breaking her pouting silence. "Say hi to Veronica for me!"

I froze, feeling my temper starting to build, the girl knew how to push my buttons, my weak points. Turning around cautiously I eyed her- a sick look on her face. She had been reduced to this- and suddenly my anger vanished. She did not know how to act any other way anymore.

"I am sure you will drop those boxes off and then be catching a flight to New York I presume?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "You are actually trying to turn this on me?" I walked closer pointing in her face. "No, Carrie- this is all on you." She flinched ."I know what we had was not ideal- but I was committed to this. You blew it with your addictions, and secrets and "other boyfriends." Her lip quivered for a moment and then she bit it- a coldness washing over her face. "You can't blame me for all of this."

"Oh come on Logan- you two really are perfect for each other. Both self righteous- never seeing your wrong- only other's." She sneered. "You think I would have turned to any of this if I had known you _really_ loved me?"

Her words hurt- even feeling a sense of blame of what had happened to her was hard to handle. Guilt trickled in until I caught it. She was looking for any excuse to blame me now, a classic habit of an addict. I knew in good conscious I had done everything I could. "I did love you, Carrie." I emphasized each word while she folded her arms across her chest.

"Just not like her- right?"

I swallowed. I wasn't discussing this for the hundredth time. Truth was I was free, free from all the toxicity she was trying to fill me with. She was looking for a way to make me explode- to let our farewell be dramatic and dysfunctional. I wasn't giving in- but kudos to her for using Veronica. She had learned that would spark a reaction I suppose.

I looked at her, softening my features as she hardened. It was over- despite how hard I had tried, I knew it was now the time to let go. I touched the side of her face. "Goodbye, please take care of yourself." My last moment of tenderness had no affect on the ice sculpture in front of me, she was vacant.

I drove away, seeing her house in my rearview mirror and suddenly I felt relief. I could finally move on-

Veronica:

"You know it has been nearly 5 months since you graduated.." Piz brought the subject up yet again. I kept my focus on my crossword as he read the paper, our morning tradition.

"Is it now?" I smirked though never looking up,

"That bar exam can't take itself you know?" He tried to say the loaded comment lightly, it didn't work. It sucked all the happiness out of the room.

I looked up a little upset. "I am just not ready- I need to study more."

I had used this line a hundred times over the summer. I had been in an identity crisis- he at first had not seen it but as the months rocked on how could he not? I was in a standstill and making no move towards the "dreams" I had been working on for so long. I could tell he was panicking. He thought I was going to bolt. And let's be honest.. Who could blame him? I had a history for bolting. Just ask Logan Echolls.

"You could start interviewing at least-" He still pushed the subject.

"I have been watching job adds." I said flatly and he deflated with a heavy sigh.

I had been watching adds, I had even passed on a few. Though I didn't tell him that. I just felt overcome with the lack of excitement I felt toward the life of a lawyer-i had wanted it for so long, but now I was doubting it. I knew it was just jitters, late 20's crisis of growing up. I just had to ride the wave and get settled. I knew that.

I looked at the clock. "You better hurry- you are going to miss your flight." I tried to sweeten my tone.

He looked frantically at the clock jumping up and gathering his things. Piz flew out every so often for his job, I had gotten use to it. I even liked the alone time sometimes- did that make me horrible? His eyes had a loaded expression as he leaned in to kiss me- he was analyzing me a lot lately. Between my fear of the bar, lack of drive to find a job, and Logan Echolls reappearing on every tabloid- I was a ticking time bomb in his mind.

"I will call you when I land." He kissed my cheek. "I love you-" The words slipped out naturally but caused him to tense in fear.

We had not actually said the words out loud. I could tell he had almost a few time and chickened out. I felt my stomach clench at his reveal, my heart racing as my head tried to keep up.

I had never been one for expressing emotions and whenever I had embarked on analyzing the "L" word with Piz I just retreated. I had a messed up mindset towards it- last time I had been in love it had been overwhelming, taking up every aspect of me. I had been consumed and well I felt every range of emotion to it's extreme. I am not sure that was healthy but it was it was. It had left such a permanent mark that it was hard to recover.

Piz was no drama, always even, always stable. He was a wonderful friend and we had fun. There was no highs and no lows- it was just piz and me. That wasn't bad- it just was totally different and I was scared if I said the words that I knew deep down I most likely felt- just in a different kind of way- that it would all unravel.

I cleared my throat studying his panicked face. _Just say it Veronica- look at him. He has been so good to you, just give him this._

"I love you too."

He smiled from ear to ear seeming completely elated as all fear banished from his eyes. He hugged me tight not drawing attention to what I said with words. He knew not to push me too far in this emotional world. He gave me one final kiss and out the door he went- and I noticed I didn't feel any better.

I eyed the door for a long time-seeing him leaving over and over in my mind. _You have everything a girl could want- a kind boyfriend who loves you. A life of success at your fingertips, and in the greatest city in America. Get it together Veronica, before you ruin this like you always do._

I reached across the table, grabbing the newspaper, flipping to the job adds quickly. I skimmed the pages for a moment until like a neon sign an add jumped out at me. **Truman - Mann**

I quickly dialed the number, a flat receptionist answering the call.

"Hi, yes. I was calling to see what I needed to do to apply for the job listing in the paper today?"

"You have a law degree?" Her voice still stayed flat while I could hear her typing.

"Yes mam, Columbia." I said proudly.

She didn't seem impressed. "And have completed the bar?"

I cringed as I hesitated. "Uh, will be shortly."

"Name?"

I sighed with relief. "Veronica Mars."

Logan:

I had 7 weeks of absolute peace, well as peaceful as _my_ life ever got. Dick had suggested I stay at his house- the waves just a few steps away. It was just what I needed, surfing had always made everything slightly better. It was nice chilling with my oldest friend- I had seen less and less of him the farther Carrie spun out. He had even given up on her and her crowd. The drama- the constant fighting- he said it messed with his zen.

We clinked our beers together as we sat on the beach, the surf still washing up on us, our boards laying beside us.

"To the good life -man." Dick said.

I nodded. "Ah, what a charmed life it has been.." My voice trailed off.

"Not easy, that is for sure. But look at us man- we survived." I peered at him surprised from my peripheral. It was a deep sentiment from Dick. "I mean we both survived crazy fathers- mothers who bailed." He cleared his throat uncomfortably."People we loved dying." We stared at each other for a moment a slight smile playing at both of our faces. Dick was right- we had made it.

He laughed having defuse the emotional mood, like always. "You had your heart ransacked by Veronica Mars- multiple times and though I thought she was gonna eventually succeed in undoing you- you even found a way to push through _that."_

I felt the smile disappear, I brought the beer to my lips to hide it's absence, chugging it. _Hm, seems that spot in my heart is still raw._ My relationship with Carrie had somehow distracted me in a way. At first the false happiness and then the tornado of destruction that she brought into everyone around her's life. Seems once you take all that away and leave me to myself- there was the a gaping hole in my heart still, _still._ I had tried not acknowledge it over the last weeks of being free, but once I was "free" I had the unsettling realization taunting me. I had never been free- at least of one thing in my life. No, despite everything- the military, Carrie, moving- Veronica Mars still had me. Every last bit-

There was a calm silence as we continued to watch the waves roll in, Dick scrolled through his phone as the sun started to slowly set. I noticed his face constrict as he eyed me and then looking back to his phone. He did the motion again and I knew with him, that meant something was up.

"What is it?" I chuckled.

"If I knew something about Carrie- would you want to know?"

"Depends." I still smiled at how tense he seemed.

"If it has to do with her going to a famous club in the area tonight?"

My smile dropped. _Dammit, Carrie._ I guess it was the sponsor in me- after all that had been my role this last year, I picked up the phone.

"What do you want Logan?" Her voice had a bitter bite. We had not spoke since the day I left her house for good.

I cut right to the chase, having no desire to get into a screaming match again. " Are you going to the 09er tonight?"

"Stalker." She said accusatorially, but I could hear she was pleased. She had gotten the reaction she wanted and in inwardly berated myself. _Great._ I could hear Gia in the background giggling and Carrie joined in.

It took all resolve not to lose my cool as she continued to cackle with her ditzy friend, the patronizing tone poisonous. Sometimes it was hard for me to believe I had put up with it for so long."You think that is a wise choice? I mean 10 weeks sober Carrie, that is an accomplishment." I said flatly trying to stick to the facts I knew- or at least what I hoped were still true.

Whatever control I had on my temper she did not have- her erupting into a fit of rage, and I was her target. "You have some nerve? You are a hypocrite, Logan Echolls! All of us know you are anything but together- you are just a big lie- nothing but a fake like your dad-"

I took a deep breath. "Good bye, Carrie." I hung up, and felt Dick's eyes on me. Someone miles down the beach could have heard her at the decibel level she was screaming at. I raised an eyebrow as I blew air out my nose.

"You okay dude?"

I nodded as I softly smiled again. "Yeah man. Yeah-"

The rest of the evening had entailed Pizza, a few more beers and watching the fights on paper view. It had been a chill night if you did not count- the verbal lashing from Carrie. I had actually managed to push her out of my mind- surprising since I usually would be overcome with worry when I knew she was out partying. I had crawled into bed for the night when my phone buzzed.

I pulled it off the charger the color draining from my face as I saw the text.

**I am home. Not doing good. I really need you, I am going to use again. I can feel it.**

I gritted my teeth, before swallowing hard. I hated the position it put me in, I still wanted to help Carrie- I had not forgotten about all we shared. I still wanted her to succeed in beating this. I typed back quickly.

**You okay?**

I laid back on the bed my heart pounding in my chest as I waited for the response. I texted again. **You alright?**

Again no response. I tried to call and it went straight to voice mail. I jumped to my feet quickly throwing on clothes.

It took me minutes to get to her place from Dick's. I had driven this route a thousand times. The guards let me in, they knew who I was. I reached her door and knocked loudly, still no answer from her. I remembered a spare key I had in my wallet that I had forgotten about, pulling it out quickly.

I knew her alarm code, but this time it didn't work. The house was dark, no sign of anyone. It had a eery presence but I shook it off calling out for her. I looked everywhere but still no answer. Finally I reached her bathroom and saw her in the tub, eyes shut. For a moment I felt relief assuming she was relaxing, but quickly I knew something wasn't right. All emotion took over as I ran toward her, reaching down quickly to pull her out when

- **everything went black.**

I awoke to the sound of dozens of voices- being jerked to my feet by the new sheriff Lamb. It took me a moment to register where I was as he hooked my arms behind my back- reading me my writes. My head stopped spinning. _Carrie._

I looked down to see EMT's zipping up a bag, getting a faint glimpse of her purple hair. "Carrie!" I screamed and Lamb pushed me to the ground. I felt my eyes burn with tears as they put her on a gurney and rolled her away. _I had failed her- another person that had died because of me._ The tears strewn down my face and I ignored the ridicule and berating of the sheriff- my mind was numb. All I saw was her lifeless- She was dead.


	10. Chapter 10

Veronica:

"They called me back and guess what? They want to interview me- in person!" I said my voice full of excitement. It had taken several weeks for them to call me back after I applied, and honestly I had all but given up hope. I was excited, ecstatic in fact. Things were playing out just as they should.

"That is fantastic!" Piz stopped to hug me in the middle of the busy New York streets. "I knew you could do it." He stroked my hair, tucking it behind my ear. The motion bringing a deja vu sensation, my brow furrowing as it felt empty, the automatic comparison in my mind going to someone I did not want to think of. I shook my head as I grabbed his hand as we continued to walk.

"Yeah they said I just have to complete the bar quickly if I get the job- but that should be no problem."

His blue eyes sparked my way. "I am proud of you- you know."

I swatted at him. "I haven't gotten the job -Yet."

"But you will."

I smiled again, it had been awhile since I felt this at ease. Once I ha realized my nerves from before were just my natures way of self sabotaging my success, I beat it. I wasn't going to let that side of me win again. Things with piz and I were steady and good. I could not ask for anything more right?

We passed a newspaper stand as we headed towards the subway. _Well, I could ask that New York ban all media with Logan Echolls face on it. That would be_ _nice._ I looked down gripping piz's hand tighter. I had become like a horse with blinders these days, I just kept my eyes ahead.I guess that was fate's way of reminding me of what I had left behind. Our success always comes with a price right? _Mine was my oldest friend._

He and Bonnie had been all over the news the last few months. I had tried not to keep up but it was hard not to know some sort of detail with everyone discussing it. She had supposedly been in rehab and then cheated on him. My heart ached for him, Logan never deserved the level of crap he had put up with in his life.

I had fought the urge to call and check- assuming his number was still the same. Logan would have done that for me if he saw my life's tragedies playing out in the media. But then again he was better than me- I knew now more than ever I had to stay away from my own personal form of kryptonite.

There was a Neptune curse, I swore there was. Just when you thought your life was coming together, that you were on the upswing- the rug would be pulled out from underneath you. Almost everyone I knew that lived there had been a victim of the curse, my family multiple times. I thought if I could escape it's borders than the curse would stay put- but it seems it followed me all the way to New York- at least today. Seems I had an old friend visiting.

The interview went well, I believed I nailed it. I was high as a kite- so excited that I had even stopped by my boyfriend's job to share the happy news- very un- veronica like. I had been chatting with him and his boss when all hell broke loose- stealing any sense of normalcy I had obtained with it.

My eyes flashed to the TV screen, not to my surprise Carrie was on. I began to divert my eyes when the text caught my eyes. I stepped forward in shock as the headlines rolled. _Carrie Bishop was dead._

It had been a fog, my head a tunnel as Piz's voice echoed through it. I know he had been checking on me all the way down the elevator but honestly I had not truly processed it. A person, another young life had been claimed by that _town_ and I was not there to stop it. Like Lilly, Carried had been taken far too quickly from this world. My jaw clenched, a sympathetic pain shooting through me as I thought of Logan. He had been through more than anyone should have to bare.

Piz went to hale a cab and unlike the times before, I headed straight for the stack of papers collected at the stand. Each one had a picture of my ex plastered on it. My heart stung a little at the sight- truthfully I hadn't actually looked at the a picture of him in over a year. I had seen that look before- he looked dejected- all of the spark of life gone from his eyes. It took a lot to steal that spark- I knew cause I had been the one to do it time and time again.

"Veronica-" Piz's voice carried out, me looking up to see a solemn expression on his face. I guiltily put the magazine back and crawled into the cab. I couldn't really say much in the cab, I felt his eyes on me- he could see I was preoccupied. And I didn't want to answer the questions I knew were running in his head- because it would only hurt him.

The cab driver changes the radio the news report takes away all my abilities to hide my emotion.

" **Local authorities have ruled Deville's death a homicide and are focusing their investigation on ex-boyfriend, Logan Echolls."**

If Piz's eyes were on me before, now they were like lasers. I still didn't look his way as I felt the dread seeping in. I could not turn a blind eyes to this- no, not something this big.

Logan was innocent- I didn't even have to mull the question over in my mind. I knew him, he would never harm her. Despite the fact that he had many headlines not in his favor, I studied them while Piz slept. Catching up on a year's worth of gossip, the inundation of Logan overwhelming. Years of no contact and here I was studying his personal details again. I cringed as I watched the video of him threatening Sean, and then Carrie.

I could not blame him, anyone who knew Sean in high school, knew what a dirt bag he was. And I knew what he was referring to with Carrie. She obviously had a drug problem and well - again if you knew Sean and assuming things had not changed- I would guess he was Carrie's supplier. Just a guess. She would end up dead hanging out with him-

Logan Echolls had gotten his life together- but now I saw glimpses of the version I knew- he was creeping back in and in par with everything that had not changed- he was sucking me right back..

Logan:

It had been 4 days of hell. First losing Carrie, being arrested and then being band from her funeral. I guess being the suspected murderer meant you lost that right.

I made bail, they were unable to hold me on the evidence they did have. So thus began the search. Being an active member of the armed forces meant trying to stay away from murder charges. I had gotten a good, few stern talking to's and I figured more were to come. They insisted my consequences would be grave if the charges turned out to be true, and I believed them.

It is an odd emotion to deal with mourning someone while being accused of being the one that killed them. Everyone seemed to think I did it, that is besides Dick. Guess I had 'motive". Even all of Carrie's friends- the ones who had seen me take care of her, picker her up off the bathroom floor, hold her while she cried- they instantly caste the stones at me. How could anyone believe I would ever try to hurt her when all I did for nearly 2 years is try to protect her?

I could not believe she was actually gone- the pain would be debilitating when it hit. I had seen it coming- it was what I was fighting so hard to prevent. It had happened to my mom and I saw it coming for her. I wanted so badly to save her from herself, and I had failed. That was the hardest part- maybe if I had stayed with her despite everything, just stood by she would have not been killed. Murdered. Who wanted to kill Carrie? Everyone was pointing the finger at me, but I was consumed with _who_ actually did it.

I sat at Dick's dining table as I sorted through the hundreds of resumes. If you are a son of a famous murderer who was a former oscar winner, who was now being accused of falling into his father's sins- there was no ending of the lawyers who wanted your case. With me they saw dollar signs and fame.

Dick picked at the stack of paper. "Judith Poliviche - sound uptight." I smirked, that was Dick for you. He sat in the seat next to me. "You know what is a shame. That you and Ronnie aren't so buddy/ buddy anymore. She always knew how to get your ass off murder charges." He winked when I looked up and though it was a joke, I felt my face fall.

I studied the floors as what he said bounced off the walls of my head. It had been Veronica to get me off countless charges that others said would be impossible to prove before. Ironic that I was here again. I must have had a curse.

I clicked my tongue against my cheek and I could see Dick's happy go lucky expression fall as he studied me. She was a lawyer now- sure I had hundreds at my finger tips- I had the military lawyers at my disposal as well. But I trusted her. I knew she could not represent me but she could help me pick. I trusted her instinct more than anyone. I looked up at my friend as he began to frantically shake his head no, him seeming to recognize the look in my eye.

I stood to my feet, grabbing my phone as I headed outside. "Logan, no- dude I was totally joking. Please- Don't bring the devil back into-" I shut the door behind me with a nostalgic grin at his commentary. It had been awhile since I heard Dick go on a Veronica rant.

I took a deep breath, the sea air hitting my face. I scrolled through the contacts as I came to _her_ name. Just reading it make a spark of life fill my bones. It had been years of radio silence from her- but somehow I knew if I ever really needed her she would be here. I had always hoped that- so here is my opportunity to find out.

The phone rang and rang, my loose hand shaking as I listened. It went to voice mail and I growled in frustration. _Veronica, hadn't you seen the news?_ A pain caught in my chest. _Maybe she thought I did it as well..._ No, she wouldn't. In desperation I dialed back again, the many rings of the phone making me lose hope, when I finally heard it. After years of craving for this moment, I heard her sweet voice on the other line- actually talking back.

"So, what's new with you?"

I exhaled a sigh of relief- not that she could help me- no. _She was back in my life._

Veronica:

I nervously tapped on my leg as I waited in the Truman - Mann lobby. They had called me back for a second interview and honestly I was surprised I had even noticed the call. I had been completely absorbed with the news the last few days. I always felt guilt when Piz would walk in on me watching it- but could he blame me? After all we both knew I would not ignore _this._

I had not seen _this_ picture in years. The library picture. It hit me like a ton of brick falling from the sky. My body froze, in timing with all that had been going on with him and him preoccupying my mind- the picture threw me. It took a moment for me to realize _he_ was calling. My fingers shook as I looked around feeling the guilt that someone would report back to my boyfriend- I silenced it.

It rang again and my heart fell, as I saw those eyes- like they were pleading with me. I had gotten him out of a many a situation in the day, he would plead with me, a vulnerableness evident that he hardly ever showed. I could see it like it was yesterday and somehow I knew that expression was covering his face now.

 _For whatever reason he needed you Veronica. He was calling and after how you have treated him- he must really need you to reach out again._ I stood to my feet, quickly find a private place. I steadied my breaths as I answered.

"So, what's new with you?"

He immediately spoke. "I need your help, Veronica." I heard the words he had said so many times before, and it was like the nearly decade had been erased. I was back _there_ again.

I sighed, fighting the magnetizing pull. "I don't really do that anymore."

He sounded exasperated. "Will- you just hear me out? I have lawyers from everywhere driving me crazy. I have no idea who to choose- and well I know you are knowledgeable about this stuff now. And-" his voice caught. "I trust you." He paused before adding more. "You can read people, I know you will know the right choice."

We were both silent, both of our breathing filling the empty space. "Veronica, please, I am begging you."

"Okay, I will be there as soon as I can- I just have to book-"

He cut me off. "I will take care of the flight. It is the least I can do. Just tell me when you can come."

"I can be there tomorrow if you need me to." My voice had lost all edge and confidence, I could feel the weakness overtaking me.

"Okay, I can text you the flight info once I book it."

"Okay. Sounds good."

"Okay." He had a kindness to his voice. "Thank you."

"Of course, Logan, you and I -"I stopped.

"Are each other's oldest friends." He finished.

 _Exactly._ I did not have to say another word.

The flight from New York to Neptune was a long one. Giving me plenty of time to think. To think of how I was returning to a place I had been avoiding like the plague, that I was seeing the man that I had avoided even more. How the look on Piz's face when I left seemed pained, though I could tell he had expected it, like he had been counting the minutes from the time we heard of Logan's charges to when I would be flying out to save him. That made me feel like the worst of the worst.

I hated hurting piz, which is why my armor would have to be in place, tougher than ever when I got there. Logan, Neptune- it had a spell on me, and I could be easily sucked into it. One conversation with Logan and I was already being bombarde with a thousand memories.

They captain called to the flight attendant to prepare for landing, and everything in me tensed. I was moments away from seeing him- from being back, and right where I started.

I took a deep breath fidgeting with my coat as if it was my actual armor before I walked out of the gate. There were a lot of people and I studied the signs that led to my baggage claim, when I looked up- totally caught off guard by the sight of him. I was paralyzed as I studied him, his eyes now just catching a first glance of me- that grin reserved just for _me_ spread across his face.

I took a step forward, breathing a forced action. He looked so handsome- so mature, yet when his smile grew the closer I got I saw that boy from years ago. The one who use to taunt me with his sarcastic banter, who blockaded the door of the women's bathroom with me. The one who saved me time and time again. The one who grinned at me as we spent countless hours in his suite. I fell madly in love with that boy and we broke each other's hearts. It all came back like a movie reel, replaying each wonderful, and tortuous memory.

We stood in front of each other stunned- I recognized the expression on his face- he was feeling it too. It seems nothing had changed not after all this time, all these days, months, years... We still made the other feel alive.

It was still as _epic_ as ever...


	11. Chapter 11

Logan:

I could hear the sound of my heart echo in my ears, as the surge of anxiety and excitement pulsed through me. I kept practicing my stoic expression- not sure what to expect when I finally saw her. I had convinced myself through many of personal pep talks and a few warning speeches from Dick to keep myself guarded. _His reasoning was that with time she had probably become a vampire and was back for the last remaining pieces of my heart._ I chuckled to myself- Veronica had a way of making people think she was heartless, but truth is she was the most caring person I know. She had sacrificed herself for me more times than I could count- even when I did not deserve it.

My reasoning was different- it had been nearly a decade since we had set foot in the other's life. It had taken me this long to finally _function_ with out her. If I began to think of her as a permanent fixture again- even if it was just as a friend- I knew it would kill me this time when she ran, like she always did. No- I had to prepare myself that this was just a temporary pause on the hiatus that she had declared on our relationship. She was here because she was well- Veronica. And soon she would be back on a plane and out of my life.

She kind of snuck up on me- I don't why but I had been looking for striped t-shirts and converse. It had been years, she was a lawyer now- I have no idea why I did not expect different.

My eyes settled on the familiar face, a stunned expression covering it. She was as beautiful as ever- maybe even more so. I felt frozen as we stared from a far, her mischievous smile already playing up at the side of her delicate mouth. _How many nights had I dreamed of this moment?_

She stepped a few steps closer then paused- our stare down continuing. We had always had those down- looking at each other in a way that the other could feel it to the core. Veronica had been as connected to me as my own soul at one point- and in the matter of just seconds, it seemed things had _not_ changed so much after all.

My free hand steadily shook, and I clenched my fist to hide it. "Hey there." I grinned. After all the hell I was facing, one look at her and I felt a weight lift. One look at her had always been enough- and staring at her now I saw the years of our life play out before me.

Veronica, had been there through all of it- even before we ever embarked on the romantic side of our relationship. She had been one of my closest friends as a kid and that had continued when I dated Lilly. We had all survived the beginning of high school together- the ups and downs, break ups and fights, even the groundings and punishments. Then when Lilly had died, I blamed her. I am not sure why now-maybe it was because being near Veronica hurt. When I looked at her I saw a million memories with her best friend, I saw someone who cared for Lilly as much as me. But even through how horrible I was to her- Veronica had been there when it counted, when my mother died. She even stuck by me the summer after we broke up when I was the biggest idiot- helping me. Veronica was back here again and suddenly I realized. _She_ was the reason I had made it. If it was not her continuing to care when I did not- or if it was just her being the standard I strove towards. She was the reason, she had always been the reason.

"Hi-" She nervously chuckled as she leaned in for a loose hug, the slight contact with her made me ache as we pulled away. _I remember a time when I use to hold her for hours._ I shook the thought out of my head.

I could see the vulnerableness from her face fade, her armor going up in usual Veronica fashion. "You weren't planning on carrying me through the airport were you?" Always had to make a joke when she was overcome with emotion.

I chuckled to myself. Despite how different we both were now- me in the military, her a lawyer in New York. Me dressed in uniform and her in that trench coat- _some_ thing _never_ change. "Uh, no, I just met with Jag Corps- fun bunch of guys." _She had no idea the verbal lashing I had just received from said -bunch- of-guys._

She had a look of wonder cross her face as she took me in.I could see the expression of pride, and suddenly I felt complete- I had been waiting a long time to see her proud of me. "I had heard of course- but I couldn't fully picture it." She took a sharp intake of breath, much like she use to when I caught her staring. "You should only wear this- like ever."

I had her rattled- I had always loved when I could make her lose her edge and use of sharp whit. She was there again as I offered to carry her bags. She handed them to me still staring as if I was dream- come to life in front of her. I _hoped_ she had dreamt of me as much as I did her.

"Uh, how did you get through security?" Her old deductive reasoning was finally playing catch up- looks like my girl was still in there.

Much in the fashion of reliving old times, I couldn't resist. I had her where I wanted. "I bought a $49 ticket to palm springs." _More like $449. "_ Totally worth it."

My words made her breath catch in her lungs- and I began to lead the way out. She had no _idea_ how worth it-it was.

It had been mostly silent between us as we made our way through the busy crowds - I couldn't resist every so often glancing at her. She was _here._ Even if it was just for a day- she was here, and I would hang on every moment. "How was your flight?" I asked breaking the quiet.

"Good.I would have been fine in coach-" She stuttered awkwardly. That's Veronica for you, having a hard time accepting a gift. "But thank you."

I smiled again our eyes connecting- there were years of unspoken words behind hers and mine and I felt like they could pour out from me any second. I turned my head casually breaking the contact-trying to gain control. Since I had seen her come out of the gate I had felt the grip on reality began to fade- fade or well completely disappear. _Don't get attached, Logan- she is leaving. You are still not a part of her life._

"Ah there's sun- do you ever get tired of all this amazing weather?" Her words brought me back and I laughed. It had been 10 minutes and here I was having to stifle myself from declaring my love and she was avoiding it by talking of anything else. _The irony was not lost on me._

I played at her game, to let he know I saw through the tactic. "Yeah, and how about them Dodgers?" We smiled at each other and I shook my head in disbelief. It was like nothing had changed at all- not when it came to this side of the relationship. "Look at us, falling right back into our old rhythms."

Veronica:

Warning bells- fire alarm, siren- they were all sounding in my head. Less than 10 minutes in his presence and I was feeling _things_ I had long ago resided were missing because of my age. You grow up and adventure, excitement, electricity- they slowly fade. Turns out the joke was on me as realization dawned- those things were tied to one person in particular. And being in his presence they came back with a vengeance, like a wild animal that was dying to be set free.

I swallowed hard as I looked up at his handsome form, as he looked straight ahead carrying my bag. _Shield up, Mars. This is going to be a hard and bumpy day and a half._

I watched a he kindly smiled and nodded towards those who stared in respect. It was funny to see Logan Echolls as a symbol of something that others were drawn to. _Finally..._ Everyone was seeing what I had seen all those years ago.

He was still the same old Logan, all the qualities that made him so hard to leave behind -still intact. But there were new qualities- ones that made him even more appealing and I was sure I would have to try my hardest to rid from my brain when I returned to New York. He carried himself more confidently- a little taller somehow. He seemed more in control- in check with his emotions. His sarcastic comments were still there as always, but used just in humor- not to lash out at those around him. I bit the inside of my cheek as I made the list in my mind- I had missed out on seeing him become _this_ man. And that hurt more than I was expecting.

We came up to a deep navy, BMW, and I smiled. _Seems the version that loves the lavish life was still around. I was glad._ He opened the door for me, and I hesitantly eyed it as he gave me a reassuring smile.

"Thank you." I cleared my throat crawling in. I hated that I had to see the actual image play before me, as well as the hundred of other times he had done the action for me. It was like I had lost all ability to control my mind as I saw 17 year old me jumping into the passenger seat of his bright- yellow Xterra. I blinked hard- than 18 year old me kissing him tenderly as he unlocked the Range Rover- him helping me into my seat as he held onto my hand.

He finally made it around to his side, the slamming of the door bringing me back to the present day. _Could we just press pause on the replay mode my head was in?_

"Where to?" His voice was steady as his eyes were on me, like he too was enjoying seeing me in the passenger side again.

"My dad's office." I said flatly- taking in a deep breath.

I had heard before that our senses evoke emotion- that taste, sight, smell, a sound- could all take you back to a _place_ in your mind. Like why when you hear a certain song you can be back exactly where you were the moment you heard it. Logan's new car had the faint undertones of his aftershave and soap lingering in the air- just like his cars always did. My stomach dropped as a sentimental belonging to it hit me. Being here - right now with him- the looks, the smells, the sounds- all my senses in overdrive. The place, the sentiment in my mind that it tugged at was - home.

I felt a lump in my throat grow as he smirked my way, putting the car in drive- his brown eyes on me like they always use to be. Now my body craved the- _taste._

I shook my head distraught, as I pressed my lips together to make them disappear. _Get yourself together- it is just your memories playing tricks on you. Get through this._

I cleared my throat as I laced my hands on my lap. "So Veronica Mars- how are you?" He asked in anticipation that whatever I had been up to was exciting and lively.

"Oh you know, just staying busy as always."

"And taking over New York while you are at it?" He laughed.

"Well,of course. It takes certain skill to obtain a law degree and rule that city- but I manage."

"And have you made any new enemies to take down?"

My stomach dropped. _No, Logan, I was juts boring now. The girl you fell in love with is hiding somewhere deep in me._ "Not much time for that I am afraid."

He looked a tad shocked as he looked ahead, but the expression didn't linger. "Well, it is good to have you back."

"Yeah-" My words were drawn out. "Good to be back."

I clicked my tongue as it became quiet again. It was hard to know what to talk to him about- when all subjects that were _everything_ to us were off limits. I could not have any more intense emotions floating around.

"So how are you?" I asked feeling stupid by the question and its insensitivity. We all knew his current drama.

His shoulders tightened a little as his face became more somber. "Well, my ex girlfriend we murdered, and juts like old times everyone is trying to blame me." I did not say anything just gave a sympathetic look. "It is funny, Carrie- she had a lot of bad people around her. I mean that scene- the drugs, especially with her celebrity status. It is dangerous- and yet they want to pin it on me. The one person who had tried to protect her."

I tightened, my body reacting to his expression of care towards her. It was always hard to stomach that Logan had been with someone else. But him acknowledging it in front of me with his own mouth- it was far harder to hear than it should have been.

He parked in front of my dad's building and unlocked the doors quickly . I followed him to the trunk as he pulled out my bags.

"I am sure your dad is excited to see you." He said.

I nodded. "I am actually surprising him."

"So are you going to ask if I did it?" he shut the trunk and gave me a look that he was expecting an interrogation from me.

I shook my head. "I wouldn't be here if I though you did."

His face fell, stunned as a glimmer of peace reflected back at me. _I had a feeling he had been waiting a long time to hear those words. That I trusted him-_


	12. Chapter 12

Veronica :

Logan helped me carry the suitcase up the stairs, and we both stood outside the door not exactly sure how to say goodbye. We knew we were going to see each other first thing the next day- but finally being back, seeing him... It was hard to let go again so quickly. _Veronica, what have you gotten yourself into?_

"You want to come in?" I asked pointing towards the door. Partly trying to make him feel welcome, partly wanting just a few more minutes. Logan time with others- meant safety. I was already feeling the need for a chaperone, and that made me feel all sorts of rotten- I really did not excel at the girlfriend department.

"I don't want to take away time from your dad." He said with an expression that showed there was far more to the reason. He could see me staring and confessed. "And I don't think your dad will be too happy to see you around me- yet again." He forced a gritted smile.

I shook my head in disagreement, but inwardly I knew he was probably right- so I did not fight him. "See you tomorrow?"

He lit up at the words. "Yeah, see you tomorrow." I watched as he headed towards the stairs, his hands in his pockets. He stopped as he looked over his shoulder with an effortless smile. "Been waiting a long time to say that to you again."

My mouth gaped for a moment at his sentiment before I forced it shut, returning the smile- not quite sure how to respond. If I responded to my purely carnal side then things would be soon entering the gray area of our black and white guidelines. But I was a better person than that, I could't cross that line, even if Logan had a way of making me forget anything and everything but him.

He waved, still keeping his smile, another reason he was who he was. He did not lose confidence when I withheld what he knew I was feeling. If that had been the case then our relationship would have never even started all those years ago. He got that it was hard for me to express things- and somehow he did it for both of us- gladly. Seems he still knows how to take on that role.

The new office- smelt of fresh paint. The furniture still the same from the former place, but that was the only sentimental pulling. I felt my heart ache that i had missed out yet again. The phone rang and i jumped up to answer it, a twinge of excitement pulsing through the tips of my fingers as i picked it up. I listened to the frantic woman on the other line as she screamed into my ear about her cheating husband. I inwardly felt joy. _I know sick and twisted right?_ But my formative years were spent being yelled at by crazed and scorned spouses; and taking the winning shot to help validate those prenups. _AH this was so familiar._

My eyes flickered when i saw my dad walk his client to the door. I had to add my own comment to catch his attention. "Yes mam we do take photos, but i am afraid shooting the crazy son of a bitch is not a service we currently offer."

I heard the dial tone quickly. _I guess i cost him that one- eh, it was worth it._

"You buckled." His expression priceless as we met for a hug. I squeezed him a little tighter. I had missed him. I had missed life with him. He seemed to feel the same way as he held on. "Oh the magnetic pull of Neptune High brought you back." He pulled me back, knowing his comments were like stirring an ant bed. "You've got spirit, yes you do."

I hesitated my mouth open in fake smile. "Actually.."

It did not take but a second for his happy expression to fall into realization. "OH.. Logan. Of course."

My stomach dropped. I was not sure if it was the fact that he knew so quickly that I would come for him, or if it was the fact that I felt like a teenager again. "I'm just helping him find a lawyer."

He shook his head, he was no where near convinced. "I should have made the guest room up, and stocked the fridge with your favorites when I saw he had been charged. "He fired back with a truth in jest type of tone.

"He called, and I said I would help. He just has a lot of lawyers clamoring after him, and he doesn't know who to trust."

"And he does not have access to all the legal advice from those highly decorated and knowledgeable lawyers at JAG?" I opened my mouth and shut it, he had a point, but I was in no mood to argue. Logan had needed me, that was all that mattered. Even if he and everyone else did not get that it was just our old friendship pulling us back together, nothing else. He sighed. "You haven't talked to him in years right?"

I hated when people liked to throw that in my face. I nodded and he chuckled. "That poor guy had to get charged with murder just to get you to return a phone call." He shook his head in disbelief. "What does that tell you, Veronica?"

"I really don't know what you want me to say.."

"You have avoided that boy for nearly a decade because you have been scared to death of him and his ability to trap you here. We all have fear for a reason, it is good to acknowledge why we have it and have a healthy respect for it." He grabbed my hands. "So with that said... Why on earth are you back here?"

"Dad, he needed me. And we are just friends now. I promise."

Again he didn't seem convinced.

It still took some getting use to, being in dad's new place. It was funny how I had been here less than a handful of times. He purchased the place a year or so after I left for Stanford. I looked around seeing displays of pictures and knick knacks that would say this was my home- but truth was I had not been _home_ in a long time. Between the new house and dad's new office I all but felt like I had been erased from Neptune's memory- unfortunately I had not forgotten about Neptune and the people residing there so easily.

I curled my knees up as I climbed onto the couch, just finishing getting ready for bed. My dad looked up from his reading glasses as he placed the case files on the table neatly. He had been glad to see me- ecstatic, but when he heard the reason for my visit, I had to say he had seemed less thrilled.

"What you working on?" I asked genuinely intrigued by the mystery laying a few inches from me.

"Oh, nothing interesting.." I could tell he was lying by the tensed look in his eyes, but I didn't press it.

He reclined back studying me and I instantly felt self conscious. "So do you have any information on the Bonnie- I mean Carrie Bishop murder?"

I shook my head. "No, I told you- I am just here to help him with a lawyer, that is it."

He did not believe me. "So you don't think he did it?"

I stared in disbelief and slight disgust. "Come on? You think he did?" Dad had known Logan as long as me, sure Logan wasn't perfect but we both knew he wasn't a killer. Not anywhere close.

He seemed to ponder the question for a moment. "I am not saying that- all I am saying is evidence-"

"Evidence? Really dad?"

He sighed, exhaling a deep breath. "Okay, based on my feelings do I think that he could kill her? No- but I can't deny the picture that has been painted. "

I stared flatly at him, he and I both knew he was being ridiculous. "Yes, and if you were so convinced that he was a killer than you would just let your daughter be around him?" I posed the question knowing it would debunk his theory.

He smiled wide. "You are as smart as ever young one. No, Logan isn't a killer Veronica- I have no doubt. But excuse me for being scared for you to get entangled in all that again. You two always had a way of making the other need them desperately, but never quite getting the rest of it right."

"Dad, we are not "the two of us" anymore. We are just old friends, I am helping out. Stop making it such a big deal."

He gave up, though I could still see he was unsettled. "You have so much waiting for you there - in New York." he said under his breath.

"I know." I stood to my feet. "And I will be happy to see it all when I fly back to it in 2 days." I kissed his forehead. "Night, old man."

"Goodnight." He peered up. "I just want-"

"I know, dad, I know."

I walked back toward the guest bedroom feeling bombarded by the warnings screaming in my head again. I was playing a good game of acting indifferent- but I knew that was not entirely true. Logan had been affecting me for the last 10 years of my life. Everyone saw what he did to me- Dad, Mac, Wallace,- even Piz. I had been hoping for a better reunion with my loved ones and maybe time away from the inundation of _him,_ but it seemed they all had one thing of their minds too- Logan. _And they thought I was obsessed._ Sure, Wallace and Mac had taken to a more playful way of voicing concerns. But I could see it tonight, especially in Wallace's eyes.. _Worry._ Mac had always been on the fence about Logan, she had been friends with him, so she understood what was so endearing about him. She cared for him, she wanted him to succeed, but then she was torn. Because when his unhealthy behaviors began to pick away at her friends- Me and Parker-she had had a hard time with it. Wallace and Mac both saw how intensely Logan felt for me, they just had a tendency to be drawn to the levelness of Piz. I guess with him there were no fists being thrown, or loud declarations of love, and dramatic break ups. He was just Piz.

 _Piz._ I had grown to love him. It had been different, still was. It was something I could count on- depend on and I liked the stability. My heart warmed at the thought. _I would be back with him soon enough, and this- Neptune, Logan- all my friends and family over analyzing the former relationship of my past- would be yesterday's news._

I crawled onto the pull out couch, making myself comfortable under the covers. I inhaled a deep, cleansing breath as I adjusted on the pillow. There was something nice about being back _though._ I squeezed the covers in unison with my eyes as I pushed the train of thought out of my head. No- I wasn't entertaining it, not even for second.

Logan:

I drove towards Dick's place, the top down and the hot air brushing against my skin. The sensation felt pleasant as it hit my cheeks. I slightly smirked, I have not noticed little details of life like that in a long time. I stopped at the red light, eying the passenger side. Just minutes ago she was actually inhabiting the space next to me and I felt more alive then I had felt in years.

Veronica was different now- the way she carried herself more mature. She seemed to not voice every thought that crossed her mine and she had traded in the leather jackets and combat boot for blazers and slacks. But she still had that same wall, she built a mile high around her- I actually think she had expanded it over our separation. She was cunning, and smart. She still smelled of her familiar fragrance and and her expressions were still priceless. She still had me wrapped around her finger and i loved every second-

My smile grew wide as I reflected on her. I had forgotten the way she had ignited a fire in me- that just the thrill of keeping up with her banter was exciting. I always had to keep myself engaged in her, analyzing her- she wasn't much for expressing herself, so to understand her I had to watch her constantly. Most would find that annoying I suppose- but for me.. It was one of the many things I loved about her. Sure, I would have loved for her to be able to say things with ease sometimes, but by me being forced to be so in tune with her, I got to take in Veronica's world. And let me tell you- being a part of her world, even for a moment was the greatest adventure of my life.

I felt the smile fade as I pulled up to the beach house. Soon that world would be shut off from me- I would be barred from it. I pulled the keys out of the ignition as I fiddled with them. I had had a taste again, and just one sip, reminded me of how thirsty I was. I rubbed my head as I gained resolve to go inside, how was I ever going to get through this?

I was relieved that it seemed Dick had already gone to bed. I quickly got ready for bed, sighing with relief as I hit the mattress. It was odd staying in my friend's living room on a guest bed. I had my own place- but still I found myself gravitating to be with the only person who had stayed put. Dick wasn't complicated- I knew he drove most people nuts. But he was the only person left, and I could always say he had stayed by my side. After Veronica left I had no one..

I eyed the empty side of the bed. I had never really liked sharing a bed- I don't know I guess there was a thing of intimacy about it. When Lilly and I dated we had been too young for slumber parties so I never experienced it. Everyone else had been one night stands or flings. I liked my life the way it was after Lilly- there was no one in it that could possibly inflict the hurt that she had on me again. That is until Veronica.

She had kind of snuck up on me. I suppose it was my disdain for her at the time that let her creep in through my shields. I never thought she and I would have been anything other than enemies- but then I saw her. I was already gone before I had time to catch up- she had taken over my heart and mind like no one else before, to the point that I panicked. After our first kiss I kind of disappeared. No one could overshadow Lilly in my mind,no one would ever mean as much- that is what I had said everyday since she had been taken from us. That truth came crumbling down with one kiss from her best friend and suddenly everything that did make sense- no longer did.

I fell in love quick, and I was engulfed by everything that was her soon after. I could not stop it, not even if I had wanted to. The force that drives the two of us is so wild and strong, there is no other way to deal with it then just to give in.

The first night I held someone all night, in my arms had been with Veronica. A fan of the the reclusive life - now became, in one instant, a fan of never leaving _her_ side.

_Her long wavy hair fell to the side as my large t shirt swallowed her, it hanging slightly off her shoulder. I liked her like this- relaxed, her walls down._

" _You look nice in my shirt." I winked as I pulled at it._

_She bit the tip of her finger as she smiled devilishly. "Yeah,i may never take it off and then you will regret saying that."_

_I pulled her closer into my arms always struck by the way she would melt into them. She never held back from me be when I would wrap her up. "I bet I can persuade you." I nibbled at her ear and she laughed her infectious cackle and then I tickled the sides of her ribs just making her laughter grow._

" _Stop, stop, stop!" she swatted at me as she tried to pull away, me just pulling her closer. "Logan Echolls, if you don't stop I am getting up and leaving!" She warned._

_I sweetly turned her on her back as I smiled, leaning down to delicately kiss her lips. " You can try- but I promise you wont make it far."_

_She grinned, the sight of her looking up at me breathtaking. "Why is that?"_

_I kissed her nose. "You have me addicted, Veronica Mars. One night of no goodbyes-I could get use to it."_

" _Even the spooning?" she scrunched her nose._

" _Especially the spooning." I smiled wide._

" _My, my, my- what happened to bad ass Logan Echolls? What would he say to the crazy notions of spooning and slumber parties?"_

_I readjusted pulling her into the crook of my arm. "I don't know. Every version of me adores you- I think they all want you, every bit of you. So I think he would understand He would in fact- probably be jealous of me."_

_She looked up. "It's okay he does not have to be- you can tell him that i adore him too."_

_I smiled brightly, i could feel it taking over my entire face as i leaned down and kissed her slowly. She had loved every part of me too._

I rolled onto my back as the memory from long ago faded. I had not made it a habit to dwell on specifics when it came to Veronica. If I had then I would have never even left my room- I had to put those times, those words somewhere else. But it still surprised me when they came back so clear - like I had only just experienced them yesterday.

I don't believe she had every truly understood how important she was to me. I had many a night of her all to myself- and as someone who had preferred to sleep alone, she had no idea how many nights I awoke looking for her after she left. Reaching across the sheets for her warm body, or rolling to the side she slept hoping for a faint smell of her. It took years to stop the habit- and once I got with Carrie, I found the night restless. It had bothered me that I had never found that peace with her. Nothing had ever been peaceful since that day Veronica walked out.

I laced my arms behind my head pinning them as they felt overcome with the need to hold her again. I let her preoccupy my thoughts more than I knew I should and i was starting to pay the price- I was miserable. It seems that I was right back then- every version of myself adored her. I wonder if I was even referring to my future self then too? If I had been, then I was completely correct. I still wanted every- bit- of- her...

I awoke to the sound of the blaring alarm from my phone. I grabbed it quickly hitting snooze. I felt hung over, I buried my face in the pillow. I wonder what the cure for a Veronica Mars hang over was? I had a feeling that aspirin and plenty of fluids wasn't gonna cut it.

"You really sure you want to do that?" Dick said nonchalant , sounding creepily close to me. I peered out from under the pillow, seeing him sitting at the table only a foot from my face. _I really needed to get back to my place._ "If I remember correctly- you are a popular man and there are a slue of vicious, cold blooded attorneys waiting to fight to the death over you." His eye brow crocked up. "Hey, that's an idea on how to decide- we should set up our own personal hunger games."

I rolled onto my back as my voice sounded gruff. "Morning, Dick." I rubbed the sides of my head.

My roomie stood up, and when I opened my eyes he was hovering over me, making me jump. "Ronnie huh?"

"What?" I snarled.

"One night and you have already been "Ronnied"? Though are we really surprised?"

I flung my feet over to the side of the bed, them hitting the cool wood floors. "I am fine."

"Yeah, that look of despair and longing...Totally normal. Come on." He bent down to get a better look. "This look is so 06' Logan- I thought we moved past all that brooding and sulking."

"Yeah now we have just moved on to glaring." I shot him a look.

"Grumpy." He said as I stood up, heading for the bathroom. "Another symptom of Veronica-" I slammed the bathroom.

I splashed the cold water on my face as I let the shower heat up. I was having very little motivation for the day. No one looks forward to interviewing candidates to defend them against murder charges, let alone the girl you never got over being the one helping you decide. An hour of being with her had sent me into this tail spin- what would an entire day do? I gripped the side of the counter. _Just remember.. She is already gone, because she never truly came back._

I had somehow, between ten pep talks in the shower, found a way to not look physically sick and when I came out from getting dressed fate had answered my wish- it gave me something other than Veronica Mars to focus on. Dick looked up from behind his lap top with a crooked grin, his wet suit hanging off of him. Seems I would be interviewing lawyers all day and he would be surfing.. Sometimes life is not fair. _For me it never seemed fair._

"You really have nice legs man." He said as he flipped the screen towards me. "Don't take what Perez said so personally."

I could feel all the blood drain to my knees as another memory of the past came back to torture me."How did you-"

"It is all over the internet this morning. Seems it was leaked by a private source." Dick replied.

I ran over to the table, starting over the video- realizing there was no way it was doctored as I watched me and Carrie walk into her room. _The sight of her alive stung as I watched myself follow after her._ I collapsed into the chair as I watched again and again. I remembered the day, it had been right when she got back from rehab. Just one big thing I didn't remember was- a camera...

"Better hope Veronica doesn't get a look at this- she may go all fists of fury- oh wait." He grinned. "That is you- you are the one who goes all cave man like when your ex girlfriend shows up nude on viral videos." I shot him a warning glance and he loved the reaction. " I see it is still a touchy subject."

Just then on cue there was a knock and Dick headed for the door, beer in hand. I looked back down at the screen not sure how to process what I had just seen and what _she_ was about to. There was no way around it, her seeing this, but I knew it wouldn't prove to her in any way that I had changed. I reached for the ball on the table, nervously fidgeting with it. _My old nervous habits were playing up. If you were constantly moving you never had to focus on just one thing-_

"Logan, that girl who follows you around is here."

I wanted to laugh at the irony- _yeah she hand't followed me around in a long time...I had years of one way calls to prove it._

I listened to them banter back and forth as they always did, seems that hadn't changed either.

"Another video from the Logan Echolls/ Bonnie Deville home collection just hit the internet." Dick almost announced it proudly.

I cringed as I prepared for what no man ever wants to live through - his ex girlfriend seeing a video of him having sex with his other ex. _Dysfunctional much? Especially when you add dead before the last ex._ "God, how did they get this?" I said disgusted. She quickly came around the table and I waited for whatever reaction was headed my way- with Veronica it could be anything.

"Hey, is anyone else surprised that I am the only one in this room who does not have a sex tape?" Dick added.

Immediately she tried to explain it away. "It could be anyone."

I swallowed as I had to confess. "No it's us- you see us when we enter the room." I had avoided making eye contact with her so far. Yesterday I had been obsessed with impressing her, and all night tormented by thoughts of her, today? I am having to explain a sex tape I never even knew about.

"Dumb question, but I have to ask.. Did you know you were being filmed?"

 _Oh- there was that passive aggressive side- my very words on her sex tape scandal being thrown in my face. I wonder if she had hoped for the day to use them._ I threw the ball frustratedly out of my hand. "Oh yeah- that's right, we were just shooting some of our usual- leg erotica." She makes a subtle jab, I respond with sarcasm... It has always been _our_ way.

We both stared baffled at the screen when another knock reverberated off the door. We both look up at Dick in unison and he took the hint, disgruntled as he made his way back to the front door,

"This footage looks like it was taken from a tripod, and it's just a couple feet from the bed. You know Carrie wouldn't be the first celebrity who thought a sex tape might somehow help-"

I interrupted her. "It wasn't her." I sounded curt, my frustration coming out, and I could tell it made her flinch. I hated that I was in a position where I had to defend Carrie to Veronica. Carrie was a lot of things but I knew she would have never done this. She was far too private. She took it exactly as I had hoped she wouldn't, she felt like I chose a side. Before I could add to my comment- our first contestant entered the room.

This day was already shaping up to be a very long one. I looked at her for a moment catching her staring. Her face contorted with a stunned look, as if I had caught her hand in the cookie jar. Her features smoothed, but I saw something in her bright blue eyes that I recognized. This was all getting to her- just as much as it was me. She gave me a reassuring nod as we looked towards the first lawyer, standing before us.

I felt like I was on a sinking ship, and I was now worried. Could I be cleared of these charges? Would I end up in jail or even worse? Guilt is a hard emotion to swallow, I felt it as I glanced back at her quickly. I could see the million thoughts firing in her mind, she was already assessing the guy- already in her full on protective mode.

She still cared, she may never admit it- I highly doubt she would. But I knew she did, and unlike the joy I thought it would bring, i suddenly felt burdened. If Veronica did still love me, than seeing me pay for this crime would hurt her more than anything. I knew the chances of her ever truly coming back to me were slim, I knew that was still true. I guess i had just never planned on her _still_ caring despite that. And if that was still the case- even though she would never tell me, she would still feel the weight of this everyday if i lose. I sat up, paying closer attention as i too began to study the man in front of me. I had a new fond reason to fight for this freedom- and that was protecting _her._ I felt hope fill me. _My odds always went up when it came to Veronica- I never gave up when it came to protecting her._


	13. Chapter 13

Veronica:

Three lawyers in and I was beginning to think that Logan had been given the resumes of the most idiotic attorneys available. Logan saw Judith to the door and I reclined back into the chair. I was hoping there would be a sign of intelligence soon or I knew there was no way I could in good conscious get on a plane tomorrow. I heard the sound of his shoes on the floors, looking up to him leaning against the wall. He raised his eyebrows, the look of discouragement clearly painted on his face. He and I were both thinking the same thing- our options so far looked bleak.

"You want some lunch?" He asked, not mentioning what we both felt.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am pretty hungry."

"Okay, I know a sandwich shop that delivers. You probably don't want to go out to eat with me- I get some attention and none of it good when I venture out these days. No idea why." He said dryly as he walked towards the kitchen.

I scooted out of my chair as I followed behind. He pulled his phone off the charger that was on the counter and I felt like an animal walking into a trap, tip toeing in. I eyed the house- feeling very aware of the fact that I was alone- in a house- with Logan-Echolls. I had not even eased back into this world- I just jumped in and found myself in a situation I had been avoiding for years.

Of course I would never cheat- I cared deeply for Piz. But- I had learned to never underestimate what was between me and Logan, it never failed to be anything but intense. So with that knowledge it would probably be best to avoid being alone with him. I let my eyes venture down his lean, muscular form- looking like that. My cheeks flushed as I saw the muscles in his back tense as he placed his hands on the granite. _My mind began to entertain the many times I had been held tightly in those arms, and pressed against him._ I swallowed. _The way his kisses tasted as he loved to tease with them._ I exhaled as I crossed my arms, diverting my eyes. _Bad, bad Veronica. Think of anything else- mold, fungus, vomit._ I began a long list of the most revolting things that came to mind. Everything other than Logan, and how _pleasing_ he was becoming in my eyes as I was locked alone in a large house with him.

"BLT with extra tomatoes?" Logan asked like it was second nature. I jumped a little like he had caught me and his brows inquisitively furrowed as he held the phone at his ear. It still took me a second to respond, him seeming unaware that his practical question had rattled me. I nodded yes and he began to make the order. I reached out for the bar stool, pulling it out as I collapsed onto it. Of course he had remembered what you _like._ You had eaten sandwiches together more times than you could count, it was only natural. I could not explain it though- something about the simplicity of it, the way he had remembered the little things- it affected me. Maybe it had been the rush of hormones the moment before, but I felt like I began to lose as grasp on the boundary lines- everything blurring together as I desperately wanted to cave in to what had been my greatest weakness a long time ago.

"Okay, thank you." He said as he hung up, turning towards me as he did. "So." He paused. "I am no expert, but I would say that my options so far are either inept, borderline psychotic and Judith seemed a little clepto. Did you notice the way she way eying the vase in the corner?"

I chuckled under my breath, I had noticed. "Don't lose heart- we have two more to see."

He sighed, leaning his elbows onto the counter, bridging the space between us- the familiar, enticing smell of him hitting me. _That wasn't helping my self control problems._ I shut my eyes briefly as I leaned back trying to create space. "Let's hope they knock it out of the park." He said doubtful.

"Yeah, let's hope." We looked at each other a moment, his lip pulling in at the corner of his mouth. He was thinking hard about something, but the thing was I couldn't read it. Logan was harder to read now that he had a greater hold on his emotions.

"Listen." His eyes looked apologetic and what looked like dread crossed his face. "I am sorry you had to see that-" He stuttered out the words. "Carrie and I- the video." He looked down after getting it out. "I mean, I know that is uncomfortable, I am sorry."

I blew air out my mouth playfully. "Well, you endured mine, seems only fair I would have to get the same punishment." I grinned.

I had gotten good at hiding my feelings. Truth was that video was like watching a nightmare- a ball of jealousy, regret, annoyance- all in one. I was out of control and I knew I had no right to those emotions. He had been in a relationship with her, and he did not even know of it- even if he had, it was his business. We had both moved on, but still the thought of Logan being _that_ way with anyone else was always a quick road to nausea. I had learned to act as if that was not happening- an irrational logic- but it was my only option, or I would have been continually on the verge of throwing up. I had always had a hard time accepting Logan's "experience" even when we dated. The thought of him being loving and tender towards anyone but me- intimate. It caused the green eyed monster to rare it's ugly head.

He smiled back taking cue to my always joking comment to defuse what I was feeling. "Well, if you remember I did not handle that so well." Mischief was all over his handsome face. "And I am being charged with murder so I can't have you throwing punches on some innocent bystander- so I thought we should get it all out there." That cocky grin of his was in full play.

"I will try to keep myself in check." I matched it.

The doorbell rang and he walked backwards to the door. "You better, Mars."

I hollered back. "I will, though my grasp on my jealousy has never been strong." My eyes bulged from my head at the confession that had slipped out of my mouth.

I heard him answer the door, shutting my eyes in embarrassment. I hoped he had been out of ear shot, though I knew it was not likely.

"Thank you, have a nice day." I glanced over as he handed a tip to the delivery guy. He walked over to me with usual Logan strut and placed the sandwich wrapped in brown paper in front of me as he sat. "Bone appetite." I peered up checking his status as I took my first bite, I guess I had lucked out, looking back down at the food in front of me.

"So jealous huh?"

I nearly chocked as he smirked, chewing on the mouth full of food. Logan had always been about timing. "Don't flatter yourself, Logan Echolls."

He laughed. "I am just repeating what I heard."

I took a big bite. "You were mistaken." My serious face played up into a smirk as he kept those knowing eyes on me.

He swallowed. "Oh come on Veronica, jealousy is like our language. I will be jealous over you forever, that's no secret. It doesn't make it a big deal." He looked fondly at me. " Like the sky is blue-It's juts how we are. Friends or not. And well, you can't change the skies color, you just have to live with the fact it's blue." He said the loaded words in a matter of fact tone.

I nodded in agreement, deciding to accept the moment of honesty for what it was. It did not seem that any epic speeches were headed my way, he was just stating what he thought was obvious without conveying a lot of emotion. Seems he had the same opinion as me, that we always would have this unspoken connection, but that was just what it was- that we could understand that without traveling down the road we had been down many times. Maybe he had really found a way to move on without me? My face twisted a little at the thought and he matched it.

"What?" He said with a chuckle. Logan alway was amused by my expressions.

My mouth hung open as I though of something to say, and Dick busted through the back door, taking our attention to him. I had never been so relieved to see Logan's best friend. He tracked sand and water in on his beautiful floors without second thought, flicking more sand off as he shook his shaggy hair. His eyes narrowed as he saw the food.

"Lunch!' He cheered, taking a seat and I smiled as Logan pushed a brown wrapper his way. Seems he had already been planning on this little visit.

Dick immediately dug in, speaking with what appeared like half the sandwich in his mouth. "So any visitors?" he peered around as he chewed loudly.

Logan shook his head. "No, the judges are on break. The rest of the contestants will be here shortly, though to be honest I am not sure this bunch has quite what we need for the talent portion."

"But are they hot?" Dick said in par with the beauty pageant references.

Logan shrugged. "Judith seemed to appreciate your taste in decor."

"Right on, Judith." Dick said as he focused his eyes on me and then to Logan. "So you two alone in my house? What is the reading on the angst and turmoil? It's only fair to let a guy know.. So he can prepare and all for the fall out."

 _Ah, now I remembered even more why I had not missed Dick Casablancas. He had a way of saying exactly what you did not want him to._ Logan looked amused as he cracked a smile, after all he was use to this. Me? I had years of purging very moments like this, making me slightly less cunning in my comebacks.

"Just talks of sex tapes and jealousy." Logan looked playfully at me. "All in a days work."

The air began to feel thin as my inward tension felt like it was reaching maximum capacity. Logan was falling into an ease around me- the quips, the teasing looks, the bantering with Dick. It all felt like a snap shot of life long ago and I began to feel the dreaded feeling- _I missed this._ Logan's expression was full of the ornery spark that I had seen so many times as he interacted with Dick. I smiled somberly, how was I going to force him out of my life again come tomorrow?

I cleared my throat as I pushed out the stool. "Would you guys excuse me?" I forced a pleasant expression. Dick just waved me off as he looked at his food, but Logan looked curiously at me. He was like a missile, always on aim. I had never been able to get away with hiding something from him- still seemed that was true. "Where's the bathroom?" I asked.

"Down the hall, first door on the right." Logan motioned with his hands, but his expressive eyes were asking me a million questions.

I nodded as I turned toward the hall, finally finding air as I closed the bathroom door behind me. I buried my head in my hands- reprimanding the growing desires that were taking over. No wonder I had stayed away so long- my ability to resist with _him_ had never been strong. The ability to say goodbye had been harder and I was starting to wonder how I would manage to do it a second time. One day together after hundreds of no contact and I was starting to wonder how I had lived without him, without our friendship so long. I took a long, exasperated breath as the thoughts that followed were not ones I wanted filling my head. _Maybe you weren't living after all, Veronica._

Logan:

We sat at the table for what seemed like the hundredth time today and it took all mind power to stay focused on the older lady in front of us, Leslie Coball. She was our last candidate and the tone in which she spoke had a way of lulling you to sleep. I readjusted in my seat as I ran my hand down my face, trying to stir myself. I noticed Veronica seemed to have the same problem as her blue eyes grew heavy, her blinking them slowly as she listened.

I moved my body closer to her direction as I had noticed she had relaxed towards me more, her body language less tense as she leaned closer, crossing the friendly barrier that ones kept in place. Especially exes. My mind now was fully consumed with analyzing her as I could have sworn she scooted even closer in reaction to me. I was glad for the change as she had been icy after Dick's entrance at lunch and then once Jackson Fredrick, our fourth attorney of the day, arrived it only got worse before it got better.

_He had a different presence about him than the rest- an I don't give a crap presence. He pulled out his papers as he studied us, looking us up and down and every which way._

" _So, you hanging with her so soon after Miss Deville's death wont scream innocent. Jury will see it as not mourning and if you aren't mourning than..."_

_He let us fill in the blanks. "We, are just friends. Life long friends." Veronica added._

_He seemed unaffected by this news. "So you are telling me you two have never- you know?" He motioned between us._

_We both stared as our mouths hung open, unsure of how to answer. How do you answer that simple question when the answer was beyond complicated._

_He looked down at the paper in front of him as he started writing. "That's what I thought.."_

_Veronica turned a shade of white, it took a lot to rattle her and I had not seen her look like this often. I felt a twinge of guilt as she was being thrown into all of this, and because of her past with me, getting analyzed as such. After all she had run far away from me and all that past entailed- I am sure moments like these were her least favorite._

" _Veronica, is going back to New York tomorrow. She is just an old friend that did me a favor by coming here to help."_

" _So she will be gone tomorrow?" He asked. And we nodded slowly as we both quickly glanced the other's direction, and her expression seemed to match the pained one I was wearing. "Good,cause it is hard to work around a situation like this. Your already have a difficult circumstances, but adding another girl, whether she be past or present, doesn't ever look good."_

_Thanks, Mr. Fredrick for giving her more reason to go than ever. Appreciate that._

_I inwardly cringed as she nodded in agreement, and my shoulders tightened at the impending doom I knew was waiting for me. Veronica would be gone tomorrow, I looked out the window to see the setting sun- a reminder of how little time was left._

_We wished him on his way, and though he was the best option thus far- I hated that with choosing him, Veronica suddenly became an issue. Though why should I let that affect my decision? She was gone tomorrow either way._

_She stood awkwardly in the room and I had to hide my amusement at her trying her hardest to stay uninvolved. "We have a few minutes until Mrs. Cobal gets here. What do you say to a small walk down the beach?"_

_She took a sharp intake of breath, I could tell trying to muster an excuse turn the offer down- before she released the breath with a tentative smile. "Sure, why not?"_

_She slipped her jacket off, and rolled the hem of her pants as she held the pair of boots in her hands. We stayed silent as the waves rolled up to the shore, us walking along the surf. The sun was setting off colors of orange and purple as it descended and I could not have asked for a better back drop to my last night with her._

" _You know." she said softly. "I have actually missed this place." I looked over at her, trying to hide my stunned expression at her admittance. "I wanted to get out of here my entire life- and well there are days that I miss it. The beach- even the corruptness." She smiled fondly. "Some of the people too."_

_It took everything in me to not acknowledge her last comment as I just looked ahead. "Yeah, it kind of is hard to shake. I have been all over the world and as much as I hate this place and all the hurtful memories it holds, it is still home." She nodded like she understood completely. "But you know-" I let my voice lift in a pleasant tone. "Not all of it was bad."_

_She eyed me curiously as I could see her fighting a smirk, wonder filling her eyes to where I was going with this. "Oh really? Beside our friend being murdered, by your dad? Our mom's abandoning us. Fighting murder charges and biker gangs? Besides all that?" She grinned with a sarcastic charm._

_I laughed as I placed my hands in my pockets. "Yeah besides all that. Hey some good things happened." I looked around. "Even here on this beach." Her eyebrow shot up curiously. I stopped, turning to her as I stepped in front of her. "Homecoming. You, me, Lilly and Duncan- right here." I pointed down as she smiled with a joy I had not seen in years. "I remember a pretty epic game of 'Ive Never'"._

_She stopped maintaining her grin as she let her feet walk in the water. "Epic huh?" She looked up curiously at the word as I could see the little secret she thought she had on me._

_I smiled slowly as I looked her in the eye. "We have had a lot of epic moments, Veronica." I held the gaze as I looked a little deeper to emphasize a point, and her eyes sparkled as they slanted in curiosity. I could see her connecting the dots of what I was implying and as she opened her mouth I turned abruptly, changing the subject._

" _I remember you being a pretty innocent one back then Ronnie."_

_She slapped at me, the physical abuse in response to the comment and the nickname, I am sure. She laughed as she pointed at me. "I will have you know that I came back here the following year at Homecoming and skinny dipped. SO there."_

" _Oh really now? Sorry I missed that." I bit my lip as a crooked grin hid under it. She shook her head relaxing even further as I spoke . "Speaking of good times." I motioned around us. "Remember how you had that astronomy class our first semester at Hearst and you insisted we camp all night on the beach to catch a meteor shower? I knew you would hate it- but you insisted-"_

_She laughed as she interrupted me between her chuckles. "Hey- I did pretty good."_

" _Yeah, you did pretty good at being stubborn, getting it in your head that you had to do it cause I knew you would hate it. Then woke me up at 3 am wanting to go back to my hotel, cause you were convinced a crab was going to crawl in your ear."_

_She shrugged as a content expression crossed her face at the memories. "Hey I had seen a creepy movie about it on TV."_

_We locked eyes a moment, soaking in the happiness of all that had been between us. Normally she and I would have never entertained these thoughts or even spoken of them. But with each other? We were the only two people who got to see this side of the other._

" _So see Neptune holds some good memories." I stated convincingly._

_She seemed to be processing a million memories at once, them all flooding into her head. "Yeah, some pretty dramatic ones too."_

_I nodded in regret of most of them. "Yes, we have had those too." It was quiet and I looked at my watch. "We better get back." A look of disappointment crossed her face."We don't want to keep our last attorney friend waiting."_

Leslie said her first interesting statement of the interview bringing me back to the present moment. "You know, part of proving your innocence, will be finding a compelling alternative theory."

The words made Veronica sit straighter and I began to wonder what was firing in that beautiful mind of hers. Her eyes focused me. _Oh- I knew that look. She was suddenly fighting her inner self- the one who loved a good mystery to solve._

Veronica:

Logan wished Mrs. Cobal goodnight, and as he closed the door he rested his head against it. I watched like it was a time lapse- I had seen every age of Logan do that at one time or another. His eyes slanted in an annoyed disgust.

"I guess you lawyers have to take a lot of showers."

I rubbed the sides of my head, feeling his same exasperation. "Hm, my advice- go with Jackson Fredrick. He's smart, direct- the type of face you won't want to punch." _Though I had wanted to punch him a few times when he kept bringing up our past. It was convenient though, that the best choice also so happened to be in agreement with me that I needed to be far away from Logan and Neptune._

"Well, he did an admirable job of looking like he cared if I did it or not-"

I was in a full on tug of war battle with myself. I knew no matter how good of legal team Logan could find, still the key to his innocence was in _proving_ he did not do it. Mrs. Cobal's words rang in my head like a conviction. "Although our last contestant did say something interesting-

"Mm, that she has a stylist in Malibu who is a miracle worker?" Logan quipped as he opened a drink.

I smirked as I held back a laugh. _It really had been her only useful comment._ "Part of clearing you- will be finding a compelling alternative theory." I emphasized each word.

Logan perked up at the words, him abruptly turning towards me, his eyes saying something I had seen many times. _I need your help, Veronica- they practically screamed._ He knew I was his best chance at this theory, but unlike all the times before he didn't ask. He was mature now, he knew I had to leave and he wouldn't bring himself to ask me to stay. I felt a kick to the stomach as we held the loaded gaze.

_To stay..._

"And you fly out tomorrow?" He asked.

I nodded, hating myself for booking such an early flight. " 9 am."

All concerns of his case vanished from his face as I saw another look I recognized. He knew I was leaving his life again. He hesitated, a more timid side coming out in him as I could tell he relived the hurt. "Buy you a drink?"

My eye narrowed as I felt the dread of the next day and the hundreds after- trying to forget the look on his face in this moment. I opened my mouth wanting to say so much more than what I managed. "Yeah- sure-"

His face lifted with relief and then fell instantly- I guess a drink still was not much when you were looking to saying goodbye again- for good. He nodded looking down as I could see him fighting the inner conflicts we both repressed everyday. But today- we had spent a day reliving them, letting the memories linger- and now? Now we were suffering the consequences.

"Where you want to go?" I asked with forced happiness.

I could see my question made an idea pop into his head, as his brown eyes filled with a coyness. "I think I know the perfect place...

 _That Logan was always cunning._ He opened the door to his BMW for me and I crawled in, hiding a combination of a smirk and scowl as we left the bar. He would have never asked me to stay, but sure planting clues of strange emails and taking me to karaoke night where the main suspect in sending said email was performing. That was smart. Especially if you knew me, which he did.

Ruby Jetson would be enough a drawl for me to stay- analyzing her would be all sorts of fun. Truth was that helping Logan was my main motivator for feeling torn to stay for a little longer, but even the smell of a case had sparked a hunger in me. I wanted to be back in that world for a moment- just a little moment- after all what could that hurt?

My phone buzzed in my purse and I pulled it out, tensing as I saw the call from Piz, silencing it.I looked over at Logan as I felt the reminder from my "new home" coming back into my mind like a wrecking ball. _It could hurt Piz, that is who it could hurt._

My stomach dropped with guilt for what seemed like the hundredth time today. Logan smiled at me as I had kept my eyes on him. _Had I been wrong to not mention to him that I was with Piz now?_ My second thought hurt far more than the first. _Better yet why had I not shared it with him?_

I leaned my head against the head rest as I felt my head began to spin. I had enjoyed my day of escaping into Logan Land. It had been nice to innocently flirt with him, relive the past and even look at each other the way we use to. I had enjoyed being locked away in that time and place, and honestly I had not wanted anything to ruin today- because today was all I got. What would you do if you knew that you got one day left with the person you referred to only in your inner self as your soul mate? It was like a chance of luck- an opportunity I had never seen coming in a million years. As weird and twisted as the circumstances were and though I could not act on anything- I just wanted today to be like it use to be- somehow.

The car stopped and I realized we were already back at my dad's. That was another reminder I was not so happy to be reminded of. Logan and I had always been able to sit in comfortable silence. He had always referred to it as that we already could read the other's thoughts- we didn't always have to voice it. _I sure hope he could not read my thoughts a moment ago._

"That girl is certifiable." I looked back at him, making up for the lack of conversation in the car. "You know, you should really show that email to your lawyer"

"Yeah, it's a good thing you said that. I had it ear marked for the scrap book."

We both turned to face each other a smile on both of our lips as we knew there was no way to convey everything we were thinking or feeling. He started. "Thank you, Veronica. Uh, nine years of radio silence, and yet deep down I still kind of knew I could count on you." I saw a momentary flash of the pain those years inflicted, but with usual Logan form he forced a smile to hide it.

I felt overcome, not really sure how to address it. I could see now what it had done to him and I hated myself. "About those nine years.." My voice trailed off as I tried to joke about it.

He smiled. "Bygones." My heart fell. After all I had put him through he was still willing to put it behind us. I could not accept his offer, after all I knew that come tomorrow it would be as if this day had never happened, but I began to wonder if he really knew that.

I felt overcome with sympathy as I stared at him. So many people had inflicted so much damage on him. He had been hurt and neglected time and time again. The thing about Logan that was always so shocking was his ability to love so fully despite it all. And even knowing that, I was going to do it again- because I was a selfish, miserable person. I knew I could not live in his life and not have him- so I had to be completely removed- no matter how badly it affected him. I sighed, he had lost so many people. Recently Carrie. Another reminder of my selfishness, I had never even truly asked him about her.

"I didn't get a chance to say before- but I am really sorry about Carrie." _Not a chance or selfishly not wanting to hear about the other woman._

"It's funny you know- we uh, had a good first year. You know a year of being in love." He said the last part with a fondness he use to speak of me with and if this night was not torture enough, I felt the last shred of my sanity split at his admittance of love. "Then her shitty friends and self loathing- kind of destroyed that." He said it so matter of fact, but I could see the hurt plainly written on his face. He continued. "I mean you think I have demons? She was.." he shook his head as I watched him get lost in painful memories, his eyes coming back to me as I could see tears behind them. "Last year was bad-" He paused. "And I wasn't a boyfriend. No- not really. You know, I was something closer to a sponsor." He laughed, I could see him losing his grip- he was breaking. "That's a funny thought isn't it? Me as a stabilizing influence?" There was so much behind his words. It was his past with me and her combined and I could see them mixing in his head.

"You're gonna get through this."

"Am I ?" His voice cracked.

I was speechless as our eyes locked. I could see him shielding off, resolve filling him. He had cracked and shown his vulnerability and I knew he was cursing himself for it- he had to gain control, because I was _leaving_ tomorrow. And after all these years I could still hurt him, though he did not admit it.

A nostalgic smirk played across his lips. " I guess it has been a charmed life."

His words slamming into me, I would have recognized them anywhere. They had filled my voicemail many years ago on New Years. _He remembered them too, like it was yesterday._

"Take care of yourself, Veronica." Now I felt an emptiness fill me as I heard my own words- the way I had ended it between us nearly 10 years ago. I now had a glimpse at how much those words must have hurt him- somehow they just left you feeling void. Like it wasn't enough.

He leaned in for a kiss on my head, a rush filling me as I felt his warm mouth against my skin. I shook slightly, a chill hitting me at his goodbye. I was stunned by the pain as is watched him walk away and I was barely able to speak. "You too.."

How many times had we played out this action between us. Breaking each other's hearts with words that were said and unsaid, him always sealing it with a tender kiss to my forehead and slowly walking away. They all were burned in my memory, and now I got to add this one to the playlist.

I stood on the porch until I watched him drive away. He had never looked up toward me again, but I understood it. He couldn't, this was how he had to survive-

I made my way into my dad's house, slightly glad to see him passed to on the couch. I could not deal with him questioning me about the tears in my eyes.

The TV blared loudly as I had to hear Logan's case and his impending doom being discussed. No one believed he was innocent, no one. I was not even sure if his new lawyer even did. I sighed as leaned my head back frustratedly, I had already known I was not leaving tomorrow. Ever since I heard Leslie Cobal declare him guilty unless we found another theory. I would do better than that, I would find who _really_ killed Carrie. I picked up the phone and dialed the air line. _I had a flight to change._

Logan:

I had to physically force myself not to look back. I had always taken that last look with _her,_ each one of them burned into my head, a permanent image I can never erase. I had known she would leave, after all I knew she had never really come back right?

I zoomed off, the air against my skin now felt void again and I began to entertain the dark thoughts of my past. _How had I gone on last time? And why on earth did one day undo it all?_

Veronica had given me a sense of purpose in this crazy life I had been handed- the desire to actually feel. But for some reason as much as I craved to be with her- she craved to be away from me. Why should I be surprised? Anyone I had ever loved somehow pushed me away. With her it was no different, except it just hurt the most.

I walked into Dick's house immediately making a line for the fridge. I grabbed a beer, then hesitated as I reach in for another. I leaned back chugging the first one, and wiping at my face. I took in the kitchen, the place we had just been standing in hours before. _Great, now Dick's place had to remind me of her._ I inhaled the next beer. I leaned across the counter as I steadied my breaths, undoing the buttons of my shirt as I stared blankly ahead. My eyes caught the vodka at the top of the cabinet to my right and I eyed it like it was my answer. I licked my lips. _What did it matter? Tonight, I give up. I don't want to feel a thing. After all I have tomorrow and the rest of my life to feel it. Hey I may even have a lifetime in jail to reflect on it._ I chuckled at the irony. I had a murder sentence hanging over my head and what had made me want to go on a bender after all these years was still _her._

I grabbed the full bottle and filled a glass to the rim, downing the old drink with as much ease as I use to. Seems she and I were still good friends. I sighed as I could feel the affects take hold of me.

I heard the slamming of the front door, and Dick fumbled with the lights, the bright neon lights filling up the kitchen. _I had not even bothered with them when I came in._

He eyed me- a look of shock at the sight of me and the bottle gripped in my hand and then a familiar look of pity replaced it. He sighed deeply, rubbing his hands through his hair. _Here it comes._ I downed another glass in preparation. _Here comes the lecture from my best friend._ He walked over to the cabinets, pulling out a glass, and to my surprise taking a seat next to me. He motioned to the glass. "Fill her up."

I smiled, as I sniffed back the tears I had just realized were present, my hand shaking as I filled his. We both clinked our glasses together and in unison downed them. _Seems it was just he and I again._

"You knew she wasn't staying man.." He said softly.

I nodded, gritting my teeth as they began to feel numb. "Doesn't mean it hurts any less."

He shook his head. "I will never be able to wrap my head around what it is about you two that you both can't shake."

I laughed. "She shakes me fine. Haven't you noticed Dick? I am the pathetic one that can't seem to let go."

"Come on man- why her?I don't get it she is confrontational, hardly anyone likes her- she is stubborn and-"

I nodded along with each trait as I continued to drink. "Yeah- and underneath it all she is caring, and funny- and when she loves you, you can feel it to your bones, man. I can't explain it except for some reason I was dealt that hand or curse- I can't help but love her." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Dude- love? Still?"

I nodded. "Unfortunately.."

My phone buzzed against the counter. A text lit up the screen, but I didn't even bother to read it. Dick's eyes grew wide before he smirked. "Seems she can't quite let go either.." He pushed the phone my way.

**Change of plans- I am staying in town a few more days. We have to find that alternative theory.**

I laughed with relief as buried my head in my hands. "You know man, she will leave eventually." Dick stated the obvious.

I turned to him still a smile on my face replacing what was hopeless moments before. "Yes, but not today."

I walked to the other room. Typing back. **Can't ever resist a good case can you?**

**What can I say? Guilty. 9 am. Pick me up.**

**Alright. See you bright and early chuckles.**

When I awoke I noticed the sun was still shining, maybe it was the presence of Veronica or maybe not- either way I was glad for more time. I could drink my sorrows away for a night with Dick when that time came- but today I would enjoy being with her- even if I knew deep down it would never go beyond friendship again. I had secured that a long time ago, with a drunken night in Aspen and a former high school pal.

The thought of that still made me want to hurl- I knew it would be the undoing of us when we got back together. But selfishly I enjoyed just a few more days- even one day with Veronica was better than a lifetime with someone else. Sure enough she found out and I lost her- I have been hating myself ever since. I had heard you can look back at your life and see mistakes and the consequences they inflict. A chain reaction so to speak. If I had stayed with Veronica- maybe life would have turned out different. Maybe I would be enjoying her everyday of my life? Maybe I would be holding a kid or at least entertaining the idea. It was like a bizarre alternative universe that I felt hung over me everyday. The what ifs. I had never even wanted that type of life... A family, the domestic life. But with her I had, and now I mourned that it would never be-

I got out of my car as I leaned against it. I felt excitement of seeing her again, I had been so sure that I had seen her face for the last time last night. Just then the door creaked open, and I lost all control of my ability to appear indifferent as a wicked grin crossed my face. My eyes traveled down her- the version I had been expecting to see in the air port standing before me. She returned the naughty smile, seeming to recognize the expression on mine. Veronica had always like when I looked at her this way. I stood straighter walking towards her- this was who she was in my mind. And I may be mistaken but today she looked- complete. She played at the familiar bag hanging from her shoulder and I eyed it before making contact with her. The stares between us were loaded as we took the other in. Suddenly I was overcome- her same sentiment from a few days before escaping my mouth. It just seemed fitting.

"You should only wear this-"


	14. Chapter 14

Veronica:

"Alright, we should get moving. Your car doesn't exactly blend." I said as we took in the outside of Ruby's garage apartment. _I had all sorts of plans for that place tomorrow._

"Where to?"He said as he gripped the wheel, looking tentatively- like he did not want to expect much of our day together.

"Well, I know my mind always operates better with a good dose of caffeine. What to get some of that mud water the hut offers? Just for old times sake."

He relaxed his grip on the wheel as the smile that appeared made his dimples visible. _I had always loved when he smiled wide enough for me to see them._ "I think that can be arranged."

"Well, then drive on chauffeur." I motioned ahead.

Logan reached for the dial, turning up the radio and we both seemed to enjoy the break that car rides forced. The California sun against our skin, the music playing- it was like old times. We stopped at a familiar light. I observed all the surroundings- it is funny how this place looked so much the same, yet so different. I locked in on the view of The Neptune Grand to my right. A many things had gone down in that place, and right now it taunted me as I was stuck at the light unable to move out of it's sight.

"So you ever miss the suite life?" I pointed to my right as he immediately let his gaze fall on his old home. He did not show much emotion as he took it in- his eyes on me now.

"Yeah well - once I joined the Navy it didn't make much sense to stay there any longer. And it was good-" He paused a moment, I could tell he was thinking of how to word what he said next. "It was good to leave some of those memories behind. After all it is hard to move forward when all you are doing is living in the past right?"

I nodded, understanding exactly what he was insinuating. We had our share of moments etched into the walls of that place, I can see why he needed to escape those ghosts. "I mean look at you- " he said proudly. " You got out of this place, pursued your dreams, found a life out side of toxic Neptune. You escaped the curse. But only by leaving it all behind. We should all have taken after you."

I stayed silent. _Yeah little do you know Logan. I live in a place I feel no connection to, and am honestly bored out of my mind. The one stable aspect of my life is a person that I met here. See I can't ever really let go of this place._ I decided to keep that speech to myself. The last part of it hung at the forefront. _And a day does not go by where you are not on my mind._ "So you are stationed out of San Diego right?" I cleared my throat, hoping to force out all melancholy thoughts.

He looked curiously over at me as the light turned green. "How do you know that?"

"I have two little birds that still reside here."

He nodded. "Mac and Wallace I presume." He turned into The Hut's parking lot. " I have a place in San Diego now, though no one would ever know. I am here in Neptune most the time. First cause of Carrie and well now Dick I guess. I really should just high tail it out of this place- there is nothing left for me anymore. I guess I just always had the hope-" He cut himself off his mind finally catching up with the confession that was starting to pour out. I could not prove where he was going with that, but I had a feeling I was somehow involved, especially by the panicked expression on his face. _I would have to fill in the blank as to what he possibly meant, but I didn't care. It was about me and that made me happy- though that would stay inside as well._

We walked into the familiar coffee shop, the one I had worked in my senior year. This place looked as if it could use a new look as it looked exactly the same. It was like being transported back to those days- I looked at Logan and then me as I smiled, unable to hide my amusement.

He had a crooked expression as his eyebrows pulled in. "What is it?" He laughed lightly.

I grinned, trying my best to wire my lips closed, but with no use my teeth peaked through again. "I was just thinking that this place is like being transported back to senior year- and well the last time I was here with you if I remember correctly- you were facing murder charges as well."

He shook his head as he laughed at our morbid lives. If you don't laugh then it will kill you right? "Oh we have lived such glamorous and adventurist lives." He said dryly.

"Only the babies of Neptune California can claim such adventures." I said as we walked to the counter. I eyed the young blond at the counter as she waited for me to order- I was her, not too long ago. _I wonder if her life was more exciting than mine. If it was- piece of advice girly, don't throw it away._ "Hi, I would like a mocha latte, extra foam." I said.

He stepped closer, his breath against my neck, making goosebumps multiply at the spot. "You still drink those teeny drinks- big time lawyer?" He picked.

"With pride."

When he stepped up to order the girl's face fell a little at who she was speaking with. Logan ignored the look of terror on her face, he was use to it now I guess. But me? I just felt sorry for him. It didn't matter that he had sacrificed so much, and risked his life twice for our country. The people of Neptune saw him as one thing- a murderer.

I reached for my wallet when she said the total and he motioned at me to put it away. "This is on me." He smiled pulling his out.

"Always waving that trust fund money around aren't we?" I teased.

'Well isn't that what it's for?" He asked sarcastically.

We took a seat over by the window- and though there was a darkness to our circumstances, I could not help but push those away as I enjoyed getting to _live_ life with him again. Just for a while. I took a large sip of the drink and he stared at his, seeming uninterested in it. "So do you think the barista has locked herself in the back room in fear?" _So he had noticed._ A small smirk played up at his mouth, but I could tell it bothered him.

"Logan-" I reached out to grab his hands, but stopped, him eyeing them as they fell short of his, in disappointment. "The people here they just believe what they are told. You are not what they say- and we will prove that."

He nodded. "Well who can blame them. Look who I come from."

My phone buzzed against the table and I immediately grabbed it like it was a government secret. **Missing you.** The text read.

I frowned as I looked at it- contemplating what to say. Truth was I had not missed him yet- or my life _there_. I had been completely wrapped up in what was happening here to even notice. This morning when we talked I had informed him I was pushing out my trip- and to say that there was unspoken tension would be correct. I felt all the pressure in what I wrote back- after all I am sure he was reading into everything right now.

"Someone important?" Logan said as he watched me look at the phone intently. I shrugged as I put it away.

"No, it is nobody." I nearly cringed as the words came out. _Veronica Mars, you are walking on a slippery slope._ I shook my head with logic- or what I convinced myself was logic. _Just a few days and I would be back. Stop making this such a big deal-_

I laced my hands together as I calmed my self looking back to Logan. He had a look I had not seen in years taking over his face- and the deja vu was bittersweet.

I wiped at my lip. "What.. do I have foam on me or something?"

He shook his head maintaining the shy smile. Seeing Logan's more timid side had always been like a prick in the heart. He was always so confident so sure of himself- so whenever this side showed- I knew it was his heart escaping. _I braced myself._

"I am sorry- it is just crazy." He said with a sense of wonder in his husky voice. "You-" He motioned around us. "Here- Actually being in front of me." The way his eyes fell on me, made the rest of the world fade- like I could convince myself to stay _here- right in front of him -_ for the rest of my life. _Uh oh._ I sighed. _I guess my logic had been screwed- because I think I just fell off the slope._

Logan put the car in park as we stopped in front of my dad's house. It was funny how I was just now getting familiar with the place after all these years.

"So, you decided to stay." He said with hope filling his eyes. Before I could speak he continued on. "For a few more days.."

I nodded, good he knew not to read too much into it. "Yeah, well I can't let you rot in prison can I?"

"Well, thank you, I appreciate that." He narrowed his eyes at me. "So generous of you."

I lifted my shoulders . "I know. What can I say?"

His tone turned more serious. "Thank you. I have to say though murder charges suck- I have found my silver lining. Getting a chance to see you again has softened the blow." He fidgeted with his hands in his lap, as he involuntarily nibbled at his lip. He was nervous again. My eyes focused in on his mouth. _Self control, Veronica._ I repeated over and over.

He peered up. "I owe you big. So save it for a rainy day." He pursed his lips.

"I will hold you to that, Echolls." I opened the door as I stepped onto the side walk, leaning over the side of the car I said my goodbye. "See you tomorrow- got to nail this Ruby chick to the wall. You ready to be my sidekick?"

"I think I have played that role before."

I sighed dramatically. "Ah, tis true- you were one of my most promising."

He bowed his head. "Thank you, I tried." His smile lingered on his mouth though it lost it's playful appearance as his eye softened, locking with mine. "Good bye, Veronica."

My heart picked up pace for a moment as I nodded, heading back up the sidewalk to my dad's door. _I had always loved the sound of my name on his lips The way he said it was like no other- actually making me enjoy the sound of my own name in my ears._ I fumbled with the keys as the memories flashed in my head. I stopped and steadied my breathing the air catching in my chest when I turned around to see him still sitting there.

He lifted his arms in defense as he hollered. "Never can be too safe with you! Word is out that you are back- and your enemies may come looking."

"HA-ha-ha-" I yelled back as I pushed in the front door. "That is what the stun gun is for- remember?"

He chuckled as he put the car in drive. "I think I may have fleeting memory of it-"

I grinned, I almost felt my cheeks hurt this time. _When was the last time I had smiled this much?_ It was very un-like me, even the old me. I guess you never know what you've got till it's gone. Is that the saying?

I watched him disappear down the street. _Very few were like him- leave you breathless one moment. Cause you to forget about everything in the next with their fast humor. Spark your rage in another with their stubbornness, and all the while never making you doubt that they love you more than anything. That is until they ruin it all with their desperate need to always protect you._

I placed my purse on the counter. _But maybe I had missed that side too? After all life with him had never been anything less than exciting- fist fights and all._

I jumped when my phone rang. Seems fate, destiny, my conscious, the universe... They were joining forces to punish me. _I deserved it._

"Hey.." I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hey there. How's my favorite and un retired detective?" Piz said it with a forced happiness.

"Not un retired.. Just helping him out. I promise, I will be home soon."

"Good, cause my parents are calling me every five seconds- planning their trip. I think they may be slightly excited to meet you." His tone had slipped into a genuine ease and I relaxed with it.

"Oh no- you haven't informed them of my many faults?"

"The list was too long-" He quipped.

"Hey, there. That is no way to talk to your girlfriend when she is across the country. It may make her think you don't miss her."

He sighed. "Well, I can assure you.. I miss her terribly. If you can please convince her to come home-"

I locked my jaw as my body tensed. Home- I had thought I had found it, now I am not so sure. Isn't it the place you feel most comfortable, the place you miss when you are away from it? I hated myself for feeling this way. I had worked too hard to give up on all of it...My escape. I cared for Piz too much to let the past and all it's longings affect me.

"I will be home before you know it."

He sighed. "I hope it is sooner than later."

I looked around as I placed my hand in my empty pocket. The words burnt as they came out, I knew they were a lie. "Yeah, me too."

Logan:

The stars were brighter than ever, not even the blinding lights of Neptune could wash them out tonight. I walked along the surf, this had become my nightly ritual before bed, since I had been living with Dick. I stood still, placing my hand in my pockets as I let the rolling sound of the waves soothe me. I had always found peace here- the ocean. It had been the one place I could always go.

I had so much hanging over me- the death of Carrie, being charged with her murder, another deployment coming up, and now Veronica being back. The last one is what clouded everything- it had a way of making each of the other circumstances more complicated.

There was a peace with her- and though I had known it all along, being with her again- it was where I wanted to be. But Veronica had made it on her own. Looking at her I could not wish anything more for her- though selfishly I wished she never left- the part of me that cared for her could not want anything for her but what she found. I swallowed. I had to decide now that I was going to let her go. That I was not going to fight this. I wouldn't say anything to mess with her head. If I loved her like I knew I still did- then I would let her return to the life she had worked so hard for. If I could not do that then nothing I claimed to feel was even remotely true.

My phone buzzed and as I opened the text from her a picture of two beer bottles side by side took up my screen. Another text followed immediately after. **How do you feel about "sleuthing" over some cold ones?**

It buzzed again. **And before you ask- the old man is already asleep.**

I smiled. Seems something out there was wanting to either punish me or test my resolve. But it was Veronica- and I could not pass up another moment with her. **Getting a murder suspect drunk doesn't seem like a wise choice, counselor.**

**You? You can hold your liquor. Me? I plan on getting a good buzz.**

She wasn't lying she had planned on getting a good buzz. When I pulled up to the Mars residence, I spotted her on the porch a few empty bottles on display. She wasn't drunk, but she was in giddy Veronica mode.

"Thirsty?"

She chuckled. "Well, there is something so liberating about drinking your dad's beers and knowing he can't chasten you about it." Her faced played up in mischief. "So you gonna help me in the deed of rebellion?"

I sat on the chair next to her. "I'll take one- I can't have your dad hating me anymore than he already does."

She shrugged. "Fair enough."

I looked around. "So have you been out here by yourself all this time?" I did not like the thought. Neptune was a dark place before she left, now it was just a black hole. I held back the urge to lecture her.

"Yes sir." She held up her old friend the stun gun and I laughed under my breath as I took a sip.

"How do you know that thing even works? It has been in retirement."

She evilly laughed as she sparked it. "No one will be messing with me."

I saw her place her empty bottle to the side as she picked up another fresh one. My brow furrowed. Veronica never had been one for drinking, especially like this. Something was eating her and I was not sure either one of us wanted to know the truth. "Are you okay?' I asked.

She looked up like she had been expecting it. "Look I know this isn't me. And no I am honestly not okay. But I don't want to talk about it- I am not dying or anything. I just need-" She breathed in the air around us like it was sweet. "I just need time with- you."

My chest tightened at her words, as a warmth filled me. "Okay, then. No questions. You've got me." _She always had me._

She seemed pleased as she pulled her legs up into her seat. I liked the vision of her- in her sweat pants and t shirt. She looked like a version I had seen many times curled on the couch with me or even with Lilly and Duncan. From junior high to now, Veronica was first and foremost my friend. I could be or do anything she needed. My love for her- that only added to it.

"My dad isn't happy with me." She blurted out.

I raised my eyebrows, not surprised. "Yeah. I figured."

"He thinks I am going to somehow get sucked back into this place and never go back-" She whipped her head my direction. "I mean after all the work I have done. He thinks I am that weak?"

I stayed silent. I knew he didn't think she was weak, he just knew how much I loved her and the levels i would go to show her. _But had I not proved long ago in that Stanford parking lot that I was willing to let her go if it was what she needed?_ My brow furrowed, maybe he saw something in her that had him worried.

She still was sober- though the line was between sober and drunk was getting blurry, I would say she achieved buzzed. She shook her head. "Is this how you thought life would end up?"

The question was pointed and I knew I could never answer it with full honesty. "No, not at all."

She took another large swig. "You know when we were young- all of us. Didn't it seem we had the world at our feet, like life was just right there to grab. And that we would always have each other." Her voice trailed off. "But that certainly wasn't true. We lost Lilly." She finished off the bottle. "Then Duncan had to flee the country, I have not spoke to him in years. And then-" She looked at me as she reached for the last beer, me hesitating- wanting to stop her. "You and me." She chuckled. "We sure made a mess of that didn't we?"

I nodded as I reclined back, with a somber smile. Vulnerable Veronica was a hard one to resist. I had always craved this from her and now I just had the urge to leave. It was hard to not lay it all out there with her, especially when her walls were down. But she knew and I knew she was going back to New York. She needed whatever "this" was right now, but it wasn't changing anything. Something had happened, I was not sure what- but she was being tortured, I knew the look well cause I wore it often. But no matter what I had no doubt in my mind- Veronica Mars was not mine anymore and she had no plans of staying.

"It is funny, I always thought that I would be with you- you know maybe a house somewhere, solving crimes like dad. Maybe with the FBI. And none of that ever came true."

I felt my eyes fill with every range of emotion as they focused on her, she was staring off at an unknown object, completely caught up in oblivion. _I had never heard her say the words before- that she had dreamed her life would end up with me._ Suddenly I felt sick.

She looked over at me, the expression seemed vacant to the realization of what she had admitted. I guess she knew that hope of the future had been dead and buried for years. "I am sorry, Logan. I am sorry I always make a mess of things. And honestly I have been a horrible friend."

I shook my head, leaning forward, placing my elbows on my knees. "Veronica, we have both made mistakes. But truthfully you have gotten me through more than you could ever know. No need to apologize- ever."

She smiled sweetly. "Well, I achieved a level beyond buzzed. I better get to bed before I start drunk singing." She stood to her feet, and I reached out to balance her the sensation like a volt of electricity as we both eyed each other expectantly. She shook her head with a chuckle almost like she was finding humor in how easily it came back between us. The tension, the longing- it never left. She took a step forward, disarming the loaded gaze.

"Thanks for being my drinking buddy- though one drink counts as nothing."

"I have drank plenty to last me a life time. Trust me."

She stared up at me her blue eyes full of the affects of the alcohol. A look of sadness filled them, making their shade an even darker shade of blue. "I missed you, Logan." Her voice cracked. "I missed my friend."

I tucked the loose hair behind her ear, much like I use too as I whispered. "I missed you too."

Veronica:

It is amazing all the time you suddenly have to dwell on things you normally shove to the back of your mind when locked away in a cell. I studied the door- knowing any moment a guard would be on his way to let me out-my dad coming to the rescue.

Oh how I loved having to make _that_ call. Seemed I had not done a great job of proving my point to him that I wasn't getting involved. Between me deciding to stay- breaking out the old gear and now this, yup it was official. _Keith Mars_ was not pleased in the least.

Sudden realization hit me at the other person who would be hearing my confession - _oh Piz..._ I groaned. My boyfriend. The one on the straight and narrow- whose idea of breaking the law meant not fully stopping at a stop sign. He would be disappointed. I could already tell in his voice he was upset at my stay the last time we talked, though he tried to hide it. I was being pulled back in- he made a joking reference to it. I assured him he was mistaken. I looked around the old cell- _yeah this was a convincing job of proving that point._

And lastly- Logan. My dad's disappointment and feeling worthless because of how horrible a girlfriend I was had led to my little drinking party. I grabbed the sides of my head, as I groaned. I had gotten drunk- drunk enough for a head ache, but not drunk enough to forget my heartfelt confessions to my ex boyfriend/ oldest friend. I bet he had a million questions running in his head today and I knew I could never answer them. Nothing had changed- I may have felt all of those dark, sad thoughts- but I loved Piz. I had a new life, I had to accept the old one was gone, even if the feelings had held on with stubborn will.

Sacks came in, breaking my reflective state. "No use you sitting in here while you wait for your dad." He opened the cell. "Follow me." _Was he actually showing compassion?_

I followed him to a bench and he pointed. "Sit and don't go anywhere. I will get you when your dad is here." I nodded as I mouthed thank you. I could be mistaken but I thought I saw a stray smile on his face.

I looked at the remodeled station. It was so different now. Funny how things can change around you while you still stay the same. I wanted to ask these people and things- how did they actually change? Me I had tried every trick and though I looked different- I was still the same old Veronica Mars under it all. Maybe this place was the same. Maybe under all the new marble and white walls- it was still the wood paneled and cluttered office I remembered? Maybe everything was just as it was here- underneath. Maybe we were all just faking.

 _Faking._ Speaking of which, my break in to Ruby Jetson's place had been worth this arrest. Seems our friend also known as Della Pugh was an old neptune pirate and idolized Carrie Bishop back then. _What's with all the secrets Ruby? And what is with the sick fascination of my ex boyfriend?_

"You made bail, Veronica." Deputy Sacks announced.

The exchange between my dad, Cliff and the new Sheriff Lamb did anything but warm my heart. That look of disapproval from my farther made me shrink back like a child and Lamb - he was even more disgusting than his brother. If you would have asked me to bet my life on how I though that scenario would play out.. I would have died. Because Ruby coming to my rescue was the farthest thing from my mind.

The mystery still carried in my head as she informed me of her loathing of me, but clarity began to take over as Logan took the priority spot of the conversation.

"You have something I want." She stated like I would automatically know.

"Okay, what is it?" I asked.

She rolled her eyes annoyed. "Logan Echolls."

I nearly laughed in her face, whatever she had planned for him, how was I supposed to make that happen. "Um, and what do you want with him?"

"A date- 09er date, flowers, picks me up- the whole shebang."

"Um, and how do you expect me to make that happen?"

She now laughed in my face. "You are Veronica Mars- you say jump and he says how high." She eyed me. "Though I never quite understood the appeal."

I frowned at her. "I may be friends with Logan, but I can't control who he dates."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I am a Logan and Carrie supporter. All the way. But me and everyone else in the world that witnessed you two's relationship knows that Logan never stopped loving you. Probably even more than Carrie." She sighed with defeat, like I had personally stolen her dreams. " So with that said- if he knew your future were hanging on the line, I bet you he would come to the rescue." She looked at me with resentment and I wanted to hide. "Doesn't he always?"

My eyes nearly bulged from my head- I had just _thought_ the girl was insane.

I met my dad in the parking lot, my mind still recovering from the enlightening and frightening confrontation with the former Della Pugh.

"A few days back and I already had to use the bail money." My dad said with a half smirk. He hated it when things were tense between us, me too.

"I know, that is unfortunate." I smiled.

"You ready?" He motioned to the car as he played with his keys.

"To get out of this place? Always."

"If only we could use that some motivator for actual Neptune and you."

I glared teasingly his ways as I hooked my seatbelt. "I am going- you stubborn man."

He started the ignition. "By the way my 12 pack was missing from the fridge." He looked my way with a knowing smile. "Any ideas where those ventured off to?"

I shrunk in my seat, grabbing my phone. "You sleep drinking again?"

He shook his head as he played along "I really should have that checked out."

I hesitated over the keys as I typed out the text. **So, I am cashing in on that favor early.**

 **What have you gotten yourself into this time?** He fired back.

 **You have a date- with Ruby Jetson.** I cringed as I sent it.

**Well, I wasn't expecting that one.**

I called him once we made it back to the house. My dad watched me suspiciously as I went to the guest room. He had Logan radar.

"So, I hear I have big plans?" Logan said with his always dry humor.

"I got caught in her place and even arrested."

"Veronica." His voice was now full of emotion. "You can't screw up everything for me."

"It is fine, I promise. She dropped the charges- on one condition." I flinched as i said it out loud. _Poor guy, as if his life isn't hard enough._

"Me." He said.

"You are hot commodity."

He took a deep breath. "When and where?"

 _I guess Ruby had been right- he would do just about anything for me. I don't know if that made me feel elated or guilty._ "Tonight. 8 pm. She wants flowers and to go to the 09er."

"Sounds like a classy evening." He said muffled under his breath.

"But I am your designated driver- I worked that into negotiations."

He laughed. " Those attorney skills coming in handy. We will need one after how much I will have to drink to make it through tonight."

"I am sorry- so sorry." My voice lit with sorrow and laughter at the same time.

"Life with you is never dull-" He played back.

"Some would say that is endearing. You can pick me up at 7:30."

"You better be my body guard too, that is to be instated in this moment."

"I will tackle her if she gets fresh."

"Deal. Maybe bring the taser to be on the safe side."

"it's already in the bag."

He was here right at 7:30. He met me on the porch and my mouth dropped at the sight of him. I had not really been expecting it, consumed with our evening plans. But seeing him dressed up, it caught me off guard and unfortunately showed all over my face.

"You look nice too." He smirked as I shut the door.

I laughed. "Well, I am partying at the 09er, after all I had to look my best. I have been waiting my entire life to party with the elite."

"And i thought at one point i had been of such status?" He played back.

"Dream on." I pushed at him as he went down the steps, getting another view as he walked ahead. _Elite didn't cover it._

Logan had always been handsome, in fact the way girls had noticed him always made me sick. But now- adding military uniforms and style sense from the pages of GQ- he was even more irresistible. His face was more mature, and chiseled, he looked older but in a distinguished way. His short hair and the way he carried himself -it was all part of the package and all the more part of why I needed to get this case solved soon and get out of here. A girl could only be so strong.

He caught me staring again and he smiled knowingly. I suddenly was hit with the mind games I was playing- after last night and now my obvious ogling. Ruby's words rang in my head, if what she had said was true- then it was cruel to take advantage of Logan. No matter how screwed up I was or how back and forth my heart went. I could not hurt him- not like last time.

"Listen, Logan- about last night." I hesitated by the car.

He grinned seeming to have expected this conversation. "Yes?" He placed his hands in his pockets as he stepped forward.

"I am sorry about it all- my drunken road down memory lane." My mouth stayed open as I could not think of what to say next.

"Veronica, it is fine. You didn't say anything that wasn't true. It is what it is. The sky is blue remember?" He leaned in a little as he referenced the conversation we had in Dick's kitchen a few days ago.

I nodded as I accepted his olive branch. "And you just have to accept that it's blue."

He smiled wide. "Exactly." He motioned to the car. "Let's get going I have a hot date remember?"


	15. Chapter 15

Logan:

Good thing we were on time because Ruby aka Della aka psycho, stalker was waiting in all her glory. I had to keep my eyes from showing my disgust at the poor reminder of a former person I knew. She was all dressed up in her best attempt of Bonnie attire. It made my stomach clench. I never cared for Bonnie- this version or the real one. I took a deep breath, as I got out of the car. _Anything for Veronica._

The stalker of my ex and me waited expectantly for me to meet her at the gate of the old house, and even from afar those eyes gave off all sorts of crazy. _Good thing I had acting in my genes, cause it was going to take some oscar worthy performances to pull off tonight._

"Hey." I said as friendly as possible. _How does one greet a person they are being forced to to take out, especially when said person is the biggest suspect in your mind to who could have murdered your ex? Yeah I took my best stab at it too._

"Well, I see you got all dressed up for me." She leaned in for a hug, the perverted grin on her face reminding me much of a an old, dirty man. I gritted my teeth as I reciprocated.

"You know it." I pulled back studying her outfit in closer range. She seemed pleased, though if she could have read my mind I don' think she would have stayed proud with herself. "So did you." I forced.

"Just trying to steer you in the right direction. Brunettes are way better than blondes.. Thought you could use a reminder." Her crazy eyes shot daggers at the person in my back seat.

"Okay." I figured that reaction could not upset her too much. It wasn't agreeing or disagreeing. Neutral - that would be the way I would survive this, and keep psycho Della Pugh from scalping Veronica. Both literally and figuratively.

I opened her car door, offering my hand to help her into the seat, and she stroked it as she glanced up at me behind the thick layers of blue eyeshadow. I forced a smile again, though I was afraid it was more a grimace. Veronica looked as if she was physically having to sow that smart mouth of her's closed- a look of disgust, and sympathy mixing together- and maybe a touch of amusement.

I crawled into my side noticing the flowers in my seat.- _Oh yes part of the plan. Date, flowers, 09er. Had to complete the checklist._

"Here you go." I limply handed them to her and she did a convincing job of actually acting like she believed I wanted to give them to her. "You ready?" I looked at her and then quickly back at Veronica.

"Where are we going?" Ruby asked. Her dark eyes batting at me innocently. _I really could believe the chick was a killer. She was deranged- she knew exactly where we were going. I was her slave for the night and she had already set the itinerary._

I bit my tongue, keeping the jack ass comments at bay. "I was thinking the 09er?" I did well at playing this game because she seemed pleased.

"That sounds perfect." She lit.

I nodded as I put the car into reverse, peaking back at the spunky blond in the backseat as I backed out of the drive. She smiled wide, and somehow just made this all worth it. I returned it and regretted the action as my "date" started aiming daggers my way. _Jealous one-this one._

The drive seemed never ending- Neptune was not that large of a town, but right now it felt like it. Ruby requested Bonnie music playing in the car- she even provided the tunes. I studied the road ahead as my ex's voice filled the car. She had released a new album once she got out of rehab- and each, dark and depressing song had a nasty memory behind it in my mind. I shook my head, trying to hide my annoyance.

_How twisted is this- taking the possible killer on a date as I listen to her possible victim, and the girl I dated for over a year blast through my sound system. All the while the girl who I have been in love with for 10 years is sitting in my backseat._ I swallowed. _Lifetime Network should invest in the rights to my story._

I glanced in the rearview mirror, a safe way to watch _her_ without Ruby Jetson's wrath. The night sky danced across her face as she looked out over the city. Somehow even in this moment she made this situation better- just getting a glimpse of her totally unaware of me observing her. I had always loved those moments when I could study Veronica when her defenses were down. They were rare moments and I had to work hard to find them, most the time it was when she slept, curled up in my arms. I use to lay awake on the nights she could stay, just studying her breaths as for a little while she seemed at peace.

I smiled as I was getting a private show again- her not conscious of me watching her as she studied her surroundings conflicted, her hand at her chin, like she always had it when contemplating something. She had let me in last night, revealed more than she wanted. Tonight she was doing damage control, her bringing it up when I picked her up. Funny thing is I knew to expect it, it didn't even upset me. Truth is I knew there was no hope, no matter how she felt underneath it all- she was too stubborn and too far gone. She had left me behind long ago and I now know she was not coming back for me anymore. I had held out a long time that one day she would, but I now had learned to accept it. Veronica was better off without me, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. Not when it was what she wanted. So I would enjoy the few days or moments I had left- they were numbered, but I was soaking them in.

I felt bony fingers move there way up my leg and I looked down to see Ruby's hands practically in my lap. The image erasing all joy the one before had created. I glanced my date's way with terror and her expression had not helped the feeling of panic. She traced the inside of my thigh and I held in the instinct to dry heave or in the least slap her hand away. Before I lost all control- wanting to verbally assault her with my disgust, I remembered why I was enduring this suffering. She could screw up any chance Veronica had at practicing law and as usual how I powered through was with motivation to protect _her._ I swallowed hard as I gripped the steering wheel, pushing all sarcastic comments with it. _My life sucks._

We finally reached the front of the 09er and I pulled up to the valet. I almost felt relief until I saw the paparazzi and the disgusted glances of those behind the red rope. Ruby took in the scene leaning her head back dramatically.

"Everything in my life has led to this moment." I stared a head still recovering from the assault my thigh had received the way here. She sniffed the flowers like a deranged person and I smiled as I could see her content expression fade from my peripheral. She glanced in the rearview mirror herself, much like I had been on the drive, getting a full view of our third wheel. "Does she really need to be here?" She said exasperated.

Veronica quickly jumped in, after a long drive of silence."I'm the designated driver- that's the deal." _And bodyguard- that was part of the deal as well._

The valet opened Ruby's door and I felt bad for the guy- having to help her out of the car. "Give me a sec to adjust." She looked my way with what appeared to be her best attempt at seductive. _It was a bad attempt._ "I forgot my panties."

"So this is happening..." I smirked.

Veronica must have wondered if I was breaking, going to retreat as her voice had a twinge of desperation. "You understand how much trouble I'd be in if she chose to press charges?"

I nodded as I locked eyes with her in the mirror. " I've let her draw finger hearts on my upper thigh for the last ten minutes. So yeah, I get the stakes."

She look frightened for me and then amused. We both knew this wasn't the first crazy thing I had done for her. She had to get a glimpse of how I still cared- after all I would never do this for anyone but her. She had to know that- Veronica knew me better than anyone.

We both nodded each other's way with a non verbal pep talk as we got out of the safety of the car. Me? I was facing paparazzi and a night at a club I hated with a crazy stalker/ killer. Veronica? She was stepping into a club called the 09er. That was all that needed to be said.

_Great- not only is my date a complete nut- she is also fame hungry._ I literally had to pull her into the club and away from the cameras. _Ah this scenario just screams my innocence._ Logan Echolls- crazed killer takes Bonnie Deville look alike out to star's former favorite club. Headlines would be rolling in tomorrow.

We said our goodbyes to designated driver/ body guard at the door, Ruby dragging me by the hand pulling me to a corner bench. The 09er was playing it's usual mind numbing music, though I was thankful it was loud- kind of limited conversation. The waitress came over to us and I could barely hear the long bill Ruby was charging. I scanned the crowd as her voice carried on, obviously fulfilling all sorts of fantasies as she prattled on to the waitress.

It always seemed I could find her in a crowd- even the busiest of ones. My eyes narrowed as I watched a total douche mack on her at the bar, and I found it funny that my juvenile jealousy came back in full swing as I felt my jaw tighten.

"You know this wasn't part of the deal." I heard Ruby's voice in my ear. I turned my head to find her disapproving look. Once she had my attention she continued. " You staring longingly at Veronica Mars was not my idea of a good time if you must know." She sighed glancing down, giving me a better show of her caked on eye shadow. "I know this isn't real. I am not crazy." _I would beg to differ._

_It was almost like she ready my thoughts as her eyes narrowed, seeming even more annoyed now._ "This is just one night of your life, Logan. And then you can go back to being obsessed with her." she motioned over to the bar.

"Obsessed?" I said now catching her annoyed tone.

She rolled her eyes. "Yes. It is obvious. You still _love her-_ whatever. I don't care. If you do feel as strongly for her as I think- then you better smarten up and be a good date." I hated when people threatened me, but she had a point. One I did not want to argue.

I softened. "I am sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"Is that how Carrie felt?" She snarked.

Her use of Bonnie's real name and what she was insinuating caught me of guard. "Excuse me?"

She relaxed, seeming like a real person. "You know Carrie was popular at Neptune and I was anything but that. For some reason she was nice to me. She was a tough one, she would take on anyone she saw picking on me." She reflected fondly. _I remembered that version of Carrie too. It had been what I fell in love with. "_ Anyways- I don't know what happened to her- but she lost that side of herself. I could tell that too. And I know you did truly care for her- you did. You probably kept her healthier longer. But you never loved her like Veronica did you?"

My mouth hung open. Della Pugh, as certifiable as she was, the girl could read people. I nodded. _I can't believe I am actually having a real conversation with this girl._ "It was sort of like that. Complicated."

"I was in high school with you guys- I saw you two-" She motioned back towards Veronica.

"And?" I chuckled feeling uncomfortable talking about something I kept as a closed discussion. "And I guess no one could compete with that-even Carrie huh?"

"I did love Carrie. But it was different, yes."

"Well, I do appreciate what you did for her. Cause she meant a lot to me."

We had an understanding as we glanced back at each other, the waitress delivering our drinks. _Ruby Jetson was smarter than she looked._ I downed the rum and coke as I took one final glance at Veronica. _Time to make this date count for something._

"You want to dance?" I asked with my most charming of smiles and she seemed to greatly appreciate it.

Veronica:

Logan had always been charming, that was one of his many lovable characteristics. Even when I hated him- he had a way of worming himself in and making something in me attach to him. He played the part well of date- I eyed him as he smiled and joked, letting her touch him and whisper in his ear. She looked pleased and I felt pissed.

Jealous over Ruby Jetson. _Maybe you were the certifiable one Veronica?_ After all he was doing this all for _you_. Putting his best acting efforts forth so you wouldn't lose your future. Problem is he seemed to get some of those natural Echoll's skills, because I was buying it. I laughed to myself. _Here we go again- same song second verse, or how about fiftieth. We both could not ever think straight around the other. Me proving the point in my unjustified possessiveness._

Why I even felt claim to him was just as unsettling. Had it not been years of putting distance? Finding other love and another purpose? Had that been all for not? As I feel exactly as I did at 19.. completely obsessed with everything Logan Echolls.

It seems out of sight out of mind had never really worked with that one. I was doomed to the fate of feeling this way I suppose. But all that mattered was that I did not act on said feelings, not jeopardizing the meaningful relationship I was in. There is always that one person you can't get over right? I mean at one point I had considered _him_ the love of my life. But who actually ends up with the love of their life.. Last time I checked I wasn't living in a disney movie.

I eyed him one more time as he pushed the hair behind her ear- _that was our thing._ I cringed again at the unwarranted jealously, making a straight line to the bar.

"Vodka tonic, please." I said to the bartender. I was trading in my diet pepsi for something a little stronger. I near about choked when I paid the $22 - I was expecting it but could't believe the succeeded in getting it from me. Seems the 09er has the same nauseating dynamics of high school. Watch your ex flirt with other girls- turn to the nearest booze.

My phone rang as I finished the last bit of the drink, seeing Piz's name on my screen making me feel relief and dread at the same time.

"Hey there." I said answering it as I made toward a quieter corner.

"Where are you? A rave? And if so are you sporting your neon?" He joked.

"I am afraid I left all neon apparel and glow sticks at home."

"That's unfortunate." His curiosity came back. "So where are you exactly?"

"Lame club called the 09er."

"And why are you hanging at a lame club?" He laughed.

"I am here with Logan and-"

He interrupted, his tone more cold now. "Logan?"

"Um yeah, it is for the case."

"Partying at a club with Mr. Socialite? Yeah seems like case work."

I got aggravated. _It was for a case._ But I could't show it. After all his jealousy may be misplaced but if he knew the thoughts flooding my head he would have a right to the emotion. _Kick, kick- that is the sound of me nailing my own self in my rear._ "Logan is on a date with our only suspect right now. I am watching."

His tension deflated. "That makes no sense- do I even want to know?"

I laughed. "No, not really."

"Okay, well I guess I will let you get back to your crime fighting. Call me when you get home?"

I smiled. "Will do, I love you-" I said it with force. I could hear his happiness at the declaration, but it made me feel even crumbier. _Was I trying too hard?_

"Love you too- be safe."

I walked back into the nauseating club, I got a quick sight of Logan at the bar and then was distracted by a total creep making dirty gestures towards me as he danced by himself. _Seems people here are as pathetic as the a-listers back in high school._

I tried to find a reprieve, taking a seat next to Logan and Ruby, though my possessiveness may have played a part in that. I think Ruby picked up on that as she began to verbally rail on me. I recovered though putting her in her place as I named off all the reasons we suspected her of murder, and I inwardly was pleased to see Logan nod along with that cocky smirk, the way he use to when I went on my rants. Our moment was interrupted- _and I was just getting started-_ My phone ringing again.

**Truman- Mann.** I wasn't sure if the ball of nerves in my stomach was from excitement or terror. _How was this call going to change my life?_

"We need you to start Monday. Is that a problem?" Gayle Buckley asked.

_Well Gayle- that is a good question. Based on the fact that my ex- boyfriend is being accused of murder and I haven't solved the case? Then no. Based on the fact that accepting the job offer put a pit in my stomach? Then no, as well. But-I have a dad and current boyfriend who want this for me more than anything and I have worked my butt off to get it- then yes._

"I think Monday should be fine. Can I get back with you?"

"Of course, I totally understand. Have a good evening,Veronica, and welcome."

I smiled, feeling it never rising above my lips. "Thank you."

Logan:

Veronica walked back in, seeming stunned by Ruby's disappearance.

"Where's your date?" She asked as she sat.

I gestured to the scene Ruby Jetson was causing with a smirk. I knew Veronica would get a kick out of it. "She got them to play a Bonnie single."

Veronica's face fell, her speechless -and I grinned, that was something that didn't happen often. "Well, on the bright side you are not on a date with a murderer." She finally added.

"Well, I do take some comfort in that. How do you know?" I asked genuinely kind of relieved Della had not killed Carrie. I wouldn't say I liked the girl but she and I had formed an odd friendship tonight.

"Bouncer confirmed it. Apparently she was outside the club and she performed "Medea" when the news broke."

_Well there went my compelling alternative theory._ "So where do we go from here?" I tried not to sound desperate.

She looked like she had been physically slapped as her face conveyed a world of emotion, none good. _I knew what was coming-_ I held my breath. "Back to New York, I am afraid." She forced a smile, it never reaching her eyes, and I broke the contact looking anywhere but her. I fought the sickening sensation that her goodbyes always brought. _I wasn't ready for another one._

She continued. "I just accepted my first big girl lawyering job." Her words made me look back to her- all disappointment fading as all I could feel was joy for her. _She did it._

Her face didn't look as pleased as I would have thought- in fact if I knew Veronica she looked like she was repulsed by the prospect- though her words said otherwise. Maybe it was guilt, she felt bad for leaving- I would have to convince her it was okay.

"Good for you, Veronica." I smiled wide. "I don't envy apposing council." My pride seeping back in as I eyed her in wonder. She always deserved a bigger world than Neptune.

Her eyes narrowed as she seemed to fight back words that were wanting to make their way out, her settling on the least complicated. "I really wanted to see this through with you. To find Carrie's killer."

She had let down the walls again for a moment, her vulnerability showing as she looked at me expectantly. Before I could open my mouth, Ruby came back forcing herself in between us, and I began to seethe with annoyance. The emotion was replaced quickly though as she went off on her theories of who killed Carrie- I had to say the dad one was slightly believable but the other- was lunacy. The girl was whacked-

After Veronica disarmed all her theories Ruby had decided it was time to have me back to herself. She was going to milk the night for all it was worth. We continued with more drinks, her assaulting me some more and her obsessively talking about Bonnie. _Yes, just the type of evening I was looking for._ Veronica sat alone at a table with her best "don't come near me" face and I chuckled at the few guys who tried to get near but were scared away. _Feisty as ever._

"Ugh, she's like cat nip to men." Ruby rolled her eyes. "And she thinks it is a burden."

I nodded, not wanting to say much when it came to Veronica, could not have my date pissed. She already had disdain for her. "I wish I could figure out what it is." She said. I shrugged and she snarled. "Oh come on you are the one that can't quit her."

I laughed. "I am probably not the best to ask."

"Why not?"

"I hated her too at one point you know."

She cocked her head to the side in intrigue. "Really?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I was wrong and it was misplaced, but yeah we didn't get along. But once she was back in my life, I saw her for who she was. So maybe you should give her a chance. "

She seemed to ponder it a moment. "Um yeah- no I am good thanks."

I laughed. "Well, I had to try." I studied Veronica a moment as she traced the table. "And to answer your question- I don't know. It is not just one thing- for me. It is different than the rest of the guys in this place. Sure she is beautiful- but for me, it is like I can't control it. I just do. Like second nature."

She looked over at Veronica. "Another reason for me to hate her- you are that crazy about her and the girl is not even with you. Idiot."

"She's better off." I smiled.

"Whatever. No one is better off without the person that loves them most." Her words hit me hard as she stood, reaching her hand out. "One last dance?"

This girl had given me a lot to think on. I reached out grabbing her hand. "Sure."

We walked to the dance floor and Veronica looked up, and I could see jealousy flash in her eyes as I wrapped my arm around Ruby, causing me to smile. _It never was easy with the two of us._

To say that Ruby was slightly inebriated when we left the club would be right. It took both me and Veronica to handle her as she clumsily fumbled around, and I was never more relieved when we reached the old gate of her apartment. It was like an ambush, a sudden attack her mouth on mine. And it was unlike anything I had experienced as she practically swallowed me whole, the stale alcohol all over her breath. I stood by and endured it, the last horrible moment of the evening.

"Sweet dreams." She said creepily and I turned to face Veronica who wore a large grin as i wiped at my mouth.

"I am so sorry and so grateful." She said annunciating each word so I would know she meant it.

"Don't be. I was into it." I placed my hands in my pockets." We're going skating next week." I took a deep breath as I looked at her, a kind smile reaching all the way to her eyes. _She knew this was nothing for me to do, nothing was too hard when it came to her. Unless that was letting her go, that was excruciating._ "Veronica, you flew across the country to help me. This was easy." My words shook a little, coming out more loaded than I intended, as I looked down.

She stepped forward, her vibe more welcoming and everything in me fought against the magnetism of it. "We're going to dinner tomorrow- Me, Mac, Wallace- you should come."

Another night with Veronica was tempting, but I knew she was just being nice. I felt the dejection of how i did not belong in her world anymore- I would ruin their evening. "With my whole fan club?" I smiled, showing my uneasiness. "Nah, I don't think so."

She seemed to understand, but I could tell she was craving another moment too. My brain caught up as I realized we were both avoiding the reunion that Dick had been talking non stop about for a month. "So I take it your not going to the reunion either then?" I laughed. _We all knew Veronica Mars would rather be caught dead then go there._

"I circled that date in my calendar ten years ago and vowed to skip it." I grinned. _Just the response I was expecting._

Our gazes stayed locked, I pushed out a large breath as the air between us was full of tension. We had a million things we wanted to say, you could tell, but neither one of us was budging. "You need a ride to the airport?" I made one final attempt at another encounter.

her smiled stayed but she seemed upset about her answer. "Promised that to my dad.." Her voice trailed off.

I studied the ground, as I used all force to hide what heart ache I was experiencing on the inside. _After all, should I not be over this by now? Wouldn't she be floored to see that she still tore me apart?_ I glanced up, hating that I could feel my grip slipping on myself- from her-

"I guess this is it." I nodded with resolve though it wasn't working. I turned away from her, she could not see this, not now- not after all these years. _Get it together, Logan. You knew that hope was gone a long time ago._

"We should take the long way home." She said with confidence as she pranced by looking at me directly, her hands in her pockets.

My face lifted as I watched her walk around, my body following hers. Her word ringing in my head- that is what she had always said, after a hard day- wanting to waste away time together- aimlessly through Neptune. _I never thought i would hear them again._ I could feel the teenager in me take over as I felt the spark of everything I had been repressing for years come back to life with one sign of hope from her.

It is funny how when you have been bridling something for so long how when you lose a hold of it for one moment, it is even harder to gain back control of it. I could not but help and stare any chance I got. She looked peaceful, content. She was the opposite of the women I had seen at the club hours before, now she was just Veronica. We both relaxed as the music filled the car, the perfect neptune weather and skies a wonderful back drop to the ride that we took that went on for an hour. It was like old times, escaping away with her. We didn't say much- just occasionally glancing at each other with eyes that said more than we ever could out loud. The silent communication was the best right now- whatever was going on between us, if maybe there was a hope for us, it would have to be on her terms on her time. I knew that and I was fine waiting as long as I needed. After all I had been waiting 10 years for hers to truly be mine, what was a little longer if she so happened to choose that.

She looked back at me again, and I smirked. Veronica was different somehow, I could not even explain it but I could sense it. She wanted something and I hoped deeply that it was me. Though with her I always had the sensation that the other shoe would drop.

But right now- I will just enjoy the possibility that maybe- just maybe we will have another chance.

It's funny how your entire world can change with just one statement.

Veronica:

We pulled up to my dad's house, after an hour of killing time. It was exhilarating- driving around at 3 in the morning, with nothing to do. We were just living. Everyone else in my life would never understand the appeal, but Logan he always did. He always got the free and wild side of me. We both quickly met eyes before we got out to the car. The tensions were high- I knew I had set it in motion when I suggested our long reroute through Neptune. My phrasing being very specific- i knew it had been code between us long ago when i just wanted to forget my troubles, let go. Maybe it was wrong for me to play on such an intimate detail. Maybe I wasn't ready to say goodbye- and maybe I wanted to feel like Logan and Veronica one last time. Problem was it felt so right. Just as us always did.

I was proud of myself- I had resisted temptation in it's highest form. The feelings from old that came flooding back- him looking at me that way, the tension between us palpable, that hidden understanding of each other.. Even through it all I had resisted. That should say something right? Maybe it was a sign of detox- one last adventure before I officially placed him in the closed book category.

"I haven't done that in forever." He said and I turned to face him. His eyes caught mine with an excitement. _Nope, this book was still on the shelf, and open._ I sighed with dread, at what kind of torture I knew I was going to face after tonight.

"Yeah me either." I spoke up. "Not since-"

"That one night right after mid terms, our freshman year at Hearst."

I nodded, that was exactly where I was going in my train of thought. "Yeah, we drove around and then i convinced you to binge on ice cream."

He laughed, a genuine and vibrant one. "And if i remember we both fell into a sugar coma and your dad came ballistically knocking on my door when you never came home."

_I had forgotten all about that. Seems i had put a lot of memories far away._ "Yeah but i think he bought our story."

"Yeah, well the dried ice-cream around your mouth was good evidence." He winked, his care free expression changing to a more conflicted one. "I never had that with anyone else you know- it never seemed right with anyone else." _What was he trying to tell me?_ _That_ and _It_ , i knew he was not just referring to car rides and ice cream. He was meaning all of it- every last moment and second between us. We never shared that connection, that type of ease with anyone else.

I was stunned, floored by his confession and though i desperately wanted to say _me too..._ I withheld it. If i admitted that out loud than i would be admitting a lot more than i wanted. I could tell he wasn't' surprised by my silence as he smiled and I could see all the millions of memories reflecting through his liquid brown eyes. Thinking of the way we were _only_ with each other...He and i were the only two people who knew all those memories. _How many times had I seen him look at me like that? Like he knew all my secrets. Would anything ever compare to this? To what I am feeling in this very moment. Would it ever feel right with someone else?_

I cleared my throat as I glanced at my watch. "Well, we are going to be seeing the sun soon." I laughed awkwardly.

He just stood there, our goodbye hanging over our heads like a dark cloud. We studied the other as we kept expecting the other to initiate the dreaded departure.

He took a deep breath, his voice full of sadness. "Well, goodbye, Veronica Mars." He leaned in and the air caught in my lungs as he pulled me closer. "Thanks, for one last adventure." He said with a solemn chuckle following it. I relaxed into his embrace a moment, laying my head against his shoulder. _I was not ready for this before, now being here in his arms- I felt no one could pry me away._ Tears began to sting my eyes as he stroked my back tenderly, and I knew deep down I could not give _this_ up. Not today, one day soon yes, but not right now- not this moment.

I pulled back, looking up his tall frame. "I am here another day- I don't see why tonight has to be goodbye do you?"

He laughed. "Never were good with the serious stuff were you?"

I shook my head. "Nope I guess not. So see you sometime before my flight?" I hung the wide invitation out there.

"Of course- you know you will." He grinned as he opened his car door.

"Alright, bye Echolls. Glad your date night with Ruby was success, maybe the skating will be even better." I pranced up the sidewalk disarming everything that had built before.I glanced back when I reached the door and he seemed to know and expect everything I did. And with usual Logan fashion he played into it- giving me what I want.

"Skating and then who knows- maybe marriage proposals."

I laughed. "Fate."

He drove off and I bolted the lock of the door. I leaned my back up against it. I did not know whether to be proud of myself or disappointed. After all I had survived resisting the embodiment of my weakness all night- but then again I had pushed the line as close as possible. Guilt always came back with vengeance though this time it was different. I hated that while I had been pushing the line I had felt the happiest I had been in years. I placed my head against the door now, copying the Logan body language. _There was a reason I had stayed far away... And right now I was getting a clear picture of that reason._

I looked at my phone, another wave of guilt washing over. _I never called Piz back._


	16. Chapter 16

Veronica:

**5:00 am day of Reunion**

I set my alarm, despite the fact that I was out until almost sunrise and could have slept the day away. I wanted to beat Piz to the punch- I knew he was probably less than pleased with me, so I needed to fix that. So that meant getting a 45 minute nap and then waking in time to catch him on his morning commute. I wasn't sure how I would answer certain questions if they came up, telling your boyfriend that you were out all night with your former boyfriend, doing things you use to do as a couple... Yeah not an easy story to spin.

As I heard the the ringing, I too began to wonder if there was anything to spin. Was it just what it appeared to be- me being unfaithful? Sure I had not done anything about it, but I knew I was pushing my boundaries farther and farther. With Logan I knew no other way.

"Well, surprise, surprise. She does actually use her cell." Piz sound with passive aggressive tone, the sound of the busy New York streets filling the background.

"I am so sorry, I did not get home until late and I did not want to wake you- but I set my alarm early just to talk to you, and that must say something since I hate the mornings." I said in my best cutesy girlfriend tone, the one that always got whatever I wanted or pushed off his inquisitive eye. "And.. I have news that is going to make up for all my neglecting."

"Oh really now?Well, I can't deny it, that does help a bit." I could almost see his large dimpled grin as his voice sung. "So what is said news?"

I ran my hand down my face, my head aching. _He really was not hard to please, yet I found myself disappointing him all the time._ He would be pleased about my new title as hot shot lawyer. _Problem was I was lacking the same enthusiasm._ I swallowed before spilling the news. _Sharing this kind of news should be fun right? Exciting?_

"Uh, Veronica? Suspense." He said with a chuckle.

 _Here goes nothing._ "Well, I got a call last night and it seems you are dating the newest addition to Truman- Mann Associates." I rolled my eyes, that was a poor attempt at excitement.

"Wait, are you serious?"

I nodded along with my words. "Yup, baby. You are running with a high roller now." _Okay, that was a tad better, Veronica._

"Oh my gosh, Veronica! That is amazing- wow I could not be more proud." He took a content sigh, like his life had just found the missing piece, and I was jealous of him for it. Why could I not feel the same? "Coffees are on you now." He joked.

"Well, of course. I will be your sugar mamma." I teased. "So what does your day look like?" I asked, dying to change the subject.

"Not too busy today..but I actually have a surprise for you."

I felt my entire insides clench, _uh-oh, surprises meant I was out of the loop- and I hated being out of the loop._ I gritted my teeth through fake enthusiasm. "Oh really? Any hints?"

He laughed. "For you, the detective? I don't think so."

"Yeah, well I seem to be pretty rusty on the detective thing, so you would probably be safe."

"Hm, well good thing you are a lawyer now." His comment aggravated me, but I did not know why exactly. "Just in case though I am keeping it a secret. Hold on a sec." I listened to him order a coffee. Normally I would be by his side, ordering right along- it was our daily routine, and somehow it felt empty to me as I listened thousands of miles away- no attachment whatsoever. "So, what are your plans today?" He asked slightly distracted as I could hear him pay and balance his things.

I sat up in the bed, pulling the covers up to my knees- trying not to dwell on the lingering doubts filling my mind. "Oh just seeing Mac and Wallace for dinner. That's about it." It was nice not having to feel tense of my day's itinerary, as my boyfriend was not threatened by the two people dominating me today.

His voice lit, I believe he was happy about that too. "Wish I was there, like old times." I could hear him take a large swig of the coffee. "So, how was the case last night? The club life?"

I cleared my throat. "Insightful." _In more ways than one._ "Our suspect turned out to be innocent- so that was a dead end."

"Ah, and how did Logan feel about that?" The way he always said his name revealed more than he knew. It did not matter how perky or peppy he tried to keep his voice, his tone would fall flat right as the name escaped his mouth.

"Uh, he was discouraged. Doesn't really know where to go from here." _Yeah and me his last hope is leaving because of "my new, exciting job". Somehow running around Neptune and interrogating Ruby had brought more of an ecstatic reaction from me._

"I am sure it will all work out-" He said.

I sighed deeply. "Yeah, I sure hope so." _What would I do if it didn't? Logan paying the price of Carrie's murder, I had not truly entertained the thought until rotting away in a cell or possibly paying the ultimate price. My throat tightened- There was no way I was leaving here until I knew for sure he was safe from that outcome._ I decided not to share that new decision to my boyfriend quite yet, maybe I could solve it before he even had to know. But one thing was for sure I would have to be calling my new employer today.

"Well, I am getting on the subway- about to lose reception."

"Okay, have a good day."

"You too and congratulations. And be on the look out for the surprise." He sounded so excited for it, that just made me more nervous.

"Will do, can't wait!" My fake excited voice was never my best performance.

After our good bye I rolled over, determined to sleep until my plans tonight. My awake mind was not producing anything good, maybe sleep would help set the world back in order. _Who was I kidding?_ I pulled the covers up. _Ever since that day on the balcony of the Camelot, the day I Logan and I became more than just friends or enemies- my normal, my order had been centered around him._ I had been living the abnormal for years.

Logan:

**3:00 pm day of Reunion**

I crawled out of bed and practically limped into the kitchen- seems the amount of alcohol I consumed, mixed with suffering through Ruby and obsessing about Veronica brought out a nasty outcome come morning or in this case afternoon. Dick sat at the counter chomping on chips as he looked at his lap top.

"Ah sleeping beauty." He said without even looking up.

"In the flesh." I reached for a bowl in the cabinet, suddenly Lucky Charms sounded amazing.

"You were out cold man, I slammed the doors repeatedly and have practically screamed at you all day- no movement. I almost went and checked a pulse until I realized I don't know how to do it anyway."

"Well, thank you for following through on your concern." I said as I poured the milk over the cereal, watching the marshmallows dissolve.

"Well, I was trying to wake you cause I thought you would want to know about your former lovers gossip."

My eyebrows shot up. "Veronica?"

He rolled his eyes. "Um, no your latest one."

"Wait, Carrie?"

He nodded. "The one and only. Only she could produce this much gossip from the grave."

I frowned. "What happened, Dick?"

"Well social media has been lit up today of some pictures that are circulating. Here." He said handing me the phone. "Sean put this beauty up this morning."

I grabbed the smart phone, the vision of Carrie's purple hair falling forward as she inhaled a white substance spread out over a table.

I pushed the bowl of cereal. _I suddenly lost my appetite._ I clenched my jaw as I looked up. "Sean put this up?" Dick nodded seeming intimidated by the wrath coming from my eyes. "Bastard." I whispered under my breath, as I looked at the picture again.

I recognized the table housing the spread out white substance. It was a bamboo table, one she and I had picked out together one weekend. It was no doubt her place, and suddenly I wondered where I was. I had either been on deployment or drilling, because Carrie was careful to never let these types of "parties" happen with any chance of me dropping by.

A mixture of anger and hurt rose in me. It was like a slap in the face, her openly doing it- so planned without me around and her lover on the side snapping the photo. She had made me out to be the fool.

"You okay man?" Dick asked, like he always did.

I nodded. "Yeah, I am. It is a shame though. She wasted it away- her life."

Dick moved his head, looking down. "It isn't your fault man. It was her own undoing."

"I know, but it was a sad show to watch firsthand."

"Yeah well it was a sad show from my end too." I glanced over at him surprised. "Watching her trying to take you down with her. I am glad she didn't succeed."

"Me too." I took in the picture one more time, before handing the phone back to him. The look of her brown eyes, vacant as they stared up through her long locks. I hated it for her. Seeing the person I knew be reduced to _this,_ no way for her to even defend her last shreds of dignity. I sighed deeply feeling the dread of what I knew I had to do. "So what time is this reunion?"

Dick perked up like a puppy dog. "8:00, why?" He hung on every word I said.

"I think I may stop by."

"I knew you could not stay away brother!" He jumped to his feet, high fiving me. _That was Dick for you- one minute discussing your ex girlfriends serious drug habits and the next excited about a party._ He stared at me with a sense of reverence, the expression making me chuckle. He had not looked at me like that since our high school days. "All Is right with the world again- it seemed unfitting for the guy who ruled all of us, the royalty, not to at least make an appearance."

I shook my head at the thought. "That was a long time ago- I am not like that guy too much anymore."

"Yeah that's true, you are better now- but you are like him where it counts." He said walking towards his room. "Still a sarcastic jack ass, and still knows how to throw a punch." He winked as he saluted me at the door. "We should have a wager on how long it takes for those fists of yours to start flying tonight."

I laughed. "It takes a lot for that side to come out now-"

"Yes, but it is still possible. Old Logan is still under all that put together stuff you got going on there. Maybe one of us can tug on Ronnie's hair too hard or something-" He grinned wide.

"Well, I am afraid she wont be gracing us with her presence." I added loving to see his disappointment.

"Damn it, the one thing she is good for- well-" He shook his shaggy hair as a wicked smile came across his face, like he had just been reset to factory mode. "Reunion baby!"

Veronica:

**3:00 pm day of reunion.**

_I walked out onto the large, porch- coffee in hand. The view was impeccable. The morning sky was full of whisky clouds, the lighting and shadows on the beach peaceful. It was still, quiet-the sounds of sea gulls and roaring waves the only noise to be heard. I was in love with the scene, as inhaled the sweet ocean air. Looking around- the porch seemed familiar. Once it dawned on me- I studied it. I would recognize this house from anywhere- Lilly and I use to day dream about it as we sunbathed on the beach. It was the perfect little house, nestled on the quietest part of the neptune beach. It had an east coast beauty to it- far un like the tacky homes that usually filled the beaches here. We said it was perfect, both telling elaborate stories of living here- Lillie's always more exciting._

_My eyes caught on the surf, flushing up to the shore. Speaking of being in love with a sight- now the view was complete. Logan came marching up the beach, wet suit and water and sand covering him. He played at the back of the suit slipping the front off, my heart catching in my chest. It truly was paradise I swallowed hard as devilish grin crossed my mouth as I brought the hot coffee to my lips. He saw me from a far, almost like he read my thoughts- and though I was not sure, I think the same type of smile covered his. Our naughty exchange was interrupted by the sound of my cell ringing, me bringing it to my ear as I kept my eyes locked on the pair of chocolate brown ones at the end of the beach._

" _Hello." I said lightly._

" _Hey hon. So I am sorry to call so early, but I need some insight on a case. I knew you would be here soon but it is important and wanted to get started."_

_My brow furrowed at his words, what had he done with my defensive and private dad. PI life had been off limits. "Uh sure." I said uneven._

" _Well, when do you think you will be in? It is so much info it would be easier to discuss in person."_

_Be in? What was he talking about. "Uh what?" I said, the sound of crying startling me, causing me to slosh my coffee._

" _Uh what time will you be in to work? Here? My office? I need those former FBI skills something bad." The crying got louder as his voice became background noise- the crying garbled through a radio signal. I turned towards the outdoor table, reaching out to place the coffee on it when my hand hesitated. I saw in clear sight a baby monitor, placing my cup down slowly as I eyed it._

"U _h, I will call you back, dad." I said quickly as I hung up. I reached down grabbing the monitor, the crying louder now- a sparkly ring catching my attention from the corner of my eye. My eyes narrowed as I studied it and the monitor in hand, my head turning slowly to the left as Logan had just reached the edge of the porch- a look of pure contentment across his face._

My eyes popped open wide. I noticed the familiar red, letter clock in front of me and felt the sheets of the pull out. I took a deep breath reaching for my phone -confirming date and time as I ran my hands threw my tussled bed hair.

I knew where I was- back in reality. Where I lived in New York and trips to Neptune were just visits. Where the closest home I had was a crappy flat, not a beach house. Where the idea of kids had never been entertained, not a beautiful picture in my mind. And where the guy I was with was a boyfriend and certainly not Logan.

I opened the messages on my phone.

 **Big time lawyer. Still can't believe it.** Piz's message read.

**So staying out all night, driving around had less feelings of being hit by a truck when I was younger.**

I smiled wide at the text from Logan. I thumbed back and forth between the two message threads on my phone, deciding who to write back.

 **You are telling me- I just woke up.** I fired back.

**Me too. Seems we are not as young and lively as we use to be, Mars.**

I laughed quietly as I placed my phone on the nightstand my happy expression fading as I stared ahead, my mind returning to the vidid dream and the feeling of perfection it had covered me with. _Who would have thought that thoughts of beach life, and marriage and babies would have caused delight in the heart of Veronica Mars?_

I tapped on the sides of my leg as I gnawed gently at my cheek. _Would that have been what my life would have been if I stayed? House, baby, FBI and PI life with my dad- Logan and me married._ My stomach sunk. Seems my former life and persona were taunting me. I reached for the side of my head as a sharp stab hit it, the head ache coming on quick. Seems the thoughts of the dream world caused something I had been waiting on for days now-the feeling of destiny. I groaned burying my head into the fluffy pillow. _There must be something in the water here._

Logan:

"Yeah, Dean, I understand it is a great location, but I just want to sell it."

"Mr. Echolls have you really thought this through?"

I cleared my throat. "Yes, I have. There are too many memories bad memories there and with Carrie's passing- I just don't think I could live there. Not to mention, I really want to relocate to Neptune again."

"Neptune sir? Really?"

I hated when Dean questioned me. "Yes. I don't know- I just need to be here in case- in case something I have bee waiting on decides to pan out."

"All right sir, I will get a realtor on it soon. As soon as the case is cleared you will be able to put it on the market." He replied.

"Thank you, Dean. Appreciate it."

I hung up as I opened the car door, taking a deep breath as I started the engine. I never thought in a million years I would end up at this reunion tonight- but here I was, on my way back to dear old neptune high. Dick had left before me, offering a ride, but I said I would go on my own later. I knew this would be a short visit- I would get in, confront Sean calmly and then leave.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out as I stopped at a red light. **Talked to my new employer and I can stay a few extra days.**

I smiled. _Seems she was having a hard time running this time._

Veronica:

Well Wallace and Mac had thrown a double whammy on me today. First forcing me to this reunion. _Little liars._ Second flying Piz out for this dreaded reunion. _Yay._

I threw the most formal thing I brought on over my head with a growl. Don't get me wrong I was excited to see Piz, but seeing Piz in the place I hated most- a copy of neptune high, was not my idea of fun. Or maybe it was the fact that I had forgotten to mention the fact of Piz to Logan, both would be upset at the revelation that I had forgot to mention. _Well, Logan was not going to be at the reunion tonight so maybe I could still get away with it._ I paused, physically taken back by my thought process. _Listen to yourself, Veronica, you sound like an evil doer- and you don't much care for those._

I stomped out of the guest room, motioning to myself as my two (former) friends applauded. "Fabulous." Mac said breathy like.

"Whatever." I walked past, glaring at my dad from the door as they followed behind.

"What?" he said throwing his hands up defensively with a smile.

"You knew too. And you will pay."

"I am counting on it, after all it is you we are talking about." He continued to grin.

I had heard Madison Sinclair and Shelly Pomeroy had been the two in charge of organizing this wonderful reunion. I looked at the fancy room all lights and decor- yup it screamed their inherited 09er wealth. _And speak of the devil._ One look at her and all that she embodies rises like bile in my mouth. _I still blame her for the undoing of Logan and I, though now looking back I hate that I-_

"Name?" The forcefully peppy voice still resembles the sound of nails on a chalkboard, interrupting my inner thoughts. _Probably a good thing._

"Veronica Mars." Classic, seems she is playing the "who are you?" game.

"No way.. You look so different. I barely recognize you." _Beep. Beep. Beep. Warning: Veronica's blood has reached boiling point._

"Really?" I pointed to my face. "This look of disdain isn't ringing any bells? Let me try looking like 'I think you're an ass hole'" _Wow, five minutes and bitchy Veronica is back. Love Neptune High._

"Wow." her firm lip, the one accompanied by lines from all that frowning. "You are still a total loser with no class. How not shocking."

My eyes drift to her and Shelly's dates- _speaking of class._

"Class is still clearly a guiding force in your life."

After dismissing myself from the two former reigning princesses of neptune high, and of course a few jabs along the way, I was free to hide in a corner. Seeing Dick again was always a pleasure, Gia, Luke, Corny all of them- some good, some bad- but I just wanted to go home.

I looked for an exit when I spotted Weevil. I felt my heart sink with a sudden sadness, looking at him as he stood, introducing me to his wife. _I had missed out on so much. All these people I cared for had gone on without me, and I was not a part of it anymore._

"Oh and this - this is Valentina."

I looked at the pair of bright, brown eye staring up at me from his phone. "Shut up-" _I just thought I had missed out._

"She's 3. I am attending tea parties at doll kid rules me." A large, joyful grin covered his face as we looked at each other. It seems Weevil had even found the meaning to life- I looked back at his beautiful girl. Even he had managed to find the dream, sharing a life with someone he loves and having children. Truth was I had never entertained the day dreams of kids when I was a girl. I was not that type of girl that dreamt of weddings days and changing my last name. But when the few fleeting thoughts of kids and domestic life had entered my mind- it had been with Logan, that first year of college. When I saw him, I could sometimes imagine a miniature version of him running around- He wa stye only one i want dot embark on that path with.

I guess with only him did I know I could have both worlds- my crazy need for adventure, solving crimes, taking down the bad guys. And then the happy home life- married, playing house maybe a kid or two. I thumbed the picture. _Maybe I had missed out on this- what Weevil now has._

Madison's voice interrupted us from a loud speaker. _Just what we needed, her voice amplified._

"I hear she's the pole cardio instructor to the stars." Weevil added with mutual annoyance.

"So hot wife, cute kid- this is not the Weevil that I know." I said in amazement.

He lit up, adding to the list, seeming to love the element of surprise. "Oh and I own my own shop now." My mouth fell open. "And I haven't been on my bike since Valentina was born." Mouth is now scraping the floor.

Before I could respond the crowd's attention seemed to be shifting away from Madison, as a slur of digested scoffs filling the room. "Well, I'll be damned." Weevil's voice trailed off in amazement and respect as we saw _him_ enter the room. Logan had always had a way of commanding everyone's attention and always a way of getting mine. _I just thought my jaw had been touching the floor._

We both caught the other off guard, as he stopped in his tracks an adoring smile creeping in the corner of his mouth as he nodded my way. I took a sharp breath, looking around suddenly aware again that it was not just he and I in the room. _This night just got a hell of a lot more interesting._ I wanted to slap my hand across my forehead. _It was about to get even more._ Piz would be here any second.

I dismissed myself, grabbing something strong at the bar and something for Mac, taking a hiding spot next to them. If I was going to survive this night, laying low was the key. The memoriam video began and all chances of my low key evening disappeared, everyone practically throwing rocks at Logan as he headed towards the door. They were lucky I was on my best behavior, or I would have shown them a taste of the Old Veronica. They never really liked her.

Logan:

 _Get in, confront Sean and get out._ That had been the plan- that is until Veronica Mars. Seems she had been dragged back into the toxic waste of Neptune High as well. I had expected the glares and snares, I knew they were coming. What I wasn't expecting was the face of sympathy in the crowd- her blue eyes catching mine, like they always did. Flashbacks of high school played in my mind- it had always been like this. Awful scenarios playing out in front of our classmates- the others judging or ignoring, but she had always cared. Even when I had been awful to her, I would still catch her attentive stares on me. She had always been bigger than the bitter and shallow people of Neptune. Even when I had been one of those- she saw me.

She chased after me, a look of pity on her face as she touched my arm tenderly. "Logan." She took a deep intake of air, her short on breath after running after me. "Serendipity." She started immediately into her new revelation, her eyes dancing like they always did when she was onto something. "Carrie's new tattoo.. Was the name of the boat they were on the night Carrie's best friend drowned. And Carrie's new album Confessional? 'Try drowning all our memories tonight?' Something happened on that boat."

"Yeah?" I smirked. "You sound like Ruby." _If something had truly happened wouldn't Carrie have told me?_

"Carrie could not keep the secret- she was unraveling, and whoever killed Carrie did it to shut her up. So who else was on the boat that night?"

My doubts vanished. I knew Veronica- and I could see the look on her face. She was on the right path with this one. I listed off the other's, Carrie's crew. The ones that drove me nuts, and were personally responsible for bringing her down. _Had they killed her? I did not know at this point. I just knew it wasn't me. But i did know they were responsible for every other dark path in her life._

"Did you ever talk about what happened that night with Carrie?"She asked.

"Yeah once. She curled into the fetal position and didn't speak the rest of the night." That night was permanently burned into my mind- her curled on her side, slightly rocking herself as she sobbed. _Veronica was right- there had to be something to it, I never saw her react so violently to anything else._

"Logan, there is something to this. We are on the right path." She smiled accomplished.

I nodded. "So you are staying around a few extra days?" I coyly raised the corner of my mouth.

She nodded. "Yeah I worked it out."

"Well, I am glad. Not just so you can save my butt. But I am glad that goodbye is being pushed off a few days."

She crossed her arms in front of her. "Yeah, me too." She looked up with a curiosity sparking through her. "So what brought you here tonight?"

I leaned down a little. "I was gonna ask you the same."

"I was kidnapped. You?"

 _Ugh, I knew I was about to be reprimanded by the spunky and fiery side of her._ "Pictures of Carrie doing lines of coke showed up on Sean Friedrich's Instagram feed today.I knew he'd be here tonight-" That disapproving look I knew so well began to cover her face. "No, I just explained to him that it would be best for him if those came down and no more appeared."

Her hands reached the sides of her head. "Logan- you are suspected of murder. You have to be smart."

I looked out ahead of her as I saw Mac approaching, panic clearly painted on her face. Mac never looked panicked, and suddenly I began to feel the same emotion.

"Veronica! You need to get back inside now."

I looked back down at the pretty blond, her face full of confusion- she was clueless to what was going on, but Mac's face spoke everything I needed to know. Instead of heading for the exit, I made my way back in. It was a neptune high reunion- and I was scared they were going to pour pig's blood on their least favorite blond detective. I slowed making my way through the crowd, my fists clenching tighter. _Pigs blood or recorded sexual encounters? Seems they chose the ladder._

 _I would know that video from anywhere- the few minutes of seeing it the first time bringing up pure nausea._ This time it did much the same. Madison Sinclair grinned innocently from the stage, her evil intentions obvious as she let the tape roll. _That girl was a bitch and I still had to say I loathed her with a fierceness, this just added to it._ I spotted the scum bags in charge of the media, their dirty faces not ones I recognized. I took a deep breath, I could feel my hands shake from the adrenaline, I wanted badly to punch someone- mainly these two idiots. But I held back, that was the old me, vengeful me.

"You guys need to turn this off." I ordered.

They pointed to their ears, playing deaf. "We are sorry it is just too loud in here." The scrawny one said as he motioned to the screen with his dirt finger.

I could hear the nasty porno music playing in the background making me lean forward on their table. "I am not telling you again."

"Seems you will have to." The one with the goatee said, leaning close into my face."What that skank your girlfriend or something?" He looked at the screen and now my knuckles were white. "Hm that dude looks nothing like you- sorry man. Seems your girls get around." A _ll right that was it._

I grabbed him by the shirt collar- dragging him over the table, his friend chasing after us. "I asked you politely- twice. Just so you know, you brought this on yourself." I stood him up, before taking my first swing.

The sensation of my fist against his hard face burnt, as the dependable right hook did the damage I intended. A few others came to his defense and I grinned wickedly. _Seemed Dick was getting his wish. And he had been right- seems Veronica Mars succeeded in bringing out this old side, but these guys will wish all they had done was tug on her hair._

I swung again, and head butted another. I felt my adrenaline dump, the sounds of the tormenting video still playing in the background. It had been years since I had seen it, and still nothing quite caused my blood to boil like the image of her exposed for all the world to see. _You don't mess with Veronica- that was a sure path to getting on my bad side. If you did you were pretty much dead to me- or at least I would see to it that I beat the crap out of you. Truth was I was fighting these people for a hell of a lot of reasons and everyone one of them had to do with her._

The music stopped, now the sounds of our fight the only background noise. I smirked as I noticed Weevil by my side, along with Wallace and even Dick. Everyone who had ever known Veronica truly, was sticking up for her. I smiled wide now. My eyes focused on another familiar man in Veronica's life. I did a double take, stopping abruptly as I held off my attacker with one arm. _I would know that face anywhere- I had spent a good ten minutes beating it to a pulp the end of my freshman year, and for the same reason. This freakin sex tape._

My eyes narrowed. It was him alright, minus the shaggy hair, but it was him. My fists clenched again, there was only one reason that boy would be here- and it had everything to do with Veronica. _Now I really needed to hit something._ I gripped the guy's shirt in front of me, steadying him before I unleashed my right hook again. Seems I was fighting for even more reasons now- still about the same girl. _This night was turning out to be as sucky as high school._

I steadied my breaths as the water poured down on us. Piz and I locked eyes, there were no looks of kindness in either one of our faces. It seems we had just been reminded of that fateful night in the sound booth- neither one of us looking at it fondly. I saw his eyes lock on Veronica as he made his way toward her, he grabbed her by the hand. She was clueless to my front row seat, but now there was no denying it. Her and Piznarski were a thing, and suddenly all that adrenaline vanished and I just felt sick.

I was hoping to sneak out, up the stair case and out, not having to face the two of them. Truth was I did not know quite how to face her, secondly I did not know how to keep the young jealous version of me under wraps. I seemed to have trouble with that when it came to her.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I began to climb the stairs. "Old Logan won out." Dick's expression more than pleased with the outcome. "Seems Ronnie came through after all."

I nodded, not finding the situation as entertaining as he. "Yeah, some things never change do they, Dick?"

His spark vanished. "You are not your old self man."

"Yeah, but it seems I still luck out like the old me. Doesn't matter what I do, I still end up screwed."

"You saw Piznarski huh?"

I did not want to admit it, after all he could scream i told you so for the millionth time. "Why am I surprised right? Seems like a fitting end to this hell of a week."

He didn't say a word, he could not even deny it- I had been the inheritor of all things bad since childhood. Looks like nothing has changed.

I stopped abruptly at the top of the stairs as I had the picture of her doctoring his eye in clear shot. _Thanks, for that, Ronnie._ I contemplated whether to even say a thing or not. "Yeah, I think I'll sca- daddle."

Her back tensed at my voice, her not even looking my way. I felt a combination of wanting to scream or laugh. Same old Veronica Mars- knowing how to crush me."Probably wise." _I will stay out with you all night, but won't even acknowledge you in front of him._

I looked down, before gaining resolve to walk behind her. I needed out of this place fast. "Hey, thanks for jumping in Piz." I said as nicely as I could manage.

I felt every muscle in my body contract as I headed toward the parking lot. _Yeah thanks for jumping in- while I was defending your girlfriend._ I crawled into the navy convertible, thankful the top was up as I smashed my hand into the steering wheel. The sensation stung at first and I eyed my fist as it turned bright red, I continued to unleash my wrath on the wheel, hammering in one last punch with a growl. Leaning forward I steadied my breaths. _How had she done it again?_ Managed to lift my hopes- to then completely dash them. Veronica Mars seemed to have one mission in life these last ten years and that was to royally screw me over. _Looks like I fell for the trick again._

I stopped in front of the beach house- I had been eying the passenger seat with loathing stares. _Crap, now I was going to have to sell the car now too. Her memories all over it now- and god knows i can't escape anything to do with her._

I walked in turning on the light. I studied the empty house- the house that wasn't even mine. _Here I was again- all alone._ All I had ever wanted was a life with her- and just when I had resided to never attaining it, she came back. I even managed not to get my hopes up- that is until last night. Last night everything changed, it was just enough for my mind, body and soul to awaken again at the need for her. Now it seems it will take another almost decade to rid myself of the "need" for her. She was still not mine- though i was always hers. All she had to do was say the word and I would come running. _How many times had I watched her be someone else's why I stood by having to feel the every blow of watching the woman you love with another man?_ I had been a fool yet again- the hold that girl has over me more powerful than any control I had. I loved her. It was that simple.

My hands shook with frustration as I threw the keys in my hand like a I was throwing a pitch, right into the wall. I watched as they smacked the wall and clanked against the wood floors, my breaths rising and falling quickly. _She was going to leave me alone again._ I reached down to pick up the keys, sitting on the bed as traced the sides of my head. I could not tell you what ripped my heart out more. The fact that she ignored me for nine years- my desperation and hurt, but still managed to let _him_ back in, she had been with him and never mentioned it. Or if it was the realization that yet again she would never be mine. That _he_ would get the honor of holding her in his arms at night. Watching her as she tries to warm up to mornings with her grump expressions. Getting to be the recipient of her mind and all that entails- the curiosity- the intelligence- the lack of trust, and spunk. But also her caring heart- her funny nature and her never ending determination to never give up. Piz got that- not me. And he also got the opportunity to try to love her-but what made me sad is I just knew no one could ever love her like I do.

I had a stare down with the liquor cabinet in the corner, rising to my feet as i approached it. I grabbed the bottle of whiskey as I placed a tight grip on it. I reached for a glass, letting a drop hit the bottom. My hands shook as i felt a loose tear hit my cheek. I put the bottle down, with a slam. _She wasn't going to do this to me again- she wasn't going to send me down this path. If i let her- then i would never return this time._

Veronica:

Mac, Wallace and me helped slightly tipsy and beat up Piz into Wallace's car. I laughed as he fumbled and joked, it was good to see him. I needed the reminder- I wanted the boy with no drama, the one who was care free and whose real heart was so gentle that fist fights and brawls always left him like this. My eyes narrowed as he buckled his seat belt. _That is what I wanted right?_ My mind trailed off to Logan. _He knew now.. and somehow that bothered me more than it should. Especially if i was so convinced i wanted the picture in front of me._

"V- wait up." I heard the familiar voice holler out behind me. I slammed the car door at the vision of Weevil coming towards me, slacks and button down. _Will never get use to that._

He reached out grabbing my arm kindly. "You okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I am use to my nudeness being displayed for all of the world. Or at least my classmates." He chuckled. "Hey, thanks for defending me out there."

"Oh come one, that was nothing. You know I would do anything for you- you have bailed me out of my fair share of jams and I know I would never be where I am today without you, V."

We locked eyes and I felt the sting of emotion hit mine, seems I was emotional this trip. "Aw, Eli." I grinned disarming the emotion.

"You." He pointed at me. "You, Veronica Mars will never change. Still icy on the outside, pure marshmallow on the inside."

I shrugged. "What can I say?"

He cleared his throat stepping closer, his eyes darting to Wallace's car and then back to me. "Logan had your back out there too."

I laughed. "You have something nice to say about Logan? Wow, you must have changed."

"yeah, well that guy certainly has changed. He really helped me out when I needed it. I will never forget it. You know they say people can't change, but I don't know he seems to be proof of it. Though." He smiled. "One thing still seems the same with that one-"

I clenched my jaw knowing where this was going and resisting the urge to question him on Logan's good deed to him. "His ability to throw a good punch?"

"No, his love for you, V. You had that guy hooked for 10 years.." he shook his head. "I was wrong about a lot of things with that guy, and despite what you may think those punches have stayed non existent until you came back to town." He said walking towards his old pick up truck.

"Well, another reason for me to stay far away right?" I quipped.

"Just don't be stupid, V. Don't be blind to what is in front of you."

I furrowed my brow as I crossed my arms, steadying my breaths. He raised an eyebrow with pride, like he knew he had left me speechless as he climbed into his truck. _Oh no, he would not have the last word._ I marched over, using a harsh whisper when I reached him.

"You." I pointed at him accusatorily."You were the one that said get out and never look back."

He laughed loudly. "You really would take advice from old me?" He paused. "Come on, you did, you got out. But for some reason you are here- why is that Veronica?"

I stepped back, unable to speak yet again. _I don't know, Eli, I have no idea._

"That's what i thought." He started the car.

I watched as he pulled off, driving away and leaving me with a gaping hole. What is one to do when Eli Navarro is a Logan Echolls supporter? I grabbed the phone from my back pocket- typing out a quick message.

**Thank you, Logan. Thanks for always being willing to take on the bad guys for me.**

That was all I could manage to say- he knew about Piz and after last night, it was safe to say I had hurt Logan Echolls again. I gripped my forehead with both hands, pensively. _I was going to need some strong drinks at this after party._


	17. Chapter 17

**I want to thank all of you for the kind comments, and for those of you who gave me suggestions! It was so fun incorporating them into the story, thank you! I really appreciate you guys letting me know how much you like it- it definitely gives me inspiration because I love knowing you are enjoying it! T**

**Keep the comments and suggestions coming! Thank you, you are awesome!**

**And yes, this is the - " You didn't tell me you and Piz were a thing." Chapter! :)**

Dick:

I have always been one to never leave a good party- but this one was beginning to get lamer by the minute.I stared at all of my former pirate classmates, half of them I did not speak to anymore- the only one still in my life- not present. I crashed on the odd shaped couch. _Gia always had out there taste._

**Dude, you should be here.** I fired the text to my oldest friend.

_Mm, Veronica Mars must have sensed contact with Logan was being made- as she sat next to me. Maybe she was wanting his location to go finish the job._

"Words with friends?" Her snarky tone always was so condescending when she was perusing for intel.

"Some just call it texting." That was all the blond- millionaire killer was getting from me.

To my surprise her questioning had nothing to do with Logan's whereabouts, just an annoying amount of questions about that horrible night Susan Knight decided to jump off that boat. _Yeah, that night was hazy._

I finally pacified her with my answers and just on time too as I finally received a text from my current roommate.

**Yeah, well I believe most attending believe I am a murderer..so**

I looked up studying as Veronica stroked that Stosh dude's back, handing him a drink. _What was the appeal of that one? After all he didn't fit her usual criteria._

**Or are on Team Piz.** I typed back.

**Yeah, that too.**

I pursed my lips as I studied the scene. Veronica circling the crowd like an animal and it's prey. She was on to something- in usual Veronica fashion. It was odd watching as her boyfriend seemed oblivious to her ways as he gulped back girly drinks and chatted it up wit her best pals. I smirked as I looked back down on the phone. I had never been a big Veronica Mars fan-and I had a long list of reasons why. But truth was the only time I could tolerate the chick was when she had been with Logan. He seemed to even her out a bit and well she made him happy. They were an unlikely pair, but somehow they worked. Her psycho Nancy Drew syndrome didn't bother him and his brooding didn't seem to phase her- match made in heaven or maybe hell, not sure. But either way it worked. But one thing was for sure he would have known what she was up to right now, not buying her whole "I am enjoying the party" act.

I typed back, chuckling as if I was the only one seeing the show. All of these peeps would freak if they had any idea that Ronnie was on the hunt.

**I think I will be headed back home soon. Party is lamo.**

I pushed my way through the crowd, saluting and shaking my way through- had to keep up the image after all. I reached Ronnie and her gang.

"Mac, Wallace, Piz." I nodded to each.

"Leaving so soon Dick? Did the alcohol run out?" Veronica quickly jabbed.

"Ha-ha-ha." I turned to her current squeeze placing my hand on his shoulder. "So Piz, do you have millions stored away somewhere or-"

Veronica intervened, seems she got the innuendo. "Good bye, Dick." She glared.

"See you, Ron."

I smirked, Piz's face still contorted in confusion as he looked at her. "What?"

She just shook her head with a smile. Seems the current boy toy was lacking the quick skills of verbal attack to play in her world.

Honestly I always dreaded what I would find after a Veronica attack- I could usually count on large amounts of empty liquor bottles. Usually accompanied with these was a pitiful version of the guy I knew- my best friend. She had a way of taking the bad ass, confident guy I knew- the one who flew fricken jets over Afghanistan- and making him sappy and sentimental.

I opened the door to the house, immediately calling out his name. "Logan, I am back."

"In here." His voice sounded flat, nothing overly emotional about it. I looked around- so far the place was spick and span, not even an empty beer bottle. I turned the corner- surprised to see him still looking half put together as he channel surfed.

He looked up from the television, raising his eyebrows. "So lame party?"

I nodded. "Yes, it didn't live up to the hype." I crashed next to him on the couch. "Though- it was hard to compete with the gang brawl you started." I grinned looking over at him.

I saw a stray smile appear in the corner of his mouth. "Yeah, well that's my speciality remember." He picked up what appeared to be the only beer bottle in sight and raising it to me. _The guy was sober- Logan Echolls was sober after Veronica had brought her ex boyfriend, now current boyfriend back on the scene. I never in a million-_

"So they were there huh?" He asked. _Seems the guy was not immune to still caring-_

"If you mean by them- Veronica and Piznarski? Then yes. Dude, the guy drinks mojitos."

Logan chuckled- seems he enjoyed that fact as much as me. The happy thought seemed to fade though as I watched him down the beer.

"Gotta admit, I was expecting a grave yard of booze when I got in here." I stated.

Logan nodded. "Yeah, well I considered it. But-" He looked my way. Whenever Logan had that vacant stare, his eyes appearing a darker tone of brown, that was never a good sign. "It has been years- I have finally decided to listen to you Dick. I am done- done with Veronica Mars." He threw the bottle towards the trash can, making the shot.

"Yeah, sorry if I don't believe you- even if the words are sweet music to my ears."

"No man, I am done." He used his hands in big gestures. "She will be gone- back to New York, and with her boyfriend in just a few days. And then I am officially writing her off. I will tell her not to worry about the case and-"

I interrupted him. "Wow- but you need her to solve this. So you don't go to jail."

Logan looked at me annoyed. "Come on, Dick. You and I both know I could pay for a hundred PI's to solve this case. I called her because-" He hesitated as his voice showed an ounce of his still lingering weakness for her- the tough exterior a show. "I wanted a reason to see her again. But now that doesn't matter. It is over- I get that now." He stood. "It took me ten years though huh? Slow learner." He pointed to his head.

"Come on, you loved her. Sometimes you just don't get over people- it happens a lot. You can't beat yourself up." I said, waiting for him to tail spin any moment.

"Yeah, I guess what sealed the deal was- you know she never made contact, not once. I called and pleaded- she knew I was going off to war and she never even cared enough to give me a shred of peace. But then obviously she didn't shut _him_ out!" He pointed towards the invisible version of Piz.

My stomach clenched. The guy was right- she had been horrible, but truth was I knew a fact about her that might change his perspective. I swallowed, spilling this secret would mean wrath from my best friend and probably send him back into world of depression. But I knew he had a right to know- he had to know she had cared just a little.

"Well, actually-I have something to tell you." His face turned white, seemed he had a feeling this was big."Your first deployment- you left a voicemail for her right before you left."

He shook his head confused. "Wait, how do you-"

"Because she called me." I paused seeing the look of astonishment in his eyes. "She said she tried to reach you, but your phone had gone straight to voicemail, something about how you seemed off, like you were saying goodbye."

He looked down. "Why didn't you tell me?" He said even and slow.

"Because man, she wanted to contact you and I was scared if she did it would mess with your mind, distract you and get you killed. I saw you were in a better place- I could not let her destroy all that because that day she was feeling a shred of guilt. I am sorry- but I thought it was right, she said she wasn't coming back man, just wanted to check on you."

He looked up now, his face still looking emotionless. "It doesn't matter man, it doesn't change anything." I looked an him unconvinced that he wasn't pissed at me. I would understand if he was. "Really it is fine." He nodded as he walked over to his bed, sitting on it as he gained a breath.

"You should still let her try and solve the case, Logan. No matter how you feel. She is here only a couple days, man- keep it professional, pay her if you need to. But you and I both know that Veronica Mars is better than a hundred private dick's combined."

Logan:

I barely had heard Dick's latest statement, something about keeping Veronica on the case. Honestly it didn't matter his latest confession still ringing in my head. _She had called._

I stood up, heading with determination to the liquor cabinet. _Seems me and Jack would be friends again tonight._ I picked up the amber drink pouring it as quickly as possible, then consuming it as fast. My hands shook with emotion for a second as I placed the glass down, turning to face my best friend. _It changed nothing- it was one moment in a million of others. I loved Veronica, I always would. But I didn't have to like her anymore- if that is how this became bearable, that is what I would do._ I put the alcohol away.

"Your right I can keep her on the case I suppose for the next few days, but then-"

He looked me in the eye. "Your done- I got it man."

I sat down my phone buzzing in my pocket. I almost dreaded reading it, knowing Dick and Veronica were the only two people texting me these days. The former sitting in front of me.

**Listen, we need to talk some more about the case soon- let me know.**

I bit the corner of my lip. _Always business with you, Veronica._ If that is what she wanted, that is what she would get. I leaned back onto the pillow, ignoring the second text from her since the reunion. She was checking my pulse and using the case to do so- I wasn't dumb. I knew how she worked.

The thoughts of her calling still played in my head as I sat back up- my mind filling in the blanks of what she would have said, how it would have played into our future. Truth was in all honesty I was over reacting. I had moved on, she had moved on. We had both dated other people. But what I could not do is be hurt like this one more time- and in my experience the more I love her- the more she hurts me.

Her talking to him, when she wouldn't even speak to me- it hurt like hell.

Veronica:

I crawled into bed, taking another long look at my phone- I had this feeling of if I stared long enough maybe Logan's text would appear. _Seems he was ignoring me- that was usually my style, not his._

I put the phone away quickly as a familiar body climbed into the bed next to me, snuggling up and kissing my cheek.

"You are sure your dad wont mind?' He asked looking to the door with terror.

I chuckled as I turned off the lap. "I never said he wouldn't care- but he is fast asleep." I teased.

He turned onto his back, I could hear the sound of his arm hitting his forehead. "Great, I am a dead man."

"I will defend you, I promise." I curled next to him.

"Yeah, I am afraid of how much defending I might need."

"Yeah, well dad likes you." The words felt funny coming out- almost like a reason to pacify myself not the boy next to me. I shook my head. "Now go to sleep. You have an early flight."

"Yeah, that my girlfriend is going to be absent on." He whispered in my ear.

"Yeah well, I am so close. I can't leave now."

"Yeah, yeah I know." I could sense a tad bit of exasperation in his voice. Logan had not come up again since right after the brawl, but I knew truly he was preoccupying his mind.

"I will be back and eating at those nasty diners with you soon enough." I said lightly. He chuckled, I could see him clearer as my eyes were adjusting to the darkness. "Thank you for being patient, Piz."

He stared straight ahead."I told you a long time ago that I get it- that I may not understand it but I get. You and him- I had no doubt you would be on a plane the moment you heard." He looked my way. "It is something I have to accept in being with you, and that is okay. You are worth that tome. He is your oldest friend, that you just so happened to date. and I knew you could not shut him out forever - after all it is Logan." He seemed to loathe that fact, but I could not deny it. I traced his chest as he continued to look me in the eye. "What's hard is the fact that he still loves you."

I blew air out my nose in a weird cackle. "You are crazy- "

He looked at me with a smirk."Yeah don't even deny it, that boy still goes all hulk over you. And I am pretty sure if looks cold kill than I would be dead cause that look he gave me when he saw me-I have seen it before in between those fists reaching my face." He grinned. "But I trust you, and that is all that matters."

My stomach sunk. I hated that his admittance of Logan's feelings made me feel close to the flickers of life, but his confidence in my loyalty made those flickers of flames extinguish. Suddenly my reoccurring nausea reappeared as I rolled over.

"We better be quiet, don't want to wake papa bear." I laughed.

He bought my unaffected mood as he curled back up against me, pressing his lips into the side of my neck- his usual sign of wanting _more._ I curled my arm under my head, ignoring his gesture, and relaxing. For some reason I was in no mood for that- I guess my guilt over Logan playing through my head during, kind of would taint it. Or maybe just the thought made me have a nasty feeling that I was cheating- and it wasn't on Piz.

I closed my eyes tight, forcing sleep upon me. _Please help there to be no weddings rings, or babies, or talks of FBI in this one. And please no shirtless Logan._

The sun came in blindingly this morning I rolled over feeling for my companion and looking up when he was no where to be found.I saw him fully dressed packing his bags.

"Hey, sorry did I wake you?" He asked attentively.

I shook my head. "You are already up and dressed. I am impressed."

"Time difference." he shrugged.

I crawled out giving him a morning kiss. "I am going to get dressed." I walked to the door. "Any signs of stirring from our other roomie?"

"No idea, I have kept myself in the safety of this room."

I laughed. "All right be back in a few." I grabbed my phone as I headed out, an immediate frown on my face. _Still no messages._ I nibbled on the bottom of my lip as I waited for the shower to heat up, still staring at the phone. Maybe one more text-

**Hey there, are you alive? Text me when you get a chance.**

I stepped into the shower- I guess I deserved this. He endured nine years of the silent treatment, seems only fitting that I get a taste. _Ugh._ I massaged the sides of my head as I let the water pour down my body. It was like I could feel the layers of facades and personas shedding off of me, as the water trickled down. I had spent years perfecting this version of me that I too had bought into the lie- who was I kidding? It took a visit back to Neptune and days of time with the guy I use to believe underneath my tough exterior was my soul mate. _I wonder. Had I been so off with that notion?_

But then there we Piz and well my dad. My dad all but forcing me out the door each day back to New York. Piz I did care for- years of friendship there as well- he had truly been the reason I had survived all these years in New York. But were years full of this even killed and mundane style of life worth giving up everything that made me feel the opposite? _You are no where near happy, Veronica._

The thoughts burnt as they filled my mind, Piz's voice filling the bathroom with a knock at the same time.

"Hey, I snuck in." He said in his best inconspicuous voice and I smiled.

_But was I ready to say goodbye to him? Because if I did then with him went the entire world I had invented to escape this one. And I was not sure I was ready for that. I still needed my security blanket._

My dad's voice filled the house as I finished my last touches on my make up. Piz sat on the edge of tub, looking for safety as I had been getting dressed, his face turning to panic at the sound. "

"Veronica?"

"Yeah?" I hollered back.

"Here goes nothing-" Piz said quietly as we exited the bathroom

My dad's voice still carried through the small, bungalow home."Your cab's here. I thought I was the one going to take you to the airport."

"The cab's me. Veronica is going to be sticking around town a little longer." Piz said as my dad looked like he had just walked into a nightmare. "Good to see you, Keith."

"Stosh?" I could not read my dad's pulse on whether he liked the first name basis yet with the boyfriend

"I am on to something, dad. It's big." I could already see the disapproving look in his eye at me staying.

"And you were in there?" He gestured toward Piz. "All night?" Seems daddy's unhappy expression had been geared towards my slumber party partner, not my extended stay. His voice got a little tenser as he continued, Piz forcing a grin. "Did Veronica not show you our fine selection of couches? That baby fold outs. The walls are thin." He looked at me annoyed.

I returned the sour expression of annoyance. "But our tantric love making is remarkable for it's stillness and tranquility." I jabbed back, I hated when he treated me like I was still a child. After all he knew I lived with this guy.

I could feel Piz's shoulders tense next to me, it was obvious he was not pleased with my behavior as he knocked up against me in a reprimanding sort of way. "She passed out. Nothing happened." He looked at me with annoyance and it struck me funny as I watched him walk to the door and say good bye to my father.

_That wasn't the first time Piz had not been pleased with my surly side- seems not every part of me was quite what he was looking for either._ I think he preferred the more subtle and calm version of Veronica- the one that walked along the busy New York streets and attended law school. Not the one who solved crime by dinner time- yup much like an Olson twin I was blond and addicted to the world of mystery solving before my adolescence were behind me. Seems that wasn't the fairy tale the perfect boy was looking for, the girl with the fire cracker demeanor and mouth to match.

Saying goodbye to Piz struck me odd, but wasn't everything striking me as such these days. Maybe it was the weird interaction in the house with my dad or just my lingering doubts- but I a sense of relief filled me as I saw him drive away. Like the real me escaped out for air as soon as his cab turned down the street. _Uh oh._

I didn't have much time to analyze it, my dad storming out informing me of Weevil's injury. _Ugh another reminder of the Neptune curse. The guy had gotten everything together and still he was the victim of the never ending cycle of unfairness this town dished out. I wonder when my turn would come again?_

Logan:

Morning runs- they had a way of clearing your head. Something I had discovered in the military. Morning jogs on the beach were even more therapeutic. I blasted the music from my headphone into my ear, letting all this world escape me.

It was funny- while either surfing or running- I found escape out here. Just for an hour or so, I felt my memory wiped clean of it all. My dad's bullying, Lilly, My mom's death, Carrie- _Veronica. That last one always just stung with a different kind of pain._ The others were losses, things I could not control. She embodied everything I ever wanted- but could not have.

I powered through. _Nope, not doing it again._ I pushed my legs even farther- if it was possible to sweat som one out of your system than I was going to test it today.

I finally collapsed on the beach, the cool morning air brining relief against my wet skin. I stopped the music on my phone -the unread messages taunting me again. _Figures._ I chuckled to myself. _I could not get the girl to give me the time of day for years and years and now when I have decided I am through - I can't get her to stop texting._

I scrolled through them quick.

**Hey there, are you alive? Text me when you can.** _Am I alive? Well if lack of response was a clue to death than I should have been convinced of hers a long time ago._

Next one. **I ran into Weevil last night and he hinted that you guys were on better terms. Not sure what that means, but I thought you would want to know he was shot last night. He is going to be ok, but still at the hospital. And is your phone broke?** My face fell, I immediately texted back.

**Thanks for the heads up. I will check on him. Glad he is ok.**

I shook my head as I watched the water play up the shore, watching the people around me enjoy the beautiful weather and sunshine. It was lost on me today. Weevil and Veronica, chatting about me? _Ah this day was going to be interesting._

I cleaned up as fast and made my way to the hospital. If you would have told me ten years ago I would be making a private visit to Eli Navarro after he was injured I would have laughed in your face. _But as much as things had not changed around here- some things had changed a lot._

_Seems all of our lives kind of took a tail spin when Veronica left. At least those around her that used her as a moral compass- hence where Weevil and I bonded. I spotted his clunker on the side of the beach one morning after surfing, about 6 months after Veronica had been gone. I would know that car anywhere- and it's proximity to mine always alerted me. I peaked in the window before I threw my board into the range rover- surprised by the sight of him curled up in the back seat. I looked around some more and it was utterly obvious he was either a hoarder or the guy was living out of his car- and though he didn't scream class, I was thinking it was the ladder.I walked away, crawling into the drivers seat- the golden rule and other things of conscience playing at my mind._

_I rationalized, even if I wanted to help- he would not accept it from me. I put the car in reverse, and I swear I saw her face in the rearview, causing me to throw the suv back in park. If Veronica were here she would help him- but she wasn't. I suddenly felt sorry for the guy. Veronica had been that person for him- the one that when she saw him in trouble she reached out to save him. People like Weevil and me, we needed those kinds of people. We never had a guiding force for much better in our life and Veronica was a constant reminder of how we could do better._

_But she had left - and I knew with her departure she took his last shred of hope with him. It wasn't her responsibility to fend for us, I knew that- we were toxic, in fact I was glad she escaped. But who was better than to be there to help out- than a fellow wandering soul. After all it would make her happy right?_

_I crawled out of the car with determination, knocking at the window and him jerking up like he was about to be jumped. His large eyes, returned back to their sockets when he saw it was me, an annoyed seething coming from them now as he opened the door._

" _You just wanted to wake me, richie rich?"_

_I grinned. Oh he was going to make this act of kindness hard._

" _You make it a habit of sleeping in your car?"_

_He shook his head, he was not the type of guy that liked to look weak, especially around me. "What's it to you Echolls?"_

_I took a deep breath, pushing each smart-aleck remark aside. That was hard- "Listen, I know things have been rough since you lost the job at the university-"_

" _You know?" He asked peeved._

" _Well, yeah- but listen you should not be sleeping in your car. Not with your list of enemies and in this town."_

" _Well, thanks for the advice, I will get right on that."_

" _I am not giving advice, I want to help- let me help you get a room for a few days and I have a few contacts with my dad's old mechanics. Maybe I can hook you-"_

" _Save it, Mother Theresa. I don't want your charity-" He chuckled. "Plus I don't trust any motive you would have in helping me."_

_I gritted my teeth- the guy had a point- but still I had to really fight that other side of me. "It isn't for you alright?" His smile faded as he listened."If Veronica was here she would want to help you. She helped me out plenty- just consider this me paying it forward."_

_He cocked his head to the side. "How can I believe you?"_

" _You can't I guess." I shrugged. "But it's your best offer, and you have to know if I am doing it for her, well than I am serious."_

_That seemed to speak volumes to him. "Alright- but it isn't charity- I will pay you back."_

_I nodded with a smile. "I would expect nothing less, Weeves."_

I would never say it was the start of a beautiful friendship- but it changed the dynamic. I let him stay in a room at the grand for a week, and one of my dad's old buddies outside of Neptune had a garage and an old apartment on top. He said he would let Eli work there for a low salary and the apartment for free. It worked out for him- setting him on the right path. And well things had always been different since- him randomly stopping by to chat very briefly- especially before the two times I have shipped out. We would not talk about much- but I knew it was his way of saying thank you. It gave me a sense of hope though seeing a fellow wounded bird turn his fate- it's part of why I was able to change mine.

I got out of my car, stopping abruptly at the sight of her blond hair bouncing as she followed her dad to his car. I bit my cheek as I ducked behind a large suv. This girl- we could not get her within a 1000 miles of this place and now she is just showing up everywhere. _I was in no mood to deal with that today._ I watched her get into the car, waiting for the coast to be clear. _Wonder if she had left Piz at home? Seemed she kept him in hiding- that one._

I approached the nurses station. "Um, Eli Navarro?"

She looked at me with loathing, seems she thought birds of a feather flock together was appropriate in this moment. I just smiled through it, I had become very good at it.

"Down the hall and to the right." Her voice was dripping with poison.

"Thank you." I left her with one large, departing grin.

I saw him before he saw me. "And I thought you left this life behind?"

His eyes opened as cunning expression covered his face. "Oh by the way you missed your girlfriend."

I narrowed my eyes, pulling out a seat as I sat beside him. "So you okay?"

He shrugged. "Yeah I will live- but maybe in prison. Thanks to that bitch, Celeste Kane."

"Celeste? She shot you?"

"Yeah and to think I was trying to help her. Now I have been planted with false evidence and well." He looked at me seriously. "Seems no matter how hard you try you just can't leave those demons in your past."

I nodded. "I hear you."

"Yeah, V being back in town- must be throwing you for a loop."

I tensed, shaking my body in response with my no. "Nope, that is history. Veronica has burnt that bridge far-"

"Yeah, is that what you were thinking when you started that fight lastnight?"

I smirked. "Old habits die hard."

"Mmhmm. Sure. Well, I never thought I would see the day where I said this- but maybe you should not give up quite yet."

"Uh, huh and I see they have given you the good pain meds." I quipped

"Naturally."

"So what can I do to help?" I asked.

"Nothing man, you did enough for me years ago." He nodded as he reflected. "I have not forgotten, especially since our history had been complicated at best before then."

"I told you, it wasn't for you." I grinned wide and he laughed.

"Ah and so Veronica- makes her way back into the conversation."

I chuckled. "Like I said old habits-"

Veronica:

Seems I would have to storm Logan's or well Dick's the old fashion way. The boy had the radio silence down- I guess he learned from years of being on the receiving end. But whatever was was bothering him needed to be set aside- I had far too important information, that needed to be shared.

After my visit with Weevil this morning I tracked down some interesting police files, through my old friend Martina Vasquez and well in my delight I saw the deputy who filed the report was no other than my former buddy/ boyfriend Leo. Seemed I would need to pay him a visit. After the few hour drive to San Diego and a good catch up with the now detective- I was even more convinced that Carrie's murder was a result of that night on the boat.

I picked up the phone nodding my head along with the ringing. This had been the third call since I left San Diego. "Okay, Logan- I am going to send in a search party. Again- important information to share, hopefully leading to you being cleared. Yeah all important stuff, so yeah I am stopping by- you were warned."

I hung up, my phone immediately ringing. I nearly picked it up until saw the caller id **Truman- Mann.** I cringed as I put the phone in the cup holder of my dad's old car.

I finally pulled onto the drive that led to Dick's home away from home and Logan's current hide out, his navy BMW parked in the drive way like a loud and clear "up yours" to me. I crawled out- Logan was not going to get to me. I needed to solve this case and his stubbornness was not going to affect that. I marched up, knocking on the door. He peaked around the corner- _ah so he was alive._ I forcefully grinned in annoyance and he seemed like he actually was contemplating opening the door or not.

_We certainly were falling back into our childish ways._

Logan:

The knock on the door surprised me and once I looked to see who it was I had been made- there was no turning back- though I debated it. I am not sure if this was a surprise visit or if she had called- I had put my phone on the charger hours ago.

I opened the door weakly and she shoved right on through. _Sure Veronica, come right in._

"Someone on the serendipity killed Carrie." She immediately started. I slammed the door in response. "I would bet my life on it."

_I guess that is what we were doing- just jumping into the case- not mentioning the large elephant in the room. The stosh piznarski sized elephant._ "Okay." I said complying to her way of handling it.

"Gia Goodman, Luke Haldeman, Stu Cobbler, your longtime companion." She paused at the sight of him, her disdain evident. "Dick"

"Hey Iron mike." He said enthusiastically. "Have you seen the Instagram feed from the reunion." She walked forward, and I stayed behind. _Yeah the last thing I wanted was to discuss that night as we looked at pictures. "_ Some hilarious shot of the fight." He continued. _Leave it to him to bring up the one topic we both wanted to avoid, though I could not resist to see what she said._ I stepped forward, hands in pocket. "Check out your boy Piz. Ka- pow!"

Veronica glared Dick's way though I was not sure if it was the picture of Piz or the mentioning of him. "Oh look there's another one back here too." Dick smiled with wickedness. _He was enjoying this far too much._

One thing I could say- he presented me with the perfect opportunity. "Hey, you didn't tell me you and piz were a thing?" I could her the lack of indifference all over my voice.

Her small frame tensed as she looked back, like I had asked her a dirty question, my eyes brows playing up annoyed- she knew the look well and everything it meant. She scoffed in response as she crossed her arms defensively.

"My love life didn't seem relevant."

I sucked in my bottom lip as scowled. _Sure let's play that game- like you and I were not present the last several days and that all the unsaid things had meant nothing. Sure I sounded crazy, but hell our relationship had mostly been unsaid things- I was an expert at reading Veronica's silent talk and she had been screaming all sorts of things at me this week. And all of them were about me and nothing about Piz._

Sure enough she got all serious , studying the case and honestly it furthered my aggravation. _Avoid confrontation with the work- that is how she always did._ But pretty soon I realized she was on to something, her and I deducting what was in plain sight. I could not help but breath a sigh of relief though Dick was resistant, seems he was not so supportive of Veronica being my PI today. But he had been right last night- she was the only one for the job.

After a long convo with Mac and something about James Franco, Veronica began pacing. "All right, so now I need to find James Franco."

She looked at both me and my roommate. "Why are you looking at me?' I asked.

"You two are the socialites." She stated.

Dick spoke up. "I know someone- who knows his assistant." He shrugged. "Not that- that helps."

Veronica smiled. "That is perfect."

And I smiled in response - she always got what she wanted. _Including me- whenever she wanted._

Veronica:

I ran the keys up to my dad's office- he had let me borrow the car, but needed it for a stake out. I had convinced Logan to follow me and then to give me a ride back home after, but to say I felt I was twisting his arm was an understatement. _I could not blame him- but being on the receiving end of his cold side was never fun._

I walked down the stairs slowly, our eyes meeting as he looked over from the drivers seat. He did not give the usual smile and my heart ached just a little with missing it, _I wonder if I would ever see it again?_

I opened the door and sat down. " Thanks for the ride."

"No problem." He stared ahead.

_I guess that is how this ride was going to be._ I looked over every so often, hoping to recreate some sort of the feeling that had been between us the last time I had been in his car. His gaze had been warm and inviting, now he was cold and hard as he kept his eyes fixed ahead.

He put the car in park finally looking over at me. His emotionless facade was taking a temporary absence as he looked tortured. _Tortured- he had stated it himself long ago, I had tortured him before._ "So Veronica, were you just not going to tell me?"

I opened my mouth then closed it, looking down. "I don't know."

He scoffed. "You don't know?"

"Logan it has been years, I did not know you even cared about my love life."

"It's me Veronica." He said flatly and I looked up to see the"duh" expression covering his face. "Remember the sky is blue? And all that jazz? Of course I care." He paused. "I mean did it not bother you to see me with Carrie?" He looked at me desperately. "Admit it, please."

I nodded as I threw my hands up defensively. "Alright, yes! It did!" I took a deep breath. I had not been in a fight with Logan in years and I had forgotten how much it hurt to be at odds with him. But still in my sick mind the level of passion in his voice made my nerves stand on edge. I clenched my fists as I blinked away the tempting thoughts. "I don't see why this matters though?"

He took a deep breath gripping the wheel, his voice calm but broken. "So did you give anyone else the silent treatment? Or was that just reserved for me? Cause the way I see it- you have been in touch with all old friends."

"That's what this is about?" I asked.

"Everything else about us aside, we were friends before. Veronica, you stayed in contact with him, but not me? You were my only friend left, besides Dick."

I took a sharp intake of breath. "Logan, I was never strong with you, you were the one person I could not talk to. Or-"

He looked expectantly. "Or?"

"Or I would have never finished- I would have been back here in two minutes once we talked."

"I would have never asked you to come back- I just still wanted to be in your life." I cringed at his words and the reminder of how badly i had let him down. "I know you called me you know? Dick spilled the beans last night."

My eyes opened wide as I swallowed. "Yes, I did."

"It meant a lot to know." He smiled but in that way that made my heart feel like it was going to rip in half. "I now know you did not completely forget about me."

I closed my eyes. "I never forgot, trust me. I just had to get away, Logan."

He nodded. "I know, and you did good for yourself. I just can't sit by thinking we are friends, or a part of each other's lives- when that isn't the case. It hurts too much each time I realize it."

"We are friends."

He chuckled in a despondent way. "Yeah -friends talk."

"I did what I could alright- I tried my best to survive. It wasn't right."

"So let me guess the radio silence is reinstated once you get back to New York?" he asked coldly

I hated myself for the fact he had been right, but now- now I was not so sure. I don't think I could have ever written him off completely again.

"Yes, originally, that was the plan." His face fell with hurt, but I could tell he was expecting it, that being the hardest thing for him. "But I don't think I could have done it. You-" I stuttered. "Your friendship- it means everything to me. i was reminded of that."

He lit a little with a more content expression, his sadness still lingering in his eyes. "Now was that so hard? Saying how you feel?" His words were laced with truth and jabs.

I exhaled as I shrugged my shoulders. "It has never been easy with you- I always feel too much and I run- not matter what emotion it is. It was that way when we were together and it still is that way."

He thumbed at the steering wheel as he spoke dryly. "Hasn't anyone told you that no one writes songs about the easy ones?"

He didn't even look up but my heart sped up in recognition. Only problem is he wasn't supposed to have remembered. Now was my chance to test the waters. "Someone may have mentioned it before- at a certain private prom."

He looked up with a smirk. "Ah, epic night." His eyes locking on mine in a silent understanding. He had remembered, he had to- there was no coincidence to it. And suddenly it meant so much more, my chest feeling the pressure of an elephant on it as a panic attack threatened to ensue. I could not press him on it further- any more mention of that night and he and i would end up entangled in all sorts of un-allowed behavior at "epic" proportions.

I took a deep breath leaning forward. _I think i am going to hurl._ "You have always made me sick." I said trying to distract from the revelation.

He laughed as he softened seeming to understand fully that i was not approaching the alterna prom and all that entailed. "Ah is that soft marshmallow center showing?"

"It does show occasionally." I smirked, looking up from my forward position, the look we gave each other speaking years of feelings. " I am sorry, Logan."

He nodded as he took a deep breath. "So are you saying I can count on you to not just leave again?"

I swallowed hard as I looked into his deep brown eyes. I could not let him down again. "Yes, you can count on me." I bit my lip. "This trip has proven to me, we can be friends. With Piz and my other life, I needed to be sure-" _There I went again, having to undo any intimacy- after all he could not read to much into this. Even though he would have been right to do so, cause what he was sensing was as real as it gets._

He cleared his throat. "I get it Veronica." He laughed. "We are friends- or more like family first." He stared intently. "I just need to know I have not lost my family again."

My lip quivered a little, before I pushed air out to cover my emotion. "You've got me." He smiled that beautiful, dimple encompassing grin. _You've always had me._

 


	18. Chapter 18

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Logan:

Morning came with a sudden sense that things were changing. A lot can happen in a day- we went from having zero suspects to Veronica cracking the case wide open. I went from wanting to cut out any existence of her in my life- to making up with her. And now my ex girlfriend/ old friend/ new friend was having an appointment with James Franco this morning, because of a Dick connection. To say she knew how to get things done was an understatement.

Funny thing was I believed her last night- I don't think she was planning on leaving me again. I sipped at the remaining pepsi in the can. But the other thing I sensed was that she had permanently nailed shut the door that led to our other relationship. _It was stupid really, it had been years- of course she had._ But deep down, I guess there was a young guy in me hoping he had one more shot with his soul mate- call me sappy, I don't care. I may have been that- but now I am rid of it. I can accept the friendship- after all I don't want to ever lose that again. I meant what I said too, she was first and foremost family.

Now it was about learning how to be "just her friend". I had done it once I suppose I could do it again, though what is that saying? _You can never go back?_ I breathed in a deep breath, well that wasn't an option- because going back was my only option. I would just have to learn how to un-love Veronica Mars. Because if I stayed like this- how I felt now- I don't know how I could possibly stand by and watch her in love with someone else- Piz. Watch her be happy with him. Because to me that would be torture.

So I can't live without her, but I can't have her the way I desperately wanted? Compromise- somehow get over her- so you can still have her.

There was a knock at the door. I was a little surprised, Dick was out and I wasn't expecting any visitors, after all my popularity had gone way down since I was accused of murdering my pop star girlfriend. I scooted out the chair as I made my way to the door, smiling as I opened it.

She leaned against the door frame, with a wicked smile, the kind she got when she was circling in on the conclusion of a case. The one right before she nailed the bad guy to the wall. _I loved that look._ She pursed her lips, lifting her eyebrows up.

" I think you are almost a free man." She grinned, brushing past me as she walked in like she owned the place.

_Yeah, I'll get started on getting over her tomorrow._ I scoffed to myself as I followed behind, like I always have. _Who am I kidding? I knew there was no way I was shaking her._ I took in a large, deep breath, as if I was signing away my fate. _Well, Echolls prepare yourself for a life time of torture and misery._ Cause I was for sure not letting her go again, so I would just have to learn how to be in the friend zone.

"Those are pretty big claims there, Mars." I said as I watched her pull out her lap top and place it on the table. Her proud grin vanished as a solemn look replaced it.

"So, I found out who took the video footage off of Carrie's tablet." She sat down in the seat, motioning for me to join her. I did not say anything as I followed her instructions to sit as she plugged a jump drive into the computer. "My dad's main competition and not so official nemesis- Vinnie Van Lowe,"

_Wasn't that that creepy PI guy, with the slicked back hair that tried to run for sheriff ?_ "Wait, how - that makes-"

She rolled her eyes. "As stupid as he may seem he is actually pretty good at the entire spying thing- go figure." She paused, looking at me with sympathy. "This isn't going to be easy to watch. It is all the footage Vinnie captured off the tablet camera." She looked over again, waiting for my okay.

I nodded. _It wouldn't be easy, I knew that- seeing her alive, probably seeing footage of us together. But we owed it to her to find out what happened to her. I needed to know what happened._

First clip appeared. I remembered the day, it was right after I had been back from deployment - and it was actually a good day. Funny the camera caught at least one moment of it- as they were few and far between then. I smiled as I watched her in usual Carrie form, always up for challenging me. _I missed her-She and I were better off friends, honestly we probably should have just stayed that, but it was still hard to wrap my mind around the fact she was gone._ I had not watched anything since her passing, and something about it was peaceful, in an odd sort of way.

We watched a bunch of other random clips, nothing weird or suspicious, just proof Bonnie Deville did have an ordinary life at times.

"And this is the day she died." Veronica said as she eyed the screen intently, us both noticing a giddy Gia in the background. _I suppose she was happy- to have gotten Carrie to budge on her post rehab policy of no partying._ "Gia did say she was at Carrie's house that day."

The screen went blank for a second, a zoomed in shot of Gia's face appearing on screen. "Wait, what is that? Where are we now?" I asked confused. _This was Carrie's tablet after all right? Not Gia's._

Veronica's entire body stiffened as it seemed she sensed a revelation coming, her eyes sparking as she pointed to the screen. "Recognize this? She's at the 09er, and check out that time stamp."

"12:32." I said, processing what we were witnessing. "That is when I got the text from Carrie saying she needed my help." I spoke the words out-loud hoping my mind would piece together the clues.

Veronica kept her gaze straight ahead. "Carrie didn't send you that text. Gia did. Right here. From Carrie's tablet." She said the last statement with a questioning tone. "It was Gia trying to get you to show up at Carrie's house." She paused, the revelation was now in full clarity for her. "I know what happened."

I turned my body completely towards her, my shoulders tensing at the same time as relief washed over me. It was an odd combination to be feeling at the same time. She did not say anything as she stood to her feet, keeping a death glare on the paused picture of Gia's face. She laced her purse around her shoulder, looking to me frantically.

"We've got to go."

"Wait Veronica? Aren't you going to tell me?" I reached out touching her arm to stop her as she had already started walking away.

"I will, in the car- you drive." She commanded and I immediately jumped to my feet, grabbing my keys from the desk as we rushed by.

I think I unlocked the car, jumped in and started it in one motion, my eyes on her expectantly as she buckled her seat belt.

"We need to stop by my dad's office and get something, and then we are going to stop in for a visit to our fine sheriff." She smiled devilishly.

"Okay, now spill-" I said pulling out of the beach drive.

"I was right- something happened on that boat, the night Susan died. My guess? Susan's so called friends knew more about her untimely death then they let on. Carrie- Susan's best friend could not take the guilt so she began to crack."

I nodded along as I continued to drive as quickly as possible, glancing over at her often.

"Gia was over there to see Carrie earlier. It is reported she left, but what if Gia didn't go alone? Perhaps Luke was a stole away in the trunk?" She raised her eyebrow. "All Gia had to do we leave a door or window unlocked and then he could finish the job. All he had to do was grab the tablet and bring it with him to the 09er after, so they could text you and get the blame on you." The lines around her mouth tightened as a flicker of anger flashed in her eyes. "Perfect plan right?"

I took a deep breath as I clenched the steering wheel. _Carrie's own friends had murdered her in cold blood._ "Well, I am guessing they were not planning on you coming back into town."

She grinned as we approached the Mars Investigation building. " That is the beauty of it huh? I have always loved catching those 09er's in their dirty schemes."

We both walked quickly to the stairs. "Well, it is your speciality." I said dryly as she grabbed her keys from her bag, opening the door. "So what are we here for?"

She flicked on the light, running into her dad's private office. "We have to work on your wardrobe." She hollered as I heard her rifling through the office like a mad woman.

"And I thought I looked so nice today."

She walked out of the office with amusement all over her pretty face. "You do, you do. But everyone could always use a free hug." She raised the hideous trucker hat along with her eyebrows.

I chuckled. "Your dad's trucker hat cam I presume?"

"The one and only."

"Do I even want to know?" I put my hands in my pockets as she approached me, standing on her tip toes as she securely pulled it on my head. Our faces were inches from each other for a moment, her familiar and tempting fragrance brushing against me as she smirked. _Two of my weaknesses._

I smiled wide once the heels of her feet hit the floor, her voice laced with excitement. "We are going to use this baby to take down the sheriff. Solve Carrie's murder, get the corrupt law enforcement out of office- kill two birds with one stone." She looked truly like herself for the first time since she had been back.

"Yeah and how do you plan on that?" I had to fight the adoration from seeping out like it usually did when her mind was four steps ahead of mine.

"I am planning on him being as big of jerk as his brother."

<<<<

Veronica:

Sheriff Lamb acted accordingly- my plan working perfectly. So once I finally nailed down the last bits of evidence to tie Carrie's murder to her "friends" then he would go down with them. _I really was fantastic at this job._ Logan parked in front of Dick's place- his roommates truck now present in the driveway.

"You want to come in?" Logan asked as he locked the car, placing the keys in his pocket.

I eyed the door with a scowl. "I see your roomie is home."

Logan smirked, his right dimple showing as his eyes twinkled. "And I thought you two were getting along."

I laughed. "Peace is acquired through our mutual fondness of you."

He exhaled, looking off towards the view of the water. "So you did it-" His voice caught. "We know what happened." A peace filled his face, something that had been absent this last week.

"Yeah. I am sorry, Logan. I know you are glad to know- but still it is never easy hearing what happened."

He nodded solemnly. "I just hate that it was them. She thought they were her family. But- I am glad that I understand now- It helps somehow."

"Yeah, like your mind can stop trying to figure it out, and now on bringing her the justice she deserves."

"Exactly." His mouth lifted up sweetly, a unique trait of Logan that always played at my affection. "And again- thank you. You saved my ass yet again, Ronnie." He grinned wide now at the nickname and my adamant loathing of it.

"Not so fast- we still have got to prove it." I reminded.

"Yeah." He shrugged. "But I don't doubt your skills."

There was a moment of silence between us, his eyebrows pulling in as he cocked his head to the side curiously. " By the way..when do you leave?"

I swallowed hard, my eyes lifting in guilty reaction. "Well." I looked at my watch. "About an hour ago was when my flight took off." I gritted my teeth.

"Veronica."

"It is okay, I will get another one. No big deal." I assured him. _Yeah I just wont mention that my dad nearly bit my head off through text when I informed him a few hours ago. That I haven't told my boyfriend whose parents were coming in today, and that I have about seven missed calls and voicemails from my future employer._

"I can't let you screw up all you have worked for. Not for me." He said with a stern tone, concern was evident in his face.

"Logan." I touched his arm, the contact making my breath short, the warmth of his skin coming through his shirt. My hand lingered and his eyes moved to my hand. I cleared my throat as I dropped the contact. "This isn't you. I wanted to stay. You aren't screwing anything up." He looked back at my eyes, his had been on my hand until now. I could see his chest rise with a shaky breath, he was feeling it too. He continued to stare, like he knew I had more to confess. "Truth is-" I placed my hands in my back pockets. " I am not sure what I want anymore."

His expression lifted with a hope and I immediately disarmed it. "I mean the lawyer thing- I just don't know. It is good having this time to think."

He nodded as he traced the ground with his foot, him seeming to need the moment to recover. "Well, just follow your heart Veronica- wherever it leads you. It wont lead you astray."

I chuckled with a flat tone. "Yeah, my head does seem to be the one that screws me over."

He smiled, seeming to have to hold his tongue. I returned it as I fiddled with my dad's keys, motioning to his old car. "Well, I better get the car back to dad. Plus I have a stern and probably long lecture waiting on me."

"Good luck with that." He walked me over, opening the door for me.

I climbed in, and I could feel the heat of his breath against my skin as he leaned into the car. I slowly turned, looking up at him as I leaned my head against the wheel, feeling suddenly weak with all sorts of temptation at the view of his liquid brown eyes. "You should come to dinner. Dad is cooking and we can discuss the case. Figure out a game plan."

I relaxed as he nodded, to my surprise accepting the invitation. "You sure your dad wont mind?"

I shook my head. "No, he will be fine."

"Mars family dinners. I have missed them" He laughed pulling back up from the car.

"They are legendary." I started the engine. "So 8 okay?"

"Yeah, that is great."

We both held our contact a moment longer, him beaming for a moment before stifling the emotion. "See you later."

"See you." He shut my door, stepping back as he waved. And I got a clear view of him in my rearview mirror as I pulled out. All 6ft of perfection my parting gift.

<<<<

Piz:

I placed mom and dad's bags on the curb, rolling my eyes at my mom's mention of her hair for the hundredth time since the airport. _I loved my parents, but I realized clearly why the distance was good._ The bright spot had been the conversations of Veronica, though honestly those felt laced with forced happiness on my part. Veronica did not give me much credit when it came to discernment. I guess if you were a prodigy in the world of crime solving then you see any one else as dense when reading human nature. But I knew something was up- she hadn't been my Veronica for a while.

My cellphone began to buzz and I felt the combination of dreadfully sick and seething mad at the image of her name on the caller id. I blew out the tense air as I answer. " I believe the captain told you the use of cell phones was prohibited." _Ah there was my passive aggressive side._

She laughed, the kind that was full of guilt. "I am not on the plane."

I took another deep breath as I forced a happy tone. "Yeah, I gathered." I swallowed. _There is always a sense you get- when these things are crashing and exploding._

"I really want to be there with you." I cringed. _That sounded as forced as my fake pleasant voice._ "There's just so much going on here right now. I just- I could't leave."

I could feel all color leave my face with her words. "Sure you could." My voice was flat, and dead of emotion and I am sure she could tell.

"Okay." she paused. "Could you maybe try and understand why I chose not to?"

I sighed. That moment of complete clarity hit me, when you see a relationship for what it is. This was the second time I had such a moment with her, and oddly enough it was over the same reason or person rather . I wanted to chuckle at the irony but I refrained. _It was like that moment all over again- seeing her face in that cafeteria all those years ago. I've always known deep down that I could not compete with those two._

Nearly ten years later and here I was on the side of the street feeling the same level of humiliation as I did back then, something I swore I never would feel again. It was over. _She knew it- I knew it._ It was just time to end it, stop fighting the powers at be that so connected those too. Heck I have tried for years to be Logan Echolls to her- I never succeeded.

"I completely understand." I wasn't even lying. I had told her a long time ago in that coffee shop that I got it, I knew that they were always going to love each other. Seems I was just too dumb to see that meant she could not love me as well. Or maybe just too in love with her to let go. "That's why I think it is just- just time for us to walk away."

"Wait no- no that's not what this is. I mean- that's not what I want."

I closed my eyes, the truth of her denial was the most hurtful. Somehow she had convinced herself I was the life she wanted, and even though she said the right things I could hear it tearing her a part to actually speak them.

"Veronica, I am standing outside of a hotel with my parents who flew to New York mostly to meet you." _All right. Time to be the good guy, point out what she seems to be missing. That clear piece of truth that is staring her in the face._ She has been denying it for so long it seems she could not see it anymore and hell she had even got me blind to the painfully obvious truth. She loved Logan, and her heart, loyalty, affection- whatever you wanted to call it belonged to him. "So that loyalty or friendship or whatever it is-" _Yeah we know what it is._ "That made you have to stay in Neptune, I wish that same feeling made you get on the plane today."

I scoffed. "Look I gotta go let my mom off the hook-she's concerned her blow out's gonna flatten before you get here." _Stupid blow out._

Her voice shook, though it was painful to hear her not fight it at all. One year and this was all that was left. "Piz- I'm - I'm really so-"

"Yeah, okay- goodbye, Veronica." I hung up, before she got to hear my voice crack.

I took a long breath as it shook, tears stinging my eyes. _SO I guess that was it._

<<<<

Logan:

I parked my car in the empty space down the street, and made the walk to the Mar's home. I kept my eyes open, you had to be that way these days in Neptune- always watching. I spotted a car parked in a garage, two people inside that I could not make out, but I looked intently at them as I passed. Whoever they were , good or bad, I wanted them to know I was aware.

I felt a combination of excitement and nerves as I saw the light on the porch on, a welcoming tone reflecting off the house. It had been awhile since I had eaten with Veronica and her dad, and I could not help but let the flash backs of our first dinner play in my head. She had been so nervous I was going to say something stupid, and I was so determined to show her I wouldn't, that I was in complete control- that she never knew about how I nearly sweated through my shirt on the way there.

I pursed my lips together as I fought the smile, truth was all I ever wanted was to be a member of their family, to be a part of a real one. One where people actually love each other, care for each other. At one point I hoped it would be a reality- now it was just a dream that had never come true. I sighed as I reached the steps. _Seems it would stay that way._

_Here goes nothing._ I began to climb the steps, the sound of a racing car gaining my attention. My first fear in this place is a drive by- and before I could duck I notice the small, old car from before being wrecked by an out of control truck.

I figured it was a drunk driver, and I slowly walked towards it to help- I had training to deal with these sort of situations to some degree, they train you how to handle different scenarios of crisis in the military,

My heart sped up when I saw the victims, both of them appearing lifeless as I ran toward the car, and then the overpowering feeling of nausea hit me as I grew closer- Mr. Mar's bloody face clear in my vision.

"Mr. Mars!" _God, help him be alive- please help him be alive._ I would do anything to spare Veronica that pain- her losing her dad- as tough as I knew she was I was always afraid she would never recover from it. I had seen what happened to her when we thought he was gone the night Cassidy jumped off the roof, holding her in my arms for hours as she lay motionless, almost life less. _I had vowed that I would do everything in my power to never see her like that again._

Here I was seeing the woman I loved father unconscious and, truthfully I have never felt more out of control in my life. I had been at war, spent months on air craft carriers , flown fighter jets in some of the most dangerous places in the world- but right now I was terrified. Terrified for _her._

I reached in my pocket to grab my phone, dialing 911 quickly as I opened the door to check on him. "Yeah, I need an ambulance." I looked up, my words cut off at the sight of the same truck retuning- returning to finish the job. _Appears this was not a drunk driver after all._

"Oh my god." I said under my breath as I spotted the head lights. I immediately reached in grabbing him- I wasn't giving up with out a fight- I would die trying before I let him die on my watch. I gripped him pulling as hard as I could.

"Mr. Mars, come on. Come on." I said just hoping he could hear as I continued to stare death in the face. My body tensed as I used all strength for one final pull, convinced that _the die trying_ would be my fate, getting a glimpse of her on the street right before the car crashed again.

After the loud crash I quickly checked to see if he was still in my arms- if we were still alive- I never wanted her to have to witness both of our deaths in one moment. _Veronica._ I panicked looking up, breathing a sigh of relief as she threw herself in to us grabbing her father from my arms.

"Dad! Dad! Dad!" She screamed, our ears ringing from the loud impact before."No, open your eyes. Open your eyes, now! Dad, wake up. It's Veronica." Her voice cracked and shook with fear.

People began to fill the streets now, anyone within a block could have heard the accident. I screamed out commandingly. "Call for an ambulance now!"

An elderly man nodded at me as he picked up his phone. "I will." I heard his deep voice become background noise as he made the call, my eyes now on her as she still was pleading with her dad. I casually reached down to his neck, not wanting to alarm her as I felt for a pulse. I don't think she had thought yet to do so as she was still in shock. I said a prayer, thanking God he was still alive as I pulled my hand away.

"Medics are on there way." I said calmly, but I don't think she heard me as she grew more hysterical the longer he went without waking.

I pulled up on my knees, sitting beside her as she cried, keeping a hand on her as I tried to shield them from the growing crowd. It didn't take long for the flashing red and blue lights to appear and the EMT's were up on us within seconds.

I moved away to make room, but Veronica stayed put still calling out for her dad- it was like she was oblivious to anything but him.

The woman medic spoke up firmly. "We need to get through." Still no response. "Miss, you need to let us through." Finally the woman lost her patience raising her voice as she touched her. "Move!"

I reached in grabbing Veronica, her collapsing as they moved in front of her immediately checking his vitals. Her body shook as the sobs poured out. "He is going to be okay." I whispered in her ear and she gripped my arm that was wrapped around her tight.

"His pulse is weak- we need to get him to the hospital." The lady continued talking to her partner. She stood quickly looking at us. "Is he family?"

I nodded, standing Veronica with me. "It's her dad. Keith Mars."

"Well does she want to ride in the ambulance?"

Veronica heard this question, stifling her tears quick. "Yes." Her voice was stronger now. "Yes I do."

"I'll come with you." I jumped in- the woman immediately shutting it down.

"No I am sorry- only one person." The gurney was in place now and she and her partner started the process of securing his body to it.

I turned Veronica towards me as I caught her blankly staring at him, biting the end of her nail- her body hiccuping between breaths. "Veronica." I ran my thumbs over her shoulder tenderly, and she looked up at me behind mascara smeared eyes. "I will follow behind you guys in my car. I will be with you at the hospital ok?"

She nodded, her voice breathy. "Thank you."

Just then they motioned to her to follow them to the ambulance and I grabbed her hand as she crawled into the back. "I will be right there." She nodded as the doors shut, a look of desperation all over her face as they closed- like her lifeline was being cut off.

I am not even sure if I parked in the lines, I so quickly got out of the car and ran towards the emergency entrance. The lady at the receptionist desk pointed me to the right direction informing me they already had him being prepped for surgery and that his daughter would be in the waiting room on the third floor. I felt like I could not get a breath for the short elevator ride, the one that felt like eternity. I took off down the hall- spotting her- hands at her mouth as she stared ahead sitting, the sound of the TV in the background.

I slowed my walk regaining my calm nature before I approached her, quietly taking the seat beside her. She looked over at me surprised- the girl who noticed everything was only focused on one thing. Her eyes looked clearer, like the tears had stopped, and she had that firm upper lip- the type she got when she refused to be "weak." She had her tough shell on now.

"How is he?" I asked.

Her voice was more collected as she spoke. "I don't really know. He has internal injuries and needed surgery, they didn't have the time to tell me."

I nodded as I grabbed her hand, her quickly squeezing it back. "He is tough- you got that hard shell from him you know."

She smiled wide. "Yeah I know."

We both took a deep breath as we locked eyes again. "You saved him." She said softly. My mouth hung open, I did not know how to respond. Her eyes glazed over. "Thank you-" she stuttered, grabbing my hand again. "I thought for a moment there I lost both of you." She had a stray sob. "I can't- I just can't believe that almost happened." Her breaths grew uneven again.

I scooted closer, shushing her calmly. "You can't think like that. We both made it out alive."

She looked down as she pressed her lips together a stray tear escaping her eyes as she glanced up. "It's funny how you can see a thousand memories in a split second in moments like that." _I knew exactly what she meant._ " I kept seeing my dad and me, memories of days in parks- or him tucking me in. Even all those cases we did together." She smiled, it disappearing quickly. "And I had regret, Logan. I regretted that I had stayed away from him all these years."

"Veronica- he wouldn't want you to feel that way, he wanted you to pursue-"

She cut me off. "And I saw you, and all those unreturned calls and all those years of silence. And I hated myself."

The air caught in my lungs. "No regrets. If I had died tonight-" I had to gain the courage to say what I needed, swallowing hard. "You could be happy cause you have to know that you- you gave me my best memories. You could never feel guilty about that."

Her eyes slanted in wonder at my words, and I worked hard to seem emotionless, to not wonder what was filling her mind- when a doctor in a surgical mask walked in.

"Miss Mars?"

We both stood like we had been electrocuted. "Yes?" Veronica asked walking quickly to the young doctor.

"Hi, I am Heather, I am an intern in on your dad's surgery and the surgeon sent me out to give you an update. Your father has lost a lot of blood- but we are giving transfusions. He needs internal repairs but the doctor believes he can fix them. We don't know the full extent yet, but he has held on this long and that is a good sign." She paused giving a faint smile. "I better get back in- hopefully next update will be from the surgeon himself."

"Thank you." I said as the young doctor walked away, and I watched as Veronica began to pace.

I realized pretty quickly that talking wasn't the answer. So we walked, then sat, then walked some more. She had to keep busy- and I swear we covered miles as the hours passed. I got her to drink some coffee, but she wouldn't eat. She randomly would speak , though it seemed her mind was too busy to think of words to say.

"Wallace, Mac-" She said as she stopped in her tracks."Oh my gosh I can't believe I didn't call." She pulled out her phone.

"Hey I will call Mac and you take Wallace ok?" She smiled in appreciation as she dialed the number.

After my call with Mac I made my way back over to Veronica.

"No, I am fine. Logan is with me." She bit her lip as she listened to her friend.

"I will call as soon as he is out. Yeah, ok- bye bye." She hung up, immediately jolted like a bolt of lightening hit her again."Piz." She reached for the phone stopping midway.

"You okay?" I asked.

Her face fell. "Um, yeah. I just- I don't need to call him." Everything in me wanted to know why but I refrained, after all that wasn't what mattered right now. She gulped, her blue eyes looking like they wanted to spill the secret. "We actually broke up a few hours ago."

I felt everything in me drop in surprise- it like a swift kick to the gut, painful- yet hopeful. "I am sorry, Veronica." Was all I could muster out.

She nodded. "Yeah me too. I didn't want to hurt him. But I am just not the girl for him." She said flatly, almost unemotional- shocking considering it was such new news.

Before I could open my mouth, the surgeon opened the doors and I think we both held our breath.

"Miss Mars. Your father has some pretty serious injuries. He has fractures of the ribs,skull, and pelvis. We're gonna have to keep him in the ICU."

"When can I see him?" She sniffed behind the new tears.

"It will probably be a couple days." He answered.

"And Sacks? The other man in the car?" She asked

The doctor's face fell. "I am afraid he was DOA. Was he a friend of yours?"

Veronica paused. "Yes, yes he was."

"I am sorry for your loss."

We both felt the sudden feeling of the wind being knocked out of us. Sacks- I had been around him my fair share of times. _How many times had that guy booked me?_ I felt a surge of sadness, he had always been kind. Maybe misguided or influenced, but never mean or cruel.

"So how is Mr. Mars doing?" I asked.

"He pulled through- the fact he is stable is remarkable. You have a fighter for a father, Miss Mars."

Veronica smiled, her body backing into mine slightly for comfort. "I know."

The doctor continued. "It is still too soon to say, but I am hoping he will stay stable- and make it through." He motioned towards the doors. "I really should go check on him. " We nodded. "Go home and rest- we will call with updates."

We walked to the car silent, I noticed her shoulder would brush against mine like it use to when we walked side by side, but she kept her gaze ahead almost stoic like.

"Where to?" I asked as we buckled up.

"My dad's."

I could see the tears sting her eyes as she leaned her head back against the head rest, closing them. The ride had been quiet and I glanced over often to check on her as her eyes stayed shut, I wasn't fully sure if she was asleep until I pulled in front of the house.

I debated waking her, but then I was scared if she woke she would never be able to fall back asleep. I tip toed around the car, slowly closing and opening the doors. I gently unbuckled her seat belt and slipped it behind her, picking her up in one scoop. Veronica had always been light as a feather, her petite body just falling into my arms. I balanced her carefully as I tried not to wake her, making it into the house.

It had been years but somehow the flashbacks of times before played in quick motions. _How many times had I carried her like this?_ The first time we thought her father had passed- her finally falling asleep laid out across my lap, once her breaths were even I carried her to bed, tucking her in. The time I found her in the parking garage, drugged and unable to move. I had put her in her car and drove like a crazed man while dialing her father, him walking me through every step- and to bring her to him. I remember the adrenaline rush as I tried to balance her and make it up the stairs of their apartment everything in me screaming with fear that I was going to lose her.

I laid her on the bed, resisting the urge to kiss her cheek as she curled into the mattress. Happier memories came now- like the few times she fell asleep on the couch at the grand or when we watched a movie at her place- me doing this same ritual of placing her in bed and taking her shoes off. The only step left out was the kiss as I covered her up, I guess that is why it we so hard to resist it tonight- it was habit. I had tucked her in more times than I could count and still in this moment I wish I could do it forever.

I walked out of the room as I closed the door, my eyes falling on the kitchen and the food spread over the counter. It was evidence of the night that was planned- our dinner never happening. I immediately rolled up my sleeves as I began to pick up. Throwing out the old food- doing the dishes- taking the trash out. It had helped- taking my mind off of the worry. I was panicked he wouldn't pull through- that she would be left without him.

I sat on the couch- laying down, then sitting back up, an inner conflict if I should stay or go. I wanted to be here so badly, to be here for her- but I also did not want to assume. We had had years of separation and I did not want to over step my bounds or make her think I was preying on her vulnerability. So I stood deciding against all my natural instincts- to leave.

I rifled through a drawer to find a pen and paper, feeling like I was making a mistake the entire time I wrote out the note. But I pushed through- I could not just assume she wanted me here, not when for years she had been saying the exact opposite.

I walked to the door, the wood floors creaking and just as I reached for the door knob I heard her sweet voice.

"Wait." I stepped back, eying her. "Don't go." She said desperately and I felt a shiver move through my body, then relief- _I had never wanted to go._

"Okay." I could barely utter the words, my body feeling everything it wasn't allowed to as I stared at her. I had seen that look a hundred times, and knew what it had always meant, but surely I was reading it wrong in this moment. Veronica had made it clear that we were done- that chapter had been closed for years. All hope had faded and I held back- knowing I was just seeing what I so desperately wanted to.

She walked towards me, my eyes on her like they could not break free. I kept waiting for her to say something- say something to break the intensity that was coming. My body froze as her hands touched my face, her mouth crashing into mine like she was craving it- like she could not have it quick enough.

Veronica had always tasted sweet- almost like bubblegum or cotton candy. I had at first thought when we were dating that it was her lip gloss- but soon I realized it was just her, it was always there. Now my mouth was engulfed with the familiar taste and I felt everything in me tense- _was it a dream?_ She pulled back a moment and I opened my eyes- taking her in and it was like I saw her- really saw her.

_This wasn't a dream. This wasn't a figment of my imagination. Veronica was here in front of me and I realized the moment I had been hoping for, the one i wanted so badly for years was happening._ And that was all I needed-

I kissed her back quickly, like I could not get enough of her- her warm mouth, her touch. It was like no time had passed as we moved in rhythm, spinning as I picked her up, her body against mine exhilarating. It was like I was getting the moment- the moment everyone dreams of- the one where the impossible comes trues.

I was getting a chance to show her how much I love her again. Even if she was just letting me do it for just this moment- I was going to appreciate each second. Cause one second with her is worth more than a million with someone else.


	19. Chapter 19

**Here is Chapter 19! Hope you love it!**

Veronica:

I awoke startled, sitting up as I gripped the sheets, taking a moment as I processed where I was, what all had happened tonight. I ran my hand across my face, the sickening feeling of reality crashing in of my father lying in a hospital bed in ICU. I swallowed back the tears as a sweet reminder filled my vision- my boots neatly placed in the corner. _Logan._ A faint smile played at my lips. _How many times had I woken up to the sight of my shoes put away, and in the comfort of my bed?_

My stomach dropped again, he had to be gone by now, and I felt the terrible void of his absence as I stared at the empty room. _What I would not give to let him hold me all night._ I picked at the fabric of my sweater, the uncomfortable clothes knotted up against my skin. I threw my feet over the bed making my way to the old closet.

One problem with staying longer than planned was the fact of not packing enough- my pajamas had been the first to run out. I opened the closet that held all of the clothes I had left behind, my hand falling on one shirt in particular- a large navy one put away in the back. If I could not have him physically holding me- then a reminder would have to do. It was a shirt that I had forgot to return- forgot or maybe purposefully kept. Either way it had stayed here in Neptune for safe keeping- I knew I could not have it taunting me everyday in New York, but I could not get myself to part with it. _Right now I was glad of that._

I pulled the fabric over my head, instantly bring the collar to my nose, hoping for a lingering scent of him- but there was nothing. My face fell as I sat on the bed. _This day- it had started out about learning who had killed Carrie- my old classmates. Then led to lectures from my father, hot desire fro my ex who I could not have- and then my current boyfriend now ex breaking up with._ I felt like I should feel more heart broken over Piz- after all it had been years of my life, but all I felt was guilt. I had been wrong to him, I had known a long time that I wasn't happy, yet I used him to hide from what I was scared did make me happy. Now he was hurt- another man added as a notch to my lipstick case- as Dick would say.

I eyed the room all the old memorabilia surrounding me. I could not feel guilty though- I swallowed hard, Piz did not want me - the real version. I noticed the star necklace Lilly had given me placed in the corner of the top of the dresser- I walked over to it. _Maybe he would have like the old me- the naive and innocent version._ Seems I had been holding out for her to still be in there- but she was long gone.

All of us close to Lilly had changed since her death. Me- I had left behind those days of pep and sweetness, the person that came forth flawed but stronger. Logan had gone from the goofball boyfriend of my best friend to the complex person he was now. My dad the most loved man in town to the most hated. Her death had set a path in motion, none of us ever returning to who we were.

I don't know why I had fought it so long- why I held onto the idea that we could all just find our way back. That was never happening and truth be told trying to live out that version of me these last years was miserable. I didn't even know her anymore. I was free now- free to stop hiding behind what I thought I _had_ to be and now embracing who I really _wanted_ to be. And that reality was clear as day- I wanted back here. And most importantly I wanted Logan Echolls.

I heard the floors creak loudly in the living room, as my body tensed- my first thought fear as to who was here. My muscles relaxed as realization dawned on me- _he was still here._

I didn't even think, I just ran out after him, completely throwing caution to the wind as I wore only a shirt- _his shirt._ Whenever clarity hit this hard there was no stopping me- I had to find him, I had to let him know how I feel.

My eyes stopped on the picked up kitchen, my heart melting as tears stung my eyes- I was emotional tonight. I guess maybe I finally saw it- the thing that had been true all along even since our first days together. It going as far back as him standing up for me at his dad's as all our classmates looked in disgust at us. _Logan may have been a bad boy- one with damage and a smart mouth, But underneath it all he was desperately in love with me._ He had always tried to protect me, loved me when I was stubborn as hell-pushing him away. He had been there all along- with miles and continents and even years between us _he was always here if I needed him._

I had been an absolute fool- throwing out a love like that. I had loved him all along- I knew it more than ever in this moment. He was who I wanted- he was who I turned to tonight- he was who I felt safe with. He had always been that person, he had always come through for me, just waiting for me. _Always._

I saw his tall frame at the door as he reached for the doorknob. "Wait." My voice escaped as desperately as I felt. He looked back cautiously at me. "Don't go." I begged.

 _He would do anything I ever asked._ He nodded. "Okay." he still stood back like a person afraid to move, afraid of what trap they would put their foot in. I recognized his expression- he wanted me. But I also recognized the other familiar look covering his face- he thought he could never have me.

The moonlight danced across his face, the shadows playing across his chiseled jaw and features. He looked like perfection, and my skin literally burned with desire. I had been fighting it all week, well actually since the moment we broke up all those years ago. My body could not take it anymore- it was like denying myself the right to air, keeping myself away from him. _And right now? All I wanted to do was breath him in._

I did not mind initiating it- after all I had initiated many moments between us. _Our first kiss on the balcony of the Camelot- that fateful day sealed in my mind. It was funny how I could not see how much I needed him, but one taste and I realized all that I could have in him. I remember the kindles of life flashing again, like waking up for the first time since my best friend died. We both looked in astonishment at the other- feeling the exact same emotion- we were what brought the other back to life._

_I had shown up at his place after our first break our freshman year of college, desperate for him- the separation like torture. I knew how badly I needed him and I caved, putting my pride aside- his lips crashing into mine like a reminder of all he was to me- all he embodied. Logan was everything I needed, and each time I felt his mouth on mine it ignited the presence of that need, that want._

I ran towards him- my mouth connecting with his yet again, like so many other times. My body melted- _that sweet reminder of all he was to me filling my every sense._ I kissed him again, savoring his taste- the way had had always tasted- like fulfillment and desire.

His seemed stunned, almost like he could not believe it-his eyes now on me as I pulled back , the look of astonishment in them so buckling right before the fire lit in them- him reaching down and enveloping my mouth in his. _It was similar to our first kiss- it having the same affect. One touch of our mouths, our bodies- and it was like we had both woken up from an almost decade long coma._ It took no time to relearn how to be that way with each other- it was like muscle memory as he spun me, much like he always did- him scooping me into his strong arms. His fervent kisses multiplied and it was like I was sealing away my future with each one- _I wonder if he could feel it?_ The feeling of him up against me was like feeling whole yet again, as he pressed me against the wall with one more deep kiss and I wondered- _how come I had waited this long to embrace him?_

He pulled back, his breath shaky as his mouth stayed at mine baited. His eyes even in the dark light reflected- studying me, almost like he was wanting to remember _this._ His mouth still lingered near mine, the warmth of his breath mixed with the mint of it making my lips tingle. His hands gripped tight into me as he held on, the feeling of urgency in them radiating through his fingertips.

Our eyes stayed locked as our mouths teased each other, the intensity from his gaze overwhelming, as I could feel his chest rise and fall rapidly. The desire to have his skin close to mine became encompassing as I gave way to all primal urges, ripping it open. His nose gently caressed mine as the tender look lingered, as we communicated completely with our faces,no words needed.

Being _that_ way with him again, as intimate as I could be, brought the same passion and overpowering need for him, but this time with all the years and space between us- I just melted. Finally being with him- where it is right- my body gave in, finding peace for the first time in years.

He gently kissed me, as he changed my position, cradling me like a baby as he carried me back to the room. He laid me down softly meeting me as he put his knees on the bed. I leaned up kissing his mouth again- now that I had started- too many years of them absent- I could not stop. I traced his chest, pulling the rest of his shirt off, and he smirked as I pulled him closer.

I was never going back now-

The tracing of his finger tips sent shivers through me as he alternated from my arm to my back. I curled my head into the crook of neck and let my fingers dance lightly down his abdomen, our breath still shaky as we recovered from our _second encounter_. It was like we were on the same wave length- him peering down at me and me up at him at the same time. It was effortless- being this way with him. _It was never effortless with anyone else._

I grinned, I could not help but grin- I was happy. "Well, that escalated quickly." I teased.

His chest vibrated as he chuckled pulling me a little closer. There was a moment of silence between us, I could tell he was using all his power not to ask the millions of questions running through his head as he continued to sweetly caress me, like he knew there was a timer about to go off where all this disappeared.

I could not blame him for feeling that way- past experience with me- he should be nervous. After all the poor guy had taken the most blows from me by having the "privilege" of being the only one who got through my walls and shells- and his reward? Being burned by me far too many times.

He turned on his side facing me, quickly reaching back out for me as he placed his hand on the small of my back. His eyes were intently on me as they narrowed. "So, are you okay?"

I knew exactly everything behind that question. _Are you okay about your dad? About the fact of what just happened between us? Are you going to run? Is this a one time thing?_

"I am worried about my dad." I said quickly. I paused looking at his handsome face, mine relaxing with a soft smile as I reached out to sweetly touch his. "But, I am feeling like-" I took a deep breath. "Like I am right where I am supposed to be."

Logan's eyes had a way of conveying all he was feeling- if it was darkness it consumed them. But if it was hope or excitement it equally took over, the sight always making my heart jump in return. He kept his voice smooth, as a slow smile spread across his face.

"So?"

"So." I replied as I leaned in towards his mouth, trying to kiss away the insecurity I could see plaguing him. _I didn't know where this was going- I knew I wanted him again, all of him. But truth was I had no idea where Logan's heart was at now- it had been years and I had burnt the bridge leading to our relationship far too many times to be secure in the fact that we could just start over._

"Listen Logan," I looked at his chest, not able to make eye contact. "I have made-made some pretty huge mistakes. Especially when it comes to you. It has taken me a long time to stop running." My breath shook. "And I understand if you could never-"

He flipped me on my back, stroking my hair as he tucked it behind my ear- the familiar sensation it left in my heart resonating through my body as he looked at me like- _I was still his entire world._ "Veronica Mars, you may not realize this, but I don't think there is anything you could do to keep me away." He chuckled as he kissed my nose. "I have 10 years of experience of that." The lines around his mouth tightened as he spoke with conviction. "I am here. Always."

My eyes stung with stray tears- _seems my marshmallow side was in full swing lately. Maybe that is what happens when you finally realize what you have had all along?_

My mouth opened to reciprocate but I could not find the words. Though I was in tune with what I wanted, expressing it was still difficult. I knew I would have to tell him _all_ I was feeling, but right now I just wanted to enjoy him, not mess it up with my lack of communication skills. I laughed lightly. "I am sorry I just kind of jumped you out there."

He raised his eyebrows playfully. "You are the one person I allow to do that- no questions asked." He smirked as he reclined on his elbow, him looking at me with adoration as he let his fingers glide down my body. "That was perfect."

I nodded. "Yeah, well I never forgot how it felt to be with you." I curled into him and he responded holding me tight. _I wasn't use to this side of me escaping- the vulnerable, delicate side. I usually kept it hidden away- but right now with him- there was no other way to be._ "Please stay the night."

"I had no plans to leave. I am here as long as you want me." He said sweetly in my ear.

"I want you." I pulled back, our eyes connecting, I wanted him to feel everything I meant. _I wanted him now- I wanted him forever._

Logan always got my subtle ways of communicating- one reason we had always worked so well. He smiled wide. "You've got me." I curled back into his chest as I laid down and he laughed, flipping me over as his lips teased at my neck. "But I don't have plans for sleep any time soon."

Logan:

The sun crept in through the shades, my eyes squinting as the sound of footsteps woke me. I looked around a second trying to place where I was- her in my line of vision quickly- making the night from before play in my mind. My eyes narrowed as she leaned down, that look of determination all over her beautiful face.

"The only way I am not going to spend the day obsessing about my dad, is by nailing Gia and Luke to the wall. Let's go make em sweat." I fought back the smirk that played at my mouth as she spoke- that fiery side of her, the rough around the edges part, _it was my favorite._

I noticed the quick comfort of how we interacted had come back quickly as she moved in so close to me. I could see it in her sparkling blue eyes- there was no regret- just peace. _She wanted to be right here with me._

I held the side of her face in my hand as I sat up. " Ah- you wake with such tenacity." I grinned studying her. She had already been up and dressed, and I inwardly loved the fact I had slept through it. I had not slept that peaceful since the last time I held her securely in my arms. "How is your dad? Any news?" I asked in groggy voice.

Her face was tortured as she spoke. "They called, that is what woke me. He is still stable- but unconscious."

I nodded, quickly trying to lighten the mood for her. "Would you let me buy you breakfast before we take down the bad guy? You know they say it is never good to solve crime on an empty stomach."

She leaned in for a quick kiss, the ease of it so refreshing as my mouth fought the urge to hold on, her taste still so addictive. "I was planning on you buying me breakfast." She winked as she popped up. "Now, get dressed- I worked up quite an appetite last night."

I laced my hands around her waist catching her. "We could work on building an even bigger appetite." I wickedly grinned.

She took a large breath. "So tempting, but we have work to do. Stop distracting." She swatted at my hands and I released as I jumped to my feet getting a quick kiss to the nape of her neck as I headed toward the bathroom.

I let the hot water our down me, closing my eyes as the feelings of everything that had happened from last night filled my mind. I took a deep breath in, the warm air filling my lungs.

_Her body against me, her skin on me- the baited breaths, and the sweet sounds of her breathing in my ear- it was all as I had remembered- the embodiment of perfection. Being that way with her- was like no other- reaching a true level of intimacy I never shared with anyone else. I truly was one with that girl- mind, body and spirit. I had been since I first felt her lips on mine ten years ago- and it never stopped. Feeling her again, being with her again, it was like second nature. Getting to express how I felt through every touch, every kiss- it was overwhelming as she responded the same- just as vulnerable as me._

_I had tried to remind myself that -knowing her it was probably a weak moment- a moment of passion. But with each second that passed the harder it was to keep that mindset. With each moment I had with her, my body began to crave another- I felt the physical pain wrap around my body when the thoughts of her leaving flickered in. I did not know how I would survive feeling this close to her and then her being ripped away again._

_I tried to stay calm, not let my plaguing thoughts show as I held her- I kept waiting for the bomb to go off- the other shoe to drop, but there was nothing. Nothing but total peace and serenity as the her vulnerability lingered and the words she spoke and expressions that covered her face screamed everything I wanted- she wanted this too._

"We'll need to swing by my dad's office to get some gear after breakfast." She said matter of fact as she walked into the bathroom.

I smiled, her acting as she always did, keeping me company while I showered. "All right." I turned off the water, wiping my body down with the towel and around my waist as I stepped out.

A grin was plastered on my face as our eyes met, hers exploring down me and than back up. She looked curiously. "What?" She laughed self consciously as she wiped at her face.

"Nothing." I responded. _I just missed you terribly._

Veronica:

The sun was bright today, dancing along my skin as the convertible's engine roared in the background. I would slyly glance his way, noticing the sweet expression on his handsome face as he drove. I traced the interior of the car, thoughts of my dad flashing in vivid and morbid memories as I remembered the night before, it made panic surge through my veins, my head aching in response to all yesterday had held.

"Veronica, you okay?" His deep voice asked with an already reassuring tone to it.

I looked up his concerned eyes on me, and melted as they looked so deeply into me. It was overwhelming to see the _look_ again- the one he had reserved for me. I smiled in response. "Yeah, just thinking about my dad."

He nodded with solemn expression as his eyes went back to the road. "I know. I am thinking about him too."

I leaned closer across the arm rest. "But, I am so glad you are here."

He glanced back my way. "No where else I would rather be. You know that."

He parked the car in front of the old diner, the one we had eaten at hundreds of times before. We walked in strides, our shoulders gently brushing against each other, the contact lingering longer each time.

We had not had "the talk" yet, about where this was going. But I was not worried, I guess I knew it was inevitable where _this was going._ We always found our way back to each other.

Just then my hand felt the tips of his grabbing it, him lacing his long fingers through mine- each one connected- as he squeezed. I looked at the image, so sweet and full of memories, as I stepped closer to him and laid my head against his shoulder as we walked into the restaurant.

 _Speaking of memories._ The old waitress June- she had been here since I was a young girl, approached us grabbing two menus with a smirk.

"You two- I have not seen you in ages." Her dark green eyes sparkling as she led us to the booth we normally sat in. _Seemed she remembered._ "Glad to see you, you both together that is." She grinned as she walked away

I pursed my lips as I glanced up at his happy face. "Seems we make an impression-"

"Yeah, well I agree with her. I am glad to see it too."

I licked my lips as his eyes hung on me. "So I assume you are pancakes and I am waffles?" I quipped.

"Yeah, pancakes for sure for me. I have missed them."

I chuckled. "What you don't eat here anymore? They are the best in town."

He looked down at the menu as he slightly mumbled. "Yeah well it has been awhile." His voice trailed on the last word.

"Awhile?" I still tried to lace my voice with a peppiness though I could see his ease disappearing.

He glanced up. "Well, you showed me this place. Could not really come back here without you I guess."

I nodded as I saw just another small example of how I had affected his world. "Well, we should get two plates of pancakes then."

Logan:

I paid the bill at the counter, looking behind every so often as Veronica chatted on the phone. I handed June a large tip, her smiling as she accepted.

"Thanks, June."

"Hope to see you two around here more." She said.

I smiled with a lingering hope. "Yeah, me too."

Veronica hung up just as I was approaching and I opened the door for her as she walked out. "Alright I just got off with the owner of the building across from Gia's. I convinced him to let me commandeer his roof this afternoon."

My lip played up along with my eyebrow in curiosity. "Convinced?"

She winked "He owes me a few favors after a few pictures I made disappear for him." She shrugged as she continued. "Also a friendly source, aka Curly, who now is the doorman at Luke's building. He said that he would call us when Luke leaves today. I thought you could tail him."

"Corny? Like burn out- pot luck Corny?" I laughed.

"Yes, we ran into each other at the reunion. Seems he spends most days making things out of duct tape but his gig at this building pays the bills."

I shook my head. "You are an endless source of knowledge."

She buckled her seat belt and I slammed her door, her eyes working there way up to the old restaurant. "We should make it a tradition again- to come back here often."I was thankful I had been circling the car now, because the look of excitement that covered my face could not be hidden. _Veronica spoke in code and this one was clear- she was planning on sticking around._ _Seems me and June would get our wish._

I pulled in front of the old warehouse style building, Veronica crawling out with her bags of equipment. I could be wrong but she seemed slightly giddy to be back in surveillance. I crawled out, grabbing the heavy bags from her and lacing them around my shoulder. "Alright. Let's get you to your watch tower."

She clapped her hands together as we walked into the lobby and she buzzed a number with what seemed pure excitement. "Yes?" The voce sounded annoyed.

"It's me Veronica- and I am waiting."

The man was disgruntled as he scoffed in the speaker, the clicking of the door down the hall undoing as he stepped out in only his underwear. _Yeah I didn't need that sight._ But I recognized the man- Chip Diller in all his glory.

"Oh Chip,if you appear in public like that I may have to hide some more photos for you."

He snarked. "Veronica Mars- always so pleasant." His eyes were on me now. "Really dude? Still?"

"Chip, so nice to see you."

"Chip here moved on to building management after dear old Hearst. Daddy bought the building and now he has the pleasure of keeping up with it," Veronica added. "Which means you have the keys to the roof." Her eyes slanted.

He groaned exasperated. "Fine- fine, I am not suppose to give these out." He handed her the key ring.

"You are being so helpful." She grinned condescendingly. "I will return these shortly."

"Don't want to even know what you are up to ok?"

"Promise." She fired back.

"Logan, find a cure man." He looked at me in annoyance as he let his gaze go back and forth between me and his nemesis.

I patted him on the shoulder as I followed the pesky blond. "Don't think there is one. So glad you are just doing so well after those glory days in the Pi Sig House."

"Whatever man- at least i don't follow after the same girl for ten years." His voice said defensively and I smiled with a job well done- I had struck nerve.

She crinkled her nose with that mischievous spunk as she looked back at me. "No cure huh?"

I shook my head. "Eh I don't think so- though I never looked hard for one."

She looked down, biting at her lip. "So you ready for this?"

"Never as ready as you." We started the climb up the stairs. "So what pictures of Chip did you make disappear?"

She chuckled proudly to herself."Remember the easter egg incident?"

I nodded. _Gross, what guy could forget._

"Well, seems more unflattering pictures had shown up in his mail box- someone wanting to use it for leverage in the frat house and he called me over the summer after freshman year. It was my 'last case' you could say."

"And he owes you?"

"Well, he never quite paid me back and I saved the IOU for a rainy day." She opened the roof doors. "Today is a very rainy day."

She walked over to the edge. "Perfect shot. I guess she doesn't believe in curtains." Her phone began to ring in her pocket her pulling it out as she leaned up against me. "Yeah? Okay. Thanks Corny, you rock. I will be buying a duct tape wallet soon." She faced me placing her hands on my chest. "Luke is on the move. You better hurry."

I nodded, looking down at her. "I don't want to leave you." _I had fear of things going bad- i had a long list of memories from the past to confirm this worry._

"I will be fine. I will be here the entire time."

I sighed. "Be careful. Please."

She smiled. "Logan I am always careful."

I scoffed with a chuckle at how untrue that was. "Yeah, well be more careful"

She reached up to her tip toes and I leaned down for a slow kiss, her expectant eyes on me as I could see the wheels turning in her mind. "So you ready partner?"

I laughed. "Gotta say- I missed this."


	20. Chapter 20

**You guys are so kind to me! All the words of encouragement and suggestions- so amazing. And oh my goodness it makes me so excited to hear you guys are loving it and rereading it. I am beyond flattered and overwhelmed.**

**I hope you guys enjoy this chapter- slowly creeping past the move time frame. Hope you love!**

Logan:

Turns out following Luke all the way to Hollywood was a complete waste. Now that Veronica determined it was Stu and Gia I headed back to Neptune, not following the speed limits. Veronica had insisted on checking in with Gia and though I had a bad feeling- I tried not to fight her. Old me would have- and most likely exploded out of frustration of trying to keep her safe and in turn pissing her off. She still worried me, but I knew I had to be different _this_ time around- if I even had a new chance. I had one last shot to make it work with her and I wasn't letting old habits get in the way. So I may have not fought her verbally on going over to Gia's... But to say that I was speeding home was right.

LA was unfortunately two hours away, an hour and a half if you were avoiding traffic laws like I was. I felt my breaths we far and few between, as I held them, just hoping a cop wouldn't spot me. If I got int trouble over _this-_ there was no telling how hard they would come down considering the other charges against me. I pressed my foot harder to the pedal- _I did not care, I had to hurry before something happened._

I had an innate sense when it came to her and danger- I guess I could pin point the ability back to that day at The Camelot. For the first time I saw the situations that her "Nancy Drew" work could get her into, me being naive to the level of what she would get involved in until then. I guess after that moment I became more aware- knowing she would jump head first into anything, so someone needed to look out for her.

The day at The River Styx when she commanded me to stay in the car was the first time I had the sixth sense I would say. I had the gnawing feeling something wasn't right as I fidgeted back in forth in front seat. Finally I said _screw it_ , grabbing the gun from the glove compartment- had a feeling I would need it.

Ever since that moment I learned to embrace it when I felt the "feeling" come on- it had been right the first time, which is why when I got the text from the unknown number about meeting on the roof- I listened to the warning bell that it had to do with _her._ Turns out it was right again.

Even the night her head had been shaved in the parking garage- I had been looking for her all day to make our relationship right- but I also had to say that familiar and plaguing feeling had been creeping in. After I left Wallace and Piz's dorm room, I had actually parked in the parking lot behind it, but the sense came stronger and I decided to walk by where she normally parked, her car alarm blaring to confirm my suspicion.

Now that same pit in my stomach sensation returned, and I hit the gas harder- problem was I was still far away. I pulled out my phone looking at the screen- she was supposed to call and check in almost an hour ago. I dialed her number quickly as I balanced the steering wheel in one hand.

 _Straight to voice mail-_ My stomach dropped further. I scrolled to Keith immediately- him always the person I could call in the aide of protecting Veronica. My finger hesitated over the contact and I scowled at reality flooding back to me. _He had to get better- keeping her out of trouble was a two man job, one filled by the two that loved her most._

The dull noise of the radio sparked my attention as a news report broke in over the music.

" **Breaking news in the Bonnie Deville case." The reporter said in the most official of voices. "Seems that new reports are coming in from the ocean town of Neptune, California, where Deville grew up and spent most of her days when not on tour. It is being sad that another suspect has been apprehended, and thus subject is rumored to have committed another violent murder to another young woman. That is all we have for now as the law enforcement officials are keeping tight lips on the scene."**

"Veronica." I whispered as I gripped the steering wheel.

Veronica:

"I am really fine, thank you." I said to the medic as she examined the scratches on my face.

I watched as the police roped off areas in the old warehouse building, as I sat propped up on an old crate. I had been dying to get back inside Gia's apartment, where I had accidentally dropped my phone when trying to escape Stu. I looked down at my watch- I was supposed to have checked in with him an hour ago- if I knew Logan, he was freaking out.

He had tried to be reserved, voicing his concern but keeping a tight lip on his opinions of me putting myself in danger. I had appreciated the gesture, but now I was feeling guilty for putting him in the situation, I could have waited and now I nearly died and am probably causing him all sorts of panic. I looked at the young, brunette medic.

"Actually do you have a phone I could borrow?"

She smiled politely pulling it form her pocket. "Here you go."

"Thank you." I smiled as I dialed the number, the fact that I remembered the digits without a struggle making it stretch farther. _No answer._ I sighed as I handed it back to her. "If someone named Logan calls you back, can you tell him that I am okay?"

She nodded. "Sure thing." She had young sense about her as her dimples played up deeply in both her cheeks. "Boyfriend?"

My eyebrows pulled in as I debated how to answer the question. "Well, I am not sure." I laughed to myself a bit. "It's kind of a long story- I don't know -boyfriend seems kind of informal for everything that we've been through." She grinned at my rambling as she taped a gauze to the skin above my eyebrow where i had ran into the door on my way out. _I did leave out the part that the term boyfriend also seemed a tad formal considering I had no idea where we exactly stood._

My friendly exchange with the EMT disappeared as my eyes traveled to her co workers as they rolled a gurney past, a zipped up body bag on top. _Another one of Neptune's young, meeting there death far too soon._ I frowned as I fought the tears that stung my eyes. Gia and I were never close and I would never consider us friends, but at one point I would have. Flashes of her winsome personality and quirky behavior making me chuckle. _Those were the days before Stu Cobbler stole that spark._ He had a long list of young girls on his list now: Susan, Carrie- now Gia, and he almost had me. Death always brought the stinging reminder of that day I saw my best friend lifeless by the side of the pool that we had spent many a day. It never became easy, not even with all the many bad things I had seen, Lilly still haunted me.

"Were you friends?" The young girl asked as she collected her medical supplies.

I pursed my lips. "Use to be."

"I am sorry for your loss, really I am. It is such a shame when someone so young-" Her voice trailed off. "Even in my line of work I never get use to it."

"Mine too."

She looked up curiously."What do you do?"

"Private Investigator."

Logan:

The scene was a mad house, every available man from the sheriff's department surrounding the scene. I even saw more official faces, people that appeared to be detectives- dressed in their dress shirts and slacks as they walked in and out of the roped off area. I had not given up hope yet- I am not sure if it was denial, if I physically could not face the possibility she was gone- or if it was the sense that I knew she was still here. I felt that connection- and that was what I was clinging to.

My hands stayed clenched as I approached the building, Sheriff Lamb coming out the doors as he hollered at the crowd that was circling.

"Step back, step back now!"

A group of medics came out the doors, wheeling a gurney behind them- the evidence of whose life was lost laying on it. Everything in me went cold as I eyed the bag, a sweat breaking out over my body as the blood began to drain from my face.I studied the zipped up bag, taking a step forward, as if I though if I looked hard enough at it that I could get a glimpse of who was inside.I swallowed hard as they passed by the air catching in my face as their movement had created it. No one even acknowledged me, my knees buckled. _They could be wheeling away the only woman I ever truly loved, and they had no idea._ My legs wobbled as I felt my stance shake, I was losing my grip.

"News you may be a free man and you just had to show up and see?" The condescending tone spoke out.

I slowly looked his way, his long hair slicked back in usual fashion making me want to use my clenched fists for good. A sharp intake of breath caught in my lungs as I took a shaky step toward him. "Veronica-" My voice sounded breathy, like I had run a marathon. "Where is she?"

He smirked,knowing exactly what I was asking. _Was she dead?_ "I am sorry, Mr. Echolls, we are keeping all victims whereabouts of this crime confidential. You will know shortly."

My anger surged through each vein like it had a purpose and I could see each one bulge in response across my forearm. "Please, tell me if she is okay." I said with a shaky voice, my temper causing it to tremble.

He leaned further into my face as he annunciated each word. "And I told you- con-fi-den-tail."

That was it, all restraint escaping as I reached out grabbing him by the collar and jerking him closer into my face, my refluxes starling him. "Listen to me you little bastard- tell me what happened to her!"

He pushed me off as he lifted his voice."Calm down, Mr. Echolls." He said in pleasing tone for the crowd, leaning in for a whisper as he continued. "You better be glad I have so much going on here or you would have been booked for that."

I returned the quiet, yet forceful tone. "If something did happen to her and it is because of your inept skills or lack of effort to find out who really hurt Carrie, then you will have a whole lot of hell to pay." I seethed as I looked into his eyes. "I am a powerful person, with a lot of money and without her- very little reason not to make your life miserable. So I suggest you start telling me what you know."

He fixed his collar as something I said seemed to change his tone- people always took the millionaire son of a murderer serious when he made threats.. "Fine. I will let you see for yourself." He stepped back raising the tape and I crouched under it. "Go inside."

I nodded as I gave him one last warning glance, making my way inside the chaotic building. My eyes scanned the room quickly assessing it. In training they had taught us how to eliminate and process what was in front of us quickly, so we could make life and death decisions in an instant. I had gotten good at it, but it seemed when it came to _her_ those skills were lacking, visions of her lifeless blurring into my mind. I could not lose her- of anyone Veronica was the person I could not bare to lose to the powers of death.

"I have given my statement twelve times. I want to go home- in case you haven't noticed I had an eventful night. Plus I have a dad in the hospital and people to let know I am okay!" Her familiar and volatile tone filling the room, hitting my ears before my eyes found her. I frantically searched, as a surge of life reentered my body at the sight of her, giving the poor deputy an ear full.

I did not think- I just ran, stepping in front of the large officer and scooping her face into my hands. "Veronica." I smiled, her shocked faced melted to peace, as she could see through my watery eyes what I had been thinking. "You are okay." I took a large breath as I pulled her into my arms tightly, wrapping one around the small of her back and gripping the back of her neck with the other. _Holding her, I would never take the feeling of her against me for granted._

"Yeah." She said in a more emotional voice than she used with the cop. _Seems she had been scared too._ She pulled back, her voice more shaky now. "Logan, I am sorry- I should have listened to you- and you had to be worried- and-"

"Veronica." I grinned, tucking her wild hair behind her ear. One look at her I could tell she had been through a lot, but I was just relieved to see life in those blue eyes. I could take care of each bruise and scratch. "It is okay." I paused as I took her in, every detail. Never wanting to forget every line of her face or sparkle in her eye. I had feared I would never see them again moments ago. "The skies blue right?" I continued. "And that means- one day back in your life romantically and you have already had me worried sick. It all just kind of falls under that statement.I know what I am getting into.I am just glad you are okay."

She laughed softly. " Sucks for you huh?"

"Nah, it is well worth it. Trust me."

Her eyes darted about the room, her mind somewhere else instantly."Veronica, you okay?" I touched her arm to bring her back.

Her eyes glazed with the appearance of tears. "Gia." She said with a defeated tone through her voice.

"She is the-"

She nodded quickly. "Yeah, she confessed to it, and Stu shot her. It was him, he had been blackmailing them all these years. He killed Carrie."

I blew air out my nose, as I processed what she said. "And you are okay?"

"Yeah, I am."

I looked around grabbing the attention of an officer. "Can she go home now?"

"I am not sure sir, I will have to check with the sheriff."

"Okay, thank you."

Quickly our favorite sheriff appeared, eying me as my arm was laced around her. "Seems those threats were unnecessary earlier, weren't they Mr. Echolls?" Veronica glanced up at my curiously and my jaw tightened as I looked back at Lamb.

"Can she go home?" I asked pointed.

He sighed, acting torn. "Mm, I suppose. But keep your cell on- we may have questions."

"Well, I will need it back to get your calls."

He placed his hands in his pockets. "Demanding pair aren't we?" Veronica glared, something she had gotten very good at doing to anyone with Lamb as a last name. "Check, with Carl at the door. He can get it for you."

Veronica passed by him, staying close to me. "So sorry about Sacks." She said as she locked eyes with him. "Such a shame right?" There was a lot of accusation in her voice and the sheriff picked it up right away.

"Yes." He said smoothly. "Unfortunately there is no time to grieve in this line of work."

"Hm, so unfortunate." She fired back.

We made our way to the car and she whispered with venom under her breath. "He has no idea what is waiting for him tomorrow."

Veronica:

Being taken care of by him had always been something I cherished, as a person who prides themselves on needing no one- I never would admit it out loud, but him looking out for me was something I missed. It would surprise most people that knew him, about this tender side- especially those from high school. Logan Echolls- jack ass, and most popular one in school- the guy whose strength seemed to grow by how much he put another down. Yeah well "that guy" ended up being loving, and kind, selfless and heroic. He was such a surprise- a pleasant one and right now I would enjoy the benefits of being one of the few who knew "this side."

I watched him from the doorway as he started the shower, leaning in to check the temperature. "You relax, wash off- I will go make you something to eat." He locked eyes with me as we met half way in the bathroom. He slowly reached out to touch my cheek. There was a lot he wasn't saying, I could see it deep in his eyes, the storm cloud formed in them showed the depth of what he was feeling. _He was still recovering from thinking he lost me-for good._

I ran my hand up to his, the one touching my face as I lightly squeezed. "Thank you." Was all I said as our eyes stayed on each other, the passion building between us each second as the steam rose. Just our hands intertwined, that slight contact had brought back the memories of last night and so many more from the past- the ones we had hoped would be in our future that had seemed almost gone earlier tonight.

I had entertained the thought that I would die tonight, as Stu zeroed in on me. I had the thoughts of Logan's eyes, their color- recalling each speckle of gold around the center, and how it felt to have them on me. I thought of the way his hands felt against my skin whether lightly touching or fully gripping- it was electric, the texture rough, yet smooth as he traced my skin. His laughter or the fleeting moments where he was not weighed down- when his glorious smile would appear. I had always hated Aaron from robbing us all from experiencing it more, it like sunshine- its brightness. Logan was meant to be happy, care free- yet he had been left with all the scars of others making those cherished moments in my mind few. But- I grieved the thought of never seeing it again. His lips and the way they tasted, his baited breaths against my skin and the way our worlds felt like they merged when our mouths touched. All of it- it all flashed before me in that moment, when I thought I was going to die. _And it seemed only fair- that I get but a taste of him again and then be separated permanently. After all I deserved it right?_

I could see right now he had the same morbid flashes of me. We had been separated so long, now on the brink of something- jumping back in, and we were scared to death to lose the chance.

His thumb moved down my neck as his hand gripped it, him softly playing at my lips with his. This kiss was slower, more deliberate than the ones last night. He thought through each graze of our lips and with each touch the need grew more, my hands reaching out to him, pulling him as close to me as I could manage.

He reacted to me- gripping me tighter, his fingertips locked into my back. He ran his nose along my jaw line to my neck, his mouth moving back up to my ear. "Veronica." The way his voice sounded when he said my name was thrilling, and just like many times before I could hear the way he felt about me just through his tone. I pulled back, gazing into his eyes as I leaned back in slowly, keeping our eye contact as long as possible until our lips touched again, the feeling all consuming each time making my eyes close tight.

I opened them briefly, finding his eyes on me still as he studied me- a smirk playing at his mouth as he broke the contact- slowly teasing my mouth. He picked me up around the waist- setting me on the bathroom counter in one swoop, his muscles flexed around me as he looked at me adoringly .

"I see that you still have right to the nickname, Bobcat." He kissed along my nose, once he reached the tip chuckling at all the memories tied to it.

I laughed at the break in the heat, the other marvelous parts of our relationship escaping into the moment. I was thankful for each facet. I bit my lip in a teasingly seductive way. "You have no idea."

After Logan and I adequately showed the other how pleased we were to the fact I wasn't dead- I took the shower, though there was little to no hot water left after how long we had left it running. I ran the towel through my hair as I threw a tshirt on and sweat pants- _glad I got that load done this morning._ I glanced at my phone, the painful reminder of equally as great as it was with Logan, my father was still in trouble.

I quickly dialed the number I had called multiple times today. "Hi yes, I am Veronica Mars- I wanted to call and check on my dad, Keith Mars."

The nurse paused as she pulled his chart. "He is still stable- which is great. The doctor hopes to see him regain consciousness soon and I see he has it marked as okay for family visits tomorrow."

"When are visiting hours?" I lit at the thought of just seeing him.

"9-5 in ICU."

"Okay, thank you."

I walked out to the kitchen Logan carrying a bowl of soup and a pepsi can to the coffee table. He heard my feet against the floor and he peered back at me, the mischievousness in his gaze seeming to be recalling our moments earlier in the bathroom. He didn't mention it though as he kept his voice normal. "Have a nice shower?" He asked placing the food down.

I made my way over, sitting on the couch as I pulled my feet in. "Yeah actually. Nice to wash off this day."

He looked down at the soup in the bowl. "Sorry this was all that was in there. I can run and get take out too- just wanted to get something in you."

I smiled reaching for the bowl. "It's perfect. I am not that hungry anyway." He nodded understanding. I took a sip of the hot soup, placing the bowl down. "You know- you are a free man now." I smiled.

"Thanks to you." He added, leaning in with a smirk.

We both stared back down,as it grew silent again. _What do you say when you have years worth of feelings and regrets hanging between you?_

"Any news about your dad?" He asked concerned.

"Yeah, I get to visit tomorrow." I smiled wide and he returned it. _Ah there was one of those bright moments of his, I would from now on have to catalog them in my mind._

"I will get you there first thing tomorrow."

It was silent again and his knowing eyes were on me. "So what do you want to do tonight?"

I nibbled at my lip, the words of intimacy always hard for me to speak. "I just-" I smiled. "I just want to be with you."

He looked pleased as he reclined back into the seat, grabbing the remote. He peered up at my playfully as he motioned to his shoulder and I crawled over quickly, laying my head against it as the TV turned on. He kissed the top of my head and I buried myself deeper into him. He flicked through the channels- reality shows galore and a few old movies filling the screen.

He inhaled a large breath as he casually placed his empty hand on mine. "I missed that smell."

I glanced up. "What?" I laughed lightly.

"You- your shampoo always smelt like peppermint and your skin like Promises."

"You remembered what my shampoo smelt like?" I asked curiously.

He nodded still looking at the screen. "Yeah." He glanced down sweetly. "I don't think I forgot a thing about you."

My mouth hung open in a delighted awe as I smirked, my words interrupted as a news report broke on TV. Both our eyes darted to the television.

" **Logan Echolls appears to be a free man, after a long time friend of Bonnie Deville has been murdered. Through investigation it appears the friend was an accomplice to Bonnie's murderer and the person responsible for both girls death is in custody. Sheriff Lamb, from Neptune has released a statement."**

Lamb's smug face appeared on the screen, he was already eating up the attention. **"I just want to thank our marvelous staff for getting to the bottom of this case. We are all relieved to have answers and will be sharing them with the public soon. It shows that small town law enforcement can be quality as well."**

I scoffed. "I can't wait to wipe that smug look off tomorrow."

Logan laughed. "And how are you doing that?"

"Trucker hat cam came in handy and his little speech about your innocence may have already been emailed to every major news contact I have."

"You've still got it." He teased as he ran his hand along my leg - the phone ringing in the other room.

I stared at my dad's old time landline with dread- the hospital knew to call my cell, so anyone calling was not anyone I was close to. He seemed to recognize my expression. "I'll get it." he offered, getting up and sneaking a small kiss to my forehead before he left.

"Mars Residents." His husky voice said and I kept my eyes on him with desire as I smirked.

He grinned at me back as he caught me checking him out, his care free expression dropping with his next words.

"Oh, hey Piz."

Logan:

Her eyes were on me- and every moment had been perfect. It was a slow build our words having to catch up with the physical expression. I wanted to explode with all I felt- but I knew it was Veronica, and I was scared to spook her. I could see all she wanted to say- I just had to give her time to express it. Everything seemed great until-

"Wow, you two move fast." I recognized the voice.

"Oh, hey Piz." My throat grew tight.

He sighed loudly. "Listen I heard from Wallace about Mr. Mars and I tried to call Veronica's cell and got no answer, so I thought I would try here. And well I definitely reached you guys."

"Would you like to speak with her?" I asked, her eyes on me intently as she walked over.

"No, no- I am good. Just tell her I called. But how is he?"

I clenched my jaw- it was awkward, she was his girlfriend yesterday and now my- I didn't even know. "He is stable. Still unconscious, but he can have visitors tomorrow."

Piz's voice caught a little. "How- how is she?"

I cleared my throat. "Surviving, you know being Veronica." I smiled as she was now right across from me, her face white like a ghost.

He paused. "Yeah, being Veronica. It does sound like it-" There was another pause. "So you two?"

"I am just here for her, man." I added. _I had no idea what to say- she had not told me plainly what I was yet._

"Yeah. Sure. Well tell her I called. Thank you. Bye." He hung up and I listened to the old dial tone a moment before I hung up.

"Piz?" She asked, looking ill.

I nodded. "Yeah, he heard about your dad."

She swallowed looking down. "And?" She knew there was more.

"He did not seem pleased I was here."

She nodded again. "Yeah, well." She stopped as she took a sharp breath making her way back to the couch.

I followed after her. "Yeah well?" I asked.

She looked at me guiltily. "He can't be too surprised, Logan."

I sat down scooting closer to her. "Why is that?"

"Cause he knew- he saw it."

I smiled. "You are speaking very cryptic, Mars."

Her shoulders eased as she continued. "He saw how I felt, what I was running from. He saw all of it- and he confronted me on it."

"And what was all of that?"

"Neptune, PI life." She paused. "You."

"And?"

She laced her hands together, than covered her face with them in shame. "Logan, I am horrible." Sh peered through her fingers. "I used him, used him bad."

I grabbed her hand. "Veronica, you are not horrible."

"All those years-" She clicked her tongue. "He and I were friends then we started dating. I thought I could rewrite it all- my story." Her eyes fixed on me intently. "But, you. You never left me." Her saying the words out loud hit my heart and exploded as I scooted even closer. "All those years and you still had my heart, I just didn't want to see it." She chuckled as she wiped the tears forming at her eyes. "I am stubborn."

"I haven't noticed." I joked and she scooted closer burying her head into my shoulder.

"Poor Piz, he was collateral damage in our crazy and messed up saga again." She said with genuine regret.

"We can be messy sometimes, leaving piles of rubble around." I leaned my head against hers.

"Lives ruined." She added.

I didn't look down, just kept my eyes ahead as I let my chin sit on the top of her hair, my words of long ago playing back at me again. Spanning years and Continents. _Live ruined. Blood shed._

Irony- seems I had been right.

Spanning years- _Nearly a decade._

Continents- _She had moved across the country, I had been all over the world._

Lives Ruined- _How many had been left with pain over the fact that we could not get over the other?_

Bloodshed- _We had a long, morbid list of people ripped from our lives by death._

I pulled her in. "Veronica, I am sorry, I did not mean to make you miserable."

She laughed. "Logan, you didn't make me miserable. In fact you are what has made me happy, more than anything." She looked down, tracing the seams of her pants. "I was the one who made myself unhappy. I was stupid to think I could ever be without you."

"We are better together, chuckles. Glad you see that now." I grinned mischievously.

Veronica:

I awoke in his arms, seeing the surroundings of the guest room, as I snuggled back in to place- his arms squeezing tighter in assurance. It was funny how in his sleep- he still was in tune with me.

I turned on my side studying his peaceful face as he slept, the way the moonlight danced across his skin was magical. I ran my fingers along his skin lightly eyeing each freckle- every detail captivated me. My hands landed on each man made mark on his body- The signs of Aaron's wrath marked clearly over him. _After all these years and they still haven't faded._ My heart caught in my chest with a painful thump, the way it always did when I saw the scars.

My hand played down his head, reaching his face and then his chest. _He was beautiful, my complete and total idea of perfection._ Thoughts of life together- doing this same exercise each night as he slept, having babies with the same freckles, and ideas of sharing an existence together played in my head. _How was this healthy? I had run from him for years, just broke up with my boyfriend yesterday- but right now after one day I want nothing else._ I smirked. I could not shake this one.

He showed up on my porch that night begging for help with his mother- _I softened._ With each encounter, when his arrogant side faded and his kind one showed- _I began to see him._ That first kiss, after he had come to my rescue the first time- _I experienced him._ Being the recipient of his loyalty, his affection- _it terrified me._ Seeing him bloodied and bruised, showing up on my porch again- _I wanted to protect him the way he had communicated he wanted to do for me so badly._ Being with him- _intoxicating._ Not being able to change the person I saw I was beginning to need so badly- _debilitating._ Breaking up with him- _gut wrenching._ Being the subject of his wrath again after I had been the recipient of so much more- _devastating._ Seeing him with other people- _disgust took over- and a blackness of jealousy._ Realizing I needed him, only to be too late again- _crippling._ But then I found him again and I found a new meaning of he and I. This version was steadier, brighter somehow. I fell into a rhythm, Logan changed- we worked together. It was too good to be true, I could not accept it. So with each thing he did- _I distrusted him._ For every move he took closer- _I took a step back._ I lost him again _-overwhelming._ Had but a taste again- _fulfilling._ But it had been too fulfilling- too good- I needed him too much for my independent self. And finally I lost him again-

Years of silence and years of distance and nothing- nothing ever held a candle to what he made me feel. And when I looked back I saw it. He had loved me so honestly and so true from the get go- and scared me to death. Veronica Mars needed no one- except Logan Echolls and I spent years trying to find a balance of needing him bit not needing him. Seems the desperate want for him finally spooked me and I ran. But he never left me.

And here I was again, completely intoxicated by him.

This kind of love- the kind that you can't shake, you can feel it to your bones, the kind that withstands all, the kind that only grows? If this wasn't true love then I had no idea what was. I wasn't odd to be thinking of forever with him- he and I were ten years in the making- I was just finally catching up...


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry it took so long fro this update! It has been a busy few days. I hope you all love it. As always thank you again for all the comments, follows and favorites! You are so encouraging.**

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Logan:

I awoke to the sensation of pins and needles spreading through out my right arm, a welcoming feeling as I saw the source of my cut off blood flow curled into the crook of my arm. I fought the sensation to move my arm a moment longer as I studied her peaceful face, pulling it out slowly as she curled deeper into the mattress, a cute expression crossing her face as she made the adjustment.

It was 7 am and I checked my phone and hers to make sure there were no calls from the hospital, then crawled out of bed. I use to hate morning hours but in the last years, since my Navy days, I have actually become quite a morning person. The only thing that use to get me out of bed before 10 am had been surfing, but now- I actually chose to. I liked the way I felt that the world was still. I could drink coffee, make breakfast- and just sit.

I had learned to work Keith's coffee maker these last few days, and was thankful for the large quantities it made- me and Veronica together could put it away. I made my way to the bathroom, peering in to check on _her-_ she was still out and how deep into the state of rest she was made me happy. Veronica and I had never been ones that had the benefit of peaceful sleep, all those inner demons and all. The only time we had ever had a sense of a normalcy, when we let our hair down- had relaxed- had been when we were together. But now- even in just the couple of days together, it was even better than before. Like it did not matter what all was going on around us, in that moment of being next to each other, holding the other- everything was right.

I threw on the old t-shirt of mine that she had kept from all those years ago- the old friend bringing back all of it's memories as I pulled it over my head. I smirked as I straightened it, I had thought this had gone missing a long time ago, it never dawning one me that she had kept it. Her sweet fragrance brushed across my face as I adjusted the collar, and I breathed it in. I would never get use to that feeling- the one where she was no longer a memory or dream, but actual reality. I picked up the rest of my belongings, putting them in the pockets of my jeans as I prepared to leave. I had run out of clothes and knew it was time for a stop by Dick's to grab the rest of my things- I had not been able to bring myself to leave her and do it, but I had pushed it off as long as I could.

I balanced the cup of coffee in my hand as I wrote a note in case she woke, but I hoped I could be back before she did. I placed it by the coffee pot, hitting the keep warm feature as I headed to the door, a sweet smile of contentment on my face as I remembered the last time I had done such actions. Writing a note and heading to the door- her appearing around the corner in only _this_ shirt, _my shirt_.

I walked out the door, the chirping sound of my car unlocking filling my ears as I made my way down the steps. _Life comes at you fast- mine was always changing- had been since I was a teenager._ It always seemed to find a way to go from bad to worst, the only consistency in it being that it seemed _she and I always_ found our way back to each other.

I enjoyed the sense of security in her, my love for her had been the only thing that had been permanent- even when she had been physically absent the feelings still stayed. It had been those feelings that had helped me push through, but now that _she_ was _here_ \- where I could _see her, feel her, taste her-_ where I could be with her, and all felt right. The skies seemed bluer, the sun brighter- the normal dread and doom of what was ahead lacking as all I could do was hope for one more day _like this._

_But-_ with the same consistency of how my life played out- there was a truth looming over me. The reality that this blissful state could unravel- _I was cleared of charges which meant I left for deployment in 14 days and that thought made me ill_

I had not mentioned it before-before that night when _everything changed._ I had been actually looking forward to it, hoping and praying I could be cleared of the awful murder charges so I could go- after all it was about all I had left. But that was before she was back in my life- _this way-_ and now everything I had was _here._ Sure I had signed up for this job, they were my second family and I was damn good at the job. It had given me a since of purpose, I was making a difference in the world- but that path as much as I would never change it- it still would take me far away from her.. _And I just got her back._

I had not told her yet, after her dad's accident I felt bad to throw another thing on her, but I knew I had to- soon. I had to give her a chance to get out before she got involved deeper, it was only fair- because six months of wondering if I was going to make it home alive was a lot to deal with. My stomach clenched as I continued to drive, turning onto the road that led to the drive that Dick's house was on. _Old Veronica- she would run as fast as she could from this._ I took a sharp intake of breath as I pulled into the driveway, the thought of her leaving again left me un-settled. Maybe it was the fear of how I knew things normally played out for me, or the idea of losing her again. _What if she could not handle it? I mean two days together- that was not enough to permit her to stay right? And after all we had never discussed what exactly "this" was._

Dick was collapsed on the couch, mindlessly flipping through the channels when I walked in. _The burdened lives of us trust fund babies, though I guess it was a fair prize considering the fathers we had._

He popped up. "Dude, where have you been?" He pushed his long bangs out of his eyes as they slanted in question at me.

I swallowed. _I had not broken the news to Dick about Veronica and me, he was about to have a conniption. But who could blame the guy for the disdain right? He was the one that had to deal with me each time I fell into pieces._ "Did you hear about Mr. Mars?"

He stood. "Yeah, I did- and that you were the one that saved him. Also that you are a free man and that our bud Stu murdered your ex and Gia, our old pal. Thanks for checkin in, man."

"Dick, I am sorry. It has just been crazy."

He nodded. "I am sure." He leaned against the table." So how is Veronica?" He said accusatory tone.

"You know, a mixture of a lot of emotions." My jaw clenched as I could feel all waves of those emotions crossing across my face as well.

"So you two huh?"

I smirked. "How did you know?"

"Well, it is you- first of all." He walked over to me a smile on his face now. "And you have been gone two days straight and well, you two have been eye banging each other all week." He chuckled. "Ronnie's detective skills have rubbed off on me." He paused seeming more serious. "So dude, you really want to jump back on that train of heart ache and misery?"

I walked over to the fridge grabbing a drink. "Well, who said I ever got off?" I laughed.

"Yeah, never fully but, you had one foot on the ground which was progress. Now you have jumped back in- seatbelt and all."

"Yeah, well it's Veronica."

"And what does she say to the fact you are leaving in a few weeks?"

My face fell, as I studied the intricate details of the granite counters. "She doesn't know yet."

"Well, you know how well she does when she thinks she is going to get hurt- I bet that news will go over real well." He fired.

I felt my temper rise, the way it made my cheeks turn a red tone a reminder of my father- something I hated as I could fee it stretch across my face. "So are you just trying to curse it?" I snapped with venom.

"No, I am trying to keep you from getting your heart smashed again by Veronica Mars. I am sorry if I see this playing out badly- you devastated and her running, like she always does."

"Veronica, is different, okay- she wants-"

"Fine, man. Sorry if I have a hard time believing that she will be okay with it. You and this new life you have- how do you think she will fit into it? That girl is all absorbed in you when you are together- you never can be just partially involved with her. But it's not like you can take her on deployment right?"

"Like I said, It's Veronica- I will make it work." I cleared my throat, hating the tense air between me and my usually care free friend. "Now I need to go pack some stuff."

I wasn't sure if it was the fact that Dick confirmed out loud the greatest fears that were running through my head- or if it was the fact that I was actually _leaving._ Hearing someone else actually say it- made it true. I was leaving in two weeks.

I hesitated as I picked at my clothes in the small dresser, behind the curtain in the living room. I could feel Dick's eyes on me as my hands lingered on the items. _Seemed what I grabbed would determine my hope for the this relationship. Another few shirts? Or 14 days worth?_ I inhaled deeply as I pulled out all the drawers contents, placing them in the duffle bag.

Veronica:

I stretched my hands along the sheets, the were innately searching for _him._ Coming up empty my eyes opened- the first thought if it had _all_ been just a dream as the last two days played back in my head. I stretched, eyeing the room around me as I let all my senses explore where he might be. He was unusually quiet- I had known Logan a long time and he had always been loud when up and about- though he tried his best not to be. I wrapped my arms around me tightly, the tshirt I was wearing leaving most of my legs exposed as I explored the small bungalow. I peered around each corner, his cologne was still lingering in the air.

My brow furrowed as I walked to the blinds, his car missing from the drive, and my heart falling at the sight. It was dramatic- assuming worst case scenario. Maybe it was my own guilt playing on me, but my first thought was _that he had left- for good._ Maybe he had done to me what I did to him all those years ago, and I sat on the couch as my knees buckled at the thought. It would be poetic justice that's for sure. I steadied my breaths as the old habits of distrust and bad conclusions tried to filter from my mind, the smell of coffee catching my nose.

There was a full pot, on the keep warm cycle and I smiled as I saw the note placed right by an empty mug.

_Well, I officially ran out of clothes. Had to venture out to get some more supplies- did not want to wake you. I will be back soon, hopefully before you are up. I will come bringing breakfast._

_Until then enjoy some caffeine._

_L_

I inhaled the aroma of the liquid life and poured it in the glass. _Was this what being domestic was? No drama- making coffee for the other, leaving sweet notes?_ I had no idea why I had been so against it-

I sat at the table as I sipped at the cup, the news feed on my phone exploding with the news of Logan's freedom and the sheriff's incriminating video. _Ah, all was right with the world._

My eyes landed on the photo framed on the desk across from me, a token of my dad and I on our New York trip that summer after senior year. I pursed my lips togethers as the darkening thoughts of his state plagued my mind. _No news was good news right? And I would be seeing him soon-I just needed to see him._

I swallowed the last bit, and headed for the bathroom to get ready for the day. I wanted to be ready when Logan arrived to go see my dad, I was aching to see him and suddenly the minutes felt like they were wasting away as I grew more conscious of the fact that he was alone and I could actually be with him.

I slipped the cream colored sweater over my head, as I heard the front door creak open. Logan smirked as I walked around the corner- him holding a bag of food in his hand and a duffle bag hanging from his shoulder. I smiled at the size of it - _he was planning on staying awhile, and that was just what I wanted._ I loved the sight of him- a grin growing at my lips as I recognized the shirt he was wearing. Images of old and new played side by side- as I saw the younger, necklace sporting and spiky haired version, and the now more mature and polished version. Both had the same shirt and both were equally appealing. No matter what Logan was-whether the young hot shot, or the more rounded and together version- _he always had me._

"Good morning." He said as his eyes traveled down me, the way he had always looked at me was like a serious hit to the chest- always knocking the wind out of me.

"Good morning. You re-stock?" I gestured my eyes to the bag.

He placed it down as he chuckled. "Yeah, I should be covered now." He placed the bag of food down now on the table as he headed to the cabinet for plates. "I got you one of those Mcgriddle things. You still like them?" He asked unsure. When we dated I had eaten them obsessively for the first few weeks of freshman year, swinging by the drive thru on the way in to class. I smirked at him for remembering- they were a guilty pleasure.

"More like love." I interjected as I excitedly sat down.

He placed the plate in front of me as he leaned down. "I try to please." He smiled sweetly as his mouth was now inches from mine, him pushing my hair back delicately as he kissed me. "How did you sleep?" He asked pulling away, his lips still at my mouth as he spoke.

I caught my breath, his kisses- each one unique and different, but each leaving me at a loss of words after their impact. "Uh, good- you?"

He sat down, looking up affectionately, like he had a million things to say but his mouth said very little "Great."

I took a large bite, talking over it as my eyes flirtatiously slanted at him. "Nice shirt."

He looked down with a proud smile. "Yeah I recently found this thing- been looking for it for years."

"Hm, and you think it is yours again?" I fired back playfully.

"Well it is my shirt."

"Finders keepers."

"Well, promise to take good care and give me visiting rights?"

I leaned forward on to my elbows. "How about joint custody?"

He looked down as he took a bite, his reaction less playful than I was expecting. He seemed weighed down with issues far greater than a shirt. "Sounds like a plan."

We both dug into the food, and my eyes lingered on him as he looked away. _He was different today._ I bit my lip as I pulled the tasty breakfast sandwich from my mouth, my appetite decreasing by the expression on his face. I did not know what was going on- but my ability to jump to worst case scenario was playing against me. He caught my eyes again, him forcing a smile.

"Is it good?"

I nodded as I made myself take another bite. "Yeah, delicious."

One disadvantage to being so in tune with the other as we could call the other's BS- seems he sensed my shift in mood as his eyes narrowed. "You okay?" _But seems he actually had the guts to ask me about my problems._

"Uh, yeah just my dad-" I cringed a little. _First fib- I mean I was upset about my dad, but this look of pure sickness on my face? It was all due to the fears of losing- **you.**_

He did not call me on the lie if he caught it. "Yeah, well we can go see him as soon as you want." He sweetly reached across the table grabbing my hand.

I smiled at the interaction as I could still feeling the strong level of connection between us as we touched. "Maybe once we are done eating?"

"Of course." He swallowed. "So, you see the news?"

"Yes, seems Sheriff Lamb is having a bad day."

"Appears so. He messed with the wrong blond."

"Yes those Lambs always seem to underestimate me." I added with a smirk as I wrapped the remainder of the sandwich up into the paper.

"Never underestimate Veronica Mars- that is something I learned long ago." He said with all his usual cunning wit as he copied me, wrapping up the remainder of his food.

"I sound like a warning add or something." I laughed.

"Well, you are unexpected." He smiled. "You have a way of shocking people- whether it be with your fine detective skills, your strength- especially for how tiny you are." He pinched at my muscles. "Or by planting kisses on you at random, sleazy hotels."

My eyes lit up as I smacked him. "The way you said that makes me sound disgusting."

He threw his hands up as he laughed, standing to his feet collecting our trash. "Hey I liked it. You changed me that day- I am not complaining of its location."

I looked up, my eyes dancing with delight. "Yeah, well you had a way of surprising me too." I paused as the teasing vibe transitioned to a more serious one. "You weren't the only one that changed that day."

Our eyes locked, his getting a deeper depth to them, the way they always did when I was able to express myself. I never could quite take the intensity of that look, the feelings that filled every ounce of me overwhelming as I could feel the level of emotions to the very essence of who I was. I shifted my glance as I played at my nails.

"You ready to go see your dad?"

I looked up again with a smile, he always knew how to handle me. "Yeah, let's go."

Logan dropped me at the hospital entrance as he went to find a parking spot. I watched him from the lobby as he parked the convertible and made his way in- the presence of turmoil was clearly written on his face when he thought I wasn't watching.

The car ride had been quieter than usual, though he was still tender and kind- but he was somewhere else. His head was full of a million things- I could see that behind his eyes, yet I could not work up the courage to ask. _What if all those doubts I am sure I planted in his mind over the last decade were catching up to him? What if I had jinxed us before we even had a shot?_

He walked through the lobby doors, seeming stunned to see me waiting on him, panic filling his eyes as to what I had witnessed and then it relaxing into a warming smile. _He wasn't volunteering this information._

"You ready?" He asked.

"Yeah." I pressed the button to call the elevator as my heart thudded in my chest- the mixture of seeing my dad physically hurt in person again and the doubts of Logan made my body shake. I felt his hand on mine as he laced our fingers together, the reassurance of the touch making the beats steady.

He held onto my hand through the elevator ride and down the hall and even into my dad's room. We were like high school kids, our touch so desperate and needed, but I didn't care- I felt that level of want for him.

The image of my dad- with wires and tubes, his bruises and cuts and assortment of casts. _He looked worse that I thought._ I brought my hands to my mouth as the blurry view of tears flooded my eyes- the sobs hanging in my throat, refusing to be released. Logan dropped my hand and placed it around my waist, pulling me in as he could sense it before it happened- my knees giving out.

The nurse looked at me sympathetically. "I will see if I can get the doctor in to give you an update." I nodded with a pathetic attempt at a smile, I could not speak now- the groans that would have escaped from my stifled crying would be pitiful.

Logan gently touched my skin at where my shirt rode up slightly, his tone calm and supportive as he spoke. "He is doing well Veronica- they have told us that. He may look bad, but it could be far worse I am sure."

I nodded as I found the strength to step forward our hands connecting again for second as he balanced me as I moved. I approached the hospital bed slowly, my hands shaking as I reached out to touch his cut up ones, falling abruptly into the chair as my voice cracked. "Daddy." I forced a smile with a laugh, like I thought he could actually hear me. "It's me Veronica." I looked back at the calming set of brown eyes as he stepped closer. " I need you to wake up okay? Please."

There was no response as I stared back anxiously, like I actually believed he would respond, the sound of beeping machines my only answer. Just then the doctor knocked on the door, his presence at ease, making my gut wrenching aches subside. Even though he wore a cheerful disposition I could not bring myself to stand as he walked in, my knees too shaky.

"Hello, I am Dr. Morgan. We have spoke on the phone." He reached out to my hand and then Logan's. "Nice to meet you both." He glanced down at my dad's chart. "Your dad is doing well, considering all he has been through, he has continued to stay stable which is remarkable. I fully expect him to wake up either today or tomorrow based on some of the response tests we have done, though nothing is a hundred percent." He could see the bleak expression on my face as he stepped closer. "Miss. Mars, I am not saying we are out of the woods, but I am saying I believe your father is on the right path. It is just a wait and see thing now."

I nodded. "Thank you for taking care of him."

"It is my pleasure. Let the nurse know if you have any questions for me okay?"

"We will, thank you, doctor." Logan jumped in shaking his hand goodbye.

I now felt his strong hand on my back. "What can I do for you?" He asked with sincere concern.

I studied the man in front of me- so battered and worn, and I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do but wait- and that is what I would do. "I just need to be with him- just he and I. I just need to stay and wait." My words came out like incomplete thoughts and I looked Logan's way to see if he had understood. "Is that okay?"

He smiled in understanding, he always knew my father was so important to me. That our relationship was unique. It had been just us against the world for so long. "Yes, of course. I will go run errands, you stay as long as you like. Just call when you are ready."

I reached out for his hand and he immediately responded."Okay, I will."

He kissed the top of my forehead as he walked toward the door my eyes back on my broken father. "Call me if you need anything okay?" He said.

My eyes glanced back at him and I felt a peace fill me at the sight- he had always been the one to take care of me when my world turned upside down, and right now all these years passed and he was still doing it.

"Thank you, Logan. Really. Thank you." I said as meaningful as I could, hoping he could read into all I meant with each emphasis.

"Always." He smiled, before tapping the door, and making his exit.

**_Always-_ **

Keith:

The sound of TV went from a lulled mixture of jumbled sounds- becoming crisper as my eyes slowly opened. The stinging sensation of the sun hitting them made them water and I peered through squinted eyes at the small hospital room; the television bringing back my attention as the news headlines flashed of Logan's exoneration and the sheriff's intimate moments exposed.

I smirked. This had my daughter written all over it. My eyes settled on her curled into a ball in one of the chairs. The sight of her always made me pleased- I had missed her tremendously over the years she had been gone, but I never voiced it too much. I never wanted her to stay bound by guilt of leaving me. Seems she was still here though, that making me happy and worried.

The TMZ reporters continued. **"I bet I know exactly what the people of Neptune are wanting."**

" **Yeah me too. A new sheriff."**

I rolled my eyes. _Here we go again._ I had been on a back and forth seesaw with this town for almost 15 years. They love me, they love me not- I had a feeling the "loving stage" was approaching again. _That is if I was ever getting out of "this" place._

I moved slightly the pain accompanied with it excruciating. I was pretty sure even my teeth hurt, as I pulled at the oxygen mask. I had more wires and machines hooked up to me than I could count, and I began to wonder how bad of shape I really was in. My memory was foggy on all that occurred, I faintly remembered my interactions with Sacks before the car hit us.

_Sacks._ I _wonder how he ended up after our crash?_

I moved again, this time a loud groan escaping me, causing Veronica's blue eyes to flash open. They were on me instantly as she stood, with a look of disbelief and then concern. She walked over, touching my arm as she hit the nurse call button.

"Hey dad. It's good to see you." She said as she blinked away tears keeping her voice calm. _This girl always had to be a tough one._

I nodded with a smile behind the mask and she grabbed my hand as the nurse rushed in, a delighted expression on her weathered face as she made her way over to me.

"Mr. Mars. I am so glad to see you awake." She checked the monitors and then looked back to us. "I am going to alert the doctor that you are awake-I am sure he will want to look at you."

"Thank you." Veronica said, her laser eyes never leaving me. _I knew that girl- she was fearful now that I was awake that if she took her eyes off me for a moment I would slip away. Control freak that one- I should know, she gets it from me._

I tried my hardest to squeeze her hand back,but the feeling in my hands was weak. I reached up for the oxygen mask to remove it but she stopped me. "No, dad, wait till the doctor give you the okay."

I exhaled deeply, shutting my eyes, as I nodded. I hated being weak, I hated this feeling. The pain hit again as I gritted my teeth and her body locked up, I could feel it through her touch. "Dad, you okay?"

I wanted to say so much, to ask her all the questions swirling in my head, figure out how long I had been out, but it was impossible to talk over this stupid mask. Just then the old doctor walked in, stopping by the side of my bed.

"Mr. Mars, you are quite a fighter."

I pointed to my nuisance and source of controlled oxygen, and he gently helped me remove it. "I don't feel like much of one right now." My words were breathy.

"Nonetheless you are. You have multiple fractures through out your body and we had to perform surgery to stop some internal bleeding. The fact that you are already awake after a little over 48 hrs is a great sign."

"So what now?" Veronica asked.

"Well, you have a long recovery in front of you. Hopefully you can be moved out of ICU soon, and into a normal room. But you will be in the hospital for awhile and after that have physical therapy for quite some time- but." He paused. "You are alive and that is a miracle."

"And Sacks? The other man in the car?" I asked.

Veronica spoke first. "I am sorry, Dad." Her eyes were full of sympathy. "He did not make it."

My stomach clenched with the news as my emotions took over, my eyes burning with tears as I looked at my beautiful daughter, so overwhelm with loss for Jerry and so happy to not have put Veronica in the state of grieving.

"You are lucky that young man was there to drag you out- if he had not then you would be in a totally different circumstance." The doctor added as he closed the chart and my brow scrunched in confusion. _Young man?_ "I would like to run some tests here in a few minutes- but I will give you some time with your daughter. I will be back in ten okay?"

I took a deep breath, the feeling of each intake of air excruciating. "Thank you, doctor."

My eyes narrowed on Veronica and she touched the side of my face with a small sob. "I am so happy you are okay." She cleared her throat as she laughed. "You scared me to death- don't do that to me again!"

"You know honey, I really do try to avoid these situations- afraid it is occupational hazard." I lightly smiled before my face turned more solemn. "What young man- who was the doctor referring?"

She bit the edge of her lip as she lightly spoke. "Logan." Her eyes were staring into mine deeply. "It was Logan."

"He dragged me out?" I asked confused. "How was he even around?"

"I had invited him over to dinner- he had been walking up our steps when the crash happened. He ran over to check on the accident and then saw it was you. He started to call 911 but the car that hit you was coming back at full speed and- so he acted quickly, dragging you out." She shook a little as she finished. "I saw that last part."

My chest tightened as I looked at her- if there was two things that would make up a nightmare for her- it would be witnessing the death of her father and Logan Echolls. I knew she tried to deny how important of spot that boy held in her heart- but it was evident- he still affected her.

"So Logan saved my life huh?"

She nodded with a smile. "Yeah, he did."

"That boy is never short of surprises is he?" I smirked.

She laughed happily. "No, I guess not."

Veronica:

I watched as the hospital staff brought in a broth like substance for my dad and he looked at it in disgust as he ran his spoon through it.

"There is not something more, solid like?" He grinned up at the worker.

She chuckled. "Sorry, doctor's orders."

His eyes were on me now as she exited the room, a puppy dog expression filling them. "You want to get the old man a hamburger?"

I pushed my chin out firmly and commanded back, hiding my smile. "Nope, this slush is your meal. Now enjoy." I lifted a spoon full to his mouth.

He took a bite, showing his revulsion with each moment it was in his mouth and I laughed, so relieved to still have my stubborn father around.

We had spent a few hours together so far, mostly with him getting tests run, but now was our first moments of genuine alone time.

"So I saw the news report when I first awoke?"

I looked down with a proud grin. "Oh yeah?"

"Seems my daughter was up to a lot while I was resting?"

"Yeah, you could say that." I filled the spoon again, bringing it to his mouth and he grimaced before taking another bite.

"So Logan happy to be a free man?" He asked with the still lingering grimace the taste caused.

"Yeah." The mention of Logan made my heart light and heavy. The fact I was back in his life, the light- the thought he was about to be ripped away, the heavy. "Though we have all been preoccupied with worrying about you."

"And he is okay? No injuries after saving me?" He seemed genuinely concerned.

I shook my head. "Luckily he got you out just in time, before the car hit."

He nodded as his eyes were on me more intently and I fidgeted in my seat. I knew that look- I gave it to many of suspects as I interviewed them. It was the Mars assessing face. "So you two?"

I sat up straighter. "Us two?" I tried to respond indifferent.

"You are back together?" He smirked.

My face scrunched. "Wait, how-?"

"It doesn't take long when you know your daughter well." He pointed at me. "You my dear have an expression that I have only seen in a few instances of your life- and they always coincided with Logan Echolls."

"What?" I laughed trying to defuse how awkward I felt.

"That one- right there." He laughed. "Hate to break it to you kid, but you are not one for exuding happiness, but I get a glimpse of a more content version of you when he is around."

I looked down, not sure how to process what he said. He was right after all- the happiest I ever was with Logan, but still the feelings of vulnerability left me unnerved. Everyone could see the _need,_ and that meant it was strong, I was desperate for him. "Well, I am not sure if we are together, it is just-"

"You still seeing Stosh?" My dad asked pointedly.

"No." I glared." I don't cheat."

He nodded with a knowing look all over his face and it stretching to how he carried his body. "Poor guy did not have a shot did he?"

I sighed resting my head on the bed. "No, not really." My voice sounded flat, my obvious guilt and turmoil all over my body language.

He touched my hair affectionately. " Veronica, you can't help who you love." I looked up through my hair at him. "Trust me, you and Logan." He blew air out his nose. "I have tried to analyze the two of you for years. There were times I was upset you were with him, others where I was never more glad. The boy has dark qualities, I am not denying that, he has come from a hard life. But I don't think he is bad, in fact I think he tries hard to not be what was modeled for him." He touched my hand. "And I have no doubt that he loves you." He paused. "You two have been explosive since you first connected that way, I guess me and everyone else involved should have learned long ago not to get in the middle of it. That being said, Stosh is a good guy, he is- a model of what a father wants. All except one thing, Veronica, my daughter doesn't love him."

"I tried to."

He ignored my last statement. "I am not sure Piz ever loved you like Logan does though. I don't know if anyone could quite feel as deeply as him. You can give the boy that- he is passionate." He sighed. "I knew it was only a matter of time once you set foot back here that this would happen. Maybe that is why I fought it so hard- I knew Logan would give you reason to stay."

"What you don't want me here?" I joked back.

"No, I do." He said seriously. "But I also want so much more for you than Neptune."

"Well, you are going to have to get use to me for awhile at least, I am staying with you while you heal."

He got that stubborn, smug look on his face. "Not if I have anything to say about it."

I leaned in. 'Sorry daddy-o. Doctor will probably agree with me."

He slanted his eyes at me. "You are stubborn, child."

"Got it from you." I fired back. "Now you get a reminder of what a pain you are through me." I smiled devilishly.

It was quiet for a moment and I spoke again. "So dad, what you said before. You have no doubt that- that Logan loves me." I pursed my lips before I continued. "How are you so sure?"

"And you aren't?" He raised an eyebrow.

"No, I mean I can tell, I was always able to. But I just wondered why you thought so, I guess."

"Well, a lot of reasons, honey. Even as misguided as he could be, I could always trust he would do anything to protect you. You two were volatile and young, but that kid under all that hurt, and walls- he loved you. I've been in love- I can tell." He smiled. "But I guess it was that day at Stanford with him where I really saw it."

My eyebrows pulled in, I was sure I had heard him wrong. "Stanford? What?"

"Well, I knew this would come out at some point." He seemed to think of how he wanted to tell me, and I waited expectantly. "Logan was a wreck when you left, and he showed up pretty wasted at my office one day. He just wanted to know where you were, and honestly as much as I hated having him drunk and around me- I felt sorry for him. He was miserable." My heart stung, the way an old scab does when you rip it open. "I told him I would show him where you ended up as long as he promised not to go talk to you. So we had a road trip and I used my cell phone tracking skills to pin point you in a parking lot ."

My mouth hung open, it dry. "And?" My voice indicated the cotton mouth I was having.

"And, he saw you right there in front of him and he followed my instructions, he did not make a break for it once. He just watched you and, finally told me he had to let you go." Keith ran his hand over his face. "He was willing to let you go for your own good- and I saw how much you meant to him."

I frowned. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, what good would his sacrifice be if I told you and you came running back?" He eyed me with an accusatory glance "And you would have come back."

I nodded."Yeah, you are right, I would have." I rubbed the corners of my head as I fought the head ache that I could feel was approaching. "Dad, why does it have to be so complicated? It always has been with him."

He laughed loudly. "You are asking your dad this? You don't think my ideals of perfection would be a less crazed version of romance for my daughter? But hon, I don't know much of it all- destiny, fate, love. But I know that most people say the ones worth fighting for are not the easy ones." My eyes exploded with emotion. _I had heard many versions of that saying in my life and they all had to do with Logan- my not easy love._ "All that said honey, don't let this undo everything you have worked for. It seems if all this time can't keep you two away, that I might as well give up hoping you can completely move beyond Neptune- but don't get stuck. Please."

I did not know how to respond. After all where I felt stuck was _New York._ "I'll try dad."

"That is all I can ask." He paused. "So it seems I owe your gentleman friend a thank you, for saving me and all."

I smiled, looking at the clock as I pulled my phone out. "I will text him."

Logan:

I stirred the spaghetti sauce again, putting the wooden spoon on a plate after. It felt funny cooking in the Mars' kitchen, it wasn't mine, but I had begun to learn it over the last few days. I wasn't much of a cook but I had been able to add spaghetti and meat sauce, stir fry and some grilling to my repertoire. I wanted her to have something good to eat and my spaghetti was my safest option. I knew- knowing her she probably had not eaten since the breakfast I got her and I wanted it to be ready when she got back. It also served as a distraction, to be able to go to the store and get the ingredients and prepare it. It kept my mind off the conversation I knew was coming.

She could read me, I knew that- she could see I was different today, and though she had not asked, I knew I had to bring the issue to light soon. And well, her answer was tormenting me.

My phone buzzed against the counter and I felt an ease fill me for a moment at the contact from her. I had not spoken with her much today, just when she texted me that her dad had woken up, and though I had gone years with no contact I found myself missing her.

**Hey, visiting hours are ending soon, so if you want to come get me that would be great. Plus dad wanted to see you, feels he owes you a thank you.**

I smiled. **Be there soon.**

I walked into the small ICU room, feeling all nerves flood through me as I watched them together. They had always been so close. They were all the other had for so long, and because of that I knew I had been the bad guy at times to him, and I couldn't blame him. I had done some stupid crap in my days- but what made me most nervous when I saw him, was how much I loved her. I wanted his approval desperately- I always had.

Mr. Mars saw me first, a smile on his face. "Come in, Logan." He motioned to me and I removed my hands from my pockets as I felt my nerves subside a tad.

"Mr. Mars, I am glad you are doing better." I said as I awkwardly stepped toward the bed, feeling like a teenage boy all over again. Veronica grabbed my hand, the contact shocking me. I wasn't sure if she had informed him of "us" and the fact that she felt comfortable to show the affection softened me more. I held her hand tightly and I watched as Keith seemed relaxed, his glare absent.

"Logan, listen." He said with serious tone. "I have been informed by my doctor and Veronica, that you risked your life to save mine." I tired to cut him off where he did not feel he had to continue, but he pushed through. "Thank you. This isn't the first time you have been there to help my family, and I greatly appreciate it."

"Sir, there is no reason to thank me."

"There is, and for watching out for Veronica while I have been in here." He looked into my eyes and I could see his gratitude. "Thank you."

_Don't you know by now I would do anything for her?_ I chose other words than the ones playing in my head. "Always, sir."

Veronica smiled and leaned in to kiss her dad. "Visiting hours are over, but you better believe I will be back soon. SO behave and get better." She instructed like a mother.

"Yes mam." Keith returned the kiss. He reached his hand out for mine. "Logan, good to have you back around."

My throat tightened at all it's implications and the approval in his voice. I was getting everything I had hoped for, yet I could not enjoy it- the bomb I was about to drop I was scared would blow it all to hell.

"Thank you." I smiled forcefully through the painful realities. "Get better."

Veronica had stayed glued to my side as we made our way to the car- she seemed in-tune to my growing worry and I could see the wheels turning in her head. I had to tell her, as soon as we made it home, I would have to let the bomb explode and see what pieces were left in the after math. I was hoping she and I would be intact.

Veronica:

Only Logan could hold on to my hand in a way that screamed longing and desperation. The way his fingers traced over mine, and lingered on sensitive spots of my skin was electrifying and enticing. But the way he would hold on tight for a moment left my stomach in knots, like he was scared he was being pulled away from me. This was our only interaction in the car, except for our conversation abut my day with my dad. The air was growing tense and with each stroke of his finger against my skin I thought I would explode.

He parked the car, dropping his hand from mine as he gripped the steering wheel, shutting his eyes as he exhaled deeply. My eyes were on him now, I could feel the shift in the air, I was about to know his secret. "Veronica." His gruff voice shook.

"Yeah?" I could hear mine reciprocate the sound.

"I have something to tell you." The torment in his brown eyes was burning as he looked my way. "And I am not sure how you will take it or even what this is that we have right now. But if we are on the verge of a new chapter then you have to know."

"Okay." Was all I could manage. I had been on the end of receiving life changing news about Logan before, where it ruined everything and gutted me. I was hoping I never had to experience that pain again.

He looked ahead again. "My next deployment had been up in the air since the charges of Carrie's murder. I had not even thought to tell you before- before this happened." he motioned between us. "I just thought you were going back to New York, and I had no idea when we would speak again." He gnawed at his lip nervously. "But then it all changed- and with your dad hurt and all that going on I have been trying to find the right moment to tell you."

"Logan, what?" My voice cracked in anticipation.

"I leave for a 6 month deployment soon."

Everything inside of me fell as I looked at my hands loosely laid in my lap. Deployment meant so many things- he would be gone, he could get hurt, I could never see him again- each thought like a knife to the heart.

He continued, nervously his tone speeding up. "Veronica, I never even use to dread my deployments. It was what I did, my job. I had grown use to it, but-" His hand reached out for mine and I grabbed a hold quickly, turning myself to face him. "But-suddenly everything I ever wanted is sitting in my front seat- and I feel sick, because I have no desire to ever leave you."

I inhaled a deep breath as I studied him, the look of worry and panic so evident in his eyes, but the amount of love in them is what caught my attention. _I was never letting this go again._ "So how long do we have?"

He softened as he responded. "14 days."

"And you are gone 6 months?" I asked and he nodded. "Well, we have a lot of catching up to do then, if it is going to have to last us that long."

His mouth went ajar as it seemed all muscles in his body went limp. He stuttered as he spoke. "Wait- wait, what are you saying?" He looked unsure- like he was certain he had heard me wrong. _Poor guy had been convinced I was running again._

I straightened my posture as I looked at him deeply, wanting him to have no doubt to where I stood with him. "Logan, I am in- all the way. You and me. I want this." His beautiful smile lit up his face. "That is if you want me?" I asked with a vulnerability that had rarely escaped from me.

He leaned forward, roughly grabbing the sides of my face as he leaned his head against mine. "I want nothing else."

"Me too." My voice whispered as our lips touched softly, the joy of our reuniting and the ache of our coming goodbye covering us.

He pulled back as he opened his car door and helped me out. I leaned my head against his shoulder as we slowly strolled up to the house, having to push the thoughts away that if I had not been so stubborn long ago- that we would never be in this situation.

"So two weeks to catch up on years worth of history?" I asked. "We have lots of work to do, Echolls. I don't see much sleep in your future or much time away from me, I am afraid."

He chuckled, the vibrating of his chest combined with the sound of his beating heart was comforting as my head was against it. "I can think of no better way to spend my last days here." He opened the door, still keeping an arm around me. "And good thing you and I have always been moving at a pace that other relationships cannot achieve. If anyone can make 14 days matter for all they are worth- it is you and me- I have no doubt."

I smiled at how true his words are. "Seems are oddness is playing to our advantage."

"Seems so." He returned the sweet smile as he ushered me to the table. "I've got to heat up dinner."

"Okay." I relaxed into the old chair as I could hear Logan open the fridge and then the microwave. I leaned into my elbows, as I peered back at him. "I am happy Logan." I blurted out, stunning him as he turned my way. He appreciated all that short sentence had meant, that was clear on his expressive face.

"Me too."

Our eyes held a moment as I cherished each second I had to take him in, memorizing each word and look -and he appeared to be doing the same. He and I had a unique connection. Most would say that strong of one would be too much to handle- the passion, the understanding, the jealousy, the all consuming fire. The way we were interlocked had been almost magical, as I swear since our lips first met we had been in the other's head. But I would not trade it- I had done ordinary, I had done neutral and stable. I wanted _this- and all it had to offer._ This was where I was the most complete- with him.

He sat the food in front of me, the aroma making my mouth water. "Spaghetti, yum." I said immediately bringing it to my mouth. He watched me carefully from across the table and smiled when I praised it. "Where did you get this? It is delicious."

He chuckled shyly. "Uh, I made it."

I looked down at the bowl and then up at him. "You made this?" he nodded as he took a bite. "Well, now I feel inferior. Aren't women supposed to be the good cooks?"

"Well we have never played by the rules, so I suppose it is okay." He quipped.

I smiled wide as I put my fork to it again, keeping my eyes on him adoringly. I found the irony of what hit me funny as I took in the scene. I had run as far as I could, transferred to another school, moved to the other side of the country, and had partaken in one of the hardest law programs in America. Yet all I had been looking for- what I needed- the key to my happiness- was sitting here with me at this table, eating dinner. I had it all along- and I had stupidly thrown it away for everything I _thought_ I wanted.

My lip protruded out as I fought back the sadness and regret and he seemed oblivious as he dug into his food. I had wasted so many years, so many memories just like this- and caused more pain than ever should have been. Logan and I never broke up like others, seems when you are literally a part of the other person it leaves an unrepairable wound when separated.

I had spent so much time holding it back, so much time protecting myself- not looking out for him. _I had never even told him I loved him._ My heart fluttered before it released a gnawing pain. _If there was anyone in this world who deserved to hear those three words from me- it was him._

They burned in my mind and mouth as they desperately wanted to escape, yet still my defense mechanisms fought against their release. I took a deep breath, I had wasted far too much time and left too many words unsaid- my eyes narrowed on him- I had to put him first for change. After all, we were living on a timer now.- I could almost see the large numbers counting down the hours, minutes and seconds we had left.

I opened my mouth and his eyes were on me now, almost like an alert of what was going to happen. _There was that connection again._

"I love you, Logan." I smiled, as the words felt completely natural being said- it seems being directed towards him was the way it was meant to be. "I always have."


	22. Chapter 22

**Hey everyone! The chapters will probably be a little shorter for awhile as I want to try and cover each day of their 14 days together. This chapter is the morning and afternoon hours of day 1 and the next will cover the evening and beginning of day 2.**

**Hope you guys love it! As usual please share your thoughts :) Thanks.**

**Day 1- Morning**

Logan:

The old clock on the mantel chimed, the sound of it filling the small home, giving off a more pristine air than usually occurred in Neptune. **_Midnight._** Thus begins the official count down until I leave.

The loud ac unit kicks on, the intensity of it hitting me in the face, and I immediately take notice of Veronica's bare shoulder peaking out from her shirt, as it hangs delicately off. I pull up the material and sweetly trace my thumb across her skin, before my eyes settle back on the television. Veronica had picked this B-class zombie/ apocalypse film, but it obviously had not held her attention as she dozed off half way through- leaving me to suffer through it alone.

She must have been tired- usually she eats these things up, or at least she use to. Mimicking the corny acting and pointing out the bad CGI, but tonight they were lost on her as she slept, her head resting on my shoulder. Seeing her father had weighed on her, I know it had to of, though she hardly mentioned "how it made her feel". Mostly she stuck to the details of his recovery and how happy she was to see him.

She moaned lightly and I smirked fighting a chuckle. She had always been a sleep talker- though she never believed me when I tried to convince her. I had missed those random conversations.

I pushed a strand of hair behind her ear as I looked at her again. Feisty Veronica- subdued and peaceful- it was such a rare sight to see her still.

I knew the news of my deployment had rocked her- it screamed all over her face when I told her. That coupled with her dad being in the hospital- everything in her was wanting to run. _But she stayed- and for her to do that was exhausting._ Not hiding or running was far harder on her and I appreciated that she chose not to. More than she could know.

Although, what I figured was mostly the source of her fatigue was _those three little words_ escaping her mouth. Just thinking of the moment made me smile. I had waited years to hear them and she blurts them out at the dinner table, making me almost choke on the large bite I had just consumed.

But I loved it- it was so _her._

_I coughed hard as her bright eyes were on me expectantly, like she was flying in mid-air and wondering if I would catch her. My eyes blinked in return as I brought my napkin to my mouth.I was almost sure I had heard her wrong. I had accepted that I would probably never hear her say it- and I was okay with it- I understood why it was hard for her._

_But now, here- in her dad's kitchen, she says everything I have been waiting to hear over a bowl of spaghetti. I cracked a smile- this was exactly why I loved her._

_I knew not to make it a big deal- she was like an animal out of her habitat and it was evident by the wild look on her face. She had said it so quickly and heartfelt, immediately jumping back into her hard shell as she waited._

_I put my fork down as I looked her in the eye, saving my grand speeches for later- a simple answer was what she needed. "You too." I smiled with a nod and she seemed almost pleased with herself as she took a breath._

_She cleared her throat and immediately dug back into the food, business as usual as she chatted about nothing in particular and I kept my amusement to myself as I engaged back in our conversation._

_Pretty soon we were clearing the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher. She stood close, her body language open, but I could tell there would be no mention of those words uttered before._

_She said them- she got them out there- I knew now, and she was pleased. I would not even be surprised if I ever heard them again or if it would be awhile, and I was okay with that. I heard them at least once and that is more than I was ever expecting._

The explosions on the screen brought back my attention and I had missed something important as the plot had seemed to take a huge turn. I ran my hand over my face as I gave up at what now appeared to be aliens joining the story, turning the TV off with the remote. I adjusted a little, figuring out a way I could scoop her up without waking her. I budged a little and she groaned and my face scrunched in response as I tried to isolate my movement. Again I tried and she stirred and I sighed in defeat as I reclined back onto the couch, pulling her to my chest. _Seems we would be crashing on the couch tonight._

I pulled the blanket that was draped over the back of the couch with my foot, surprising myself with how limber I was, juggling it and grabbing hold of it as I spread it across us. I sighed with accomplishment as I laced my arm behind my head, her lightly adjusting deeper into my chest.

It was late and I had been up since early, but I still felt wide awake. I am sure it was a combination of things. I tried not to analyze it, things with Veronica and me. Deep down I was so prepared for her to push me out the door after I told her my news that I did not quite know how to process her staying. It was what I wanted- all I ever could want. But that also meant there was more to _lose_ \- and I was about to go somewhere where the chances of losing were greater than winning.

I did not know where I would be for six months, this one was classified. They had not yet informed me of the location since I was on suspension because of the charges, but now that they were cleared I would be hearing soon. Even after I know though, it's not like I can share it with anyone- we are sworn to secrecy, the only thing I did know for sure though was it was dangerous. Whenever the locations were kept private it was also code for high risk. Before, this would not have bothered me much, I would have embraced it. Even with Carrie- though I had not wanted to leave her and certainly did not want to die- I never felt the pain of the _what ifs_. I cared for her, I loved her- but even with those feelings I had never imagined the settled down life. _You know kids, dogs, house? Yeah it had never really screamed me either, that is unless I was with Veronica._ Even back in college, when we were wild and crazy and anything but stable I could still look ahead and see I wanted that with her. Yeah I knew we would not be the leave it to beaver type family- Veronica in an apron making cherry pie? Yeah right. I did not even want that- I guess I wanted _our_ version of it.

I had lost hope and well even desire for it when she left, but now I could feel those old wants slowly seeping back in- and that scared me. I had so much to live for now-

I moved farther into the couch, placing my head on hers as I breathed in her sweet smell. I decided to cherish the moment, take a snap shot if you will- because with her I had learned to enjoy the time I did have with her. I was not sure if she would get spooked and run- I hoped she wouldn't, but even I could not blame her if she did. I was in this- just like she said she was. I wanted nothing else, and I would plan for a future- but right now I would act like I had just moments left. I wanted no regrets.

Veronica:

I awoke to the feeling of his lips firmly against my cheek.

"Up and at em, Mars!" He said in peppy tone as he used his knees to launch off the couch.

I glared at him through squinted eyes. I could not tell what time it was, but it was early based on the barely there light flooding the room. "What happened to the version of you that hated the morning?" I said with a gruff morning voice.

His smile was bright, almost like a tooth paste commercial as he stood in the living room, ready to go. "I joined the military." He fired back. "Now come on. I have your coffee in a to go cup-" He held up the thermos and I slowly sat up, my eyes adjusting on the time on the old mantel clock. I barely made out the numbers as I groaned.

"Logan, 6 am really?" I laid back onto the couch we had obviously slept on last night.

"Yes." He crouched down. "You said it yourself, there will not be much time to sleep. Plus there is something I wanted to do with you-"

My eyebrow popped up playfully as I smiled through my sleepy eyes. "Really?"

He laughed bringing his lips to my nose. "As much as I love _that_ \- I don't think it will be socially acceptable where we are going." He jumped up. "And you just got me off murder charges, public indecency just seems so beneath us now."

I sat back up this time. "Fine, fine. I am up. But you promise you are bringing plenty of coffee?"

"I will buy you gallons if need be."

I stretched, groggily walking past. "Okay, but that doesn't mean I wont be grumpy."

"I expect nothing else." He laughed before he added. "Dress casual- bathing suit is probably a good thing to bring too."

I turned around abruptly as I scowled. "You got me up early and now want me to put on a bathing suit? You must be crazy. Do you not fear me at all?"

He winked." You are all bark and no bite. You seem to have mellowed in your older age." He clapped his hands. "Chop, chop. We have things to do."

I kicked my feet back at him as I left a trail of imaginary dust in his direction with a loud groan.

I sipped at my second cup of coffee as he drove. He hummed along to the radio, and I smirked at the scene of us- just being so normal. His brown eyes twinkled at me and I cocked my head.

"So where are we going?" I asked.

He turned onto the road that went by Dick's as he spoke. "No where you haven't actually been before."

"Oh no, it is too early for interaction with Dick."

He laughed. "It is more Dick's backyard you could say." He slowly hit the brake as we wove down the gravel path that led to the beach.

"The beach?" He nodded as he parked, popping the trunk. "You pay for little servants to fan me with large leaves and bring me margaritas all day?"

"I was thinking that could happen on maybe day four?"

"Shucks, and I was so excited." I grinned. "So what are we doing, Echolls?"

He went to his trunk, throwing a wet suit at me as he came around to my side. "What people do at 6 am at the beach."

I picked up the fabric like it was toxic waste. "Oh no, no no- never have - never will."

He leaned down with a large grin. "Just this once?"

It was hard to resist those eyes especially when coupled with that smile, he knew how to work what had been given to him- but still I bit my lip with a firm shake of my head.

He seemed to like the challenge and in all honesty I suppose I like the tactics I knew he would take. He ran his lips along my neck and then to my ear, nibbling at it before he spoke in a tone that let goose bumps fill my arm. He gently rubbed them when he noticed, intensifying the feeling. "I am an excellent teacher."

I blew air out my mouth in a huff as I teasingly scowled. "Fine."

He opened my car door enthusiastically. "Thank you, my dear." He picked up the suit still laying on the floor board of his car. "Follow me, you can change at Dick's- I have to get the boards there anyway."

I walked behind him, my short legs never did well on strolls on the beach, as keeping up with his long strides was nearly impossible. Dick's house was in plain view- _oh the 09er's lived such torturous lives- beaches as their back yards._

We reached the glass door and Logan eyed the small wet suit. "I bought this thing for you years ago- just hoping I could convince you." He grinned with naughty implication. "Can't wait to see it on- Ronnie the surfer gal."

"Yeah just another reason I hate the nickname- Ronnie? Roxie? All relative right?" I quipped as I pushed past him in the doorway.

"So feisty."

I smiled wide as I looked at the small wet suit, the fact it was as old as the span of our separation made me feel a weird bond towards it. _I guess I could do it for him, if he had waited this long._

"I will be back- but try to keep yourself under control when you see me in it. Remember public indecency is beneath us."

"I make no promises."

"Your roommate around to accidentally catch me changing?" I asked, as I curiously looked about.

"No, he is passed out in bed right now I am sure."

"Yeah like most the world."

He shook his head like he always did when I would not let something go. "Let me know if he sneaks up on you, I will give him a good old punch." He clicked his tongue against his cheek with a wink.

I chuckled loudly as I walked toward the bathroom. "Well, we know you are good at those right hooks, that's for sure."

I pulled at the skin type fabric that I felt left nothing to the imagination. Good thing Logan had seen all things- or I would be more self conscious. My bare feet against the wood floors alerted him and I saw a spark behind those brown eyes as he checked me out, a teenage version of himself all over his expression. I chuckled in response as I did the same. No lie, him in a wetsuit had always been one of my favorite sights- and it seems all these years... and the suit still liked him well.

"Wow, mamma." He winked grabbing me by the waist as he leaned in for a flirty kiss. "We may just have to stay here." He said against my cheek and I swatted at him.

"No sir, I gave you that choice earlier. You have surfing lessons to teach."

He stuck his lip out. "You are mean."

I walked towards the patio. "I have heard that before- come on, teach!"

He ran behind me, and picked two boards up under his arms that were on the patio. "You ready to catch some waves?"

"I don't think so." I smiled. "But how hard can it be right?"

**Day 1- Afternoon**

Logan:

She literally crawled to the surf like a dead animal, in very dramatic fashion.

"The ocean hates me." She said as she laid back onto the sand.

I leaned over top of her, and she squinted at the sun behind me as she smiled. "Yeah well it can be persnickety, like women."

"I believe it- she seemed to have it out for me. I think she may have a thing for you- must be jealous."

I reclined on my elbow as I laid next to her, touching the tips of her hair that were covered in sand. "Well, I can punish her if you want. I wont visit for awhile."

"We will discuss it." She closed her eyes as she breathed in deeply. "Have to say I am not sure why surfers get such bad reps for being lazy. That was hard and I am exhausted."

"We are such a mis-understood folk."

"I'll say." She glanced at me. "But it was fun. Thanks for the lessons."

"Hey after only three hours I think you did well."

"You are just saying that cause you want to get lucky with your student." She laid on top of me teasing me with a sexy pout of her lip.

"Well, yes- with you that is always the case."

She scrunched her nose in response. "Well I hate to tell you this, but I will need sustenance first."

"Hm how about Harry's?"

She lit up like a child on Christmas. "They are still open?"

"Yeah, I visit at least once a week."

She jumped to her feet, suddenly full of energy. "Well, come on." she stared down at me. "I haven't had a decent fish taco in ages."

She took off toward the direction of the old taco shack and I laughed at her petite form booking it. She had to remember well where Harry's was- she had never surfed that was true, but she religiously brought me tacos, and waited for me on the beach. I smiled as I recalled it- brushing the sand out of my hair as I walked towards Dick's, going to put the boards up and meet her at the board walk.

When I made it to Harry's she bounced in line and gleamed when he handed her the two plates. She held them up with pride as she met me at the picnic style table.

"You still like the special?" She asked as she sat.

"Of course." I picked up the corn tortilla and took a bite, smiling as she nearly drooled raising her's to her mouth.

"What?" She wiped at her face.

"I think you are cute- what can I say?"

"You aren't too shabby either- especially when I am chowing down on this baby."

"I am glad good food helps your tolerance of me."

She shrugged. "Good food helps everything, Logan."

"Indeed."

The crisp air blew through her blonde locks and the way she played at it, trying to keep it out of her eyes made the moment perfect. Call me sappy- I knew I sounded like a cheesy love song, but the girl had a power over me- always had. The way she did the simplest things captivated me, and I felt like I could study her for hours. I used to- long ago and I was glad I had been so studious on everything Veronica Mars. It had given me a lot of sweet memories to dwell on when no new ones were being made. Now I was making a new set and I knew they needed to last me six months.

"So what are the plans for the rest of the day?" She asked.

"Hm, what would you like to do?"

She ran her finger across her lip as she contemplated. "Shower, nap, then see my dad for a little?"

I smiled. "Sounds good to me."

Dick:

Oh how I loved sleeping into the afternoon hours. Especially after spending most the night out with a pair of twins from Florida. _Living the good life._ I stumbled out into the living room, sporting nothing but my undies and my eyes fell on the couple snuggled up on the couch in disgusting fashion. The disgusting part being one of the pair was Veronica Mars. _I wondered how did porcupines manage to cuddle anyway?_

"Ah the love birds, making their nest in my home." I said loudly and boldly as I stomped into the living room.

Logan grimaced at the sight of me nearly naked and Veronica looked disgusted- that made me smile. "Such class Dick." She said back.

"Ah, says the person who is crashing at my place in this said moment."

"We were surfing and I thought it made sense for us to get cleaned up here." Logan added.

I eyed them, both shiny clean and hair wet- I shook my head not wanting to travel down the path of what probably just happened in my shower. "So Ronnie? Surfer?"

"Terrible surfer." She smiled faintly. _Ah she has a soul._

"She actually did well." Logan said with a chuckle. "She actually caught a wave once."

"For like a split second." She added and I raised my eyebrow impressed.

"Hm, that's impressive, Ron."

"So, Dick, just waking up buddy?" Logan asked.

I stretched. "Yes indeed. I spent most of my night with Lacey and Layla. They like to party hard my friend." I walked toward the kitchen and I could hear Veronica's snares and Logan's amusement.

I grabbed the bag of Lucky Charms and dug my hand right in as I entered back into the living room, taking a seat at the table. I scooped a handful into my mouth as chewed loudly, but they did not seem to notice as they watched the television. Veronica and Logan had never been like puppy dog teenagers. Veronica was different than most girls- with her cooler demeanor, but with Logan she did seem less edgy, more relaxed. It was the only times I did not see the girl prowling around looking for some clue.

Now it was like stepping into a time machine: Logan leaned against the arm of the couch, Veronica resting up beside him, his hand on her. It was not a huge display of public affection, but it was them- and suddenly we all looked 19 again in my mind and I felt a twinge of happiness. I had not seen a smile like that on his face since then and I could not hate her completely with him looking that way again.

I softened towards the heartbreaker for a moment. "So how's your dad?"

Veronica looked over the surprise in her eyes fading as a softer look replaced it. "Uh, he is actually making progress. I spoke with the nurse a little while ago and we are going to go see him soon." She paused as she still seemed stunned from my interest. "Thank you for asking." She said with actual kindness.

"No problem- your dad is actually one chill dude." I said back as Logan watched the interaction with a pleased smile.

"Speaking of which." She slowly stood. "I better finish getting ready so we can go."

Logan nodded as he looked at her much like he always did- smitten, like a sick little school boy.

I shook my head as his eyes were on me now. "I told her." He blurted out.

I looked up surprised that Ronnie was anywhere near us with that knowledge. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, and she wants to stick around."

I took a breath, I have to say I was surprised. I was glad though- I had not wanted to see him crushed again. "I am glad for you, man."

He shrugged. "Maybe we will get it right this time."

I nodded as she now entered back into the room, her eyes on Logan now. "You ready?"

"Yeah." he stood to his feet, and walking my way. "Thanks for letting us use your place." He patted my shoulder.

"Yeah, thanks, Dick." _Wow, hell must have froze over…two nice comments from her._

"Well, my nest is your love nest- anytime."

She shook her head with a chuckle and Logan waved, grabbing her hand as they walked towards the door. I noticed she leaned into him, not seeming to resist the contact as a moment of vulnerability was on her face as she peered up at him. It was just a second, but I caught it- it was something I had never witness from her. She seemed _different._

_Maybe those two will actually not destroy each other this time._


	23. Chapter 23

**Alright here is the end of Day 1 and the beginning of Day 2. Hope you guys enjoy! I am hoping the shorter chapters and covering each day will help me get chapters out sooner. I am enjoying writing their "blissful' time, keeping it lighter. I feel like I should let them enjoy some time together before the drama starts again- cause we know with those two there is always drama. ;)**

**Also I was thinking of taking the story into his deployment some, then them reuniting and maybe possibly the future? Let me know what you guys want. Thank so much for all your love and support! So glad you are liking it.**

**So here is the update- let me know what you think. :)**

**Day 1- Evening**

Veronica:

The feeling of my ribs bouncing off the wood floors stung as I giggled loudly. Logan's laughter was in a lower register as he ran his hands across his face. I pulled myself up to a sitting position as I wiped at the chocolate sauce on my face.

"Well that is one way to eat dessert." I smiled as I eyed the smeared chocolate on my finger, him immediately bringing it to his mouth as he teasingly sucked on it.

"I have to say I much prefer you to the conventional way of a bowl."

I let out a hoarse laugh again as I reclined onto my elbows, my chest rising in shaky breaths."Oh my dad would die if he knew what just happened in here. He would probably burn the place to the ground."

Logan's nose was at my cheek now as he whispered in a mischievous way that made my nerves tingle. "Well that's what secrets are for."

"Good thing you and I have good poker faces then ."

He eyed the room like it was his favorite place on earth as he mimicked my reclined posture. "Yeah, well I don't know how I will ever not have a smirk on my face when I see this place."

I smacked him. "You will learn how to hide that smirk." I pointed at him with command.

He nibbled at the side of his lip as he he flashed me those dimples. "No need to hide it now."

My mouth played up at the side like I had a delicious secret as I recalled the last half hour. "I guess that is true." I wiped at the sticky caramel and chocolate sauce combination on my neck. "This way may be more fun, but it is a harder clean up then the bowl and spoon method."

"Well that is what a shower is for." He looked at me expectantly like he was aware of something I wasn't and before I could ask he jumped to his feet, throwing me over his shoulder and carrying me to the bathroom, causing a silly cackle to escape me. _Seems we were not finished after all._

We reclined on the bed where we had collapsed after our shower, no covers or pillows just pure exhaustion hitting us as we suddenly lost the ability to move.

"Well, I would say we are not as young as we once were." Logan said flatly staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah, surfing and several extracurricular encounters and we are pooped. Back in the day we could have thrown in a 5k too."

"You? Run?" He turned on his side with a low groan of regret as he smiled through the pain.

"Nah." I narrowed my eyes at him in equal disbelief and he gave me that rare smile that completely took over his face. It had a way of making the splashes of gold in his eyes explode, revealing the few sets of dimples by his mouth that usually stayed unseen. It was a sign he was truly happy. I never commented on it- I am sure the guy would think I had truly gone complete marshmallow if he knew I had his smiles memorized, but I duly noted each one.

"So your dad seemed better today."

I rolled to my stomach as I pulled up onto my elbows, kicking my feet behind me back and forth. "Yeah, he did. He seemed to be able to move a little freer."

"And if Dr. Morgan is right he will be out of ICU in a few days and that means some of those wires will disappear."

I frowned at the mention of them, I hated seeing him hooked up to what felt like a hundred machines. It made the seriousness of his injuries seem more real. "Yes, I can't wait to see those gone."

I could see a glimpse of sympathy as he pursed his lips, his hand touching mine gently before he laid it back on his chest as he yawned loudly. My body immediately mimicked the tale sign of exhaustion, something I always found fascinating as yawns seemed to be contagious. I let my elbows give as I laid flat on the bed and just as my eyes grew heavy, us still too lazy to pull the covers up, I heard the distant ringing of my cell in the other room. For a moment I seemed to forget that the doctor's had that number, completely absorbed into a state of relaxation. The loud buzzing accompanied with the ringer reverberated off the counters and Logan stroked my leg.

"Your phone is ringing."

I kept my eyes shut. "I hear it."

"You don't want to check? It could be important." He said trying not alarm me by keeping his tone even.

My eyes flashed open, feeling shame for forgetting and panic at who could be calling. I jolted up- all my sore muscles from the beating I took from Logan's jealous girlfriend, aka the ocean, reeking havoc. _Seems that wench knew what she was doing after all._

I stumbled a little once my feet hit the floors, the muscle fatigue giving me sea legs. Logan sat up now, seeming like he was going to follow and I took off down the hall with a slight limp as I heard the ringing subside.

I grabbed the phone off the counter of the kitchen and walked to the living room, relief hitting me first and then the pang of guilt as I saw Mac's missed call. She had called me multiple times over the last few days, but honestly I was so wrapped up in my dad and well honestly the black hole of love I was caught in- that strong vortex hard to escape sometimes. I knew I needed to call her back, I was selfish- she cared for my dad, for me- she was probably worried sick. I had a lot of calls I needed to return, Wallace- I had spoken with him once but still he had called several times. There was also Weevil and Cliff who checked in and well there was even Piz who had called once. But I was having a hard time mustering up the strength for that conversation- he had already caught Logan and I when he had called the house- there was no doubt he was unpleased.

I would start with Mac, I picked up the phone and hit redial- Logan now coming around the corner, with a look of concern on his face as he gestured a thumbs up or down.

"It was just Mac, I am calling her back."

His shoulders relaxed as he nodded and headed to the kitchen, and I enjoyed the private show I was getting of him in only black lounge pants, his chiseled back contracting with each movement of his body as he grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal.

"Veronica?" Mac's voice brought me back as I closed my mouth that had been shamelessly hanging open as I ogled the man in the kitchen. _That kitchen._ I smirked at the memories and shook my head.

"Hey Mac."

"Are you okay? I have been worried sick. How is your dad? Wallace had told me he was stable and awake- but still I have been scared."

"I am so incredibly sorry- it has just been so crazy." I took a deep breath. "He is doing better. They are thinking they can move him out of ICU soon, but he still has a long road of recovery."

"I am just so glad he is okay. I can't imagine-" Mac's voice cut off once it began to sound weak, her gaining resolve. "So what can I do? Do I need to come over?"

"No, I am really okay."

"Veronica, you do not need to be alone." She lectured.

I cringed as I looked back toward the kitchen as he kept his eyes on his cereal as he moved his spoon through his bowl slowly. _I had not told her yet of Logan and I's reunion and I knew she would want to kill me for not spilling._ Mac had always been supportive of whatever my choices were but I always knew deep down she was on Logan's side. She would be thrilled. _Here goes nothing._

"Actually, Logan is here right now."

She paused seeming to not try to read too much into my last statement. "Oh, okay. Well how about tomorrow?"

I bit my lip as my voice cracked nervously. "Well, actually I have a feeling he will be here tomorrow also." I placed my hands in my pockets as I clenched my jaw in expectation. My eyes landed on Logan who now did not seem to find his snack so interesting. That wicked, ornery side of his was playing up all over his face as he lifted his eyebrows up and down as he munched on his cereal under that tight smirk. He swallowed grinning big like he was enjoying every minute of listening to me squirm, I glared back as I stuck out my tongue.

"Veronica Mars! Is Logan Echolls spending the night?" Mac said in a motherly, reprimanding tone.

"Guilty."

"I told you no overnight stays with boys until you are at least thirty."

"Ah but mom I am so close."

She laughed, her voice seeming happy as she responded. "So you and him? Is it more than-"

I cut her off, my definite answer strong. "Yeah, it is a lot more than just that." My eyes were back on him now as that cocky grin melted to a soft expression as he now let his eyes venture back down to his spoon pooling through the milk.

"And Piz?" She asked, it was obvious she felt bad for him, he was her friend too.

"Better off - he deserved-"

She now cut me off. " Someone who was not still in love with her ex?"

I sighed, _there was that L word again. People really were making me own up to it recently,_ "Yes, exactly."

"Well, I assume you will be in town a while?" She went on with the conversation not hovering over the complicated stuff.

"Yeah, for the foreseeable future."

"Well, then you and Logan are going to have to come to dinner with me and Wallace... No getting out of it."

I smiled, if I was truly in this for the long run then those two worlds merging would have to happen. Mack was already sold, I knew that. Wallace he would need a little convincing- but deep down he liked Logan. They had bonded over senior year and our freshman year at Hearst, he could find it again. Not to mention Logan was far different- leaving behind the traits that made my best friend upset.

"We will, for sure."

"Alright, I will let you get back to your loving." I could hear her smile through the phone. "Try to come up for air sometimes."

"Gross. Bye Mac." I fired back.

"Bye bye, darling."

I hung up as I let my feet slide across the floor never fully picking them up, and I collapsed into the seat across from him, laying my head on the table.

"So how is Cindy?" His voice filled with that mischievous light that use to fully encompass him always. It now only came when he was playing at me- the cocky side had subsided some with age.

I looked up at him, my chin still staying firmly planted on the table. "Completely clued in on my love life."

He laughed as he lowered his chin to the table now, matching me eye for eye. "Well, I am glad."

I kept the stare down going as my mouth teased at a smile, me batting my eyes with exhaustion. "Okay, Logan, I know I said the entire no sleep thing- but you think we could go to bed early?"

He chuckled as he quickly pecked my nose with his lips. "Come on, you- let's go to bed." He stood up, as he walked around the table towards the bedroom, looking behind his shoulder when I did not follow.

"You sleeping on the table?"

My head still stayed down as I cocked it towards him, whining at him. "I can't move..."

He reached out grabbing my hands and pulling my dead weight body up, and I reclined against him as I lazily moved to the bedroom. "I may have said this before- but really, I think the ocean had it out for me."

"It is appearing that way, I am afraid."

We turned into the guest room, us both collapsing on the creaky pull-out couch. Logan did find the energy to pull our covers up while I laid their motionless. He eyed the room as he laid back on his back. "Okay, not to sound weird- but what do you think of us crashing somewhere else for the rest of my time here."

I crocked an eyebrow up. "Why is that?" I think I knew where this was going as I already started to laugh.

"Well, you instructed that no knowing smirks were to be seen around your dad when we are standing near landmarks of beautiful memories." He grinned. "But after two weeks here, I am afraid there wont be a single room in this house that I can keep a straight face in." He turned towards me to make his point even more. "And we don't want that kind of wrath from your dad."

"You had me sold five minutes ago." I smiled. "No need to incur the wrath of Mars, now is there?"

**Day 2- Morning**

Logan:

"Yes ma'm, your best room available." I said through the phone.

"Our best is our Penthouse Suite-" The hotel clerk said matter of fact. _Yes, I knew that all too well._ "But unfortunately sir, it is occupied. Our Royal Suite is available and it is lovely."

"I'll take it." I said as I pulled the credit card from my wallet, Veronica emerging from the bathroom in wavy curls, catching my eyes as she made a beeline for the coffee pot. _She still took my breath away._

"How long will you need the suite for?" The proper voice on the other line drew me back in.

"Um, 13 days?"

"Of course. And can I have your name?"

"Logan, Echolls."

I could hear her typing away at the computer. _It would be seconds before she saw my long list of history displayed on her screen._ "Oh, Mr Echolls', we are thrilled to have you back with us."

"Me too, thank you for getting us a room."

I gave her the credit card info and she typed away again, it always felt like you were signing over your life- booking hotel rooms.

"Okay sir, anything you need, let us know. The room is yours by noon today."

"Alright, thank you."

I hung up and Veronica approached me, holding a mug almost as big as her head. "Making our other living arrangements?"

"Yes, how do you feel about taking a trip down memory lane?"

"Hm, only as long as you are on this trip." She quipped.

"We have a room at The Grand booked until I leave."

She smiled slowly behind the cup. "Hm, seems fitting to give that place some new memories of us, now doesn't it?"

"Indeed." I nodded. "Though the Penthouse is occupied."

She faked disappointment. "Ah, I wonder what snotty rich kid has taken your spot?"

"Ha-Ha- real funny." I smiled at her as she walked back towards the kitchen.

"I thought so." She yelled back.

I walked out onto the porch to retrieve the paper- it was funny to me how Neptune did have qualities that tried to maintain a sense of old time feelings. _We still have paper boys- but once they reach adolescents they either join the local biker gang or sell for the latest drug lord._

I rolled my eyes at the thought as I stepped back into the house. The large add on the front page caught my attention.

**Neptune High Annual Winter Carnival Today!**

I slowly smiled. _Well, if we were going down memory lane anyway._

Veronica was now in front of me- her "Spidey" senses must have been going off, she already knew I was up to something. "So what's the plan?"

"I think I know exactly what we will be doing this afternoon."

Her eyebrows pulled in. "Not the ocean again, correct?"

"No, I think it best to keep my two girls separated for now."

She teasingly glared with those firecracker eyes. "Not plural just one. The other one needs to get a hint."

"I think she was getting the hint- hence why you are limping."

"Well, as long as she understands."

I placed my hands around her waist giving her the first kiss of the day. "There's just you." I smiled as I looked back at her. "Good morning."

Her cheekbones had a way of slanting upward when she was incandescently happy, I always found it endearing. "Good morning." She raised one of her manicured eyebrows. "So the plans?"

"You will find out soon enough. But until then." I walked to a closet I had seen a bunch of board games in earlier. "Do you think your dad is more of a Monopoly kind of guy or Scrabble?"

"My dad? The man always looking for a reason to show off that fancy vocabulary? Scrabble." She followed behind curiously. "Why?"

I reached in pulling the worn box out, it looked like they had had it since she was a kid. _Must be where her equally fancy vocabulary came from._ "I was thinking maybe he would be up for a game today?"

Her eyes twinkled, I could see she appreciated the gesture. "A chance to make us feel small and dumb? Of course he is."

"That's what I was thinking. You want to go?"

"Yeah, let me grab my purse." She went into the back room aka our room, hollering out. "So about those other plans?"

"Not cracking." I met her decibel level and I could here her groan in frustration, making me smile. _I still enjoyed getting under her skin._

**Day 2- Afternoon**

Keith:

"So Keith I have to tell you." Cliff sipped at the stale hospital coffee. "You being out really isn't helping my business. I need those investigating skills to get my clients free."

I narrowed my eyes. "Sorry for the inconvenience."

"Me too. I am actually having to work some now." Cliff's wisecracks never fell short, that was true.

"So, is this a social call pal, or business?" I smiled knowingly as he pulled the manila envelope from his bag.

"Oh Keith, why can't it be both?"

"With us it always is."

He handed the envelope over. "If you have a free moment could you look over this- see if you notice anything out of the ordinary? I know you, you must be going stir crazy- so you see, I am really doing you a favor."

I sighed not revealing that I was thrilled for the work, had to keep up jesting appearances and all. "Well is that all there is? See my daughter and her boyfriend are headed this way, and well I have a feeling they aren't bringing me work."

He narrowed his eyes unconvinced. "With Veronica? I would not be so sure."

I nodded in agreement. "Well, I do love her more."

Cliff smiled. "So boyfriend huh? That Chiz guy?"

I laughed loudly at the slaughtering of Stosh's name. "Piz- and no, it is Logan."

Cliff sipped at his coffee again and I could see his smirk behind the styrofoam cup. "Well, she has been in town nearly two weeks- I would say it is right on time."

"Yeah, magnets those two. Doesn't matter what they are pulling the other towards- good or bad- they just follow."

"Well, you seem more relaxed about this than I would have thought. You usually had a disapproving eye with that one."

"Well, it has been a long time, Cliff. And Veronica is a grown woman. Not to mention Logan is different now. I can tell that. He seemed to have gotten his life together years ago. I can't judge him on past mistakes."

"Not to mention you are indebted to him, the man pulled you out of that car. Wise move on his part- save the dad's life, have him forever owe you." I chuckled and he continued. "But pardon my bluntness- but that kid, I had my fair share of time with him. I saw a smart mouth, someone with a hero complex and someone who had a loose grip on his temper when it came to protecting Veronica Mars." He smirked. "Sounds like someone else I know if you ask me."

I smiled wide now, Cliff hitting it right on the head, he was smarter than he looked. "Yeah, so why do you think I fought it so hard? I know firsthand how destructive those qualities can be."

"Well." He threw the cup in the trash. "I can think of a lot worse scenarios than Veronica ending up with someone a lot like her old man. Just saying." He shook my hand and I squeezed as tightly as I could back.

"Yeah, well I may be coming to the same conclusions."

There was a sound of knocking on the glass, Veronica peering around the corner like an ornery child. "We have a surprise for you!"

She came in now, her presence always lighting up my world. Logan followed behind with the box of Scrabble and she pointed to it. "We challenge you to a game."

I eyed her- her with that cocky grin and Logan as he shyly stood back watching her. In this moment he still looked like that teenage boy- watching my daughter like she was everything. It made me smile.

"Oh honey are you sure you are up for that humiliation?"

"Pfft, whatever old man." She started to pull out the table and Cliff raised his eyebrows.

"Well that is my cue."

"Oh Cliff you scared of losing?" Veronica fired back as she sat down.

"No, just far too intelligent to get in the middle of you two competing." He looked at Logan. "Good luck with that."

"Thanks I will probably need it." Logan quipped as he handed Veronica the box.

"So escaped murder charges yet again I see." Cliff retorted, causing Logan to smirk. That cocky, younger self was still under there- but I could see him stifle it- before that sarcastic version escaped. "Yes, sir."

Cliff shook his head. "Sir? You been brainwashed there, Echolls?"

Logan now smiled wide, his teeth showing. "Just had some growing up to do, I'm afraid."

"Leave the guy alone." I hollered out. "We have a game to play."

Cliff smirked as he waved. And I gestured for Logan to come over. "I apologize in advance for how mean and cruel she gets in this game."

Veronica sat on the edge of my bed and he pulled a chair out, bringing it by us. "I am sure I can handle it."

Veronica looked up as she set up the game, mischief all over her face. She was really too competitive for her own good. "Prepare to lose."

Logan:

"Quixotic, with a triple letter score on the 'q' and a triple word score." Keith said, gleaming as he looked at Veronica, whose fingers were now clawing at her face.

"Luck- pure luck. Again." She said.

I laughed and Keith sighed loudly. "Three games honey- three games of you losing and me winning. Are you sure you want to add a fourth?"

She glared and I rubbed her shoulders. "Easy there tiger- don't attack him."

"True, I am in the hospital, you need to go easy on me."

"You are a bad man." She pushed her lip out and I reclined back, after the 2 hours of Scrabble with the Mars family. They were a completive bunch.

A nurse walked in and laughed at the look Veronica was giving her dad. "Intense game?" She asked.

"Yes, don't let him fool you- he may say he is not feeling well, but he is as sharp as ever." Veronica smiled.

"Oh I see- don't be fooled- got it." She pulled a cart over to the side of his bed. "I actually need to take mister tough here's blood for a test. Would you two mind stepping out for just a minute?"

Veronica and I stood to our feet and she leaned in to kiss her dad's cheek. "Well, actually Logan has some sort of surprise plans for me, so we will let you rest."

"Surprise, huh?" Keith asked.

"Yes." You could see her annoyance in not being able to figure it out all over her face.

"You've kept a secret from this one-" Keith pointed to the spunky blonde. "Good job my friend."

"It is usually a hard task." I replied and she walked over.

"You two- so funny. Come on, Echolls. We have plans."

"Goodbye, Mr. Mars. Thanks for playing with us."

He smiled. "Thanks for the visit- you guys have fun."

"Well it is always more fun when you actually know what you are doing." Veronica said as she exited the room, and I rolled my eyes as Keith busted into laughter- he loved me getting the best of her.

The entire drive from the hospital to Neptune High she quizzed me, trying to find hints. It was like she did not give me credit at all to knowing how she operated, I knew to be extra careful with what I said. She sighed exasperated as I took the exit from the freeway.

"You and my dad are really trying to annoy me today aren't you?'

"Well, actually I am trying to surprise you." I glanced over at her and her grumpy expression softened. "You just make it hard."

Her eyes sparked with familiarity as she eyed the road. "There is nothing important here except-"

I put on my blinker and she tightened. "Neptune High." She faked a shiver as I pulled into the parking lot. "Can't you just fill the chilling void of souls being lost behind those walls?"

I parked and she looked at me in disbelief. "We are actually going in there?"

"Well, I guess you could say that." I opened her door and it looked like she was going to tie herself to the seat. "To see Wallace?" She asked confused.

"Oh come on-trust me."

She cocked her head to the side and she steadied her gaze as she seemed to take a cleansing breath. "The fact that I am going near this place for you should speak volumes, just saying."

"It is all being noted."

We walked around the side of the building, I had deliberately parked in the parking lot not facing the carnival- it was just luck that they still set it up the way they use to. When we rounded the corner the sights and sounds and cheer of all that was Neptune High and it's annual carnival was looking us in the eye.

Her eyes grew wide. "Neptune High's Winter Carnival. I manned the slushy machine and lost the senior class trip money remember?" She said with her usual sarcastic wit.

"I remember well." We stayed still as people ushered by us at the main gate. "I also remember checking you out while you worked said slushy machine."

Her blank face smirked now as she still stared ahead. "Why am I not surprised?" She now looked my way. "So we are going back in there? Back to the trenches?"

I laughed now, grabbing her hand to soften her hard edge. "Well, I know that Neptune High holds some bad memories Veronica. But if you do remember there were some good ones." I looked at her with implication and she cracked showing she remembered those good times as well."But one thing I always regretted was I never got to take you to the annual carnival- it is like a right of passage for all pirates and well we were being stupid at the time."

She leaned in now with that determined and knowing face. "Yes, we were. Very stupid." _She was cracking now._

"So." I stepped forward motioning the the sign. "We are nobodies today, Veronica Mars. I am not the jackass, 09er, and you aren't the misunderstood, ball of fire. No one knows us- so lets enjoy some of those memories that the wayward ways of Neptune robbed from us." I smiled and I could see the twinkle behind her eyes, the teenager in her sparking with a little excitement.

She stepped forward as she walked past me toward the entrance. "I don't know- I am still fiery and you are still..."

"An 09er?"

"Yeah... that too, I guess."

I laughed loudly, the verbal sparring had now ensued- maybe it was this place after all- that brought it out in us. Either way I was going to enjoy the day of being those kids again. I loved us- any way we came- or in whatever stage of life we were. It did not matter- it was just right. Now it was time, time to right some wrongs from our past- this one being the first of what I hoped would be many.


	24. Chapter 24

** I know I had said they would be smaller chapters, but i started this one a few days ago and could never find a place I wanted to stop. Hope you guys like some of the throwbacks to the show- wanted to pay tribute to some of my favorite scenes. Anyways, hope you like and as always let me know what you think! **

** Thank you so much for reading :) **

** Day 2- Afternoon/Evening **

Veronica:

Seems Clemmons still used the same people to rent the booths from. It was like literally stepping into a time capsule, down to the smells and sounds- I had been here before.

"Ah the slushy table." I said in a cold, nostalgic tone as it came into view.

He laughed as he pulled his wallet out, talking to the petite redhead behind the booth-who looked at him like an adoring fan girl. I sneered under my breath, you had to hide your annoyance towards minors that ogled your boyfriend- caring about that was just pathetic. _Boyfriend._ The word hung in my head. _Was that what Logan Echolls was to me again?_

"Seems they are all out of liquid evil." He joked, looking back at me and I could see in his eyes that he was waiting to see if I recognized my own words.

"Yeah, they run out of that one quick, I seem to remember being out of it when I manned this here booth." I ran my hands over it as I stepped up. "Speaks a lot of the residents of Neptune, the drink of choice that goes first."

The little redhead lost all gleam she had for Logan as she stared at me baffled. _Seems things had not changed much. Girls swooning over Logan; looking at me like a freak show._ I cleared my throat. "We'll take two of the blue raspberry."

She nodded and Logan looked at me amused. "You remembered. I am touched, Mars."

"Anything that will turn your tongue blue right?" I smirked and he grabbed our drinks, handing the girl the cash.

He sipped at the drink as he grandly gestured towards the attractions. "What do you want to do first?"

I ran my hand across my chin as I eyed my options. "Do I not recall long ago you promised to demonstrate your love through ring tossing?"

His brows furrowed as he continued to slurp. "I believe you are right. A bear was the desired prize correct?"

I nodded acting peppy. "Or a pony?"

"Hm, I believe a bear is more doable. We may have to win a game in Vegas to get a pony."

I shrugged as we stepped up to the booth being manned by a not so eager blonde. "One can only dream right?"

"One game please." Logan said, handing her the five dollars.

"Here you go." She handed him literal rings for the ring toss game. _Seems we could not find more creative ideas._ She crossed her arms as he prepared his stance and my eyes stayed settled on her. Her blonde hair hung at her chin and her _screw the world_ face looked familiar. _I still wore that some days._

In Logan's first try he hit the highest target, and then again and again. He was proud as he bowed a little at me and I clapped as she handed him the bear.

"Congratulations-you threw rings- such an accomplishment." The pesky blonde mumbled under her breath and I chuckled as she clicked her boots together. "You guys going to play again or-"

Logan looked at her kindly, ignoring her rudeness. "Thank you, we are done." We walked away and I peered back at the girl, her body language screaming _I want out of here. I used to be that girl._

"Here- I think you have been waiting ten years for this guy." He handed me the the tiny, white bear- and despite how warm and cuddly was not much me, the gesture and all it's implications actually struck a chord at my sentimental side.

I smiled. "He needs a name."

"Well, we could ask blondie back there for an opinion but I don't think she spends much time dwelling on names for stuffed animals."

"Yeah I did not get that impression either. I guess we will have to name this little guy on our own."

Logan smirked. "That must be the 2014 Neptune High version of you."

I squinted my eyes before I registered what he meant. "Yes, I had the same thoughts."

"Now we need to find the arrogant, rich kid that is in love with her."

"Maybe we can check by the brooding and wise ass comments booth?"

"They have one here? I thought I would have been notified." He retorted.

We stopped abruptly at the large carousel in front of us as we sipped at our drinks.

"Seems Clemmons has upped the Carnival budget." Logan added.

"Appears so. So shall we? We might as well get all our moneys worth correct?"

"Hey, it as close to a pony as you can get here."

I nodded as we walked up to the gate for the ride. "It may not be my dream, but I'll take it."

"Veronica?" I heard the familiar voice behind me.

I turned around guilty expression through gritted teeth as I greeted the best friend I had been avoiding. _Number 1. answering all his questions about the Piz break up? Not my idea of fun. And 2- his defensiveness that I already moved on with Logan- I expected not pretty._

"Heeeey." I waved and Logan turned around with me, being his usual confident self. He had no issues with Wallace and he acted like it- though he did seem amused by my behavior.

"I thought I must be seeing things. Veronica Mars voluntarily back at Neptune High." Wallace smiled, though I could see he was a little perturbed with me. His eyes were on Logan as he forced a handshake though I could see his mind trying to connect all the dots. "Hey Logan." Logan returned the greeting politely.

"What can I say? The charms of this here carnival are hard to resist."

Wallace rolled his eyes. "Yeah that is unless you are in charge of handling the dunking booth." He gestured to the tank placed in the corner, and the tall blonde bossing everyone around. "That there, is this year's Madison Sinclair."

Logan cringed and I smiled in my usual wickedness. "You should get her in the booth, maybe fill it with holy water- do the world a favor."

"Don't think it hasn't crossed my mind." Wallace looked back at us suspiciously. "So really, why are you two here?"

"I dragged her- wanted to relive some high school memories." Logan answered for me.

"Just _those_ high school memories?" Wallace asked. _We were found out. Though I guess it wasn't hard to piece that mystery together._

I smiled forcefully again. "Guilty." I gave him a _don't-you-dare-say-another-word_ look, and his shoulders relaxed as he smiled.

"Well, some things don't change."

"Yeah, that is true." Logan smiled at me with a caring expression and it seemed to soften the best friend.

"Well, I better get back- don't want Bridgette to drown those not deemed an 09er."

"Bye Wallace." I waved and Logan stepped out.

"Hey, Wallace, we should get together- you and Mac- before I ship out."

Wallace's brow furrowed in what seemed respect and somber expression. "You are leaving soon?"

"Yeah, less than two weeks." I could tell that even though he tried to say it unaffected, that he was dreading it deeply by the way his fists clenched.

"Well, then you guys call me. We will set up a time."

There were moments that Logan's vulnerability had a way of pricking my heart- now was one of those moments as his face showed that boy from long ago- deep down just wanting family and friends, just to be a part of our world.

"Thanks, man. We will."

Wallace waved again as he headed off through the crowds and I reached for Logan's hand and he seemed to notice all the contact was meant to say. _He had reached out to my best friend, the person who at times was very vocal against him- yet he wanted to move past all that. And there was only one reason he would- me._

Logan let me pick our pony and, of course, I chose the pretty, purple one- making him chuckle. He helped me up on it , as he slung his arm around the back as he stood by me. I liked feeling like a kid again- one of the reasons I had always loved time with Logan. Yes we had plenty of mature and dramatic situations- but with those aside we had fun together. That coming from the two people who were forced to grow up too quickly- that was saying something.

"This was a good idea." I looked back at him.

"Yeah. I think so too." He leaned into my ear. "Though that private room is starting to call my name."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Hm, well that does sound like a tempting offer."

"Yes, I do like having you all to myself." His mouth was still at my ear, and I felt a tingle down my spine at all that implied.

"Alright, where is the exit?"

We both laughed as the pretty carousel came to a stop, him helping me off as I ungracefully stumbled.

"Well, at least when I die I can say I actually got to ride a purple pony."

"Glad I could make your dreams come true."

The sun started to set now, and the crowd seemed to be getting larger as we weaved in and out towards the exit. I saw Clemmons up ahead as he reprimanded the tall, lanky boy in front of him. The kid grinning like he had a secret as he kept his hands in his pocket like he was just waiting to unleash whatever wise crack he had stored away. I smirked as I saw his mouth open, though I could not hear the words, judging by Principal Clemmons irate reaction it must have been good.

"I spot the Logan Echolls of the bunch, at 10 o'clock."

Logan had a smug expression as his eyes traveled to the cocky boy receiving a verbal lashing with an equally smug look. "Hmm I see the resemblance."

We passed them and I could not resist. "Hey Mr. C."

The greeting making our former principal stop mid rant as he eyed us, like we were a ghost from his past- I guess we were.

"Miss Mars, Mr. Echolls." He replied and we looked back 2014 Logan grinning at us before his principal seemed to give him the speech we both had heard a millions of times. _Kindred spirits- that would make us, I would say._

Our steps were abruptly stopped as a tall and dopey boy darted in front of, and we got the not so beautiful image of his bare butt cheeks as he ran past.

"And just in time- we spotted our Dick Casablancass." I said as Logan agreed and we both found humor at the vision of Mr. C who was now in pursuit of him.

We walked through the metal detectors and made our way out of the blast from the past.

"Seems we got our raincheck after all?" Logan said with a teasing quality to his tone but based on the way his eyes played up with emotion I knew the words meant more.

I scrunched my nose in confusion as I was not getting his reference. "What?"

He sighed, seeming to feel a little embarrassed. "I asked you for a rain check on a date last time we were here. You know our interaction at the now infamous slushy booth?"

My contorted face smoothed as I had the flashback.

" _Hot date?" I asked- genuinely interested if he did have one._

" _Rain check?" He quickly retorted catching me off guard as I smiled back._

"Seems we did."

Logan looked behind me as he had an appreciative look, a mixture of nostalgia and attachment plainly visible. "Seems we were actually right."

He motioned his eyes behind me and I turned around, it obvious what he was pointing out as the tall and cocky boy from before stood at the unpleasant blonde's booth. They were engaged in what seemed a verbal sparring match, each wearing a smirk.

"Seems our kind has a type."

He nodded reaching for his keys. "It does appear that way."

** Day 2- Evening **

Logan:

Veronica had a quiet peace about her as she stared out onto the views of Neptune at night. I had to admit that despite how ugly this town could be at its heart, it's views were still breathtaking. It had a way of marking you if you were from here- people that grew up here gave it the same look as they each took it in. There was an addictiveness to it, why else would we all have the inability to leave?

She sighed, reclining down in her seat. We had had two peaceful days, almost perfect days. It kind of made me reprimand myself for not obtaining this sort of relationship back years ago with her. We had royally screwed it up back then.

There was still the usual torment that loomed when I was with Veronica though- as content and happy as we were in this moment, that meant the separation would be that much more difficult.

"So you don't know where they are sending you?" She asked still studying the night sky. This was the first time she had brought up my deployment since I had answered her few questions the first night I told her.

"Yeah, that is correct. I should be hearing from JAG any day now. They will want to set up a meeting to clear me of my suspension and then shortly after I should get the location."

"And then, still you wont be able to tell right?"

Her gaze diverted to me quickly and then back at the skyline. "That is right, unfortunately." I tried to sound sensitive, I could only imagine how hard that was to wrap your mind around. _The person you cared for going off somewhere for half a year and you did not even know their exact location. That would be especially hard for a control freak like Veronica._

"That means it is risky though- right? Like in movies the top secret missions are always the dangerous ones."

I laughed a little trying to make light of the situation but it did not seem to help her uneasy expression. "I mean in a way yes- but it is the military- there is always a risk."

"But this is even higher risk." She came back with an edge seeming to hate me trying to talk it down.

I gave in. "Probably. But I do not know anything yet."

Her face was still grim as it seemed she cowered under the weight of her emotions, as she traced the lines of her bag, draped across her lap.

"So you planning on staying around Neptune?" I asked. I had figured this much, but she had not blatantly said so.

"Well, yeah- at least until my dad's recovery and then after that I don't know. I mean New York was not really working out for me- I don't see myself going back. Though I need to tie up loose ends there I suppose." She blinked quickly as a million thoughts seemed to crash into her brain at once.

She was quiet again, her hand going back to the nervous habit of tracing. "I know I will be here in six months, though." She looked over at me now. "That I do know."

Veronica was a woman of few words and I knew when to read into the short statements that said so much. "I am glad, that is where I was hoping you would be."

As usual when my affectionate words were spoke I could see that shell crack, her softer side escaping for a moment, before the shields went up again.

"I was thinking actually- my dad's cases- he has to have ones that need to be resolved. I figured I could take over while he is getting back on his feet maybe?" The way her eyes sparked with intrigue and desire, showed how much that life was still a part of her.

"Then you should." I added. "Though your dad may fight you on it."

"Eh, he is stubborn, but I can handle him."

"That, I am sure you can." I said as I turned into the familiar Neptune Grand parking lot.

"It has been a long time since I was here." She said under her breath, looking up at the home of a thousand memories.

"Yeah? Me too actually."

"Mac actually dragged me here for a New Years party- it was on the roof." She shook her head, it did not need explaining. There was one other person who would cringe the same way at the mention of that particular roof, and that was me. No one else witnessed what we did.

"Hm, good party?" I tried to joke away the gnawing pain that still came with the thought of those last images of Cassidy before I heard his body hit the car below.

"Horrible actually- and you called only making it better." She looked quickly my way seeming to regret letting the words slip out.

"Oh so that New Years huh?" I tried not to show that it bothered me that she had been there- at this place ,that was like a museum of our time together. That she had been on that roof- the place that had brought us back together all those years ago and she still would not answer. I blew air out slowly. _It did not matter- not now. Don't let this implode._

She seemed to sense my freshly opened wound. "I am sorry, I don't know why I let that slip out."

"It's okay- it's the past right?" I met her eyes now and I am afraid she could still see the lurking of all those painful memories hiding behind them.

"I cried, right here pretty much in this spot."She said uncomfortably- her admitting that was so unnatural to her that her body physically fought her voicing it, you could tell, but she pushed through. "I listened to the voicemail and I cried. And I laughed and I cried some more." She chuckled as she grinned though the moment was heavy-That is how she operated. "You know Logan I always missed you. And if I am being honest I was pretty miserable for a long time."

"I never wanted that- for you to be unhappy."

"I was dumb- I was young and thought if I ran from it that I could escape it. You know all the hurt we had afflicted on one another."

"And now? What do you think?" I asked leaning closer to her.

She breathed in, I could see clearly she was pushing all filters back-it taking her a moment to respond as she gained the resolve to go against herself, to be vulnerable, to say how she felt underneath it all.

"Now? I have a lot of regrets that I did not see the truth back then." She stopped again needing to restart the process of tearing her walls down. "We weren't the problem Logan- it was our stupid immaturity and our self destructive dysfunctions. Turns out I had gotten it right with you- I just had not gotten myself right. Not a fun thing to realize ten years down the road."

It was hard to see her like this, honestly as much as I wanted to know what was going on in that mind of hers, when she did show me I was always amazed at the self loathing and darkness that tormented her. If anyone could relate to that it was me. Maybe that is why we always found our way back to the other. Like a beacon of hope or understanding in the distance. A home base you knew you could always return to.

"Veronica, you can't live like that. The separation - it was hard but it is also what I know grew me up. I needed to grow up- I was crazy about you, but I had a head full of problems. Sometimes it is about timing, not the person."

She genuinely smiled now. "You sound like those self-help dating books."

I bit my lip as I chuckled. "I may or may not have read one or two over this said break."

She laughed now, one that was full and overtaking her small frame. "Well, I can't poke too much fun. I may have read one too."

"Lost souls looking for answers aye?"

She pursed her lips together before she moved her tongue across them in a contemplative way. "Something like that I guess." She crossed her hands on her lap as she cleared her throat. "I guess I am just trying to say- sorry. It may have been what we needed, but I know I did not handle it right. So yeah." She seemed relieved once the words were out.

"Apology accepted."I smirked and we looked at the other, the meaning behind it clear without words. _Chapter closed- Let's start writing the next one._

"So you wanna go check out the room?" I asked and she nodded reaching for the door.

She met me at the trunk as I pulled our bags out and her eyes were glued to me, I could see a lot going on behind them- nostalgia, guilt, excitement, love- it was everything. I always loved being the recipient of that _look._ Suddenly the pain hit my chest quickly in light of all we had just discussed. _I wasn't sure how I would survive if the girl decided to run again- not after all this-_ _Not after this build up, not after hearing everything I had ever wanted._

I hid the sudden onset of worry well as I made a joke, though there was truth behind every word. "You sure can break hearts though, Veronica Mars. You are too hard to forget."

She seemed to understand all my happy and jesting tone was hiding. "Well- I don't think you need to worry about that problem anymore."

"Yeah," I smirked as I began to roll the suitcases. "I don't think so either."

Veronica:

Communication skills- mine had always been seriously lacking. I had never been one for expressing myself eloquently, my use of words and the concise way I spoke was more like a man that the normal emotional rants I heard other women go on. I always watched those girls- the ones in like those sappy Nicholas Sparks movies and was envious of the sonnets they could all rattle off.

Sometimes I felt like the only woman in the world unable of expressing how I felt- _isn't that what usually woman were insecure towards their boyfriend over? But no poor Logan was the one who had to suffer through that insecurity._

I figured this emotional quirk had been due to the lack of feminine influence in those formative years- my mom either heavily drunk or completely gone. I had been raised by Keith Mars- the man of few words- and that was evident.

Perhaps, it all stems back to that point in time. Mom drunk- Duncan breaking up with me, Lilly dying, losing all my friends( Logan) - My mom leaving. It was like a barrage of blows to the heart so to speak. I transformed to the harder version of myself that still stood before others. It wasn't like life had gotten easier after that point, just more hurt on top of the other to prove that this shell was the safest place around me.

After a time though, it is like I lost the ability to communicate- so far gone into the depths of where I could never get hurt. Funny thing was I knew I deceived myself- the hurt was just as real when I was submerged into myself- the part that was absent was the damaged pride. If I did not say the words then they would not haunt me later. It was selfishness really, but it was a bent I fought hard.

Logan had always been the one to make me want to try- but Logan was always the one that crippled me the most when it all came crashing down. That sort of made the situation worse- and after the last wave of drama and hurt between us- I took off and I swear that wall around me grew ten feet. I wasn't letting anyone in. _Maybe there was a reason behind that- maybe I knew subconsciously I only wanted him._

But this time I was trying to be different- that heavy conversation in the car, still evidence of my rusty abilities, but at least it came out. It was not pretty and not completely clear but one great thing about Logan, he could read through the innuendos.

It still felt unnatural, letting my true feelings show. Hell, half the time I did not even let myself entertain what my true feelings possibly were. But this time, unlike all the other times I had let him in, I let myself stay out for a moment- stay out of the castle of protection. I could see his reaction- the acceptance- the peace behind it- and suddenly this world felt less scary.

Not safe enough where I could stay all out there permanently, as I would still retreat, but with each move back into myself I felt less compulsion to hide. _It was progress and he was worth it- I knew that._

He smiled at me in the elevator, I had been in my own head this entire time and it was like he had a transcript of the inner workings of my mind. I returned the smile and glanced behind us, still noticing the forest background behind us, just like it was all those years ago.

"Deja vu'." I said and he leaned his head back with a sigh.

"Oh yes, I am experiencing it as well."

I could tell he wasn't sure if I meant it as a positive or negative, so I stepped closer to him. _How many people get to go back to where it all happened? Where you fell in love?_

"I say we order the entire room service menu- I am starved. See if they still have those mini blue berry waffles." I tapped my fingers together. "I wonder if Ratner still works here."

Logan busted into laughter now, my plan had worked, as I saw his shoulders ease. "Afraid me and Dick were about more than he could handle. I vaguely remember a hissy fit of his in the penthouse and the words of quitting escaping him." He clicked his tongue. "But I was hung over-but I never did see him again."

"You drove him mad- I love it."

The elevator stopped on the floor and he pecked my forehead. "And I love your devious mind."

"I think you may be the only one." I followed and he put the key into the door.

"Drum roll?" He said as he opened the door and we both stepped in taking a therapeutic sigh. The room was beautiful- they had done a remodel in the hotel, that was obvious in the lobby- but it had transferred to the rooms as well. They had lost their modern edge and been replaced with more of a clean and feminine touch, it was lacking the bachelor pad feel now.

"Nice." I said as I kicked off my shoes, touring the spacious room.

"They got rid of the fish decor." Logan pointed out with a pout, causing me to laugh as I ventured into the bathroom.

"Yes, but they replaced it with a nice, open shower and huge bath tub. I think we will live."

I went back into the bedroom as I crashed into the fluffy mattress with a delighted groan. "Oh this heavenly." He walked in now, always seeming on the verge of laughter when watching me.

"The bed meets your liking?" He leaned down, placing his hands on the mattress.

I met him halfway as I pulled at the grey collar of his shirt. "Well, yes and this is the most important place- because this is where I plan on us spending most of our time." I finished pulling him in as he now wore a delicious smile.

"Hm." He said with a raised eyebrow as he began to look me over with a pleased expression, picking at my clothing like he wanted them gone. "What do you say we give it a test run? Just to make sure you are as pleased as you think."

I let my mouth crash into his, though our lips hardly touched as our smiles were wide. "I say that is genius."

"I have been known to come up with a bright idea or two." His head now lowered as he began to kiss the top of my chest and work his way up, his hands teasing at my skin as he began to untuck my shirt.

He flipped me on my back, the feeling of his hands gripped into me was always thrilling as I loved how desperate he felt for me. Logan had tried to stay reserved, be cool- not wanting to spook me when we were together. But whenever we were this _way_ with each other- all pretenses disappeared. It all came back to us- the passion and desire, the want and the need. We could not be close enough to the other and I was still amazed at how perfectly we belonged together -our bodies craved the other.

He was tender as he slowly kissed me, and I gave way to the expression. I was far better expressing my feelings for him through touch than words. I took a deep breath, his eyes with their intensity on me utterly overwhelming. There was nothing in this world more real than what we had in this moment- and I had plans of showing him this as much as I could. No matter how confusing my words were, or how badly I had hurt him in the past- there was no way in this moment he could not know that _I loved him._

** Day 3- Morning **

Logan:

I groaned as I reached out to grab my phone from the night stand, trying to do the action without opening my eyes. I fumbled, dropping it to the floor causing me to groggily lean over the bed to get it. All sense of my sleepiness left at the number displayed on my screen. _It was the call I had been waiting for._

I jumped out of the bed, my feet hitting the creaky floor as I answered, trying my best to hide my morning voice.

"Hello."

"Lieutenant Echolls?" The feminine voice of the receptionist said on the other line.

"Speaking." I cleared my throat as I threw on my jeans, glancing at Veronica to make sure I had not waken her as I headed out to the balcony.

"Your presence has been requested to discuss your suspension. Would you be able to make it today for a meeting, sir? With your deployment approaching time is of the essence for all the paper work to clear."

I looked at the clock checking the time. 8 am - I would have to get dressed and it takes two hours to get to San Diego, but I could do it. I felt the gnawing pain of the wasted hours with Veronica as I responded. "I am two hours away, I could be there by late morning, early afternoon."

"How does 1 pm sound?"

"I will be there."

"Thank you, sir. We will see you shortly."

I hung up as I walked back in, contemplating whether to wake her or not. I smiled at her messy hair draped over the pillow, her flawless skin peaking out from underneath the sheets as she rested peacefully- All signs of our long night. I yawned as I remembered the early hour- though a smile interrupted it. _I would say two hours of sleep was well worth what we did all night._ Flashes of each intense and encompassing moment filled my mind, and with that I had a selfishness take over as I crawled back into bed. I kissed her cheek tenderly as I let my hand run along her exposed skin. _I was going to miss her, I wanted to at least say goodbye._

Her eyes opened, the mascara from yesterday lightly smudged around them, as she had not had the chance to take it off last night. She smiled instantly seeming to recall everything as her eyes narrowed, her hand touching my arm. The air caught in my lungs- she still had a way of making it hard to breath, even after all these years. _She was beautiful. Every aspect of her._

"Round 6?" She teased.

I ran my hand across her cheek as my lips played up at her proposition. _How I would much rather stay with her and pick up where we left off._

"No, unfortunately." I paused and her face was more serious now as she could see my stress. "JAG called. I have to go in today." I frowned.

She pursed her lips, I could see the disappointment. It wasn't just the lost hours together-it was all that meeting implied. _I was leaving soon._

"San Diego right?" She asked.

"Yes, you can come if you want, but I have no way of knowing how long I will be."

She shook her head. "No, I will call Mac and maybe hang out with her. Check on my dad. You need to be focused on that meeting. I don't want to distract."

I knew she really did not want to go- having to make a two hour drive with me in uniform and pulling into the headquarters- it would make it all more real. I lightly kissed her forehead as I stood.

"But you are the best of distractions."This caused a faint smile in her and I motioned to the bathroom. "Well, I better get dressed."

She nodded seeming to have lost all light that she awoke with. "Okay." She called out a little louder as I reached the bathroom. "Enjoy the fancy shower."

_ Veronica Mars- tough as nails- was having a hard time pulling out her usual quips and jabs that let her numb. And somehow it made me feel bad.  _ I could see her from the bathroom as I started the shower, her melancholy expression and defeated body language was not something I was use to as she slumped over in the bed, having a death grip on the sheets. _This was the moment- the one where in the past she would have retreated back into her inner sanctuary of safety._ And right now I couldn't tell if she did not want to or if she was having a harder time doing it.

I came out throwing a t-shirt over my head, I could feel my hair was still damp as I rubbed my hands through it. She had found her way to the couch now as she seemed to be mindlessly scrolling through TV channels, my voice drawing back in her attention.

"I actually left my uniforms at Dick's so I need to swing by there. Do you want to come or-?"

She stood up, shutting off the TV. "Yeah, I will come with you. You think you can drop me by Mac's on your way out of town? I called her and she is gonna play hooky." She smiled with a twinge of excitement and I was happy to see it.

"Sure- you will just have to tell me where to go."

"Okay, I think she lives in those new fancy condos close to the beach, so not too far from Dick's. You know the Kane money is doing good things for." She said proud and also in joking manner. "Let me go wash my face and I will throw on some clothes so I don't make you late."

It did not take her long, she came out with a fresh face and her hair pulled back in a pony tail. I smiled at the striped t- shirt and converse- it was a nice sight to see again. She hardly slowed down, just walking past and heading to the door.

"You ready?" The forced level of energy seemed unnatural but I acted like I did not notice, it was her coping mechanism- I got it.

It was funny how this meeting was triggering what I had been waiting for. I knew all the emotion would catch up sooner or later. Veronica had the capacity to feel deeply, though she tried to play herself off as icy. Truth was if you were lucky enough to be let in, then that meant you had the ability to crush her. And right now she was fearful for the pain- it was plain to see behind her facades and layers she used to disguise it.

Her panic in return scared me that she was going to dart. I knew this military thing was a lot to take in, a lot to process. I could not blame her if she could not deal- but then I knew I was jumping to worst case scenario out of my own nuisances and quirks. _I was scared to death of losing her._ It was a dangerous cycle, and we had fallen prey to it too many times. It played on both of our insecurities and I was going to try my absolute hardest not to be sucked in and taken down by it.

I fiddled with my keys as I saw the Navy car in sight. "You want to drive?" I asked.

She looked like a teenager getting the keys to daddy's car- her blue eyes going wild. "Really?" She seemed stunned.

"Of course." I laughed.

She grabbed the keys in a snap like she was scared I would rescind the offer, her crawling into the drivers side and staring at the wheel in awe. "It is so pretty, I am scared I am gonna break it."

"It can take a lot, I assure you. Dick didn't crash it- I am sure it is safe in your hands."

"Well in that case." She started the ignition, delighted by the hum of the engine.

I buckled my seatbelt as she furrowed her brows in contemplative thought, while slowly putting the car in reverse. "Speaking of this car- what happened to the love of the gas guzzlers?"

"Funny story actually." I said as I relaxed into the seat, placing my hand on her head rest.

I would enjoy the moment- this was it, the moment I chose not to let my fears take over. There was no use fretting - we had come back to each other after all these years- I had a feeling we could withstand anything now. Whatever happened I knew I was never giving up. Here was the test- this is when teenage me would freak out, overreact- whatever you wanted to call it. This is when I would see her "pulling away" and would decide to take drastic measures. Now was the time to prove I had actually grown up and that she and I were not doomed to suffer the same fate as the 19 year old versions of us.

"Do tell." She pulled a pair of large sunglasses from her purse as she placed them on the bridge of her nose.

I tried to speak with ease, Veronica would feed off either my nervous or calm energy. "I drove that Range Rover forever, but I finally decided to turn it in not long ago. I had actually convinced myself I was gonna go with something practical- a hybrid even."

"You? A hybrid?" She said in unbelief, as her grip relaxed on the steering wheel. _It was working, keep going_.

"Yes actually." I chuckled as she looked at me unconvinced. "I did a tour with Habitat for Humanity and it made me conscious of all of those things, I guess. I think that was the start when I began to be unimpressed with the 'rich kid' lifestyle, so to speak."

"You did a tour with them?" She looked almost speechless.

"Three months. It was actually kind of the first step that led me to the Navy."

She shrugged as she hit the accelerator with a charismatic grin. "Can't say I am too surprised. You always had that side to you. I saw it."

I smiled. "I know you did- though I think you may have been the only one."

"No, other people saw it too." She rubbed her hand across the steering wheel again in mesmerization. "But it does seem the trust fund kid was still in there.. Impressed by the beautiful things?" She teased.

"Obviously, we are driving in the proof." I winked. " I think the salesperson did a back flip in the back room when he realized who he was dealing with. Son of a dead movie star- he saw dollar signs. He kept pushing the car and I tried to resist. But the guy was good, once he heard of my Navy affiliation he had one of the other sales guys wheel it around in this color, and well the boy in me could not resist."

"Well, I am personally glad you have this baby- how else would I get the chance to drive one." She turned onto the road near Dick's. "Note this moment- me actually excited about driving to Dick's house and it all has to do with this car. You should let me drive it more."

"You can drive it as much as you like. In fact when I am gone consider it yours."

Her happy expression fell like I had physically punched her and suddenly the nice gesture seemed rude- considering all it was bringing up. "I could not accept that."

_ Great, Logan- way to go. _ "Why not? The poor thing will be lonely and well, I like the idea of you having it." _Wonder what she is going to say when I have to break the news to her that she was the beneficiary to all that was mine? I bet she really wont want to accept that._

Her hands went to the gear placing it in park as her sobering mood from before started to reappear. "Well, thank you. I guess- I mean if you do have to ship off to somewhere secret and dangerous, getting to drive the BMW is a plus."

"Making lemonade out of lemons, Mars."

I used the spare key Dick gave me as I opened the door, Dick greeting us with cheer from the kitchen as he was cooking an omelet. _Dick cooking, always amusing. The guy was surprisingly good, but did not believe in the cleaning up afterwards part._ But I was glad for the sight- much better than some of the sketchy scenarios I had walked in on at his place. Veronica would have killed me if she had been left with those permanent mental scars.

"Ah back for another day at Casa Dick?" He said with his over zealous grin. I was surprised to see Veronica sit at the counter relaxed, not immediately voicing her utter disdain for my old best friend.

"JAG called." I said and his face dropped, even he understood the seriousness of it. "They want to discuss my suspension so I need my uniform."

He did not say much as he poked at the egg in the frying pan and I headed down the hall towards his closet where I had left them. Dick looked to Veronica in my passing and I could hear his words as I walked into his room.

"Ronnie, always a pleasure to see you first thing in the morning."

I smirked. _I had to agree._

I focused on the details, putting these on was full of being aware of intricate details. I still had to take my time making sure I did not miss a single thing, especially when being reviewed for suspension- a sloppy uniform would get you a serious verbal beating. I looked in the mirror to check again and much like it felt the first time I wore one-the image still looked odd to me. I still did not recognize myself in the representation of my branch- it was like even I could not believe that the person I used to be had actually succeeded in turning their life around. And I owed a lot of it to my new profession.

It was like a love/ hate relationship in this moment. On the one hand I know I would have never become the man that I am today without it- the one that actually had a shot with her again. It had given me a light, a way of proving myself. I had actually made some good friends, and though I usually only saw them on drill weekends now- there was a bond there. Once you spend months locked up on a an aircraft carrier, never knowing what each day held- you had a relationship for life. And now we were about to add to the bond in just a few short weeks. I did not want to leave my buddies hanging, and in fact there was a part of me that was craving to fly. The speed, the roar and vibration of the engine- it was almost sensory overload- a safe kind of high- and I loved it. Sometimes I felt as if it was what I was born to do.

But then- everything I ever truly loved was here in Neptune, right at my grasp. Before, deploying was easier when I knew I was far away from her either way, with no shot of seeing her again. But now that I had her back, the normal excitement, and anticipation of what my job had brought seemed meaningless. I just wanted a normal life now.

I fixed the collar one last time, as I tightened my jaw. _There was no use entertaining normalcy now- you chose this life, Logan._

I opened the door to head out, and I heard the subtle tones of laughter and smiled. _Those two were actually not killing each other_. My shoes clicked along the wood floors, making my entrance into the kitchen known, Dick and Veronica's eyes both wide behind the counter as I entered.

"Bam- looking dapper and bangable as always in the uniform, Echolls." Dick said as he talked over the mouth full of omelet; and I noticed the one he made Veronica as she put her fork down, actually smiling as she stepped out from behind the counter.

"Dick actually speaks the truth." She said- the dazzled look she wore the first time she saw me in uniform was missing, now replaced with a heaviness.

"One of the perks of the military, I suppose."

"Promise me when they clear you of the suspension you will pointedly say 'I told you so'". Dick added.

"Yeah sarcastic comments always go over well with commanding officers." I paused. "I learned that the hard way in boot camp."

Veronica smirked now. "I bet you did." I raised my eyebrows knowingly with a grin, _yeah I learned that on more than one occasion, still did from time to time._

"You ready?" I asked and she nodded as I waved to Dick, him throwing a salute my way.

"Be brave, Lieutenant." He wished with a wink.

"Thanks for the serious concern, bud." I smiled, while closing the door.

Veronica handed over the keys. "Thanks for sharing your baby."

"Anytime." I unlocked it. "So where am I heading?"

"I texted Mac and she lives a mile up the road, says we can't miss it."

Veronica turned up the radio when I started the car. _Apparently she was not wanting to talk- it was happening slowly, the retreat- I could feel it._ A song and a half later and we were pulling into Ocean View Condos. The modern design of the building was impressive, with it's sharp edges and neutral colors.

"Look at Mac living the high life." I stated.

"Headed on the path of the 09er's I am afraid." She joked in fake disappointment. Her hand hesitated at the door now as she looked my way, blurting her next statement out. "Are you nervous? About your meeting?"

"Well, they aren't the most fun group to meet with I will say that, so yes a tad. Just trying to focus on the fact that this time they at least know I am an innocent man. Thanks to you." I nudged her a little.

She shocked me when she started to express herself. _Seems she was fighting against her old habits as well._ "It's all starting to feel more real. I mean I know we still have over a week, but that time will run out soon. And then you're- gone." She now opened the door still staying seated. "Would it be too much to ask for you to try and get discharged?" She grinned as she batted her long lashes.

"Afraid those things follow you around for life."

She clicked her tongue. "Shucks." Her jesting voice was now more subdued. "Good luck."

"Thanks. I will call you when I am out?"

"Alright, be safe."

"You too." I said as I pulled out my sunglasses and placed them on my face. I always had a twinge of worry when I left her- after all she did have a way of finding trouble. _What would happen for six months? Especially if she chose to stay in Neptune?_

I put the car in drive and she stayed put, as she seemed to have apprehension, that clearly written on her face as I pulled off -her now in my rearview mirror clearly. She stepped out a little as her scowl lifted to a faint smile with her weak wave. I lifted my hand too, and with the wave pushed away all the dark and torturous thoughts that liked to come when she was out of sight. This separation was going to be a lot longer than hours in just a few short days. _We were both thinking that._

Mac:

I opened the door to the sight of Veronica- pony tail, t -shirt and converse. _Ah it was good to have her back._ Also present was the usual glow of Logan, accompanied with the look of nausea that often coincided.

"Love sick?" I asked.

She groaned when walking in. "You think you are so smart."

I laughed as I slammed the door following behind as she eyed my new place. "Well, cause I am."

"And it seems to be paying you well." She added with a sly smirk, putting her purse on the counter. "Love the new place, Mac."

I smiled. "I know, I am kind of fond of it too." I walked over to the blinds opening them to give her the beachside view."It is true, money is the root of all evil- I have lately been feeling that Dick Casablanca's is relatable. It is a scary power." I quipped.

"As long as you don't go full on 09er - that is all I ask." She crashed on the couch.

"Never, I am a rebel with you to the end." I joined her as her eyes narrowed at me, her lip turning into a straight line. "So you have had an eventful few days, my dear."

She leaned her head back into the couch cushion, her blonde hair sticking straight up. "Eventful is one way to put it."

"So that bad?"

"No." She looked at me now, popping her head up. "That good. That is the problem. It's Logan- with him it is always.."

"Good?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It is just right. But as good as it is, it is always equally-"

She struggled for the word, but I had no issue coming up with it...I had been watching these two for years. "Tortured?"

Veronica smiled at my abilities. "Yes. You should be a counselor, Mac."

"Nah, just only for you. I have logged a good many hours observing the two of you." I paused. "So what? You guys already facing problems?"

"No, that is what is unusual. Logan has matured- I guess I have as well in some ways. I guess that is the problem, it just is how I wanted or hoped it would be." She fiddled with her fingers nervously. "I mean I know we aren't past fighting, I am sure it will happen at some point. It's us after all- but I don't know. He is leaving soon you know?" Her face turned a ghostly white at just the mention.

"No, I did not." I shook my head. "Like for the Navy?"

She nodded yes. "Yeah, he has been on suspension cause of the charges over Carrie. But he was scheduled to be deployed before that and now that he is being cleared of them he is set to leave in less than two weeks."

"How long is he gone for?"

"Six months." She exhaled sharply. "And today he was called in to discuss his suspension, which means of course he is for sure going now."

"Hence your spiral down?" I added.

"Hence my spiral down." She pursed her delicate mouth. "Oh come on Mac you know me? I don't do this- emotional, discuss my feelings. And now I am being forced to. He is shipping off somewhere most likely extremely dangerous cause they are keeping the location secret. I can't just let him go off and not know how I feel. I could not live with myself if I did not make each moment count." She sighed from how fast she was talking. It was odd to hear Veronica have so many open thoughts. "But it is difficult when your natural instinct is to hide, to bulk up, and retreat- not to feel. Especially when the guy you care about is about to go somewhere he may never come back from." She looked ill at the mention as she shivered slightly. "I just want to numb out but I can't because- I feel all of it."

"Well Veronica." I added. "It sounds like you are being human. You wanted this chance with him. You say he is more mature now and it seems you are leaving your old habits of retreating behind. This is part of the deal- you actually have to feel the pain when he leaves."

She rubbed her tongue across her teeth as her lips tightened. "Why does it sound so simple when you say it?"

"Well, I suppose it is a lot easier to say than actually do- especially when you have years of practice doing the opposite. But I mean is it worth it?"

She actually smiled, Veronica Mars- tough as they come, melted just for a second. "Yeah, he is."

"Then that's your answer."

She clapped her hands against her legs. "All right too much talking for me- lets go do something." Her eyes looked at me with an adventurous dare.

"And what do you have in mind, friend?" I chuckled.

"Well, let's see what Neptune has to offer us today."

"Plenty of depraved beings and corrupt law enforcement?"

"Maybe." She smirked. "Or there is always the less dramatic things. Beach, Wallace, seeing my dad- Amy's."

"Mmhm. No drama? With you? Not likely."

** Day 3- Afternoon **

Veronica:

I convinced Mac she and Wallace owed me a trip to Mama Leone's - especially after their trick the night of the reunion. I got my way- Wallace meeting us for his lunch break- and it did help slightly to distract me, though I found myself obsessively checking the phone for _his_ call. It was silly I knew his meeting wasn't until one and it was just one now- but the hours seemed to pass slowly. I guess deep down I was hoping they would say he could not go- _I mean that was selfish of me right? If they didn't let him go that meant he was still in trouble._

"So I don't know if this one confessed, but I caught her red handed at the Neptune High Winter Carnival." Wallace said with gleam as we paid the checks.

Mac's mouth hung open. "Say it ain't so, Mars?"

I glared at my supposed best friends. "Logan took me. It was actually fun." I said defensively.

"Important man, Logan Echolls, getting you to step foot back on Neptune High soil." Mac said as she scribbled the tip on the paper.

"Yeah," Wallace's brow furrowed. "You and him back together? It sure looked that way. You two getting cozy on the merry go round."

I opened my mouth to answer and Mac jumped in with enthusiasm. "Merry go round?" She grinned wide showing both rows of teeth." I hope you snapped pictures, Wallace."

"You two are incredibly mean. But yes, Wallace we are."

He looked a little heavy as he prepared to ask the next question, the one I was expecting. "And what about Piz?"

"Piz broke up with me." I could feel my eyes soften with care, after all I did care for Piz, and never wanted to hurt him. I hated he had been caught in the emotional cross fires of me and Logan. "Things weren't right with us for awhile, Wallace. I know you are his friend too, but you should want more for him than what I was able to give."

"What you are able to give Logan?" He fired back with a little edge, but I ignored it, he had the right. I would do the same thing for a friend. Hell, I even felt defensive for my friend, Piz. I had treated him horribly.

"Yes. It is what it is. I have never been good with the emotional stuff, you know that. But with Logan- it is easier than with others. Always has been." I nervously tapped the table now. Expressing myself- talking about Logan- they were all forcing me to do it. "Trust me, it took me by surprise when I discovered that- all those years ago. Come on you were there when he bashed my head lights in? You think I forced those feelings towards that person?" I chuckled and his face smoothed a little.

"Yeah, well I was there - that is the problem. I saw that."

I narrowed my eyes. "And I remember one time you telling me I was too hard on him." I paused. "Come on you know Logan has not been that guy for a long time. And even when he beat Piz up, which pissed me off- you know that- he still was trying to protect me. You would have done the same, if you had known who it was."

"I am open to it okay? That is all I can say right now."

I smiled. "That is all I can ask." I pulled at the plastic lobster bib. "I have missed these things and the cute pictures on them. We will have to make this a regular occurrence so I can start collecting them again."

"You sticking around for good?" Wallace asked with hope.

We all stood to our feet, the chairs making a screeching noise as they dragged across the tile. "Well, for awhile at least. Dad has a long recovery, the doctors have said that. So it is here that I will be- and well I can't think of anywhere else I want to be."

"So have you told Piz that? He knows you are gone for good?" Wallace asked as he held the door open.

My face contorted a little as I sipped at the to go drink and Mac looked at me sympathetically- she knew this wasn't easy. "I guess not. I probably should call him, we did share a place."

"Just give the guy some closure, Veronica. After all, we know what happened last time you skipped town and left a guy hanging. Just be clear so this one isn't hung up on you for years and joining the military to try and get over you. I really don't think Piz could last through boot camp." Wallace tried to joke, but his point was loud and clear. He was right.

"Okay, I will call later today. But Mac and I are headed to see my dad now."

"Give your old man a high five for me and tell him we have some serious sports to catch up on when he is out."

"Will do, thanks for meeting us for lunch, Wallace."

He unlocked the Honda Civic parked at the meter. "You know, you can always come visit me at my job, eat lunch with me at our old spot. Just saying."

"Sounds like a plan, Fennel."

He stopped at the door as he hesitated. "And I meant what I said to Logan. You guys give me a call and we will do dinner before he leaves."

I smiled wide. "You are the best."

Mac and I walked into the hospital room, my dad's eyes lighting up at the sight of us. "My two favorite girls."

Mac ran in giving him a hug and I tied the large balloon she had insisted on getting him to a chair.

I motioned to it. "Mac said to look at this and think of her."

"Ah don't you know I don't need a large balloon to remember you?" He winked.

"I was just making sure." Mac said with a smile as she sat beside him, his eyes closing in on me.

"And how is my only daughter?"

I leaned in giving him a kiss. "So glad to see you. I ran in to Dr. Morgan at the nurses station, and he told me he thought you could move to a regular room in the next day or so."

"Yes, the good doctor just shared that news with me."

"I am so proud." I clapped my hands together. "So how are you feeling?"

"Oh you know less and less like a truck has hit me, no pun intended, and more like just a compact car." He adjusted in the bed, groaning a bit. "So what are you two ladies up to?"

"Veronica came by my new place and then we met Wallace at Mama Leone's. It was delicious."

He rubbed his stomach. "I can almost taste it."

"By the way Wallace says hi and that you have sports to catch up on." I added.

"And I cannot wait." He said as he eyed the room. "Going stir crazy."

"Speaking of you being in this place." I sat down. "Who is looking after your cases?"

His eyes flashed with a defiance, he knew where I was going. "Veronica, I told Cliff to call my clients and let them know I am on sick leave. I will pick up when I get out."

"But dad, that is money- money you need. You know I could take-"

"Veronica, don't make me scold you in front of your friend." He smiled faintly.

"Fine." I gave in. "But don't think this is over."

"With you? I know anything on your mind is never over." He looked around. "Speaking of which. Where is Logan?" He grinned wide now as Mac burst into laughter.

I smacked his arm lightly. "He is meeting with JAG, if you must know."

"I am guessing he was suspended with the charges that were on him?"

"Yeah, and he had to go meet with them to officially clear them. Time was of the essence cause he ships out in a few weeks." I tried to say it unaffected but I am not sure how well I did, as I now looked at my phone to check if he had called again.

My dad's face looked more serious now as he touched my arm. "Where is he going?"

"He doesn't know yet. But even when they tell him- it is confidential."

"How long for?"

I bit my lip. I hated answering these questions. "Six months."

He nodded with sympathy. "I am sorry honey. Are you two still-?"

I nodded with a confidence. "Yes, we are."

"Well, good. I know if any two people can make it through six months like that- it is you guys. You have proven to withstand long periods of time a part." He smirked.

"Yes, it does seem to be our forte." I grabbed his hand. "Okay, enough about me. Mac was jealous of our Scrabble match yesterday and wanted to challenge us."

He looked at her and back to me. "Is she sure?"

I raised my hands up. "I tried to warn her."

"Well considered yourself fairly warned Cindy. Veronica get the box."

After two Scrabble matches, which Mac owned us, and then watching a movie about giant tarantula's attacking a city on the Sci Fi Channel- my phone finally rang.

I saw his number and tried to hide the smile as I nibbled on my bottom lip. "I have got to take this." I said standing to my feet and walking out of the ICU.

"Hello?" My greeting came across a lot more eager and desperate that I had hoped. _That meeting had taken far longer than I was expecting._

"Hey there. I am still alive." He answered. I could hear his voice was drained, but there was a sense of relief in it too.

"So?" I tapped my fingers anxiously on the side of my leg.

"Well, after hours of answering questions, reviewing my case and stern warnings of not finding myself in this position again- they reinstated me to active duty."

My stomach fell, I knew it was going to happen, but still- now he was officially leaving in almost ten days. "Did they tell you where they are sending you?"

"Not yet. I will be getting a call soon."

I nodded. "Well, I guess congratulations?" I said weakly.

"It is okay, Veronica. I am not too excited about it either." I smiled and he changed the subject. "So what did you do today?"

"Hung out with Mac, ate lunch with her and Wallace- and have been up here at the hospital with her visiting my dad for a few hours."

"Wish I could have been with you, sounds like a fun day."

"I wish that too. Mac killed my dad and me at Scrabble. You would have loved it."

He laughed. "I would have." His voice had a joyful tone to it as he spoke again. "Excited to see you."

I never knew how to respond to these types of things- it made me feel giddy like a teenager on the inside, but I could never show it without seeming awkward.

"Me too."

"I am on the road now, so it will be a few hours."

"Okay, I will get Mac to drop me back at the room. We can meet there."

"Okay, that sounds good. Tell your dad hi for me, and Mac."

"I will. Be safe driving."

"I will. See you soon."

I caught him before he hung up. "I missed you today, Logan." I traced my foot across the floor with nerves- I always felt like I was naked and standing in the middle of the road when I let this side show. But I took Mac's words to heart- I had to still fight the shut down that my defense mechanisms were trying to pull. I had to share exactly what I was feeling, right when i felt it. _It wasn't easy._

I could hear his smile. "I missed you too. Can't wait to have you to myself in two hours." Somehow those reactions made it easier though.

"Well, then hurry. We can watch movies and eat lots of room service and explore the other one." I added the last part with a teasingly sultry tone.

"Sounds like a mans perfect night."

"Indeed. SO like I said hurry."

An hour later and Mac was dropping me at the front entrance of The Grand-her mood seeming somber now. I guess it had been awhile since she had been here as well. That is the thing about haunting memories- as much distance as you put between you and them- or even the new memories you add, they still have the ability to sucker punch you whenever they decide to.

"This place." She looked at it with the same mix of feelings as I did.

"Yeah. A lot has gone down here, that is for sure."

She cleared her throat as she looked at the steering wheel and then back to me. "Tell Logan hi for me."

"I will and thank you, Mac. I really needed today." I said.

"Me too, Veronica. Selfishly I am glad you are back. I missed you."

"You too. See you soon." I looked at her fondly, I was always thankful I had busted her for that online purity test. It had led to a wonderful friendship

"Okay, bye."

I shut the door as I waved, and my breath hitched a little as I walked into the familiar hotel by myself. I had done this walk a thousand times. The place may look different now in some ways, but I still felt like _that girl. Life has a funny cycle to it._ Here I was so many years later and still coming into this hotel to meet that same boy. Still just as consumed with him now as I was then. You can't change certain aspects of your life. I guess as much as I tried to be a purely science girl, there was no denying the presence of fate or destiny in my life. I was experiencing it all around me and I would be looking it in the eye in a few short hours.

The room was quiet, and the smell of his aftershave still sort of hung in the air- though I could have been imagining it. I kicked off my shoes as I sauntered in, his belongings were delicately placed through out the room.I chuckled as house keeping had obviously been by but had not known what to do with the piles of clothes near the bed from last night. I picked them up as I folded them and placed them in the dresser, my nose running across his shirt softly. Logan's smell had always been my favorite, each detail and memory attached to it enticing.

His watch was by the lamp on the nightstand and I smiled, he had had this particular one for as long as I could remember. He had told me his mom had given it to him for his 16th birthday. It was one of the last gifts he ever got from her.

I sat on the bed now, surrounded by the memories and how suddenly empty everything felt with him gone. It was funny how years of no contact and now it was like we had never been separated. I did not quite know how I was going to manage the next six months. _But what was my other option? Be without him completely?_

I was committed to this, deep down I wanted to make my time in Neptune permanent. I had not quite come out and told anyone yet, but that was where my heart was leading. Dad was going to fight me on it, especially the PI stuff. But being back on Logan's case- I realized it was what I was good at - it was what I had been missing. And it was honestly the only thing I could see keeping me from going mad once _he_ left.

I played with my phone, scrolling to the P's and then exiting it quickly. _I knew what I had to do._ I had played this stand off with the phone a few times- I knew I had one person to call to make this "move" official- I was just dreading it. I gulped as I finally found the courage and tapped his name, with each ring my heart growing louder in my ears.

"Hey." His voice was empty. I was actually surprised he answered.

"Hey." I said back. "I got your call." I paused. "Thanks for checking on my dad."

"How is he?"

"Better. Much better. He should be out of ICU in a few days."

"I am glad to hear that, I am." He softened a touch.

"Piz, I am sorry-" I felt all the guilt just come out at once. Just hearing his despondent tone made me feel awful and desperate to apologize.

"Veronica, I don't need your pity. Please. I can't take hearing you feel sorry for me."

"I don't pity you- I feel bad."

"Either way, just please stop." He was curt.

I evened my breath. "Okay, I will. But I need you to know I never wanted to hurt you."

"Okay, that doesn't help, but thanks for letting me know." It was odd hearing him so cold, that had never been Piz. I hoped I was the only one who experienced this side, I hoped I had not ruined his kind and caring side for good.

It was silent for a moment. I hated to add to the hurt but I needed to let him know I was officially gone, that I was moving back. I am sure he had figured I was not going to live with him, obviously, but still I owed him the phone call. It was silly, but as Wallace said, it was closure for him.

"Listen, you can have the apartment."

"That isn't necessary. I have already started packing. The place is closer to Truman- Mann anyways."

"Piz, I am not coming back. At least not anytime soon."

His voice lowered. "Oh." He sighed into the mouth piece. "I don't know why I am surprised. So that means the door to us is officially closed I am assuming?"

I closed my eyes as I answered, I hated this. "I just wanted to let you know. And yes, Piz. It is. You deserve far better than what I could give you."

"Well, thanks I guess." He stuttered a little like he did when he was upset. "I mean Logan is there- it makes sense right? That you move?"

"He is. And my dad, Wallace and Mac. They are here too."

"Come on, Veronica. You maintained a relationship with them for years from far away. The only thing that has changed is Logan is back in your life. That is why you are staying."

I ran my hands over my face and through my hair as I leaned forward. He wasn't going to let this be easy. "Yes. That is a huge part of it. But also I don't see myself being an attorney- I am happiest here, Piz. That is just the truth."

"Well, okay, Veronica. I hope you find that happiness."

"You too, Piz. You deserve it more than anyone."

"Yeah, well I thought I was happy."

_ That stung _ . "I am sorry I did not feel the same. I really am."

"Me too. Okay, well is that all you needed to tell me?" He cut me off.

I nodded, it was final.I knew Piz was now forever lost as an active member of my life- friendship was far out of the question-I knew that I could not ask that of him again. "Yes, that is it."

"Bye, Veronica." The way his voice hitched on my name, made my heart hurt and he hung up before I could say goodbye, the clicking sound in my ear as I mouthed.

"Bye."

** Day 3 - Evening **

Logan:

The sight of the room numbers in front of me brought on a sense of relief as I realized how tense I had been all day. Trying to get to headquarters, leaving her, enduring the brutal meeting and then rushing to get back to her- I was finally back and I felt the weight began to lift temporarily from my shoulders.

I put the key card in, and my heart sped up a bit in excitement at seeing her. She laid across the bed, a pillow propped behind her back, as she read a book. I could hear the sound of the book close, as she smiled wide at me as she eyed me in the doorway. Her hair was wet and she wore one of those fluffy robes that the hotel offered as she got up to meet me. I looked at the vision of her with a fondness, I had seen this sight many a time and yet it had never grown old. Life with Veronica was just what it had always been. My perfect sense of happiness.

"You are back." She leaned in and I hugged her tenderly, enjoying her in my arms again.

"I am." I held her a moment longer, as I soaked in the familiar smell of peppermint in her hair. _It was good to be back-_

"Let me change, and get this thing off. They are not designed for comfort I will say that." I joked as I pulled back and headed for the closet off of the bathroom. I could hear the bed squeak as she crawled back in and I filled with expectancy at the plans I had for her later. I may have been exhausted but there was no way I was passing that up.

I neatly hung the uniform up as I had been shown many times, and came out - crashing onto the bed as I landed on my back with a loud sigh. I pulled a pillow from behind me and placed it on my face.

"Long day." I groaned.

Her hand was on my bicep as she gently touched it, comfortingly. I lifted the pillow now as I looked in to her tender eyes.

"It is good to see you."

She crawled down into the crook of my arm. "You too." She leaned against me as she blurted out yet again another confession. "I called Piz-" My chest tightened a little at what was next. "To let him know that I am not coming back and that he can have the apartment" She played with the end of her hair. "Just wanted to give him the closure."

I pulled my neck back as I looked down at her. "You are moving back officially?" I tried not to let my zeal show too much, but I think my eyes gave it away as she expressed the feelings on her face.

"Yeah, I think so. You are the only one who knows though, that I am back for good. And Piz cause I had to give up my place. I just need to get the rest of my stuff and it is a done deal."

"We can hire movers if you want." I offered.

She laid her hand flatly on my chest. "Yeah, that would probably be good. Spare him from having to see me again."

"How was it? Talking to him. You okay?" I touched her cheek. I knew Veronica- she never liked hurting those she cared for. She would beat herself up for a long time over him, I knew that.

"He is pretty cold, I can't blame him. But it is over -he knows that. And I know that. He just has to move on now."

"And you are okay?"

She smiled again, the look of contentment plainly written through it. "Yeah. I mean it wasn't fun. But it made my move back here official, I guess. I know what I want with no doubt- to be in Neptune." She paused as she shyly stuttered. "To be with you." She smiled once she got the words out. "I haven't been this happy in a very long time, Logan."

I ran my finger down the bridge of her nose, it making her scrunch it like always. "Me too."

"So what do you say to helping me set up my dad's office tomorrow?" She lit.

I laughed as I rolled to my side to get a better look at her. "What?"

"I know my dad is behind on cases and well, I wanted to swing by, get it organized how I like so I can see what I can do to help."

"And he is okay with this?" I asked already knowing the answer.

"He will be- I think." She lifted her eyebrows in unconvincing fashion. "So you gonna help?"

I cupped her cheek in my hand as I opened my eyes wide in knowledge that there was no way she would accept anything but yes.

"You know I have a hard time saying no to you."

"That I do." She leaned in closer with pride.

"And you don't take no for an answer."

She laughed in agreement as she nodded strongly. "That too."

I relaxed further into the bed as I gave in. "I am wherever you are- whatever you want to do."

"Good." She looked at me playfully. "That is right where I want you."


	25. Chapter 25

**Day 4- Late Morning**

Veronica:

I pulled a stack full of files from the old filing cabinet, blowing forcefully across them- causing the dust to explode into the room. Sure enough Logan was the target of the dust bomb, as he looked up from the large pile of papers I had put him on sorting. He sneezed loudly wiping at his nose, looking up with eyes slightly annoyed.

“Sorry.” I smiled with gritted teeth, proudly displaying both rows of mine.

He smirked slyly as he wiped at the black v-neck that was now covered in a dust picture. “What do you think your father is going to say of your ‘re-organizing’?” His brow raised and his large eyes had a “you’re in trouble” implication.

“The guy is in the stone ages.” I lifted a tall group of manila folders, losing my grasp quickly, all of them crashing to the floor. “Case in point. This never happens when all these files are filed away on a hard-drive.” I pointed to the mess on the floor, as I crouched down to pick it up.

I heard his chair slide out as he came over to help. “I am sure your dad will love hearing you say how behind the times he is.”

I sneered in a half playful glare. “My battle to fight, I suppose.”

Logan had one of those snarky and combative smiles, the kind that usually appeared in our verbal sparring- our version of foreplay. I had always gotten a thrill from the exercise, even when he and I “couldn’t stand each other”, as I would hold my breath for his response.

Before he could one up me his phone buzzed and I deflated, him winking at me as he made his exit into the reception area. I had seen that look before and knew all its hidden meanings- _I’ll be back to pick this is up - right where we left it._

“Hey.” The familiarity to his tone indicated he knew the caller well, peaking my usual curiosity. “Yeah, the charges were dropped and they just reinstated me back to active duty.”

He paused and I kept my ear alert as I skimmed the pages in front of me, suddenly I was not as preoccupied by the work at hand.

“Thanks, man I appreciate it. No, I have not heard yet. I expect a call soon, probably today in fact.” He sighed under his breath at whatever he heard next. “Yeah, that is what I figured.”

I walked over slyly to the window that gave way to a clear view of the other room, casually glancing up from the paper work, his eyes on me in complete knowledge of what I was up to. He cocked his head to the side as he shook it in a mixture of amusement and frustration, the stressed look from before reappearing quickly. _Good thing he found the sleuthing cute- that had saved my ass on more than one occasion when he caught me in compromising situations._

I marched back over to the desk after being found out, my eyes falling on the old computer. _The man had really gotten behind with technology when I left. I would need to get Mac to do an overhaul on this place ASAP._

I scanned the room as that lurking sensation of “having to know” overcame me again. I craned my neck as I stretched, standing on my tip toes as I glanced back up to the window. _Maybe I could get another look?_

He was grinning wide now at whatever the caller was saying, his eyes darting back up to find me. I shrunk down quickly, giving myself a reprimand. _He would surely remind me of this for a long time._

I could hear him chuckle under his breath at me before he responded to whoever he was talking to. “Yeah, the pictures are true- for once the internet is not speaking lies. Yeah, we should. I will call you back and let you know.” He took a few steps and stopped.“Alright man, later.”

The sound of his footsteps filled the office again as he rounded the corner, leaning against the door frame. “Hard at work in here, Mars?” He bit back his rascally smirk as he waited for my answer.

“Yes, doesn’t it look like it?” I motioned to the towers of papers around me.

He nodded, now letting the ornery grin spread across his face as he went back to his seat to continue sorting the papers. He knew exactly what he was doing, and that there was nothing more infuriating to me than not being “in the know”. I felt my annoyance grow as he kept his eyes down, and I tapped my foot loudly to get his attention. Still no response from him as he continued to smile while doing his task. I could tell he was enjoying the game of cat and mouse, our best flirting was always in this game- we were quite good at it.

Normally I would not have given in, played my part better- but I was too intrigued, too overcome. I stomped over standing in front of him with arms crossed, his eyes slowly moving up my frame as they waited for my confession.

“Fine, I was spying. You got me.”

“I am concerned you have gotten rusty, I found you out pretty quick.” He retorted, enjoying every second.

I ignored him as I grew impatient. “So, what was that?” I knew my need to know was more the feeling that this information had to do with where he was going for six months.

He laughed as he stood to his feet. “That was one of my aviator buddies- Jeremy. He was calling to check in about my suspension and if I was going on leave with them.”

“Ah, so he will be going with you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, he also wanted to know if you and I were available for dinner tonight. They live in San Diego, but his wife loves the beaches here and wanted to get away before he ships out.”

The idea struck me funny- this was an aspect of Logan’s life that I really had no knowledge of. There were people, stories, experiences- I had no relation to, nothing to even compare it to. I nodded.

“Sure, I would love that.” I swallowed as I studied the ground, not sure if I wanted to know what I was about to ask or if he would even answer. “Did he say anything of where you are going?”  I looked up now with dread at his response.

That question certainly was powerful as it wiped all playfulness from before off his face, it contorting in worry and frustration as he ran his hand down the back of his neck.

“Not much. I will know more shortly, Veronica.” There was an edge to his voice.

My stomach dropped. _He was protecting me, which is why he had not wanted me asking questions._ He looked uneasy as he placed his hands on his hips with a sigh. _His friend Jeremy must have said enough to make him tense._

“Logan, come on, you can tell me.”

He exhaled as his body relaxed, his hands grasping me around the waist. _Now he was trying the distraction method. Not sure I minded it though- he knew about the only thing that would get me off the pursuit, at least temporarily._

“You know it is a good thing I find the entire spying thing so damn sexy.”

“I was thinking something similar just a moment ago.”I smiled with a flirtatious look- he knew exactly how to read it.

His hands now shifted under my shirt as he lifted me up, resting me on the old desk. He placed his hands on either side of me as his face was cocked to the side with raised features- his expression almost an invitation to a challenge. _He knew how to bait me._

“How would you feel about giving all these dated office supplies a little show?” He slowly brought my bottom lip between his and I melted, my firm grasp on the desk giving way. He pulled back teasingly as he felt me give,shooting his eyebrow up to see if I accepted the challenge.

I leaned my head forward, my chin sticking out as I grinned, letting my hands slide down his back.

“I thought you were never going to ask.” I mimicked his raised brow from before and that was all he needed. Suddenly my father’s out of date office seemed a touch more modern.

We both would catch the other staring with looks of remembrance as we each sat at our own respective places. My feet were propped on top of the desk as I swiveled in the office chair. My boots made a thud like noise when I moved them slightly, Logan’s eyes revisiting the spot we knew well hours ago. He raised his brow, as his brown eyes of temptation and desire and all things that were my weakness, were on me; a naughty grin on his face now at my flustered behavior.

“Stop it.” I gave him a stern warning. I even added finger pointing along with it to show how serious I was.

“I didn’t say anything.” He licked his lips as he looked back down at his assigned work.

I did the same once I was pleased he was cutting it out- we had a lot to do before dinner with his Navy friends and I knew if he kept it up we would end up doing exactly what we were before.

I leaned over, grabbing my lap top from my bag and placing it in front of me to start cataloging the recent and still open cases. I started with the most recent, working back- my dad seemed to not be hurting for business lately.

I began to type in the word processor, Logan’s voice gruffly filling the room as he hummed a familiar tune. I looked up now with slanted eyes as he continued to read, acting like he was not aware of my glances as he went on with his private concert.

“I smell sex and candy here; Who’s that lounging in my chair; Who’s that casting devious stares..” He looked up now with an “oh so proud” expression as my mouth had formed a straight line in annoyance. “In my direction.” He finished with a suggestive smirk.

“Very funny.” I now pursed my lips together. “We have a lot to do before we go to dinner, mister.” He did not look a touch remorseful as he still seemed pleased with himself.

He now leaned forward. “I thought you were going to help your dad with his open cases- not re-organize the entire place.”

I started typing again, my eyes darting away from his accusations. “Well, I plan on coming back to work here. He just doesn’t know it yet- and well this is how I would have done things if I had stayed.”

“So you are going back to the Private Dick life for sure?” He said it with a knowing smirk, he already knew this.

“Well, I will need to get certified again- but if you’re good at it then-”

“And if you enjoy it.” He said with a supportive tone. _He seemed to be the only person not totally against this crazy idea._ “Listen, you know I fully support you and well, I have no problem spending hours upon hours with you here again in full risk of your dad’s anger later. But we have a dinner to get to and I would really like to shower off the dust explosion that I am covered in.”

“You are only brave because you will be thousands and thousands of miles away when Keith Mars sees the remodel.”

He sat on the desk now. “True. See your detective skills are coming back quickly.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, we can go. I probably should freshen up too, your friends meeting me in combat boots and an old hoody is not the best impression.” I put my lap top in my bag, reaching for the lights.

He followed behind grabbing my heavy purse from my shoulder as he opened the door. “I don’t know what you are talking about, this is my favorite.” He eyed me with adoration and I shook my head while locking the door.

“Always, so smooth, Echolls. So smooth.”

“What? I was serious.” He fired back with a laugh and I waved my hand as I hit the stairs.

“Always trying to seduce me with words or looks- and now serenading.” I glanced over as he met me at the third step.

“Are you complaining of my methods?”

My shoulders tensed as I gave, smiling. “No, no I am not.”

He bit his full lip as he quickly took the last few steps.”I didn’t think so.” _There was that proud expression again._

We both walked into the suite, and I threw my bag on the couch- quickly joining the seat beside it as he made a beeline for the bathroom. It was funny how we had obtained the Logan and Veronica version of domestic bliss in just a short amount of time. Sure hanging out at PI office and counting the days to deployment weren’t most people’s normal- but hey, it was us.

The roar of the shower filled the bathroom, and I glanced at the time. I had enough time to make that call to Mac about a re-vamp on our technology and then I would need to change. It was odd- I actually felt a twinge nervous over meeting these friends- I guess with Logan I was use to all things being familiar.

She picked up quick. “Hey there, Bond- I have been getting all these texts from you of links to very nice machinery. Has someone stolen your phone?”

“Very funny, friend. No I have a secret. Can you keep it?” I asked in a playful tone.

“That depends.. what is in it for me?”

“Lots of red licorice?”

“Sold. Do tell-”

“Well, I may have been doing some restructuring at my dad’s office today, and I saw how seriously lacking he is in the technology savy department.”

“Veronica Mars went against her dad’s wishes? So utterly shocking.” Her sarcasm was one of her many talents.

“I know- so unlike me. Anyways can you help me figure out exactly what we need?”

“Yeah, of course I will. But you know it will probably be a little pricey.”

I scowled, money always had just a pure hate relationship with me. “Yeah, I will have to figure that one out.” I sighed. “Okay, I better go- we have dinner with one of Logan’s aviator friends and his wife.”

“You two are double dating? Wow, you truly have matured.”

“You are just so full of surly comments today.” I played back. I heard the shower turn off. “Okay, gotta go get beautified.”

“Okey dokey, I will spend my boring evening researching for you. Enjoy your exciting life for me.”

“Will do. Bye, pal.”

I walked to the bathroom, going to freshen my make up, when my hand hesitated at the door as I heard his voice. I had an inkling he was keeping the conversation private and I stayed still, not moving as I slowly placed my ear closer to the door. _What can I say old habits and all._

“Yes, sir. I understand.” He didn’t say anything else for a moment. “Okay, thank you, sir. See you soon.” He paused again. “Goodbye.”

I stepped back quickly as I didn’t want him to catch me listening, if he wanted me to know he would tell me. But I had this gnawing sensation that he had just found out the question that had been sounding in my head for days. _Where he was going._

I waited a few moments and he never came out, so I figured it was a safe amount of time for me to walk in unsuspiciously. I obviously caught him off guard as he had a firm grasp on the sides of the counter as he leaned forward. The look on his face was not reassuring as I saw the glimpse of stress and worry causing his stance, before he hid it behind a smile. He was good at it after all, years of paparazzi and movie star parents.

I swallowed trying to not show the sickening feeling rushing through me- _that face meant nothing good._

“I was just going to fix my make up.” I said as I slid behind him to the open mirror. He tried to inconspicuously splash his face with water to recover, but I noticed.

He shut the water off, looking at me in the mirror as I reapplied my eyeliner, my hand slightly shaking.

“I am almost ready. I will wait for you on the couch.” He said as he gave me a faint smile like he normally did when he was exiting the room, but I could see the thousands of thoughts filling his head.

“Okay.” I nodded. “I wont be much longer.”

Once he disappeared from the bathroom, I assumed his stance from before, gripping the edges of the granite counter. Logan had a good poker face, and right now- it had sucked. I knew what that meant, I knew what had shaken his mood. It was a worst case scenario situation.

I evened my breaths, getting a glimpse of my blue eyes in the mirror as they had a crystal appearance at the tears that I saw welling up in them. I touched the corner of my eyes. _I would not cry, I don’t cry-_ I said in my head over and over. _That is unless I was in the shower where I was sure no one could hear me, and I could wash away the memory that it ever happened._

My nose sniffled as I finished applying my make up, the last sign left of my almost break down in the bathroom. I threw on a black sweater and gray jeans, with my favorite pair of boots. It was me, I felt comfortable in it- and I needed all aspects of comfort to get through this night without crumbling at the unknowns and what they possibly meant.

His eyes darted up at me, as he was zoned in on his phone with emotionless expression before, a now appreciative smile on his face. “You look amazing.”

“You look pretty great yourself.” I smiled with just lips as I clapped my hands together.” You ready?”

**Day 4 - Evening**

Logan:

The car ride was quieter than I wanted. I was trying my best to push through and not show the weight that had just been dropped on my shoulders- but it was nearly impossible not to be preoccupied by it.

My commanding officer had called and had confirmed what I had been feeling. They were sending us far off the map on the edges of the Persian Gulf. Our main tasks would be to be on call for the more confidential missions, just using us for mainly night bombings- especially on specific targets. He had reminded me of the importance of my discretion and that this would be the most important mission my unit had been on yet. They tried to be concise over the phone, we would get a full debriefing for two days once we reached the base. That would be where we got the full impact of what we were in for.

It was as risky as I had thought- probably more so. A part of me was looking forward to it- after all this is what they had been training me to do for years. But right now, there were people I was leaving behind that needed me to make it back alive.

Veronica was tough, I knew she could live without me- but I knew what losing me would do to her. I could imagine, because I knew what it would do to me. She would be alive- but it would be debilitating. It wasn’t just about me anymore- she and I were involved in something more permanent now, and I owed it to her to be careful.

I inwardly felt sick at the conversation I knew we would have to have later. There were facts, they were plain. With increased risk- meant more exciting missions- more important tasks- but with those meant a greater risk of death. I knew it, everyone knew that. It was always something you had to consider when going on leave. They always wanted your affairs in order when leaving for such discreet operations. My affairs consisted of what they had since I joined- Veronica was the majority beneficiary of my assets if I died. And now that we were together, I had to let her know. Problem is- I have an inkling that is not going to go over well.

Veronica, lightly traced my hand - drawing back my attention as I tried to give her a reassuring glance, but there was no use- she was on to me. The girl was well known around Neptune as having laser like discernment skills- there was no way she was not clued in to that something was off. My brow furrowed slightly as I looked back to the road- she was different though. She knew I was acting different, but she was not asking me why. That just made me more uneasy. As much as her inquisitive side and barrage of questions could bother me, it was still her- and when it was absent it just concerned me.

“You excited to see your friends?” She said breaking the silence.

“Uh,” My voice trailed off before I could catch up. “Yeah, yeah I am.” I smiled.

Her face tightened a little as she noticed my obvious tension, her mouth closing. It was almost like she was physically barring it shut from asking me.

We pulled in front of the beach side restaurant- the place considered the house of lobster in Neptune. Jeremy suggested it, saying it had sentimental value.

“Veronica, I appreciate you doing this, it means a lot.” I said.

“I am excited. It is neat to see a part of your life that I do not know much about.”

I nodded as she got out of the car. I had not really thought of it. Veronica was my only civilian friend who was mixing with my other life. As close as Dick and I have been over the years, he had never been one that I discussed much with. He was someone who was loyal- who we had stayed close because of history- not our relatable interests currently. She would be the first I let mingle between both worlds, I had never even let Carrie into this world.

We reached the lobby and I immediately spotted them. Jeremy with more traditional military cut, and his stocky stance. He was like a brick wall- you could not miss him. His wife Angie was glued to his side, he would be gone soon- she had that body language. I had seen it multiple times, the wives and committed girlfriends of my buddies latching on tighter and tighter with each deployment.

Jeremy grinned wide as he saw me, coming at me with a bear hug, as he always did.

“Echolls, my man. Good to see you.”

I returned the gesture as I firmly patted his back. “You too, man.”

Angie was now in line for a hug, and I immediately embraced her. She had always been so kind to me. Cooking many a meal for me and letting me crash at their place over the years.

“Logan, you are as handsome as ever.” She smiled sweetly, her eyes going to Veronica. “And you must be the girlfriend.” Her smile was even bigger now. “So happy to meet you.” She reached out for a hug.

I chuckled at watching Veronica embrace the stranger, her body slightly stiff. “Thank you, you guys too.” Jeremy was now reaching for her hand and she shook it, seeming glad at the lack of personal space being invaded by his method of greeting.

“So shall we?” He asked and we nodded as the hostess took us to our table.

Angie unfolded the napkin as she placed it in her lap. “So Veronica, are you from Neptune too?”

“Yes, I grew up here. I moved away for awhile but I am back now.” She smiled. _It was always funny hearing someone tell the shortened version of a story you knew._

“I always make Jeremy take me here before he ships out. It is silly really, I just love Neptune beaches. I know they aren’t any more special than others.” She paused, a fond expression on her face. “My dad use to take me here as a girl, and to this restaurant, hence why we suggested it. It just has special memories.” She teared up a bit as Jeremy grabbed her hand.

Veronica’s eyes narrowed sympathetically at her, as she seemed confused. What she did not know was the norm of this situation- most of the women that were experienced military wives got this way. They knew how hard the separation was and that it was just waiting around the corner.

Jeremy leaned back in his chair as he gave me a grin of relief. “Logan, I am so glad that you beat those charges, man. You had me worried.”

“You and me both. Just glad it is behind us and they have the real killer.” My face was solemn now, the mention of the charges always brought the image of Carrie to mind.

Jeremy must have sensed it as he offered his condolences. “I am sorry to hear about Carrie.”

I nodded as I squeezed Veronica’s hand under the table reassuringly. I wanted her to have no doubts of how I felt for her-  of how she was the one I wanted.

“Me too. I hate it- she was a good person, just had a lot to overcome. Unfortunately her friends made sure she did not.”

“Well, I am glad you didn’t take the fall- it was ridiculous that they even considered you.” He paused as he looked to Veronica. “I hear we have you to thank for getting our boy free.”

She shook her head humbly and I jumped in. “Yes, you do. It isn’t the first time she has saved my ass either.”

“You’re a PI correct?” He asked.

Veronica cleared her throat as she scooted closer into the table. “I used to be. My dad is one- and I grew up helping him. I got my Private Investigator's license a long time ago, but have not been involved with it for awhile. That is, until Logan called me.”

Jeremy looked at her in astonishment, I understood feeling overcome with the emotion when taking her in. “You are like a chick super hero or something. Spunky blonde, bad ass and crime solver.”

Veronica cracked a smile at the comparison. “Well, I don’t have a costume.”

“But she does have a weapon of choice- a stun gun.”

She laughed. “It gets the job done.”

Angie and Jeremy were amused. “I am sure it does.” Angie shyly giggled. She crossed her hands in her lap as she leaned closer to Veronica. “So is this the first deployment that you have been with Logan?”

Veronica’s ease from before disappeared slightly as she nodded, clearing her throat again. “Uh, yes.”

Angie looked sympathetically and I could tell Veronica noticed. “It is hard, but if you love each other you will make it through.Just enjoy your time now.” She advised. “You know we have a group- me and some of the other wives, fiancés, and girlfriends. We call each other and get together randomly while they are shipped out. It really helps to have people around who understand what you are going through, you know?”

Veronica’s muscles tightened, I could sense from the stoic look plastered across her face- she was terrified. I swallowed hard as I touched her leg, just her pinky grazing my hand as she barely moved.

The air was slightly tense as she forced a smile. “You are kind. I will get your number.”

Angie lit as she began to fetch a pen from her purse and Veronica seemed to exhale as her attention was off her for a moment. She glanced at me cautiously and I smiled kindly, her eyes filling with a resolve at the sight. I knew the mention of support groups, and seeing the worn and weary expression of an experienced military wife had to be spooking her. If I were truly honest the sight spooked me as well, it made me feel guilt to ask her to take on this life. I would hate myself if I ever wore her down to that state. Angie was a strong woman too, she had years of this under her belt now, she loved Jeremy enough to put up with him gone. But you could see the lines of worry growing each time you saw her and I never wanted to see those marks on Veronica’s face- not from knowing I caused them.

“You know, I feel like I know you already. I would have recognized you anywhere- after seeing your picture so much.” Jeremy said fondly.

Veronica’s brow furrowed with confusion. “Picture?”

It was my turn to experience the onset  rush of rigor mortis as my body stiffened, and my hand released- loudly banging on the table. “Uh- the few circling the news right now. You know because of the case.”

Her face scrunched even more as she eyed me like I was insane, her eyes slanted now. “Okay.” She chuckled awkwardly.

“Uh, that is not what I was referring to.” Jeremy continued and I cringed lowering my head in defeat.There was no use fighting it now. “I am talking about that picture that Echolls here- had either in his pocket, taped to his cockpit or bunk. It goes without saying that I have seen a lot of your face over the years.” He smiled, seeming completely oblivious to the grenade he was launching; and I ran my hand back and forth across the back of my neck nervously- just waiting for the explosion. “I did not see it out as openly last deployment, figured it was do to Carrie. And just when I thought I wasn’t going to see your smiling face, I found Logan pulling it out of his pocket right before one of our missions- I have to say it made me happy. Guess I got used to you being around.” He chuckled.

Most woman would be flattered by this reveal, it would be romantic. But with Veronica you could assume that whatever most women liked she would have the opposite reaction to it. _There was a reason I had kept this information quiet. I did not think she would respond well._

She shook her head, as she wore an uncomfortable smile. “Oh no, I think you must be mistaken.”

Jeremy began to open his mouth again, and I took a sharp breath, cutting him off as I turned to her. “No, it is you. It is you he is talking about.”

Her baby blues radiated pain as I saw a glimpse of tears move through them before the flashes of anger took over. Her mouth gravitated to one side as she eyed me. I could see all of her fiery temper nearly bubbling to the surface before she seemed to remember our company. The range of emotions coming from her was layered as she took a cleansing breath, seeming to shut me out as she turned her attention to our guests.

“Wow, I had no idea.” She smiled and Angie awed with delight, completely buying Veronica’s acting of flattery.

“How romantic.” Angie seemed to feel toward the situation as most people would.

Veronica gritted her teeth like a pit bull, I had a feeling there was no prying them open at this moment- and I was now thankful for the beer the waiter just dropped at the table as I took a large swig. I had predicted right what her reaction would be. Most would not understand her feelings toward it, I did not even understand it- but all that mattered was that I had been right- she was upset.

Three beers later and a partially empty plate- and we were still here. Veronica had put her best effort forward to stay polite and cordial to our guests, after all she knew it wasn’t their fault that I had upset her.

My eyes had stayed on her frequently but she never looked my way; and she was able to be quiet without being rude as Jeremy and Angie were quite the talkative people.

“You know your boy, Logan here is one BA behind a fighter jet. It was like that dude was made to be an appendage of one- he has serious skill.” Veronica picked at her salmon on the plate as her eyes traveled slowly up. “Some of us have dreamed our entire lives to be Naval Aviators, and have to bust our asses to be good. And then you have a rich, trust- fund brat deciding suddenly to join- and he is born with all the skill.” He smirked at me. “Life’s not fair.” He now smiled proudly.

Veronica tightened her mouth again as I could see her try to fight back the feelings Jeremy’s stories evoked. “Well, Logan has always been one for being good at the reckless behavior- so glad he has put it to good use.”

Jeremy’s loud laughter bellowed out as he wiped at his eyes. “I like this girl, Logan- you need someone whose smart mouth is stronger than yours. To keep you in line.”

I raised my eyes brows as I downed the last sip of my beer. _He had no idea how much trouble I was in._ Veronica’s eyes were on both of us now as she wore than cocky, smug expression- the kind that was always present when she was grilling me when angry. “So you two seem close.” She stated.

“Well, yeah- the guy saved my life first week out on our first leave. That is destined to make you close I would say.”

Angie’s gaze was on me appreciatively and I lowered my head as I could see the remainders of that smug expression on Veronica’s face fade as Jeremy continued. “It was one of our first missions-they sent four of us. We aren’t allowed to discuss too many of the specifics, but to say that it all went to hell would be accurate. They were calling us in for a retreat and as we turned back towards the direction of the air craft carrier  my machinery began to fail. I was flying completely blind. I still have no idea how that plane got cleared for duty- but if Logan had not guided me back to that ship I would be buried in an ocean grave yard, that is for sure. It was dark, and well when you find yourself in those situations- sometimes all you can manage to see are your loved ones. I had no business flying a plane at that moment, and thank God, Logan was there.” The loud and confident man always had a vulnerableness to him when he shared the story. I hated the story- it made me seem like some sort of hero. I wasn’t anyone special -any decent human would have done that.

Veronica folded her napkin in her lap. “I am glad you are okay.” She now seemed uncomfortable as the stories were throwing bombs into that wall of hers.

“Me too.” Angie looked at her husband with a desperate need as she squeezed his arm gently. “I have to say I do get some peace in knowing these two are watching out for each other when they are gone. I know that means they will return safe.”

There was a truth to all that Angie stated, all she and Jeremy represented. This was the reality of this life- as much as they loved each other they faced months of separation and the knowledge that each time he left it may be their last goodbye. No one knows when their last day will be, but when you sign up for this job- you always have the weight of an early death hanging over you. We would all gladly pay the price- we know this when we sign up. But the ones left behind are most affected, and judging by the terror on Veronica’s face- she saw that.

I knew the revelation about the picture would in normal circumstances upset her, it was just how she was- but now it was a catalyst to start shutting me out. I could tell, she had already begun. I knew not to take it personally. In a weird way I knew if it didn’t affect her then she didn’t care- it was just one of the many things about her.

The waiter brought the check and Jeremy reached for it and I scowled with a reprimand as I grabbed for it. “This is on me.” I said strongly.

“Is there any use fighting you?” He asked.

“No, I will win.” I smirked.

Veronica grabbed her purse from the back of her chair like a caged animal ready for her escape, and I suddenly dreaded the rest of my evening. I just hoped there would be reasoning with her.

We all stood, and she got as close to the exit without being overly obvious, while we said our farewells.

“I’ll see you soon. This one is going to be a doozy, I believe.” Jeremy said as he grabbed both my shoulders. I nodded with complete knowledge, Veronica’s mouth hanging slightly ajar as she stood beside us- listening to every word.

Angie scooped her in. “Veronica, please call me if you need anything.”

She had a genuine desire to her voice as she softened. “I believe I will. Thank you for offering.”

Jeremy held her hand cupped between his.“Veronica, great to finally meet the person behind that face. Have to say, I understand now why this boy couldn’t shake you.”

“I am glad he has you looking out for him. Please come back safe.”

“We do our best.” He swooped his wife into the crook of his arm as they went through the door. “We will celebrate- do this again when we get back. See you later and thanks for dinner.” Angie waved as her husband bid us farewell and Veronica  and I waited until there was no sign of them before we headed to the car.

The sound of her boots crunching the gravel in the paved parking lot, and the distant roar of the waves was all that was heard in the quiet walk to the car. The sweet chirp of the unlocking of the BMW was the only welcoming sense around us as we crawled in. She had a death grip on her purse, not saying a word as I hesitated starting the engine. I placed my hands on my legs as the air escaped threw my nose heavily.

“Okay, Veronica, I know you are upset at me. And this is not the best of timing, but we need to have a talk when we get back to the room.”

“I am not upset, Logan.” She looked straight ahead, her hands still attached to her purse. “It is just a lot to process.”

I ran my hands over the smooth leather of the seats. “I know.” She swallowed hard as she nodded. She wasn’t giving me anymore and I knew to just accept it for the time being, as I started the car. We had all night to talk.

The car ride had been as quiet as I expected, and her arms stayed folded across her chest like armor through the walk through the lobby and the long elevator ride. Her face was creased with lines of frustration and worry and I had no way of knowing what was about to take place. There was no basis for how she would react- how this would play out. I could compare it to our younger selves, but that had been so long ago, we had both changed in a lot of ways.

She slung her bag on the table and immediately slumped into the couch, bringing her legs up like a teenager as she looked at me with stony expression.

“So you said we need to talk?”

I nodded as I slowly sat, making sure I did not sit too close. Veronica always wanted her space when she was unhappy. I laced my hands together tightly as I studied the intricate rug beneath us and all it’s patterns, rehearsing yet again how I was going to break this news.

“I got a call from my commanding officer, right before dinner.”

“I know.” She said cold and flat.

My face scrunched as I kept the questions from escaping. _Why had she not said anything?_ “Okay.” I nodded as my hands separated. “Well, we are going to be executing some pretty important missions on this leave. I don’t know all the details yet, they will debrief us once we are on base- but it is going to be a huge step in my career.”

“And by important you mean dangerous? Right?”

_There was no such thing as rose colored glasses in her world._ “Yes, it will have risky moments.”

She laced her arms around her knees now as her jaw tightened. “Okay.”

I braced myself, for what I would say next. “The military is very forceful about us having our affairs in order when we leave. Especially when we are going on deployment to-”

“To places where your return is more in question?” Her lip twitched with emotion.

I nodded. “It sounds worse than it is, Veronica, but we have to be prepared. It is just a morbid part of the job. And because of this I wanted you to know, in case of anything happening, I have you listed as my main beneficiary. Dick gets a small portion, but the majority goes to you.”

There it was -the fire brewing again as her muscles went rigid, the look of every annoyed and bitter emotion on her face. “Why wouldn’t you discuss this with me? Before you went and made a will? We are together- you should have consulted me. That is a huge decision.”

I clenched my jaw as the words quietly escaped. “Well, this was not a recent matter. It has been this way awhile.”

Her head laid limply to the side in disbelief at what she was hearing. “Come again?”

“You.” I sat up straighter, looking her directly in the eye. “I have had you and Dick listed as my beneficiaries since I joined. And since we weren’t exactly talking, getting your permission was kind of hard.”

Her jaw came unhinged. “Well that is just twisted.” She stood to her feet almost without the need of bending her knees.

“What is?” I kept my voice even though the room began to shake with a volatile surge.

“So let me get this straight? You and I weren’t speaking, and if in case God forbid you died a hero’s death -over somewhere fighting a war- I would have gotten the wonderful surprise of inheriting your millions?”

“That is correct.”

She laughed now. “Well, isn’t that great. Was that supposed to be my punishment, Logan? You die and I am left with a pile of guilt in the form of thousand dollar bills? ‘You ignored me for years, Veronica- so here is your punishment. You are stuck with an eternity reminder’?” She gnawed at the side of her lip as her hands shook at her sides. “That is sick, real sick.”

I stood now slowly, my voice shaky at all she implied. “No, that isn’t it at all.” It cracked under the pressure. “Veronica, I have no family. Except a crazy, adopted sister who wants nothing to do with me, and a half brother who made it clear long ago we would not be in each other’s lives. It was Dick and then there was you. I just wanted to know it went to the people I cared about- I wanted to take care of you somehow, I guess.” I pleaded for her to see the truth.

“Oh so it is about money again? You pitied me?”

My face contorted in disgust. “I have never pitied you. You know that.”

She paced as her voice grew louder. For someone so small her voice could carry. “What about Carrie?” She stopped, looking at me with accusation. “You are telling me all that time you were with her and you never changed it?”

My last breath of air hitched as I lowered my head, bringing my hands to it. “No, I never did.”

“And did she know about this will?”

I looked up. “She found out about it, yes.”

Her eyebrows raised. “And she did not care? You did not change it?”

“Of course she cared Veronica, and no, I still didn’t.” I said defensively.

“So, you make me your beneficiary and then you also carried around pictures of me for years? A reminder of me when you were thousands of miles away- after years of distance. I bet she would have loved to know that, Logan.”

“What Veronica?” I lost control now. “You are mad at me because I couldn’t forget about you?!” My veins protruded through my arms as I could feel the red spread across my face. “You think I liked that after years- you were still the person I felt most connected to? You want to talk about twisted. The person I felt closest to for all that time was someone who wouldn’t even return a phone call. You don’t think I have not spent hours analyzing how messed up that is?”

Her face quivered as it was losing its resolve to stay stern. “I tried okay, I tried to move on as best as I could. And yes I took your picture with me to training and my first leaves. What can I say? It got me through -as cheesy as that sounds. And when I was with Carrie, I felt ashamed bringing it, but it had brought me back so many times. I just could not leave it.” I evened my breath as she lowered herself back to the couch.

“How do you think that makes me feel?” Her voice was cracking with twinges of anger and sadness. “I was the bitch who never called you back, who left you- and there you were taking my picture on leave and wanting me to have your everything in case you didn’t make it. What does that make me?”

“It makes you a person who was trying to escape. You needed out of this place- it had screwed you over far too many times. Veronica, it doesn’t make you heartless or a bad person.”

“Yeah, but you were the martyr, mourning me and setting it up for me to have a lifetime of self hate if you died.”

I shook my head. I never understood how she could turn things to such twisted realities in her mind. “Veronica, you were always with me. I don’t know what else to say. And the only peace I could ever find was in the fact that I had some connection to you. If it was a picture- or knowing you were taken care of in case of my death. I never got over you. Truth is I didn’t even really try to. You were it for me. I am sorry if that pisses you off- but it is just how it is. And I have every right to dictate how I feel.”

“Logan.” Stray tears slid down her somber face as her mood shifted drastically. “I can’t lose you- not now- I couldn’t have lost you then.” Her hands cupped her face now as I witnessed the rare occurrence of Veronica Mars crying. I hesitated to touch her as her body language was still rigid. “Logan, what if-” I scooted closer now, reaching my arm around her. “What if you had died? I would have hated myself. I would have-” She wiped under her eyes vigorously trying to keep up with the droplets escaping. “If I lose you now- I still have all those years hanging over my head. How badly I screwed it all up.”

_And there it was._ _Veronica Mars, marshmallow center and all._ The girl hated needing me, tried hard not to- but all this aggression was as usual her way of hiding the fear that was over taking. _She was scared I wasn’t coming back._

“So you are going to feel guilty for the fact that it was you that brought me back every time?” I smiled, rubbing her shoulder gently as she peered up. I had a stray laugh. “No regrets, Veronica. You have always been what was best for me.” I lowered my eyes to meet hers. “You woke me up from that numb state I was spiraling into after Lilly. You helped me not lose myself when my mom died, and when my dad turned out to be a murderer. And you stood by me even when you disliked me when I faced murder charges yet again that fateful senior year.” I reached for her hand, though she still had a hard time accepting the affection. “And most importantly you taught me what it was like to truly be in love. And you left me when I needed to be left.” Her face looked confused now and I grabbed her chin between my fingers. “I needed you to leave me so I could grow up. And you never returning those calls killed me -yes. But I needed it. I am who I am today, because of you. So if anything ever happens to me, you just remember that.”

She sniffled as she laughed a little. “You know I have no way of possibly topping what you just said.”

I laughed bringing her under my arm. “I don’t expect you to.”

She wrapped her arms around me now, her chin leaning against my ribs. “Logan, you better come back to me.”

I looked down with a smirk. “Haven’t you already figured out that I always come back to you? I have a pretty good track record.”

Her blue eyes found a grasp of peace as she looked up through mascara smeared eyes. “Well, you better keep that track record.”

“Planning on it.” I pulled her back onto the couch, and she crawled on top of me sweetly as she placed her head on my chest. “Ah, memories.” I said under my breath as she settled into a comfortable position.

She propped up on her elbows. “What?”

I grinned, placing my arms behind my head. “First night I moved here to The Grand with Duncan- you crawled on top of me like this, mistaking me for your then boyfriend. Remember? It was nice.” I winked.

She laughed, the feeling of her pointy ribs against mine caused a ticklish sensation “Yeah.” She said dryly. “About that. I have a confession.” She looked at me with a sheepish expression. “I may have played dumb, I think I saw what I wanted to see if you catch my drift?” She raised an eyebrow.

“So you are saying you took advantage of me?” I smiled.

“Yes, or the situation perhaps?” She grinned. “Hey, your face was covered by a magazine. How was I to know?” She winked.

“Well, aren’t you sneaky? And you said I was bad.”

She laid her head down again. “We are both bad- you know that.”

I exhaled deeply, her sinking farther into my chest, my hand playing at her hair. “So are we okay? You and me?”

Her jaw moved against my skin as she spoke. “Yeah, we are perfect.” She sighed letting a frustrated groan escape her. “I am sorry we fought.”

“Eh, that’s okay.” I continued to play with her hair between my fingers.

“Oh yeah, cause not fighting is just so horrible?”

I chuckled at her exasperated tone with herself. “No, it’s not horrible- It’s just not us. You and I. We fight hard- but love harder. It’s just how it is.”

She seemed to be pacified with my statement. “I guess I can accept that.”


	26. Chapter 26

 

**Hey everyone! As you will see I jumped ahead a few days. I thought about it and realized trying to cover all 14 days would add a lot of chapters -and that it would probably be hard to fill all 14 days with interesting material for you guys. I have decided that I will take this particular fic to the end of the movie, and will start a "sequel " for the deployment and times after. I was just realizing this one is getting so long that it might be better to start a new story for the future stuff.**

**Also, I have been working on my own fiction recently and was wondering if anyone would be interested in reading it if I posted some of it too? I am an aspiring writer and would love feedback on what you guys think of my own stories and characters.**

**As always, thank you all for your support and beautiful comments. They mean so much!! I really cannot say thank you enough! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I really enjoyed writing it. I always love when Logan gets "mushy".. what can I say- I am a romantic. :)**

 

**Day 8- Dawn**

Veronica:

I rolled out of the full size bed that was dominating the nook nestled in Dick's living room. The large bay windows made it impossible to sleep in, as soon as the sun rays began to creep into the sky they also flooded in through the large paned windows. It was a bittersweet reality- the sight was breathtaking, as you had a front row seat to the orange prisms reflecting off the water, but no choice but to wake.

The beach house was slightly chilly, the cold air from the AC playing against my bare legs as Logan's t -shirt barely covered my thighs. I stirred the cream and sugar into my morning coffee as I looked at the clock. It was about time for him to be heading back up to the beach- he was like clock work these days.

I opened the sliding doors, the zipping snap they made always startling me as I walked onto the porch, bare feet and all. I had grown up in an ocean town, yet I had never lived the life of fortune- one where the ocean was your backyard. Sure our apartment had a great view when walking to your car- but it was nothing like being directly parked on the sand- the fresh sea air had a way of making you forget about the depraved town this sea belonged to.

I pulled out the whicker chair from the corner as I sipped at the caffeine, my wake up juice. There was a serene bliss that encompassed us- the last four days, even better than the four before that.

It was odd being somewhat functioning adults- not hormonal and volatile teenagers. Since our discussion in the room several nights ago things have only progressed. _I guess it is true what they say about how sharing your feelings- it paves the way to intimacy._

It was kind of nice. The argument had brought down some of our pretenses. I think we had both been on our best behavior so to speak. Each one had not wanted to be the one to cause the first explosive argument - but now that it was out of the way- I saw glimpses and flashes of the more relaxed versions of ourselves that we knew from all of those years ago. _After all, Veronica Mars and Logan Echolls were anything but docile. You knew there had to be an eruption every now and then when we were present- especially in the other's life._

That meaning- there may have been a fight or two about petty things. Like me annoyed with his barrage of questions about my safety when he was gone. And me driving him mad with asking for more details of where he was going. They each ended the same though- heated embraces and electrified touches, our mouths glued to the other, only escaping for breaths. We had always had the make-up sex down- _seems that was still true._ But with this more mature take, we got all the benefits of our usual passionate sides- that side including our tempers as well. But I was learning when we both chose to stick around for the storm to settle- we seemed to find a middle ground- a compromise. _Hmmm, I guess this was growing up._

My teeth clanked against the porcelain mug as I got the view of him. He shook his head, his hands swatting at the sand caked through his hair. I always loved the sight of him as he trudged up the surf, with the morning light illuminating behind him. He was always far off enough to not notice my presence at first, giving me the chance to observe him in his element - him being completely him. He had always been a surfer boy- he lived and breathed it, and the way his mouth formed such a satisfied smirk as he took in his surroundings as he bid it a farewell each day- it was mesmerizing.

Without fail I was always caught, his gaze zeroing in on me as he got a clearer view. It was like watching a time lapse- one of those freaky glimpses of your life. The same action being played over and over again- only the image faintly changing. The scenery changing ever so slightly, the person aging before you- yet the feelings and emotions still the same.

I waved, and he returned it with his free hand. Yes, I had just had two days of this with him, waiting on the porch as he came in from his morning adventures on the beach. But I had years of this same view from sitting on the roof of my car. It wasn't every day, but whenever I was desperate to see him, I knew where I could always find him. When the sun was rising you could bet that Logan would be at the beach. I would wait at my car, finishing homework or doing details for a case- and sure enough he would march up the beach without fail. It always had a level excitement to it, even though I had done the action hundreds of times, he still always looked stunned to see me. Like a child receiving a surprise gift- that is how he would look at me- the way he is looking at me now. _Deep down, even back then, I think I knew how lucky I was to be the recipient._

I stood now as he reached the porch, propping his board up before tugging at my shirt with his fingertips. The water was still slowly dripping from his face, as he used his grip on my shirt- pulling me in for a slow kiss.

"Good morning." He whispered against my lips.

"Morning."

He unzipped the back of his suit as he pulled it further down, my eyes traveling the course of his torso.

"I see you found your liquid speed." He pointed to my large cup.

"You make it, just the way I like it." I pursed my lips to the side of my face as I let out a dramatic sigh. "You know, this is nearly perfect. Life on the beach- coffee, getting this show." I gestured to his toned physique.

"I know, life on the beach certainly has its benefits."I pouted slightly as he left no mention of me. "Especially with you as company." He pulled at my shirt again, letting his hands teasingly play under it, making me blush as I looked for a crowd.

"Logan." I swatted at his hands and it seemed my tone was an unvoiced dare to him as he bit his lip mischievously, lifting me over his shoulder and patting my butt as he carried me in the house.

I squealed as I had a death grip on the coffee and he grabbed behind him reaching for the cup and placing it down with his free hand as he juggled me with one arm, tossing me on the squeaky mattress.

My eyes bulged from my head with wild excitement and that dreaded sensation of when you were about to be tickled. I didn't know what was coming next- extreme pleasure or a tickle death match. _Or maybe both._

I held my stiff stance, my knees pinned to the bed and my hands out like a shield.

"Logan Echolls, don't you dare." I warned as I could see what was running through his devious mind. "You are soaking wet and covered in sand."

That was my fatal error- voicing it out loud as he took his cue, pinning me to the bed with all his water and sand with him. He ran his scruff along my face as he teasingly nibbled at my neck- he knew how much it tickled there. My mind filled with fears, as my eyes widened. _It tickled there horribly- especially when he grabbed me-_

I cackled out loud, a boisterous laugh like a hyena as the tips of his fingers played at the spot on my left thigh, right where it connects to my knee.

"Oh please- please-stop." I stuttered through the tears and laughter. He slowly relented releasing his grip, as my breaths were uneven, there no time for them to settle before the next one took over.

I laid back on the tan sheets, as I blew air softly out my mouth with a smile, him falling to his elbow as he ran his hand through my hair.

"We are going to have to wash the sheets now." I said still calming my breaths.

He smiled now, but it struck me funny, its somberness not fitting the circumstance. I closed my mouth tightly as my eyes assessed him, as he traced the lines of my face, his fingers stopping at my lips as he delicately ran his thumb across them. I hesitated to even speak, the moment unplanned- but a perfect snapshot to remember for all those days he would be gone. I closed my eyes, wanting to remember the feeling of his rough hands as they tenderly caressed me.

"Veronica." My eyes opened now. His breath caught, him being equally overwhelmed by the impromptu moment of complete devotion. "I'm going to miss you." His lips tensed up, before they relaxed into a weak smile.

I felt the unfamiliar presence of tears, as they were hard to hide when laying down causing them to run to the back of my head. "You too." I wiped them away quickly before he noticed, at least I hoped. If he did or not he didn't let on either way.

"Well, who would have thought that Dick running off on that spontaneous mini vacation with that Tasha chick would have benefited us so greatly." I said as I turned on my side. Logan and I had moments that were like that- so much being said with so little words. I guess I said they were meaningful enough that their short spans were more powerful than hours with other couples. I suppose it was my lack of ability to be vulnerable that long as I had the feeling he could maintain such a level for a lot longer than me. But either way it was progress- old me wouldn't have even stayed around for " the moment."

"Yeah, one of the only times that Dick's partying has actually benefited me." He quipped.

"It has worked out quite nicely. You have the beach. I have you." I sat up as I looked over my shoulder with a grin.

"And I have you." He laced an arm around me before he pulled me back down.

"You do have me." I flirted.

He peeked with curiosity. "I do. And what do you think I should do with you?" He asked already playing at the skin under my shirt.

"Hmmm, you are usually creative."

He lit up with a magnetizing smile, all his dimples and sparkling eyes present. "Well, I think I know where to start."

 

The naps after were always the best, your body completely relaxing into a state of total peace, total relaxation. He and I had never had the benefit of getting to actually sleep together much, because of my living arrangements back in the day. But now it was like experiencing a new piece of heaven as I got to feel his warm body close to mine, a missing part I had never known I was truly missing.

I woke, reaching out- my hands coming up empty as the space was empty beside me. I sat up quick as I felt the panic hit my chest, the fear of our two weeks being gone already- _had he left?_ My breaths evened as I looked around, realizing where I was as all peace returned as he walked back into the room, freshly showered and buttoning his shirt.

"You okay?" He smirked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

I nodded, not feeling like explaining the fears that took over when I woke up in a discombobulated state. "Where are you going?"

He smiled like he had a secret. "Well, I have something I need to do."

My eyebrows pulled in. "What?"

He kissed the top of my forehead, completely ignoring my question. "So I was thinking maybe you could get dressed while I am gone? I know we have dinner with Mac and Wallace tonight, but I wanted to take my girl on a lunch date maybe?" He eyed me to see if I was up for the idea.

"Hmmm." I stroked my chin. "That depends. Where are you going right now?"

"Veronica Mars, you don't have to know everything, you know?" He played back at me, Logan the only person who could beat me at my own game.

"I don't? I am pretty sure that I do." I quipped, my smug mouth melting into a pout when he didn't give.

"I'll be back soon to pick you up." He stood.

"That is- if I am ready." I threatened playfully.

"Well, that's a shame. I had a few things I wanted to run by you." _Grrr, he was good. Just when I thought I had the upper hand._

"Fine. You win. I will be ready." I got up from the bed now as I met him at the door, kissing his lips softly. "Goodbye." I smiled now, it was nearly impossible not to when he was this close.

"I think I could get use to this. Goodbye kisses at the door in the morning. This domestic stuff." He opened the door. "I think we may be better at it than we thought, chuckles."

His words hit a warm place in my heart. No one would have ever guessed he and I for achieving this state with such ease, yet with each other it seemed to come natural. Something I knew for a fact- as I had "played house" with someone else for a long time, and it did not come so easily. He saw my appreciative expression as he stroked my cheek.

"You know I prefer Ronnie to chuckles and that is not good." I stated now grabbing the door knob as he walked out.

"Well, okay then. Bye Ronnie." He looked so pleased as he turned around for a wave, biting at his lip as he held up an okay sign with his fingers, reminding me much of the seventeen-year-old I once knew. "You in my shirt too- I give it a perfect score, I could get used to that as well."

"You are sounding whipped, Echolls." I teased with a frat boy inflection.

"Afraid so." He placed his aviator glasses on now as he started his car, and I felt all levels of surprise at the images that came to my mind as he pulled off. I had never been one to dream of wishing my husband goodbye at the door with a child on my hip, and surely that would never be how he and I ever operated. But I could see myself enjoying "our" version of such bliss.

His car was out of sight now. _I wonder what he is up to._

Logan:

Knowing Veronica - I was surprised I wasn't being tailed after getting off without her being informed of what I was doing. I walked into the hospital lobby, making my way to the 2nd floor where Mr. Mars had been moved to yesterday from ICU. Veronica had spent most of the day up here yesterday, trying to make his room more of a semblance of home since it would be his "home" for a while longer. I had tried to give her time, but came with takeout, the doctor okaying his consumption of real food. I think that alone got me brownie points.

Things had been far more relaxed then I ever hoped. Keith had always been kind to me when I dated Veronica- only stern when I deserved it. But still I don't think he had ever seen me as long term for his daughter- there was just a look. I could not explain it- just a sense, he did not approve.

Lately the expression from long ago seemed absent, replaced with another one, though I had no idea what its meaning was. It seemed more understanding, more accepting and maybe even slightly more peaceful. But either way, I wanted to talk with him. A lot of time had passed, and Veronica and I were back on the roller coaster of our relationship. The difference being we had learned how to enjoy the highs and how to brace ourselves for the lows. Seems it was like riding your favorite ride for the hundredth time, you could just enjoy it, close your eyes- you knew what was going to happen. But with us being back on the ride, I wanted to make sure the most important man in her life knew that I had no intention of ever getting off.

I tapped on the door, Mr. Mars was engrossed in the news as his dark eyes darted to the doorway. A light expression covered his face at the sight of me.

"Logan, come in." He motioned to the seat next to his bed.

I felt overcome with sudden nerves. I had flown government issued planes worth millions of dollars, had executed missions whose details were classified, but in this moment I was plagued by inexplicit anxiety.

The lines around his eyes crinkled in response to my open nerves. "Veronica around?" He asked.

I swallowed hard. "No, sir. It is just me."

My words seemed to give him understanding to my display as he smiled now. I took an even breath as I laced my hands together. I was a nearly thirty-year-old man and suddenly felt seventeen again.

"Is something on your mind, Logan?"

I looked up now, our eyes meeting now as I gained a resolve of courage. "You know that I will be leaving soon, sir." He nodded. "Listen, I know Veronica and I-" I chuckled as suddenly there seemed no words to describe all we had been to the other. His grin was large now as he seemed to know exactly what I was trying to convey. "I know things with us have been complicated at best- ten years of ups and downs." He listened intently my smile diminishing as I felt the seriousness of all I was about to say.

"Sir, I know I have given you reasons to distrust me- hey, even hate me. I have done some stupid stuff in my day. I screwed up, at the risk of sounding cliche, the best thing that ever came along in my life." I paused as I swallowed my inner, younger self surprised by the acceptance painted on his face. "I have always loved your daughter. She was one of my closest friends when we were younger and I cared for her deeply, even back then. Sure it was a different type of affection but it was still real. And well, anything actually real in my life was pretty unique back then." Keith seemed to get all my implications, and kindly stayed quiet as he let me continue- knowing that trying to get this out in one shot would be my best attempt.

"I know I treated her horribly after Lilly-" My voice cut off. It still, after all this time was hard to refer to. The time when all hell broke loose. "There is no excuse- none at all. My excuse is lame though it felt rational in my mind at the time. I still cared, but  just like with all level of emotion, you can equally detest someone as much as you care about them. It was easier to dislike Veronica than to deal with the pain of Lilly- together." I lifted my lip weakly as I shrugged. "Like I said, lame."

Keith interrupted. "Logan, first of all call me Keith. I think we have known each other long enough to warrant that." He smiled reassuringly. "And secondly- you can't beat yourself up for a seventeen-year-old mistake. Hell, if we all did that then we would all be miserable." He touched my arm for a moment. " I know you cared for her."

I exhaled sharply, all tension disappearing as I nodded. "Thank you. I appreciate that. I guess, what I am trying to say is- I have always loved her. I may have not handled it right or done stupid things, but deep down I have never stopped. Ten years and she never left me. But with those years I did grow up, and I believe that arrogant boy has subsided some and been replaced with more stability. I just want you to know this time is different. I am never going to be stupid enough to screw it up again." I sighed as I clapped my hands together. "I wanted you to know that before I left."

He was silent for a moment as he contemplated what to say- my heart pounding in expectation. I knew without his approval I had no real shot with her.

"Logan, I know I was hard on you. I was extremely hard on you. But one day maybe you will have a little girl and you will understand." He smiled fondly and I joined him, seemed that _girl mad_ e us both irrevocably happy. "I know Veronica, and just as much as you messed up- I am more than sure she did her fair share as well. And I know you both had a lot of growing up to do." He seemed to find a peace as he spoke now. "What matters to a father, Logan, is that he can trust that the man that his daughter is with will love her no matter what. That it wont stop- that time or circumstances won't ruin it. And you." He pointed to me. "You have proven that to me over and over. That is all I need." He shrugged. "And the fact you two have both grown up does make me happy. It is an added bonus"

I grinned now as I felt every tooth show as I displayed pure happiness. "That means more than you know." I relaxed in the chair. "I knew that I never had a shot if I did not get your approval. She respects you greatly."

"Well, Logan, I appreciate the talk- but I had no fear, I knew you weren't going anywhere."

"I am glad it is obvious." My smile slowly diminished as the other topic of business came up. "Okay, well on to the last thing I wanted to discuss." I looked up, his face solemn now, as I believed that he knew where this conversation was going. There was a reason the man was good at his job, he always seemed to know what was coming next. "Where they are sending me- I can't discuss much, but it will have its fair share of danger. I have left in my will for Veronica to be the one to inherit most of my assets. I want her taken care of if..." My voice trailed off before I continued. "I know I can leave her all the money in the world sir, I have control of that. But I can't keep her safe if I am not here. And I know this goes without saying, but please watch out for her for me. And if I don't make it back." I swallowed hard as he seemed to along with me. "Promise you will be the extra set of eyes that I would be if I were around." I smirked now. "And fists, if need be."

"I will of course do what you ask, but there will be no need for me to take the spot. I am sure." He laughed now as he thought on my last comment. "And I am afraid you probably throw a better punch, so we need you to stick around. God knows the girl gets in enough situations where she needs defending."

"That is unfortunately true." I sighed. " But thank you, I hope I can be the one to always do it."

He nodded now as he motioned to the TV. "Want to watch some day court with me?" He lit up. _Veronica had always liked watching that too._

"Sounds like a plan." I stood. "I was going to raid the vending machine. Any requests?" I raised my eyebrows.

"God bless you, boy. Yes! Peanut M&M's please. Two packs."

"You got it."

 

**Day 8- Afternoon**

Veronica:

I applied the light shade of pink to my lips as I took another look in the mirror. It was true I had dressed up a tiny bit more than usual, guess I was feeling like making it count today.

I turned off the bathroom light as I walked out, the house had felt odd when Logan was gone. I had very much felt like I was alone in Dick's house and honestly that was not anything I had every wanted to experience. But I was thankful for the hideaway- It being Dick's or not. When he decided to up and run around the nation, partying with his new pals from Miami- it brought a great gift. Yeah, he wouldn't be around to say goodbye to Logan- though honestly I had a feeling that softer side of Dick that hardly ever escaped was avoiding the official goodbye- hence his take off. But being the way he was with Logan, he offered the place to us. Which, I knew was his take of an olive branch to me.

It had been the perfect sense of normalcy we had needed for the remaining time. Logan got to be near the beach, we got to enjoy the convenience of being isolated, no prying eyes watching our every move at The Grand. And lastly we were not at my dad's - Logan appreciated that fact a lot.

The door made its distinct squeaking noise as he walked in now, wearing something I rarely saw. _Peace._

"Hey." I said happily.

He looked awed as his eyes grew wide. "Wow, you- look-" He reached out grabbing my hands as I came closer. "Incredible." He kissed my nose.

I pulled back. "Eh, this old thing?" I picked at the black, form fitting dress, making his eyes travel down it. "I thought I would give you something to remember me by- beside t-shirts and jeans."

"I fell in love with you wearing those. I don't think anything can ever beat that in my mind." I nibbled at my lip at his open declaration. I had only verbalized the sentiment once, and I knew he had been guarded not to force the situation. But now in this moment he seemed less guarded as the affection poured out.

I swallowed as I stared up. "So, you going to tell me what you just went and did?"

"Nope." He said simply with a smile.

"Will I ever know?"

"Maybe." He pointed to the door. "You ready for our date, Miss Mars?"

"Where are we going?"

"One of my favorites places."

"Frances's?" I asked.

He chuckled. "Different city. We have reservations at my favorite place in San Diego."

"San Diego?" I said purely shocked.

"Yeah, I wanted to show you some things."

"Okay." I said  as I leaned into him as he led me to the car, giving up on grilling him. We would be there soon enough. _Seems he was just adding to the mystery of today._

Road trips with Logan were nice- the sun on our skins, enjoying listening to our same taste in music- it was nearly a perfect day already.

He pulled in to a complex, the stunning apartments with their architectural uniqueness stood out. "This is my place." He said as he pulled his keys out.

"I figured." I smirked as i opened the door, feeling an equal level of anxiety to curiosity as to why he brought me here.

I followed him up the flight of steps and he sighed as he opened the door, pushing it in with what appeared a level of dread. Our footsteps echoed off the bamboo flooring and I took in something that was his- something I knew nothing about. It was exactly what I thought Logan would have picked for himself. Light floors, dark cabinets, sparkling granite- leather furniture about. Only thing is, it was a good bit smaller than the grandiose version I knew before would have preferred. It was beautiful and something in me hated it. It was like not being included on an inside joke- I felt on the outside. I took in each detail, it obvious there was a female touch involved. A part of me ached- _I should have been the one to help him get this place together._  The entire apartment felt like Logan's ex girlfriend's loud and obnoxious secret, the one she was waving under my nose even from the grave. _She had this place with him._

I tried to seem indifferent as I spoke. "It's nice." I turned in circles, my eyes landing on photographs of he and Carrie, the bile of jealousy rising in my mouth. I swallowed hard at her continued mocking.

"It is weird being back- I haven't since Carrie died." He said honestly as he walked weakly, running his hands over the surfaces, her mention just adding fuel to the flame. "I don't know exactly why I brought you here. I guess I just wanted you to see it all-everything that is mine. If that makes sense."

I walked closer, trying to push all the emotions the green-eyed monster provoked. "So Carrie came here often?" I looked off to the corner, trying to seem unaffected, though my words had already revealed my true feelings.

"Yeah. I tried to get her away some from that world." He touched my chin, bringing my eyes to his as he looked deeply into them. Any sense of insecurity should have vanished with that look. It conveyed all I ever needed- that I was the only person he ever loved, truly. Yet as usual, I had seen that same look before, unable to accept it- my nature getting the better of me.

I snapped a little as I broke the embrace. "So what? You wanted to rub your old place- the one you shared with your girlfriend- in my face?" I pulled out my phone for dramatic affect. "Fine, let me book a flight to New York. I can return the favor- I will let Piz know we are dropping by." My eyes shot a look of pure venom his way, _I was good at that._

He blew air out his mouth as he ran his hand along the back of his neck, a sight I had seen many a time, but instead of the equal fire that he usually retorted - he kept calm.

"Veronica, that is not what I am doing-"

"Sure looks like that." I was icy.

He chuckled now as he approached me with caution. "Well, if you would have let me finish. I was trying to say that this place." He motioned around. "Was never home. I bought it as an escape, hoping I could find a sense of it- but I never found it." I softened as he touched my arms now, pulling me closer. "Which is why I wanted to tell you that I want to put it on the market while I am gone. I am hoping it will sell and then I was thinking." He looked nervous and excited now. "I was thinking when I get back we can go house hunting in Neptune- find a place for the both of us."

My mouth hung open. "Like you and me? Live together? Buy a house together?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that is what I was thinking."He now awaited my reply.

My joy was thwarted by skepticism again. "You aren't just doing this cause you are running from Carrie? From her death?" I pointed to the pictures. "Because you can't deal with the memories?"

His eyes narrowed, almost like he had been expecting the conversation. "Veronica, this is my way of showing you that I am putting that in my past. Carrie and I were over a long time before she even died. And this place, as sad as this may sound, holds no good memories for me." He sighed in frustration at himself as I still looked unconvinced. "And as much as Carrie and I were over, you and I never were."

My tough exterior and all its armor cracked. "Do I get a say in this house?" I furrowed my brow playfully.

"Of course. You pick it- I'll buy it. I don't care what it looks like."

"Even if it is pink and is covered in your aversion- stained glass?"

"Even then. Though I do hope for a beach house." He said with a happy grin.

I wrapped my hands around his neck. "I think that is possible. You have gotten me quite spoiled in the idea of beach living."

"We may turn you into an 09er before it is all said and done." My eyes narrowed dissaprovingly. "Yeah, I didn't think so." He added. He put one arm around me as he led me around. "I guess it just felt weird to sell it without you seeing it. It was something of mine- it just felt right to show you."

"Sorry, I got jealous."

"We have both been known to be overcome by the emotion from time to time." He peered at me from his peripheral. "Though, Veronica, no one was ever you to me. No one."

I smiled faintly now. "I know the feeling."

"So are you past the jealousy so we can go to lunch?"

"Yes." I gripped his hand as we headed out the door. "You don't want to say goodbye or something?" I said surprised.

He looked back at his old place. "Nah, I told you. It was never really home."

 

**Day 8- Evening**

Logan:

The tires screeched as we pulled into Mama Leone's, Veronica's favorite place.

"Woah, we cut it close." She looked at me with crazed expression as she put the car in park.

"Yeah and nearly died several times along the way."

She rolled her eyes as she jumped out in a mad dash, the black dress she wore accenting every beautiful aspect of her. She turned around. "Come on, they are waiting." She hollered and I got out, following behind.

"You are so bossy." I nibbled her ear lobe as I caught up, whispering in her ear.

"Yeah, well I wouldn't have to be if you didn't haul me off on romantic day trips. This is when a private jet would come in handy."

"I'll get right on that." I opened the door, Veronica lighting up as she spotted her old friends in the small restaurant.

"Sorry we are late." She said as she hugged them both tightly.

"Logan, you spoiling this here poor folk with the ways of the rich again?" Mac jested with her usual fashion.

"Of course." I leaned in as she approached me, throwing her arms around my neck. She touched my collar as she lightly whispered. "Glad you are back, Echolls."

I nodded with a smile at my lips. "Me too."

Wallace approached now, more reserved than his friend, but it was obvious he was putting forth effort. I could not blame the guy, after all he had to feel like he was betraying his friend. The guy licking his wounds over Veronica Mars. I pitied him too, I knew exactly how it felt to miss her.

"Hey Wallace." I shook his hand.

"Hey man. Glad we could get together."

"Oh my gosh. We all know each other- stop acting all stiff- let's go eat people." Veronica ushered us in. "Where are the lobster bibs?" She said concerned as we sat.

"They are coming, toddler." Wallace was always able to speak to Veronica in a way we all would have been personally executed by her if it had it come from our mouths and not his. I always liked that about him. 

"So Logan where were you whisking this one off to earlier?" Mac asked behind her menu.

I opened my mouth, Veronica's excitement overpowering me as she spoke up. "He showed me his place in San Diego, and took me to his favorite restaurant there. Good, I must say." Her eyes focused as they danced a little. " But yeah- he wants to sell his place. Buy a place here." The way she talked with ease, actual signs of joy as she expressed herself was one reason I loved to see her with these two. She was truly herself with them, she felt safe. She was even slightly giddy.

"Wow, really?" Mac was as excited as Veronica.

"Yeah." I chuckled. "I spend most of my time here so-"

Wallace interrupted, being the bad cop. "So you want to officially come back here? Even though your base is in San Diego?"

"Yes." I smiled. "Everything I want is here, in Neptune." I looked directly at him so he got all that I implied and his shoulders eased a bit.

"Back off Wallace." Veronica teased. "Let's eat, drink, and be merry."

He smiled wide with his usual light heartedness returning and I eased back into my chair as I watched the three act exactly as they used to.

Dinner had actually been a success, Veronica opening up about her time in New York far more, it was enjoyable to hear about it. She had been closed off with me about it, because of the Piz factor I guess, but now with Mac and Wallace- she had a reason to just talk. It had been reminiscent of old times, but laced with something new. Hope for the future. I knew Mac's approval was already present, but I could tell Wallace still was on the fence though he managed to be civil.

"Alright, I got to go the bathroom." Veronica stated. "Mac, you wanna come with?"

Wallace laughed. "TMI, Mars." And she trotted off with her best girl friend, tongue sticking out and all. _That was my girl._

All girls did this, the team up and go to the bathroom trick. And even though Veronica Mars was unlike most girls in many ways, it seems she still fell prey to this classic female habit- thus leaving me alone with her skeptical best friend.

Wallace sipped at his beer as he looked at the corner, uncomfortable at our alone time. I decided to break the unspoken rule that we were operating under- to not mention what was really at play. It seemed silly after all for me to be silent, I had never been one to beat around the bush anyway.

"So, Wallace, I get your reservations, I do. You wouldn't be her best friend if you weren't concerned." I blurted out.

His left eyebrow raised now as he lowered the beer. "You do, huh?"

I shrugged as I sipped at mine. "You were there through it all, man. You saw it all. You saw me do stupid crap time and time again, and you saw us break each other's hearts. You have every right to feel this way."

He nodded with a sureness. "Yes, I do. Man, I can't see her break like that again. You- you have that power over that girl. The girl who can not be harmed, her Achilles heel is you."

"She's mine too, you know."

He smirked. "Yeah, I know that too."

"I promise you, I am not that same arrogant bastard that I used to be. I mean, yes, he is in there- but I have learned to control him. I have him locked away in a tiny room." I laughed making him lightly join me. "But Veronica, I am not going let myself lose her again. I can't." My tone of conversation turned back to serious.

He cocked his head to the side as he seemed to relax. "You better not, cause as much as I know you can probably kick my ass- I will have to at least try and kick yours."

"Dude, if I ever do anything to hurt her again- I will search you out and make sure you beat me to a pulp."

He held up his beer as he clinked it against mine. "Deal."

I sighed now as I eyed the room, waiting for her return. "I always loved her, man. I know I may have been stupid at showing it- but I can't remember a time where I didn't love her."

"Well, I saw it all remember?" My eyes went back toward him. "I have never doubted that, Logan. Hell, I saw you do a ridiculous egg project, days in a row, through all hours of the night." He paused as we both seemed to fill with nostalgia at the old memories. "I saw it. I still see it."

I nodded as we seemed to reach an agreement. "Okay then."

Her blonde hair caught the corner of my eye as my gaze shifted back to her as I felt that stupid grin of total adoration fill my face. I had always fallen privy to it with her, even when I was challenging her with vicious rhetoric back in the day- I never could escape a conversation without this encompassing expression. I grew to realize all it meant and all that was behind it as time went on. _Seems that she still has the same powers over me._

"You two behave?" She asked like a mother.

"Yes, ma'm. We recalled some old times, it was fun." Wallace said as he smiled at me. She looked curious and before she could reply he shut her down. "No, Mars. You don't get to know everything."

I chuckled as she huffed loudly. "So I am learning today." She hissed in annoyance.


	27. Chapter 27

**This chapter- wow. I have debated much about this one. The inspiration of _memories_ hit me and I just started writing and thus this chapter was born. I loved the idea of focusing on the old before we step into the future- getting a glimpse into Logan's mind- such a fun place to be. I decided to make it Chapter 27 of this fic- Those Nine Years.**

**But after reading it over and over- I see it is also as a story inside a story I guess? So I thought I would also advertise it as a one-shot fic too.**

**I posted it here as Chapter 27, but also by itself. If you enjoy this chapter would you please go to it's independent page listed under my name and give your reviews as well. If you do it would mean so incredibly much.**

**I have never attempted a one shot fic and so I thought I would start now, as I know some people prefer them, to the multi chapter. And I thought this particular chapter covered the gap of nine years in a unique way.**

**Anyways, thanks so much for reading and your continued support. You guys really are so incredible and encouraging! I hope you like it, and as always reviews are so appreciated.**

**Much love :)**

Logan:

Veronica groaned slightly, a small shiver taking over her body as she involuntarily snuggled closer. I covered her up, as I reclined back on my elbow, running my hands lightly along her back- patting her back to a deeper sleep. She would kill me if she knew how often I did this, laid awake memorizing her. I was even guilty of it long ago, before we ever dated- I would get caught up in the studying of her as her breaths rose and fall, her peacefully asleep on the Kane floor during our hang outs. She was mesmerizing- always had been. This was my secret.

My brain seemed to connect the dots of past and present as she laid next to me, deeply asleep. Veronica had never been one for rehashing the past- but me, I was afraid it haunted me. All of its glory and all of its pain- it followed me everyday. The only consistently good thing was - her. And you better believe I always focused on that.

**_The inner workings and philosophies of Logan Echolls' mind. What a complex hell of organized chaos._ **

People often discuss how you really know when someone is important to you? Romantic love aside- speaking in just human to human relations- what makes one person mean more to you than another?

Everyone has their theories- I had heard all sorts of opinions on the topic. Sure people did not go around discussing this in every day- but it came forth with casual comments, someone's likes or dislikes- just who they were in general. After all, the people you surround yourself with are like an attachment, correct? The depict you somehow? Isn't that why there are all those wise sayings of _birds of a feather_ and of _hanging with fools._ There is truth to it.

I had plenty of Psych classes where this was discussed. **_Why are we drawn to others and repulsed by another._ ** What makes someone matter to you?

I had heard it was experiences- common interests- time- some said it was purely carnal. We craved what was pleasing to our eyes and desires. I guess all of these speculations were true. But I believed what uncovered the inner secrets of your heart- the facts that showed one was laced through you like a genetic code- it was memories.

 **Memories.** The word evokes so much when heard. It can be either pleasant, or horrific. It can be the most exciting of times, or the most boring. It doesn't matter- you can't control when your mind takes the snap shots- the ones cataloging your life. True, it usually innately captures the big moments- whether good or bad. But what was it about certain ordinary days, that made it remember so vividly?

I still have no answer for the question - but what I am certain of is this: Replay your life. Whoever shows up on the reel of your personal biography, the one who is always present-the one there for the good, bad and the ugly. The one who still is like an active member of your subconscious even when not present- their continuance in your life so strong that they inhabit the memories they were never existent in. When you see their face, when it zeros in on the specifics, that is when you know- _that is your person._

The flashes of detailed recalling- they inhabit our dreams, our day dreams, our free moments. The eyes may be the outward window to your soul- but these were your own personal window. There was no denying it- no running from it- the recall, the inventory of your life played before you never lied. It was like a scientific formula or calculated math- the answer was absolute. There was no way you could control the outcome, the equation that calculated the results of your always present person- you had no control of it.

I had thought about _my person_ plenty as I had spent countless hours staring at the metal ceiling of the aircraft carriers. Problem with deployments is a lot of free time for your mind to wander to these sometime curses and sometimes life savers. How many of us recall the past and want to go back- wish we could freeze and relive it. Then they pour out their poison and death, making our outcomes seem bleak- and just when you have all but given up they give a hope that keeps you carrying on. Truth was there was no moving forward without a heavy presence of the past. I knew that better than anyone. One plus one equals two, and just as that was fact so was- that Veronica leaving is what sent me on the course of flying fighter jets for my country.

Every other aspect of life was true to this theory. I acted like an entitled and spoiled brat due to the fact I was hiding a large secret: my father using me as his personal punching bag. My girlfriend died, and thus the psychotic jack ass took over. I fell in love with Veronica- softening the arrogant side, it coming back with full vengeance when I lost her. Cassidy killed our classmates and himself- almost adding Veronica to the list- the out come? We ended up back in each other's arms. I fell even deeper and when I lost her for good there was no consoling.

Veronica Mars aka _my person._ I had figured out the revelation long before she was ever back in my life. It seems out of all the people I knew and out of all the experiences I encountered, that the little blonde who walked up the Kane drive - wearing knees socks and a soccer uniform- it seemed she had the destiny of being the _one_ who could never leave my mind. We didn't know it then, but we were destined for a lifetime of memories.

* * *

 

_The fan whipped around the Kane living room- the sound of pop corn in the microwave filling the kitchen as I reclined into the large chair. It was our intermission, so to speak, of The Princess Bride- Veronica and Lilly had insisted on watching it. Lilly had demanded pop corn come thirty minutes in and recruited her push over brother to get the drinks, and he conceded with groans of small protest._

_A whine filled the space around me, my eyes traveling to the floor where the tiny blonde cuddled into the small pillow . Seems the new comer into my life was tired. I smiled wide now as her nose scrunched in her sleep, it obvious her dream world was already alive. She had been quiet and shy- only knowing her two days. She was rather reserved compared to her best friend, but watching her now I saw an expressiveness that had been absent these few days- one I appreciated- making me curious as to what was ignited inside her dream world._

" _Stop being a perv, Logan." Lilly pushed my shoulder hard as she passed, making my hand's grip on my chin slip, my teeth clanking together._

_I didn't even have the courage to retort at the feisty blonde as her eyes narrowed at me. It was very rare that someone intimidated me, that is besides my father of course- it was because of him I had little to no fear when dealing with others. If I could face his reddened and contorted face as he screamed every form of every expletive, beating me within an inch of my life- than most were usually no threat. But Lilly- she had the same tenacity that came from a parent's lack of love, and well I had met my match. She reached for a pillow with one more glance at me before slapping her best friend with it._

" _Ronnie, wake up!" She yelled playfully, Veronica sitting straight up- all hair going every direction. Lilly busted out in proud laughter as she sat next to her, legs crossed in indian style as she leaned in like she had a secret. "Don't you know better than to fall asleep in front of boys? Logan was staring at you, all mouth open and creepy like."_

_It seems she chose to voice this secret as loud as possible and I glared as Veronica's stunned and blushing face was on me now. One thing I had learned of Lilly Kane- she didn't like it until she was in control of the situation- whatever situation it may be. I could see through the sometimes venomous side to her. She had been eying my all day by the pool, using her best efforts to gain my attention. Lilly got a thrill of seeing boys drool over, something she was use to due to her bombshell looks. At only thirteen, Lilly made the other girls in Neptune seem plain. But I refused to give her that satisfaction, at least now- I had a pride that wanted to not be just another notch on her lip stick case- not that I wanted or expected anymore than that. I just had a small sense of self worth that made me not want to give- thus her sudden jealousy of my trance locked on her petite and pretty best friend._

_Duncan collapsed on the couch now-as wild as his sister was he was that docile. I imagine it was years of her forcing the alpha position in the home that made his overly passive side. Describing his sister in your mind made her come across as a villain - and now I was not sure whether she was or not. All I knew was I found myself overwhelmed by Lilly Kane- I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad feeling, but it was an explosive one at that. She stood now, making sure she sealed the deal of her ruling powers, leaning into my face._

" _Logan, don't prey on sweet Veronica." She grinned wide "If you want to watch someone sleep, I am your girl." She loved the way my eyes bugged from my head, as she walked off with a chuckle._

" _Seriously Lil, you are disgusting." Duncan said hand deep into the pop corn._

" _You gotta live a little, Donut."_

_My expressive eyes wandered down to the little blonde now, who seemed to pity me as she was still reeling from her own embarrassment that Lilly had created._

" _Don't let her get to you." Veronica shrugged. "Her riding you so hard is kind of like her hazing. So take it as a compliment, I guess?'_

_I laughed now. "I will try to focus on it like that, I suppose."_

_Lilly cam back, catching our conversation as she rubbed her hands threw my hair, her sultry nature much too developed for her young age- I guess she was on an accelerated path due to being in a rush to be disowned by seventeen. "Just do what I say and you will be fine."_

" _Haven't we all learned that rule." Duncan added somewhat bitterly._

_She seemed to wait for my buckling as she stared with expectancy- her large eyes beaming with a sense of one who was about to win the game. I felt resolve take over as I gritted my jaw- I was surrounded by game winners like her. My dad, Trina- always forcing their way. I was going to beat Lilly Kane at her own game-I would not be another one she added to her list. Duncan and Veronica accepted her domineering side- me? I knew she needed someone to keep her in check. I guess I was a similar type animal, and that realization made her suddenly more mesmerizing._

" _As you wish." I fired, and her blue eyes slanted with a wonder of surprise._

_She sat down now as Veronica covered her mouth in played shock, speaking between her small fingers. "Looks like someone has seen Princess Bride before."_

_Lilly smiled as she cocked her head to the side, I had earned my place. "I think we will like having you around, Logan Echolls."_

_Veronica laughed now as Duncan clapped with slow applauds. Suddenly it was like I fit. And though I had gained the approval of their Queen Bee, I still felt my true side linger towards the kind girl beside her. Yes, the beat and bruised version liked the fight of keeping up with Lilly Kane - the accomplishment of winning. But in a perfect world where my life was just as it should have been, I would have been content to just watch Veronica sleep._

* * *

" _Dude, my dad is working on that new Tara Reid film, and I got to meet her yesterday. That chick is seriously-" I craned my neck up as Duncan seemed oblivious to my words as he peered through the blinds. "Creeper alert." I threw a wadded up magazine at his head._

_He swatted at the now empty air -annoyed as he glared, releasing his grip on the blinds. "I heard you, man."_

" _Yeah, but you were too busy checking out Ronnie in that two piece to actually really hear me." I now peered out the blinds raising them, gaining the two girls that were poolside, attention. I waved largely with a thumbs up, Lilly blowing a large kiss in return._

" _Dude, now they know we have been staring." Duncan hissed as he tried to hide._

_I continued to eye Lilly naughtily as I responded. "Correction you were staring- hey, I am allowed to check out my girlfriend."_

" _Gross, not when she is your best friend's sister." He growled hopping up onto his bed._

_My eyes went to Veronica as she laid out, her large sunglasses taking up her petite face. Her swimwear choices were always less racy than Lilly's - though I swear Lilly just made her decisions on what to wear by what would tick her mom off most._

" _Duncan, man- I have known Veronica two years and you have been obsessed with her the entire time." I made a large gesture with my hands. "Do something about it."_

" _I am planning on it. Some of us just have different methods- unlike you."_

" _Hey- I liked your sister- I went after her. That is a pretty clear and simple method."_

" _Or more like my sister has no fear and set her eyes on you. How could you resist the older woman throwing herself at you?" He raised an eyebrow trying to imply my lack of skills with picking up women._

_I held back my retort as I looked down at the pool again. The truth was I couldn't quite deny Duncan's accusations. Lilly was hot and well, when I met Veronica - her strolling up in her soccer uniform- I found her hott as well. I was a male, and though I found myself crushing a little harder on Lilly's best friend that year of 6th grade- Lilly made it nearly impossible to act on it. She demanded my attention and so she got it- being my first real girlfriend a year later- making the distant crush I had for Veronica seem like ages ago._

" _Just tell her man." I raised my shoulders as I waved to Lilly, my eyes going back to Veronica, who smiled- my stomach knotting slightly._

_Honestly I got why Duncan was nervous. Veronica Mars was different than other girls-there was more risk with her. She could reject you, tear you a part with her higher levels or moral character, make you feel something deeper. She was the kind of girl you dream of meeting._

_I cleared my throat as I pushed away the thoughts that used to regularly occupy my mind before I gained my first girlfriend._

" _What do you say of a sneak attack?" I gestured like a villain as I raised my eyebrows and twirled a fake mustache._

_Duncan grinned now. "Let's do it."_

_We snuck around the corner of the large Kane estate- the green grass tickling between our toes as we gained sight of the two pretty blondes, sun bathing- completely unaware._

" _I'll take Lilly- you take Ronnie." I winked. "Try not to get nervous and drop her."_

_Duncan shoved me, nearly blowing our cover and I stifled my laughter as we jogged closer. Duncan let out a war type holler and my laughter now escaped as my body rattled, scooping Lilly in my arms as I cannon balled into the pool. Shortly after - Duncan with his loose grip on Veronica joined us, their awkward body language hysterical once they landed in the water._

" _Logan, I just washed my hair!" Lilly seethed, though her naughty smile was looming behind it._

" _I guess you will have to wash it again." I ran my nose down hers and she broke, throwing her arms around me._

" _Were you needing some attention?" She winked with a kiss, and as usual she had me wrapped around her finger._

" _When it comes to you? Of course."_

_Veronica stared at us as her and Duncan had already disconnected, seeming perplexed by our affection. All of us floated in the water peacefully now, our laughter subsiding, as Lilly escaped my grasp and went under._

_She blew air out loudly as she ran her fingers through her hair, paddling towards the steps. "So I am thinking movie night?"_

" _The Big Lebowski?" I suggested and Lilly rolled her eyes._

" _Logan, you always want to watch that."_

" _Hey, I love that movie too." Ronnie interjected._

" _The woman has good taste, Duncan." I raised my eyebrows with innuendo and Veronica stared back and forth between me and my best friend, her eyes full of curiosity. Duncan's jaw tensed now, he was yet again ticked at my full disclosure- and Lilly noticed._

" _Good grief, Donut- stop being so tense." Lilly had known of Duncan's little crush for awhile. Her "grab em by the horns" method had no way of understanding his slow methods. Plus it annoyed her- as she hated keeping the secret from her best friend. Lilly already had a long list of double date ideas and was anxious to use them._

_Just then Mrs. Kane's voice filled the lawn- her acting as if she was never intended to raise her voice above a certain decibel. "Logan, your father is on the phone!"_

_Every one now peered towards the porch, where the annoyed Celeste stood waiting for me. My back stiffened as I crawled out slowly, everyone's ease from before present as mine had been instantly stifled. He was calling here- he knew I would be here- which means he must have found it._

_I flinched now as old scars seemed to ignite with fire, like they were fresh- I guess in preparation for the ones that would be joining them soon. And the current ones had just faded enough that I could go without my shirt. I was glad for the break from Lilly's constant questioning of why I was so attached to my clothing. I guess it was time to come up with a new set of excuses._

_I knew what was coming, I had been waiting on it since the incident happened:_

_Dick and I had been throwing ball in the house, even though mom had asked us not to. It was a simple teenage disobedience- that is until Dick threw a curve ball, the football sliding over dad's desk dramatically and knocking the 50 year old scotch off, shattering onto the floor. Dick cringed with a regretful expression._

" _Sorry, man."_

_My mouth dropped. Most kids would endure groundings for this, sure. But me? I would endure far worse._

_I groaned silently as my plans of relaxing with my three closest friends began to vanish from my mind as I knew my plans would now involve leather against my back. Over and over and over._

_I weakly smiled as I passed Mrs. Kane, the sounds of Lilly and Veronica's laughter behind me as Duncan began to try and dunk them underneath the water. They resumed in play, like the world still moved forward. Mine however had just come to a halt at the nasty skeletons of my closet that came peeking out._

_I saw the cordless, black phone lying on the counter waiting for me- the cool tile against my wet feet and the ac on my back sending a shiver through me. That is what I would blame the shaking on- not my sudden fear. I swallowed loudly, so loud I swear he could hear my panic._

" _Hello." I said with little emotion._

" _Logan, my boy." There it was, his full on animated tone. That only meant one thing- "Is there something you need to tell me?"_

" _Uh." My voice caught on the trick question._

_All fake happiness was gone now as his stern and unforgiving side came forth. "You better tell your friends bye and head home."_

" _Yes, sir." I hung up with a stutter as I filled with every imaginable description of pure terror, my darting eyes falling on the three of them splashing in the water unknowingly. I had always kept it that way- this plaguing and very real part of my life unknown by anyone but my mother who faked ignorance as her way to cope._

_Everyone thought my always ready- jack ass side was a symptom of my father's wealth, my celebrity status, so to speak. Even Lilly was quick to judge me for it. But what no one ever knew was its nasty truth- I had a violent streak much like a kicked around dog. A dog who under normal circumstances would be loving and gentle, trusting even - but was now skittish and always snapping- looking out for when the next blow would come._

_I walked toward the edge of the pool. Here it goes- putting my genes to work as I acted my way through this, for the thousandth time._

" _I gotta go guys. Sorry- my dad needs me home."_

_Lilly looked disappointed at first before she fired back. "Oh my gosh they have you on such a short leash." She groaned with all her dramatic annoyance._

" _Sorry, man- see you tomorrow?" Duncan smiled, completely unaware - just how I wanted it._

_Then there was Veronica- the one I never liked to look directly in the eye in such situations. There was something about the way her electric blue eyes sparked with a challenge, like she was calling my bluff. They screamed BS, and I hated that I saw the small lines of concern fill around her mouth. She was in the dark too- but unlike the rest, she had an inkling- she saw through my acting skills._

 

* * *

  _Mom pulled into the parking lot, letting her large rimmed sunglasses hang at the bridge of her nose as she rolled the windows down._

" _Hey baby. How was your day?" Mom always seemed genuinely thrilled to see me, like it was the highlight of her day. She put the red convertible away during the morning drop offs and afternoon pick ups. The black Escalade, her mom- mobile, taking its place. Some mom car right? I guess it is the one that the mother of Aaron Echolls' children drove._

" _Fine- I guess." I groaned under my breath as I opened the door throwing my back pack in._

_My mom's voice lit into a happier register. "Oh hi, Veronica!"_

_I pulled back from the car to see my mom's peppy smile and wave aimed in the direction of Veronica Mars. Our eyes meeting awkwardly as I gave a casual wave- Veronica still in the middle of her polite acknowledgment of my mother._

_She swallowed hard as she adjusted the messenger bag on her shoulder, staring ahead. Seems her day had gone to hell as well with the Kane stomach bug epidemic. Lilly, being a year older, meant she had her own wheels and because of this was Veronica's usual ride to school. Now she was stranded, waiting on the old bus._

" _Hey, Veronica." I said loud enough to catch her attention. Her blue eyes looked toward the large SUV as I opened the door wider. "Need a ride?"_

_She had a look of terror and betrayal cross her face before she scanned the parking lot again. "Uh, thank you, that would be great." She said as she walked over with a defeated slouch._

_My mom revved the engine, I guess her heavy foot and longing for her other vehicle took over, as we buckled our seat belts. "How was your day, you guys?" She looked both ways as she pulled out of the crowded area._

_We both looked to each other as we seemed to have the same feelings of this wretched day._

" _It was okay." Veronica responded politely, now seeming determined not to stare at me._

" _Whatever." I scoffed. "It was awful."_

_My mom always had a naive feel to her- whether it was real or a persona, I am not sure. "Really? Why?"_

" _Well, for starters Lilly is mad at me again- and in second period got her retaliation by blowing chunks all over me." I motioned to the tiny blonde next to me. "Veronica here was a causality as well in the vomit bomb." I laced my hands together as I fiddled my fingers. "Seems Lilly got the stomach bug dear Duncan came down with yesterday."_

" _Poor thing, it is a shame she didn't discover she was sick before she had to go to school."_

_I chuckled as I leaned my head back. "Knowing Lilly she did know and she came anyways just so she could get revenge."_

_Veronica's jaw tensed when I looked at her. Looks like I pissed off this blonde too._

" _You and Lilly- always are at it aren't you?" My mom said like it was children not sharing their toys in the sandbox. She had no idea how volatile our disagreements could get._

" _Listen, I need to stop here at the dry cleaners for you father. Veronica." My mom's brown eyes peered in the rearview mirror. "Do you mind?" Veronica shook her head no as she weakly smiled, and mom took that as her okay as she reached over for her latest designer bag. "Okay I should not be too long, as long as they did it how your dad likes. He is so picky." She rolled her expressive eyes as she shut the door._

_With the sound of the slam Veronica became more stoic, as her shoulders tensed- she had surely memorized the back of the passenger seat by now. Veronica and I were friends - but right now was one of the many times our foursome was divided. Whenever Lilly and I fought- then Veronica and Duncan chose sides. Duncan with me and Veronica with Lilly. It had been such a natural course of life I had grown use to it- we would all resume to our usual status as soon as me and Queen Bee made up. But Lilly's stomach debacle had surely thrown the usual way things worked, forcing me and her best friend to interact before the truce had been made._

_I angled my body towards her as I unbuckled my seat belt. "So Ronnie? You seem perturbed." I grinned wide, in the way that always pissed her and Lilly equally off._

_She looked from her peripheral, her jaw still tense. "Logan, I am not talking about this."_

" _So, you and I can't be friends when me and Lil are at odds? Come on- with how things have been going recently, we will never be friends." She rolled her eyes in annoyance as she still looked ahead. "Hey, you and Duncan stay connected. You guys can't just break up every time your best friends fight."_

" _Yeah, well Duncan is Duncan- not you." She fired._

" _Ouch." I grabbed my heart. "That hurt." She sighed with exasperation as I could see that mind of her's reeling._

" _I think you and Lilly are both ridiculous." She now looked at me._

_Her words kind of shocked me as I was speechless for a second. Veronica Mars- or Ronnie as we called her- those around had always pegged her as the young, naive sheriff's daughter. Even Lilly her best friend had always labeled her as such. She didn't exactly belong in the world we all inhabited, that is by her morals and lack of care of wealth. Veronica was like the outstanding member of a society full of lesser beings. She may have been quiet most the time- but I knew that fiery justice that just came out was always burning underneath. She proved my point. Veronica was not naive- she was pure of heart, unlike the rest of us. It just seems when you are born into a world of depravity you would see this goodness as something weak, thus her labels, but Veronica was anything but naive._

" _Really now?" I asked with eyebrows raised._

" _You should call her and tell her you are sorry for being a jerk, you know you will eventually- why do you insist on dragging the process out and causing even more drama?" Her fists clenched a little at her sides. "It is like you two freaking need the drama to thrive." I could see months and years of frustration escaping, and secretly got a thrill of her showing this rare side to me._

_My eyes sparked in return. I liked this side of Veronica, the one she usually kept subdued when Lilly was around. "And Lilly did nothing in this situation? Her openly flirting with Casey at last weekend's party wasn't a reason to be pissed?"_

_She groaned. "Yeah, so you giving Shelly that very public sun tan lotion rub down was a mature response?"_

_I laughed as I remembered. Shelly meant nothing- she was just a means to an end- the end being getting Lilly back. It had worked. Truth was what hurt most was Lilly's wandering eye- it was based off of true feelings. My flirting was just my desperate attempt to get her to care- to think I mattered._

" _It worked didn't it?" I asked._

_She slouched further into her seat. "I am not discussing this with you. Lilly is my friend."_

_I joined her, matching her position as I reclined. "Veronica, come on. It hurts to see your girlfriend openly hitting on another guy- in front of all your friends." I nibbled my bottom lip. "I am not saying I am right- but let's be honest- she and I are both screwed up." I glanced over her way, her tough exterior melting a bit. "I don't see why I have to lose my friends just because my girlfriend is mad at me. I get it, in a knife fight- you've got her back." This made her chuckle now. "But until it comes to that, can't we just be chill?"_

" _I think Lilly is wrong too." She paused. "You know- you both are stupid." She smiled as she faced me. "Let's just hope it doesn't come down to me having to bring out my shiv."_

" _Such a crude choice." I laughed. The words shiv and Veronica never coincided in my mind until now._

" _I don't have your 09er wealth. I have to make my weapons." She teased, I always thought her deemed nickname stemming from our zip code was hilarious. The girl had sick wit, it just seemed she hardly ever shared it with anyone else._

" _So, if I asked mom if we can stop by Amy's- would you be up for it?"_

_She acted like she had to contemplate, her eyes narrowing. "Their rocky road is the best."_

_My mom unlocked the car now, the chirping sound surrounding us as she placed the suits in the trunk carefully. "Thanks for waiting you guys." She closed the trunk and you could hear her heals hit the pavement even from the inside._

" _Hey, mom can we stop by Amy's?" I asked as she started the engine. "Ronnie and I are craving some rocky road."_

 

* * *

 

_We passed Veronica in the hallway yet again, her books grasped across chest like a shield. Duncan looked steely as he moved, never even glancing her way. My eyes stayed on her. Though I kept up an emotionless wall on the outside- I cringed on the inside at the sight of her. She was rattled, her eyes swollen- her face slightly thinner. Duncan had screwed her over._

_We went to our usual spots at lunch, Veronica sitting as close to Lilly as physically possible as I took a place next to my best friend at the other end. Ever since those two broke up I hardly ever ate lunch with my on and off again girlfriend._

_I bit into my apple as I glanced at Lilly, who was openly wearing a concerned look as she motioned with her large eyes towards the girl next to her. Veronica slowly picked in her food, it obvious not one bite had entered her mouth as she blankly stared ahead._

_I felt a defensive anger rise up for the tiny blonde- the one I called my friend. I loved Duncan sure- but the guy was acting like a total douche. Sure I would take his side, that was my job- but really Veronica Mars never did anything to deserve this._

_I nudged my buddy, a little hard. "Hey."_

_He kind of glared before his face relaxed. "What?"_

_I motioned toward the catatonic version of his ex, a darkness falling on him as he shrugged. "She isn't taking the break up well?" He said it like a question with a sly smile, and I gnawed at the inside of my cheek to keep me from punching off his smug expression._

_I nodded taking another bite from my fruit as my eyes danced with what Duncan recognized as anger. He swallowed as he turned his attention back to Dick and Casey, not wanting to incur my wrath._

_I blew out the pent up air, and exasperation as I looked towards the other end, her gaze longingly staying on my jerk of a best friend. She caught me now, a look of pure embarrassment covering her worn face, before it relaxed into a numb state. I held the contact as Lilly jabbered, filing the silence, talking with Shelly across the table._

_For whatever reason Veronica held it too, seeming to be grasping for any kind of hope. I felt my lips play up slowly as I nodded in reassurance. I wasn't even sure what I was reassuring her of, but it seemed to work as she weakly smiled my way, taking her first bite._

* * *

 

  _I laid flat on my stomach as I brought my father's expensive scotch to my mouth. It was my version of pay back. You beat the crap out of me- I will drink the good stuff. He could never prove it was me anyway with my mom's drinking habits. Oh the ironies of my screwed up life._

_I was thankful for the pool house, it was my retreat so to speak. I cringed - my teeth gritting violently- the air from the fan blowing against my new scars. This was my ritual- my dad beat me- then I went to my fortress of solitude- pushing back the alcohol as the cool air played at my back. It was sick really- that I had memorized which drinks numbed the pain better. The whiskey and vodka helped the physical and the scotch- it was for the emotional. I took a large swig again- I would need more of this stuff now, as it seemed the emotional pain was coming at me from all angles._

_Lilly was done with me, I knew it. My little lip lock with that new student had sealed the deal this time. She and I were through- she was illogical that way. She had done plenty to send me over the edge, but all was forgotten of that when I for once dished out to her what I know had been done hundreds of times behind my back._

_Funny thing was I wanted her back- I even drove all morning, leaving my Mexico trip early. I saw her next to Veronica- Veronica. The name made the bile rise in my mouth. If it wasn't for her and that big mouth, Lilly would have never even thrown me to the curb. It pissed me off- I had stood up for her countless times after Duncan dropped her. I had maintained the friendship despite Duncan's wrath and still she still possessed no loyalty to me- sealing my fate with Lilly forever._

_I knew it was over, but being me of course, I had to make a dramatic exit- leaving Lilly the shot glass and departing letter. It seemed only fitting for her to at least hear one last time how I felt. The irony was not lost on me- the girl who had begged for my attention at the beginning had now switched roles with me- I was the one begging- pathetically. It all had started as a game of who could gain control over the other- as sick as that sounds. I had been determined from those first days to never let her get the upper hand, but had failed miserably as I fell hard and thus was shattered._

_After I left my farewell, I hit the waves- like I always did when trying to drown my sorrow, this time bringing a friend called Jack with me to help ease it even more. To say that my mom was petrified when I showed up at the house in the afternoon wearing my wet suit and drunk out of my skull, was correct. To say my dad was pissed off would be an understatement._

_His beating sobered me up to say the least, so now I was back here working on numbing it all away again. Today I had been glad for his violent outburst. It was a moment of pain not associated with my now forever ex, and I enjoyed the reprieve- though now incurring his wrath for a momentary break seemed foolish, as the bottle in my hand was nearly reaching bottom._

_There was a knock at the door, and I scrambled quickly to my feet, clumsily putting the liquor away under one of the ridiculous fluffy pillows mom has in here. I walked slowly, relaxing in slight relief that it wasn't one of my parents- they would have entered by now._

_Maybe it was Lilly- maybe she got the letter and had a change of heart. I threw the long sleeved shirt over my head, growling as it clung to the wet blood. I evened my breath as I felt a twinge of hope surge through my veins, its happiness numbing the pain a little more - me ignoring the pathetic side who was desperate for just another moment of her control._

_The door creaked as I opened it, my stomach dropping at the sight of Veronica Mars before me. Her pep squad shirt from earlier today was still on, and her hair was disheveled like she had literally been clawing at it. Normally I would have pitied her- but now I just didn't care._

" _Ron, if you are here to get info on Duncan, I am afraid I am tight lipped." I made the motion of locking my mouth._

_Harsh I know, but hey- I had to inflict a little pain. After all she was the reason for all of mine, or so I told myself. Dear Ronnie was the easiest punching bag to us all- each of us inflicting our grief upon her. Me, Duncan, even Lilly was guilty of it, and somehow I let myself believe it was her fault. It was funny how we use to be friends...and now we were almost enemies. A part of me didn't care, a part of me cared more than I would like to admit. I am done with being the victim of these girls- all their wrath leaving me weaker than ever._

_My eyes focused on her now as her mouth hung ajar, her skin a deathly white. Veronica had never been one for being sun kissed, but now she looked ill. Her eyes were red, redder than I had ever seen them as I felt all malice from before disappear as I stepped closer, worry filling me. Something was seriously wrong with her._

" _Veronica." I never called her by her real name out loud. My hands touched her arms lightly as she stayed motionless. Her bottom lip quivered when I looked deeper at her- a keening groan escaping her mouth as she tried to speak._

_The mournful noise had sent a shiver up my spine as I stepped even closer- the tears pouring out form her in steady streams. Her breath hitched along with her voice as she muttered. "Lil- Lilly."_

_Uttering her name seemed to take all strength as she now fell to the floor, taking me with her as I held on tight, afraid she would shatter once she landed._

" _Veronica, Veronica- what about Lilly?" The urgency in my voice spread to my body as I shook her. "What about Lilly, Veronica?" I yelled a little._

_She peered up, and I hardly recognized the person staring at me. The Veronica I knew was gone. She mumbled slightly as the words came out with forced effort. "She's - she's dead."_

_She stared ahead- almost as lifeless as her described, but still very much alive best friend. I scoffed at her now, this was a sick joke. Either Veronica being ruthless or Lilly getting even more revenge._

" _You are joking." I stood now as I left her in fetal on the floor. "Good, acting though, Mars. Tell Lil you did a superb job at selling it."_

_The mention of her best friend made her face contort as she gripped the ground, her body shaking. My smirk diminished as I watched her, her helpless body lying on my floor- and suddenly I realized- what I hoped was a sick joke was nothing more than the truth. Veronica in my made up world of coping could be an evil person, but I knew deep down she could never do anything this cruel. I now wished that Lilly had sent her here to kill me a little more- because her being dead- there was no way I was going to survive._

_I fell to my knees as a slow flow of inner battle with myself filled my head. A fight of logic against the crazy ramblings of Veronica Mars was pouring in and out. Veronica had gone mad- she had not been herself for weeks now. Lilly Kane was invincible- she was going to out live us all._

_Veronica brought her hands to her face as she continued to whale into them, her knees close to her body. "M-m-murdered." She finally said the the word, a dry heave following the admission._

_My eyebrows pulled in as every part of me quivered, even my voice. "Some-someone killed her?"_

_Her groans subsided as she looked up at the acceptance plastered on my face in sick form, biting her lip to speak clearly. "Yes." Her breaths were so uneven she could hardly get the rest out. "I just- I just saw her, her body."_

_She grabbed her knees and I jumped up feeling all levels of nausea take over- grief ridden and full of alcohol I ran into the yard heaving up everything I had consumed that day. I had been sick before, had stomach flu- but never had my body shook like this as I emptied the alcohol from my system. It wasn't my drunk state- no, I was broken now, I could feel all that was left of my semi-functioning self disappear._

_Keith Mars was now in sight as he hurriedly rushed into the lawn, my mother and father right behind._

" _Logan, are you okay?" Mr. Mars said with hands out, like he knew I was going to be set off like a shot gun._

_A poisonous quip nearly escaped, the retching feeling taking over as I puked again. I wiped my mouth as there was an eery quiet, my eyes scanning as I slowly took in each person._

_My my mother cupped her mouth to subdue her sobs as the tears poured from her almond eyes, my father's arm laced around her with terror clearly written across his face. Keith's eyes were on me intently only moving for a moment as they drifted to the doorway, my gaze following with him as Veronica leaned against the frame, her chest shaking as her body hiccuped from her lack of even breath._

_The whirlwind of slow motion stopped as everything rushed to the surface as my feet began to take off. "I've got to go-"_

_Keith grabbed me by the shoulders."They wont let you inside- it is a crime scene, I am sorry." I tried to hide the wince that his jarring touch had caused, my father's infliction of wrath coming back as another mournful memory._

_I ran my hand down the back of my neck as I now sobbed- the tears finally present as my voice cracked. "I have to do something- It's Lilly, I need to be there- she needs-"_

" _I am sorry, son. There is nothing you can do." Mr. Mars said sympathetically and my eyes shut tight as I began to shake._

_Quickly I was crashed into, again my fresh scars writhing with pain as I felt the encompassing of a tiny frame. I peered down as the shaking stopped for a moment, Veronica wrapping her arms around me, her face buried into my chest as my arms lay limply at my sides. I had never known Veronica to ever be affectionate- she was at times icy- Duncan being the only recipient of her affection. But now in this moment I felt as if she was going to crawl into my skin- she needed the contact so bad. And suddenly I needed it too, letting my arms slowly grasp her, her touch oddly comforting despite it tearing into the new wounds spread across my back._

" _I think we should give the kids a moment." Mr. Mars said as he spoke to my parents, their bodies becoming shadows as they walked toward the house. And my neck fell forward as Veronica's hushed cries muffled into my chest, close to my heart._

 

* * *

 

_Veronica was like clock work these days. She did the same things- sat at the same places- acted the same ways. She was like a robot- though I could not say I was much different. Her version was a snarky, Nancy Drew, obsessive compulsive robot with now choppy, short hair. Me? I was more an egotistical, jack ass- one that ruled Neptune High with an iron fist. To each his own, correct? We each cope differently. And one of my many coping mechanisms was making Veronica Mar's life hell. Not exactly sure when it all became her fault in my mind-It was sometime between the time she ratted me out to Lilly and now._

_I had taken a small break from my loathing when Lilly passed- Veronica being the one who delivered the news and blankly stared out ahead into the blackness of my yard with me as we processed the death of the person we both loved. But soon she became delusional- trying to wreck what little stability our world had left, encouraging her father as he tried to take down the Kane family._

_Either way, whatever had finally sent me over the edge, it worked- she took the punishment that I gladly dished, the vengeance for Lilly's murder._

_Dick snickered like a girl as she approached- her scowl of suspicion evident as she approached her usual seat. She was so predictable now, we knew exactly where she would sit at her outcast table during lunch hour, making the placement of the glue easy._

_Dick cackled again and I hit him under the table, her eyes on us quickly. I took a bite of food as I shrugged and she narrowed her gaze along the bench as she ran her hand across. I glanced up now to her cocky expression as she held a finger up laced in glue as she wiped it across the table slowly with emphasis. She executed fake applause and I took a bow, stiffening as Duncan approached._

_He looked at me odd and I acted nonchalant. Last thing he needed was to know my latest plot to torture Veronica. For some reason the guy was wishy washy when it came to the nuisance blonde._

" _So this weekend Dick's parents will be going away on a romantic getaway." I said as I lifted my brows animatedly and Dick leaned in with equal expression. "Which means.. Booze- girls- fun.." I waited for Duncan's response, his usual expressionless face took a moment but then sparked._

_His blue eyes got a usual level of dread when he saw dear Ronnie approaching, and now that look had taken over the small glimmers of life I had just managed to gain from him. I turned around as she walked with an obvious mission. Duncan averted his gaze as she stood by my side with arms crossed, me running the fork over my barely edible lunch._

" _You coming to tell me of how intelligent I am? How impressed you were by my little surprise?" I showed both sets of my teeth as I grinned so wide my eyes nearly shut._

_She was serious now as her eyes went to Duncan then back to me. "Logan, I need to talk to you." She said flat, like it was actually killing her pride. I suppose it was._

" _With me? Really? You going to accuse me of murder too?" I fired back making the table erupt into laughter as her eyes narrowed more._

_She scoffed. "I don't even know why I try with you anymore." She handed me an envelope as she walked off, my throat tightening as I eyed it and the resemblance of friendship it held._

" _A love letter? For Duncan?" Was my last retort, though it felt weak._

_Duncan now stabbed his meat loaf and my eyes settled on him as he shook his head disapprovingly. Seemed I had struck a nerve with him as well- I was good at that now._

_Quickly lunch was dismissed and the manila envelope felt like fire in my hands as I walked toward my locker. I hesitated by the trash can thinking of chunking whatever she gave. After all what she gave would mean nothing right? Because that was what we were -nothing. My hands reached into the open can, a few fingers releasing their grip, the others stubbornly holding on._

_Small flashes of afternoons by the pool and road trips in Lilly's car filled my head. Lilly loved Veronica- Hell, I even used to love her. She was one of my closest friends.. She used to be anyway._

_I growled loudly as I pulled out the envelope, pulling back the front flap as Lilly's face scattered all over the floor. I froze as I watched each picture fall gracefully, my hands caught in a paralyzed state as I felt the sting of her reminder clearly before me. I saw a pair of delicate hands hurriedly gather the photos, Veronica standing up with mournful expression as she handed them to me._

_I gulped, I could feel my adam's apple move slowly. " I thought you might want these." She said as she placed her hands in her pockets._

_I eyed the collection of photos of me and Lilly, my eyes glossing over with tears. "Uh, thank you." I muttered._

" _Yeah, whatever." She scooted past in a huff. "Don't mention it."_

* * *

 

 " _Veronica, I got the card info you were wanting." I stopped in front of her desk._

" _What? You are speaking to me in public now, Echolls? Without my humiliation being involved?" She fired with her usual antagonistic smile she wore these days. I supposed I deserved it._

" _Veronica-" My voice trailed, I had no answer for her._

_She eased, her shoulders relaxing as I saw glimmers of the girl I used to know. "So you have what I asked for?"_

_I nodded handing her the financial records. "Listen, I don't know how to say this-"_

_She placed her hands under her chin. "You mean thank you?"_

" _Uh, yes." I chuckled. "I guess that is it."_

" _Eh, I am not doing it for you."_

_I laughed even more uncomfortably as I ran my hand through my hair. "And who are you doing it for?"_

" _A friend I once had. He was pretty cool, and well his mom was a great lady."_

_I bit my lips at the sudden emotion, as I recalled the boy she spoke of. I had not been him for over a year- I had begun to forget what he looked like. The one who had spent countless hours with the barely recognizable girl in front of me. Days of bike rides to Amy's and long day trips to the beach. Spending our afternoons laid out under the trees of the Kane estate._

" _This friend? Do I know him?" I smiled weakly._

" _Yeah, I think somewhere deep down you might remember him." She said kindly, before tensing back up. "Now, if you don't mind, they give us study hall for a reason." Her hand lifted up as she motioned for me to move._

* * *

 

  _The tiny bell of The Hut filled my senses as I scanned the place for her. I saw her eye an unhappy customer with her usually perturbed look when others were using her as a punching bag. Guess she had grown sick of that thanks to her old 09er friends. I frowned as I made my way in farther, watching as she fought everything in her, forcing a smile as she grabbed their cup._

_I bit my lip as I quickly hid beneath the counter she was approaching, her rounding the corner, my arm grabbing hold of her tiny waste as she screamed. I let go as she thumped me, now laughing at the realization of who I was._

" _Hi." I smiled, propping my elbows on the counter._

" _Hi." She smiled, it reaching her eyes._

_"I guess i should be glad you aren't allowed to bring your taser to work."_

_"You shouldn't do things that would require me to use it." She dumped the liquid in the cup into the sink in front of her. "You know I am happy to see you, especially after having to hold my tongue over that man not having enough foam in his latte." Her face scowled in grumpy annoyance. "He should be glad I am not allowed to bring my weapon of choice too."_

I couldn't explain why her temper always had a way of turning me on, but I had just grown to accept the fact. " _I saw that- you used such self control. I am proud, Mars."_

_She cocked her head to the side. "You know, I love all these visits but I am afraid my boss is going to fire me for all the personal visits my boyfriend is making."_

_I held my hands up innocently. "I have my speech prepared. I am a big fan of the coffee- there is no where else where the foam is so perfect and the surroundings are so pleasing to the eye." I pulled at her top and she swatted my hand._

" _Tell that to Mr. Grumpy Foam - over there." Her eyes landed on him as her lips pulled apart in worry. "Great, now he is glaring. I gotta go." She quickly leaned in for a peck._

" _Be brave." I turned to watch her walk away. "Am I seeing you later?"_

" _You know it." She disappeared behind the doors that led to the small kitchen with an expectant expression._

* * *

 

  _I stood outside the door of the apartment, phone to my ear as I listened to the sound of the ring repeat. Finally her groggy voice filled the other line, me suddenly excited- my plan may work._

" _Logan?"_

" _Hey, sleepy head. Open the door."_

_She suddenly sounded more awake. "Wait. You are here?"_

" _Bingo- no wonder you aren't the one in summer school. Such a sharp mind you have."_

_I heard her buzz about her room, and quickly the door creaked open as she hung up._

" _What on earth are you doing here? It is 2 in the morning."_

" _Well, this final for my Chemistry class is kicking my butt. I need that mind of yours to help me."_

_She folded her arms across her chest. "Well, maybe if you studied more and weren't always surfing with Dick and Beaver."_

" _Mars, you want me to fail? Then I will be held back a year- and we wont graduate together. It will be a mess." I pulled her in now as she groaned into my shoulder._

" _Logan, it is late." She whined like a baby._

" _Thirty minutes? Please?"_

" _Fine." Her head popped up with stubbornness. "But in your car- my dad would kill us both if he caught us in my room."_

" _My car is even better. Alone time." I ran my hand down her neck and she slapped at it._

" _No- study time." She held up her finger at my mouth as she opened the door, disappearing behind it._

_I waited as she reappeared with a robe and keys in hand. "Okay." She closed the door quickly, locking it behind her. "Let's go." She gestured as she tied her robe tightly around her and shuffled off in her fluffy house shoes._

" _Ah, my teacher and student fantasy." I ran up, snagging a kiss at the nape of her neck making her smile._

" _Behave." Those baby blues dancing the way that made me weak._

" _Atoms are happiest when their valence shell has eight electrons." Veronica pointed to the book._

" _It is so sexy when you talk smart."_

_She gave a warning glance as she pointed back to the book, me scooting in as I let my lips trace her cheeks._

" _Logan, you have to pay attention- your final is tomorrow and-" Her voice caught- as the detective had caught up to my scheme."You already know this don't you?" I nodded against her face as my nose caressed her and she punched me in the arm._

" _Ouch-" I groaned with a laugh as I looked back at her now blazing eyes, that hot temper of hers was on the brink of explosion. "What? You are mad that I stayed up till 2 studying and could not stop thinking about you. I had to think of an emergency to get you alone."_

_She was still full of spit and fire, everything I loved about her. "You are a sneaky one."_

" _That I am- but don't I at least get a prize for effort?" I moved in closer again._

" _And what type of prize are you thinking?" Her lip curled up in annoyance._

" _A little make out time with my insanely gorgeous and super smart girlfriend?" I raised my eyebrows with clasped hands- as if I was begging, making her tough shell burst open with laughter._

_She let her fingers crawl up my arms, mimicking a spider as she scooted closer, crawling onto my lap. "I think you deserve such a prize." She kissed me slowly, our lips meeting each other in perfect combination._

_I pulled back. "Hey, if they made this the reward for hard studying I believe most males would put forth an effort."_

_She shook her head with a gleaming expression- if I would have known better I would say it was adoration. "Shut up and kiss me, Echolls."_

" _With pleasure."_

* * *

 

  _Veronica sat at her usual table, nibbling on her sandwich, Duncan absent by her side yet again. He was a fool, if I was lucky enough to ever have her again- I would never leave her side. I was glad I was the only one who knew the secret, inner workings of my mind. Most would get lost in here and worse would know my secret: I wasn't over her._

_I approached with caution, after all the girl was as mad as I had ever seen at me yesterday. Something about it, her dissapointment -despite how indifferent I tried to act- killed me more than she knew._

" _Hey, Ronnie." I said with forced care free tone and all she did was lower her head, as if I did not even exist._

_I sighed now as I scooted closer, using a whisper. "I got rid of the gun- okay?" I blurted out, making her finally look up. I nodded as now I had her attention. "I get it, you were right- it was stupid. I got rid of it, so no more yelling at me about it."_

_All her icy walls and perturbed moods seemed to fade for a moment as she looked at me with pride. "Well I am glad to hear it." Her inflection was less hostile than yesterday. "Though I guess I did fail to say thanks for saving my ass from the Fitzpatrick's yesterday."_

_I dipped my head down in response at how unaware she seemed at what lengths I would go to protect her. Seems she didn't take the words I spoke in the pool house last semester seriously. All I wanted to do now was protect her. "Anytime." I chose the less loaded choice of words over the speech playing in my head._

_Her face was serious now, resembling her expression from yesterday. "I am glad you got rid of it though."_

_I stood to my feet. "It wasn't worth the wrath of Veronica Mar's I assure you." I awkwardly held the gaze longer than deemed appropriate for friends and to my surprise she didn't budge. "Just wanted you to know." I waved as I refused to continue this look of longing. "See you around."_

" _Logan." Her mention of my name stopped me in my tracks. "It may sound silly but- I couldn't take another- another one of my friends getting killed." She shook a little as she pulled at her sleeves. "Accidents with guns happen all the time- I just-"_

_I could feel how pleased I felt spread across my normally cold face now. "So I am still your friend huh?"_

_She seemed to hate the moment of vulnerability she had shown. "Yes, whatever- go home and work on a friendship bracelet." Dick approached now and she seemed even more annoyed "Don't take it too personal- there are always those people in our lives we can't just get rid of. Case in point." She motioned to Dick._

" _Thanks, Ron." He seemed genuinely thrilled for the obvious diss._

_I laughed now as I winked slyly, eying her in that way that implied I knew she felt more than she let on. "Nice to know you care, Mars."_

* * *

  _I leaned against the door as I anxiously checked my watch again, blowing air out of my pursed lips. I heard the clomps of feet at the other end of the stairs and filled with anticipation at the sight of Veronica and Keith rounding the corner- luggage in hand._

_Veronica's pony tail hung off the side of her head, her worn sweats and old camp t-shirt were loosely attached to her body- the obvious signs of a long trip all over her face. That is - until she saw me, a burst of joy filling behind the tattered expression she wore moments before, as it nearly beamed from far away. She was as beautiful as I had remembered- like a week would be long enough for me to forget that- no time span was._

_She dropped her bags as she nearly squealed, this side of her was usually much less up front. Jumping high she clasped her arms around my neck and I caught her, her exuberance throwing me back a little as I steadied my feet._

_"Happy to see me?" I asked with a content emphasis as I was pleased to see her so open._

_She nodded as she smiled wide, Keith walking by with their bags now, wearing the face of a disgruntled father._

_"Hey Logan."_

" _Hey, Mr. Mars." I hollered back._

_She ignored her dad as she continued beaming. "See I told you- one week- and we are totally fine."_

" _Well, probably because of my obsessive calls and texts."_

" _Hm, I think I would still feel the same even if I didn't talk to you multiple times a day."_

" _Glad to hear it." I ran my hand through her hair as I placed her down, her light as a feather weight was one the many reasons the word cute came to mind when she was mentioned._

" _So you miss me?" She asked, sounding like a teenage girl for once. It shockingly satisfying to hear._

" _More than you know." She licked her lips in response, like she knew what was coming as I leaned in._

 

* * *

_Veronica bounced on the diving board as she slyly glanced my way before jumping into the pool, the splash she created hitting me all the way over by edge where my feet dangled in. She popped up through the water with mischievous air as she doggy paddled my way._

" _You know you could get me in serious trouble for this." I leaned down as she pulled up on the concrete, to meet me for a kiss- me getting a glimpse of her tiny black bikini- one of the reasons I had caved on her crazy idea._

" _Oh you are their most important customer- they will let you bend the rules." She pushed off the side with her feet as she practiced her back stroke. "Plus - like you sneaking your girlfriend into the indoor pool at 3 am is the worst thing you have ever done."_

" _You speak the truth." I relaxed as she smiled._

" _Well, are you going to join me?" She asked in a slightly naughty tone, knowing exactly how to peek my interest. I pulled my shirt off in response and she clapped, her hands catching in the water making small waves._

_I jumped in now, going under as I swam close to the bottom- hearing her nervous squeals echo through the liquid feet between us. As I approached, her legs pulled up and I grabbed hold- taking her under with me._

_She coughed with a wheezing laugh as we made it back to the top and she did her usual- always violently swatting at me before she would cave into an embrace after I pulled a trick._

" _I like our little sleep overs." I said as the ripples around us smoothed. "Your dad's trips are welcomed whenever."_

" _Hm, I know." She seemed consumed with all delicious flashes of our time before we made our way to the pool. The times that were inspired by a look at the swim wear she had packed._

_The water slowly moved its way down her face, her hair slicked back- drenched, the smell of chlorine wafting off of it slightly. I always found her most beautiful like this- though she never wanted to hear that. Something about her not being able to buy it. It seems Veronica had the same insecurities as most girls, she just kept them hidden better. But taking her in now, her complete and natural beauty- make up washed off, hair wet and her warm skin contacting mine underneath the water. She was perfection._

_She looked almost proud of her self as her chin jutted out towards me, the pointy lines of it delicate somehow. "I thought you weren't getting in the water- you were pretty adamant about that upstairs."_

" _You can be pretty convincing when you want to be." I wiped away the eyelash hanging on her cheek as I delicately touched it._

" _Wait, don't get rid of it!" She said with more emphasis than needed. I froze as she quieted her voice, embarrassed by her dramatic outburst. "I have to make a wish. You never waste eyelash wishes. Didn't anyone ever tell you that?"_

_I shook my head mesmerized by the young girl escaping in this moment as she held my finger, blowing hard with eyes tightly shut. I was getting a rare snap shot-one I knew would be permanently sealed in my conscious. This would forever be a part of the reel I called my life. Veronica Mars was just being herself- the less guarded and slightly giddy inner version- the one that hurt easily and used all armor she could gain to protect._

_She opened her eyes now and I grabbed her tighter, her legs wrapping around me. "What you wish for?"_

_She bit her lip. "I am not ever telling. You can't or it wont come true."_

" _Well, if it does come true, will you tell me?"_

_A look of delight was now present as she spoke. "You will know it- if it happens."_

_She kicked away now as she took off toward the other side, avoiding what she knew her last response would provoke- more curiosity from me._

" _I've always loved the pool." She said relaxed, her eyes peering my way as she floated lightly. "It reminds me of Lilly."_

_Her words shocked me, she never brought up Lilly- the sudden admission of feelings taking me by surprise. I swam closer to her to bridge the gap as I smiled in a nostalgic way. "Yeah, me too."_

" _I was always convinced she was a mermaid or something. If she wasn't swimming she was either laying out by the pool." Veronica went on with a tone I had hardly heard since Lilly was around. "Once it happened, after I saw her - laying there." She shuttered slightly. "It took me awhile before I wanted to go near one." I nodded, understanding perfectly._

_Veronica rolled her eyes at the tears building as she held her nose and dunked her head beneath the water, clearing away all signs of her emotions. She stood now, as we were in the shallow end, tracing the blue water with her delicate fingers._

_"Do you ever miss her, Logan?"_

_My brows pulled in at the question."Yeah, all the time."_

" _Me too." She kept fingering the water. "I always hear her in my head. The comments she would say or what she would think about my clothes." She chuckled. "I wonder a lot how she would have turned out- where she would have ended up."_

" _Probably a crazy co-ed for sure." I added making Veronica smile through her somber moment._

" _Well, naturally- it is Lilly."_

_I scooted closer. "I think Lilly would have partied hard, lived every minute to the fullest and one day fallen crazy in love and settled down- being a mom, a house wife- just like she swore she never would."_

" _Hm, I can see that. Though she would hate us for saying that." Veronica seemed to be more reserved now._

" _But, I know she would have found the perfect guy eventually for her- like I found my girl. Mine had been right under my nose all along."_

_She perked up now. "You don't think-" Her insecurity shocked me, hadn't she known by now she was all I wanted? There was no one else- that even included my dead, ex girlfriend._

_I cut her off. "Lilly and I were over that day. Unfortunately Lilly's life was cut short too, right after."_

_Veronica scrunched her nose now. "I bet she would have gotten a kick out of us being together- I would have never heard the end of it."_

_I cocked my head unsure. "I don't know." I paused as I smiled wide. "I think she would have been pissed off at first - and then after her fit was done- been our biggest supporter. She would have cheered us on- I really believe that. Lilly loved you more than anyone, she would want you happy."_

" _Hm, well happiness and you do seem to coincide in my life." She pushed me back as she placed her hands on my chest._

_The guard walked across the open hallway now- us spotting him through the clear glass as we both dunked under the water._

" _And adventure is never lacking either." I said as we came up from underneath, running my hands along my face as she seemed to love every minute of the adrenaline._

* * *

  _I placed the coffee on the counter, her head slowly peering up from underneath the old desk as her eyes settled on the cup, then to me with a smirk._

" _Logan Echolls, it is 8 am and you are bringing me coffee. What alien species has taken control of your body?"_

" _Ha- very funny." I rested my elbows on the desk, trying to submerge all memories that haunted this library of- us._

_Skin- kiss- deep breaths- laughter- her lips- longing- rushing adrenaline- total intimacy._

_I shook my head, hoping it would operate like an etch a sketch- shake and everything disappears. I looked at her expectant eyes- my stare settling on her mouth longingly. Appears it doesn't work the same._

" _My first class was cancelled and Parker is in class." Yeah Parker- your girlfriend. "So I thought, I remembered you worked mornings on Monday-so thus the coffee." Yeah, you thought you remembered. Admit it, you still have her schedule memorized._

" _Well, how very nice of you." She smiled sipping it. "And it is just the way I like it. Way to go- brownie points for you."_

_I nodded with a shy smile as I followed her as she carried a stack of books._

_"So how are you?" I asked anxious for a detailed answer- knowing I would most likely receive a vague one._

" _Oh you know- doing good, staying busy." She placed an old book on the shelf. "You?" She asked, wiping away the dust._

" _Uh, the same. Nothing too interesting."_

_She glanced up now, as she seemed to feel the sudden awkward air that came upon us with our guarded responses. I hated the way my stomach would clench in response to our surface relationship now. Seems the void that Veronica had left this time was even larger, her leaving always seemed to hollow me out more each time._

" _So." She smiled as she pulled her lips in. "You want to hang out with me until your next class?" She picked up the books again. "I could use the extra set of hands." She added so I could not read into the gesture._

" _Using me for slave work again are we?" I quipped as she seemed to enjoy the return of our verbal sparring. We both craved that aspect - the part of our relationship we achieved with no one else. That high- we were like addicts never getting enough of the fix._

" _And you make it so easy." She loaded my arms down with old books. "Let's get to work, slave."_

_There was remembrance of all things in the way she smiled- a thousand thoughts, feelings, and memories tied to it- making my heart race. Yeah who was I kidding- we never achieved any aspect of our relationship with anyone else._

 

* * *

 

" _Ninety- seven, ninety- eight, ninety- nine, one hundred." The commanding officer screamed as I crashed to the ground, his large boot on my back now, pressing me further down. "Next time think -before you shoot off that mouth of yours, pretty boy!"_

_I looked up, my face smashed into the dirt, using all strength to hide my glare. "Sir, yes, sir!" I hollered at a pleasing level as I jumped to my feet, assuming the position of my fellow unit mates - at ease, as the commanding officer walked the line._

" _Any of the rest of you want to challenge me like, Echolls here? Or are we good?" No one responded all their eyes glancing my way from their peripherals. "I can't hear you!" He screamed, jolting us all aware._

" _No, sir!" We all screamed in unison as he looked slightly pleased. "You are dismissed. Go clean up."_

_We all made our way back to our quarters, my arms burning from my punishment of extra push ups, each guy passing me with a mixture of respect and pity on their faces. I limped towards my bed, crashing into it as my hand slid under the pillow, landing on my reminder of home. I eyed the familiar picture- the one I had looked at constantly since boot camp started five weeks ago._

" _I can't decide if you are one brave bastard or an ignorant jack ass." Tucker crashed in his bunk next to mine._

" _Maybe a mixture of both." I rolled onto my back, picture in hand as he laughed._

" _So, that girlfriend of yours- what would her opinion be?" He asked._

_I looked over as I sighed, hating to ever answer questions of my former life- but I gave in this time. Maybe it was how appropriate his question pertained to Veronica and me._

" _Probably the latter."_

" _Smart girl, I bet." He rolled to his side. "So with such opinions- how do you get her to stay with you?"_

_I groaned as I stood, placing the picture by my pillow as I pulled my shirt off. "I don't- she left me already. Afraid she just couldn't get over that ignorant jack ass side." I smirked, grabbing a towel from the shelf near us as I watched the look of shock take over my new friend's face._

_Tucker sat up now stunned. "Wait, she is your ex?" I nodded. "So then why on earth do you carry her picture around? Isn't that like defeating the purpose - depressing?" He picked up the picture, making me tense as he handled it, though I kept control._

" _Well depends on how you look at it. She broke my heart." I pointed to the picture. "If I could survive that - then there is no way I can't survive this stupid training for twelve weeks."_

" _It was that bad huh?" He placed it back where he found it._

" _Yeah- you could say that."_

 

* * *

 

_My head hit the pillow in a loud relief of a sigh, Carrie crashing next to me with a laugh, her pony tail whipping me in the face._

" _Tell me again why we do that?" She asked through heavy breath._

" _Cause the military has strict rules of being in tip top condition and running keeps me in such condition." I wiped at my brow._

" _Why did you join the military again?" She laughed louder, her unique cackle always made me return the gesture. It was very rare when I experienced it now days._

" _Some days I have no idea." I rolled to my side as she still stared at the ceiling, her brow glistening with sweat. She hummed now as she twirled her hair._

" _Well, it gives you endorphins too, right? And supposedly those make you happy. That is what I hear." She nervously nibbled her lip. "Maybe I should run more." She made a dry joke and I smirked in response when her brown eyes landed on mine. She paused for a moment as her introspection was evident. "Logan."_

" _Yeah." I responded to her vulnerable tone._

" _Can you ever think of a moment- like a moment where you were completely and genuinely happy? Like at total peace?"_

_I instantly smiled to the thoughts that filled my mind-ones of a tiny blonde girl who ruled my world a long time ago. My smile faded when my eyes registered back on the brown pair that were studying me. I was hesitant._

_"Uh, yeah of course." I brushed her hair bangs out of her eyes. "You?"_

" _Yeah. I mean, as you know- my childhood was pathetic. But I have like one specific day in my mind. It was Susan and me. We ditched school- and went to the beach. It was the most stupid day- we were just doing absolutely nothing." Her face crinkled with smile lines- dimples I never knew existed filled the creases near her mouth. She was genuinely happy._ " _So, what about you? What is your happy, perfect moment?"_

_I sucked in the light air around us, making it tense. "Ah, it is really nothing- Remember my childhood was no walk in the park either-" I deflected._

_She smirked now. "So Veronica was there- you can spill." She liked that she had figured me out, my face revealing how right she was._

" _Carrie-"_

" _Logan, stop being a baby. Go on." She laid down flat on her back._

" _Uh, well." I ran my hand along her arm. "It was similar to yours- it was freshman year of college. Veronica woke up in the most grumpy mood." I chuckled thinking of her scowling face, and the way her lip stuck out slightly. Carrie had a sickening expression at my response and I evened my face, deciding to leave out the details. "I suggested a road trip and she laughed in my face. I said we should ditch- and just explore. It was something we did a few times with Lilly and Duncan, right after Lilly got her license. Anyways- for some reason she caved. We got in the car and we drove absolutely no where- ending up at small stops along the highway. It was a pointless day- like yours. But it was just-"_

" _Your happy place." She said it with bittersweet feeling, the same emotion flooding me as I stared back at her._

" _Yeah, you could say that."_

 

* * *

 

_The night sky was always my favorite to fly in. It was like we were invisible, surging through the clouds with a speed all men dream of achieving. I locked in on my target as I approached it._

" _Come in. Duke has located target. Permission to engage. Over." I said into my radio._

" _Affirmative, Duke, you have permission. Over."_

" _Roger- ten four. Engaging target now. Out."_

_I descended the aircraft lower to get a better range, releasing the missile. The sudden wave of adrenaline that always filled me when I hit the trigger was present. They usually kept the details pretty hush, so we didn't have to live with all the guilt of knowing too much. It was our missions and part of war, but if there were people directly tied to the targeted buildings- they did not see that as necessary for us to have to handle._

" _This is Duke. The drop has been made. Over."_

_My screen lit with a warning, a strong tracking of another missile being aimed my way appearing. We had been drilled on this, plenty of my buddies had experienced it- but now I was in the aim of fire. I scrambled for the radio,_

" _This is Duke. The enemy has locked missile contact on me. Awaiting instructions. Over." The way my voice quivered was loud into the crackling radio, their reply more urgent._

" _Duke, this is Vulture. We see the target on your aircraft. It appears to be weak explosive. If it hits, keep going, it should not take your vessel down. Do you copy? Keep moving."_

_My hands shook as I blinked my eyes. "I copy."_

_I glanced to the place her picture normally would have been placed. The place that had been lonely this deployment as my loyalty kept me from engaging in the old ritual. Something about the looming tragedy now made me wish I was not so faithful. That if this were my last moments- however melodramatic it may seem- I wish I could have seen her again._

_I glanced to the screen the target still locked on to me strong._ " _Their hold on my vessel is still strong, sir." I radioed._

" _Keep going, Duke. And if hit, still keep moving. Remember your training." My commanding officer said with force into the radio. It was hard not to worry when they brought him on the line._

" _Yes, sir. Over."_

_I gripped the steering wheel, the boat coming in closer on my instruments, though it was still farther out than I hoped. My aircraft was close enough to land to keep their lock on me secure. The warning sounds filled the cockpit, the plane shaking like an earth quake as I held my hands steadily to the wheel._

" _Mayday, mayday. This is Duke. I have been hit. May day."_

" _Your instruments are still functioning. Keep on coming. You are close. Do you copy Duke?"_

" _I copy, sir." The wings began to tread through the air with more choppy precision, my control less and less as I could feel the machine began to slowly degenerate. I was just happy at the speed they traveled, the boat approaching more and more._

" _Duke, you see you are closing in now. Time for engaging your landing gear."_

" _Engaging landing gear now."_

_An updraft of wind came under the aircraft making it jolt up, my body tensing as I fought against what this vessel was designed to do. I needed her on the landing strip and soon._

_I could feel the landing gear release with even rougher force than usual as I spoke. "Requesting permission to land."_

" _Duke, you have permission. Over."_

_I braced myself for what I knew would be a bumpy landing, praying and hoping all the training would pay off as I landed without killing me or anyone else._

_I jolted forward as the wheels hit the strip, my head nearly meeting the front of the cock pit as the wheels spun out- screeching as they came to a halt, my hand still steadily on the gears as I controlled the breaks._

_I saw the flickers of sparks from the damaged plane as I sighed."This is Duke. The aircraft is landed. Over."_

" _Good job, Duke. See you on the inside." I could hear the relief in my leader's voice._

_I took my gear off as I let my finger graze her usual spot, swallowing hard as I crawled out of the cock pit. Now that I survived I felt the guilt trickle in on how my heart had betrayed me._

_Jeremy quickly met me at the entrance of the ship, hugging me tight._

" _I heard man. Are you okay?" He looked with concern and pity- he knew what that was like far too well._

_I nodded as I blew the air out my nose steadying my gaze at him. He could read the expression as he touched my shoulder._

_"It's funny what you see isn't- who you see- when you think it could be the end."_

_I nodded. What bothered me was - who I saw was not the person I should have. The girl in knee socks, the girl in skirts and preppy sweaters, the other version of combat boots and hoodies- I saw each portrayal of her- but never once did Carrie cross my mind._

* * *

  _I came through the door holding up the bag of goodies._

" _Oh yes." She grabbed them from me as she dug through the grocery sack. "And you didn't forget the chocolate sauce." She grinned as she rushed toward the cabinets, her standing on the edge of her tip toes as she reached for bowls._

_I smiled feeling the overwhelming desire growing as her tantalizing skin peaked out from underneath her shirt, the delicious spot that made her gasp and laugh at the same time when my mouth hit it, showing. I wonder if it still produced the same reactions in her?_

_Her eyes were on me now as she curiously studied me. "Did you not hear me?" I tensed like she had literally stepped into my dirty train of thought._

_"I am sorry- what were you saying?"_

" _Do you want chocolate sauce or caramel sauce?"_

_I grabbed each one from the counter as I smiled wickedly, pouring them on my finger as she watched me. I touched her lip, and she laughed as the combination of sweetness covered her mouth now._

" _I say both." I leaned in now as I sucked each flavor from her full lips._

_She giggled at first, until my mouth moved more deliberately, her pulling back with heated expression as she took a breath. Her inquisitive side emerged again as she reached for the bottles squirting them at me in food fight style, me grabbing the can of whip cream as I retaliated. She cackled now as she ran away, her foot sliding in the slippery mess and I caught her- us both plummeting to the floor in laughter. I eyed the dessert toppings so temptingly placed on her neck as my glance turned into full desire, my mouth exploring every inch it had covered. And that was it, she melted right into me just like she always had._

 

* * *

 

Veronica rubbed her eyes, her stirring as she slowly opened them- catching me in my reflecting.

"What are you doing?" Her voice was filled with sleep in the cutest of ways.

"Just watching you." I smiled as I brushed her hair.

She curled closer now. "Don't- that is creepy." I laughed softly now, as I laid down, giving my elbow a break. "Can you not sleep?" Her voice was concerned though she was fighting drifting off again.

"Just got caught in my head- reflecting."

"On?" she yawned.

"You."

She smiled now as she nestled into the crook of my arm her breaths evenly dispersing as her body relaxed.

"Thank you, Veronica." I whispered, her body tensing under my grasp again as she stirred.

"For what?"

I leaned my lips to her ear, her hair softly tickling my nose- her sweet fragrance filling my senses. "For being my person."

She weakly smiled, her eyes still closed tight seeming to have complete understanding at all that implied. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For being mine."

I relaxed into the peaceful bliss that remained. Sure I knew that my days here were numbered- that I would be shipping off in the matter of days. But what was all that time ahead of us anyway? We had years of being marked permanently upon the other. There was no escaping each other- there was no relenting of our subconscious as it reminded us always of our need.

Truth was Veronica Mars had turned out to be the only person that never left me. Sure, she may have taken a break from physically being present- but she left me with enough memories to keep me hanging on for her return. And now - I had no doubt we could face anything.

I have had years of replaying all of the memories that collaborated into who I am today. Many came and went- some disappeared and some even died. Others let me down and some had stayed true. All I knew was that they each had a person directly tied to it- whether in childish fun, in teenage exploration, in loathing and in love- in missing and in heart break- Veronica had been there- in each little detail.

180 days? We've got this-


	28. Chapter 28

**Hey everyone! I just want to start out by saying thank you a million times over for all of those who have read this story, reviewed it, followed it, favorited it.. etc. Your kind words have truly meant so much, and I have read each comment. You guys have been truly wonderful and have helped those many a night of writers block with your encouragement.**

**This is the last chapter to this particular story. I am planning on sometime, hopefully soon, continuing with a sequel. One that covers some of the deployment and Veronica dealing with Logan being gone. And I hope to take it into their future too.**

**Right now I am working on a shorter story about Logan, and I hope to have the first chapter up soon. We will see! *fingers crossed*.**

**Please let me know your thoughts of the story and please keep any ideas of what you would like to see in future stories coming as well.**

**Again I want to state that I have no rights to these characters, they all belong to RT himself. And also, the lyrics in this chapter are not mine as well.**

**Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Review away ;)**

_Remember those walls I built?_

_Well, baby they're tumbling down_

_And they didn't even put up a fight_

_They didn't even make a sound_

_I found a way to let you in_

_But, I never really had a doubt_

Veronica:

I had been a person who had gone from dripping sweetly of naivety to skeptical for any good in the human race. Two extremes I would say. I think the harder, colder version of Veronica had always hoped there was still good left- that there was fairy tale endings for those people that were decent individuals. That happiness still existed for some. But that girl- she also knew to achieve this form of contentment meant risking the greatest risk of all. Cracking open that hard shell, that tough armor I had built for so long.

I used to see Logan in front of me, brown eyes melting in desperation, full of love- need for me. He was longing for just an inkling that I wanted what he did.

" _I love you, Veronica. I love you." His voice turned to a plea as he continued. "Do you love me?"_

_My eyes glazed over with emotion, my chin quivering, I was almost angry at him for his admission. Didn't he see that those types of words, those declarations made this harder? They complicated my ability to stay focused- to not focus on the actuality that we could last._

_I shook my head." Yeah." My words, even how pathetically vague they were, were enough for him as he breathes a sigh of relief. I can't feel the overpowering emotion of ease as my lack of response has only caused the tangled knots in my stomach to tighten. How can he be okay with my poor response, my lack of ability to ever express how I truly feel? How can this possibly be enough for him?_

_I have let him down yet again, like so many others. Logan Echolls was a damaged person, as much as me or more so. Instead of handling his hurt like me, he did the opposite- loving willingly- desperate for the reciprocation. That was all he ever wanted from me and I could never just break and give up those words._

_I always knew he was the one person that I would be willing to lower the drawbridge for, I knew that and with that knowledge I justified that was enough. Sure deep down I knew to the extent that my emotions reached, I had never loved anyone like I loved him. Perhaps that is why it was hardest with him. I could see the ability for heart break written all over our relationship, his desperation for me, mine to protect myself from the pain that could come._

_I always held out for the hope that I would find a way to let him in- sometimes I felt helpless for the ability to do so. I knew I needed to thaw, let him see my true, vulnerability of emotion towards him- but each time the moment came, I buckled._

_It was like a bad habit I couldn't shake- the ability to protect myself at all costs- no matter how hard I tried to fight against it. I knew I would eventually break, it seemed a fate I knew I couldn't escape- seems all forces around me were going to push me until I caved on this- I would one day give him what he needed._

And now it seems I finally broke the protective force surrounding me- my will finally relenting. And unlike the surge of terror that I thought would fill every ounce of me, every nerve ending. It never came. Seems we had both reached a place where I could let down those tall walls and he was someone I could finally completely trust with the tender parts of my soul. He wasn't going to do anything to screw it up this time, it was so clearly written on his face.

I always trusted Logan, deep down, it was lack of trust in the ability to not hurt those we love that had always been my issue. Logan Echolls had loved me since I was a child, and fell even further that fateful year of junior year. Once we reached that point, I should have known I could trust him with my life- he had proven more than once that he would do anything to protect me. He had stated that so plainly in the pool house all those years ago, and somehow despite his open declaration I had always doubted him. But now I see it, he meant every word.

_It's like I've been awakened_

_Every rule I had you breaking_

_It's the risk that I'm taking_

_I am never gonna shut you out_

Moments of clarity, when life suddenly becomes clear. I have heard of these moments, that sudden realization of everything that truly matters. I had thought I had experienced these sudden attacks of reality before, and sure, they had come on in a more traumatic fashion, due to tragic circumstances. But right now- as I take him in across the room, bag flung across his back, that so familiar smirk playing at his mouth. I see it-

I smile, the sudden tears of realizing how desperately I need him- the tears of regret of our separation, tears of happiness at finding each other again, and the time we have had these last two weeks. It all comes to a head, as I sob with a laugh- purely a true example of my feelings. Bittersweet.

He lingers at the door, and my tongue wants to go wild, pouring out everything I feel- the things it always hold backs. But right now I am silent, yet for different reasons- I am completely speechless.

Veronica Mars- the girl who never believed in happy endings- who told herself she could care less about finding that happily ever after. The girl jaded by the hundreds of failed relationship played out before her- somehow I had missed, me and all my sharp deductive reasoning, had missed that life had dropped an unexpected surprise all those years ago. I was one of the ones who had the love of a man that never faded. He had loved me for ten years and now as I look at him- I know he waited for me. He never gave up- and suddenly I am full of an emotion my prickly self usually blocks. Joy.

_You know you're my saving grace_

_You're everything I need and more_

_It's written all over your face_

He nods, as it seems he feels I finally get it, and I wonder what it must feel like to know that I have reached this understanding. He disappears, the mournful and joyful smile still plastered to my face, as he walks out the door-taking everything with him. Suddenly I feel a little weaker than I like- knowing I need someone that much. But unlike the panic that usually associates this type of realization, I feel peace- I only ever want to need Logan Echolls. And as much as I am feeling this, I know he is my partner, we match each other step for step- and I am sure he is flooded with the same emotion.

_Two solid weeks of bliss- now it is back to the real world._

Logan:

I waited for it. That usual gnawing ache, the one that is so vivid so unique to her, that I had its every debilitating state memorized. It always came on strong with goodbye - yet this time all there was - peace, stillness.

The dread of her being non existent, the feeling of overpowering heart ache- they were all noticeably absent. This time was going to be different. She and I had tried a decade of living without the other, and though we had both come up with comfortable lives- learned we could in fact live without the other. We both discovered something far more important than our desperate teenage versions- the ones so scared of the impending doom of complete and utter heart ache. We learned that we could stand without the other, but we just did not want to anymore.

Life with Veronica, was sweeter somehow. She was like recalling a childhood memory, a vacation, a place -where your world seemed perfect. And when I returned to this place of familiarity, this place of completely being who I was- it was just as I remembered. My closest reality to home.

The cab driver met me by the trunk, lifting the hatch so I could place the large duffle in. I nodded politely as I glanced back to the house. The place wasn't even mine, but somehow in this moment, this was the first time I felt the pangs of homesickness creeping in since I joined the military. It had nothing to do with my old friend's home, or even the city I was leaving. It all had to do with the tiny blonde, still propped up on her knees in the center of the bed. I could see her through the large windows, and she seemed oblivious, as I watched her nibble her nail nervously.

I hesitated by the opened door, her talks of going AWOL being close to not being a joke in my mind at this moment. Sure I loved my job, I loved the thrill of powering a vessel so strong that the reverberation beneath me was like escaping to a different realm. I loved the pride in doing something that mattered for once. I loved the idea of preserving a nation based on what ours was. But- I loved her more.

My hand rested on the top of the bright yellow door, she was still oblivious as I stared, mesmerized by the sight of her yet again- my shirt draped across her petite form, her slightly messy morning hair. She was stunning and somehow from the small distance she began to feel like a dream again.

I had dreamed a many night about having her near. Her showing up in my world of sleep, sometimes as a welcomed guest, sometimes as a trespasser. Either way, I took comfort in her goddess like qualities as she came toward me, her blonde hair falling in loose waves around her face, her delicate features and large presence of fire just as real in that world as in this one. I had been thankful for those glimpses of her over all those years.

But now, as she began to creep into that reserve of my mind, I became aware of what had always been missing. Her smell, as much as I had tried to breath it in, I never could inhabit the familiar scent. Her touch, its mixture of warmth and cold always exhilarating, yet equally comforting. Her taste of bubblegum, and pure sweetness. The way her voice tickled against my ears, its timbre had a unique way of filing in all around me. I could pick her voice out in a crowd of millions.

She wiped at her eyes, and the stab sunk deeper into my heart. Veronica Mars was crying over me. I had made her cry more than I wanted to admit, and right now- again I saw the sight that always tore me apart. I was leaving and I knew her, and all the insecurities that came with people leaving.

"Sir, are you ready?"

I cocked my head over to the the man waiting on me, his face full of sympathy as he saw the man in uniform take in his final glimpses of the woman he loved. It could have been photographed. People would have loved it, relishing in the romance of it. The sacrifice those in this line of work made. _At least that is what those types of photos always seemed to spark._

I could almost see the caption. _Child hood friends, turned enemies- became even greater lovers. Ten years of silence, and now...and now?_

I shook my head as I crawled in, he shut the door for me, seeming to have a sense of reverence for the uniform and I appreciated it, though I still felt unworthy.

"I am sure leaving is the hardest part." The man said as he started the car.

I caught one last sight as I smiled, finishing the caption as I spoke. "Yeah, but I always come back to her." _Always- we always find each other._

I picked up my phone as I typed out a message, my smile taking over my solemn face. **So you had the speech memorized huh?**

Her response was quick. **Hey, I may not be like most girls. But every woman appreciates a good declaration of love.**

She typed again. **Though all these years I thought you didn't remember...**

**Yeah, well I remembered ten minutes too late, I am afraid.**

**It is never too late for us- I think we have learned that.**

My eyes softened as I traced over her words, their importance being stored away. **Those were the best two weeks of my life, Veronica Mars.**

**Mine too. Are you sure they have to end?**

I bit at my lips, the way she could make me smile even in moments like these amazed me. I guess it was a good quality considering all the tragedy life had thrown our way.

**I wish they didn't. Your offer was tempting, believe me. I just need a break from the criminal life. Btw, you look good in my shirt. Got one last glimpse of you. Made it hard to leave.**

**That was the plan.**

The reality of the silence was encroaching as I sucked in the air around me. I knew it would be awhile before she was this close again. **You deserve an A for effort.** **I don't know exactly when I will get to call you, but I will be able to before we officially fly out.**

 **Okay.** Her short reply made me uneasy, her next text coming in fast, making my phone shake in my hands. **I miss you.**

My hands were deliberate as they wrote back. **I miss you too. More than you know.**

I had a decade of missing her under my belt and suddenly the ache I thought I had grown so used to, like it was a chronic disease, now it suddenly felt unmanageable again. This was going to be the longest 6 months, 180 days, 4,320 hours, 259,200 minutes, 15,552,000 seconds- of my life. _Yes, I actually figured it up._ Seems that when there is no hope of being with the girl you love, you can miss her from anywhere about the same. But when you actually had her- there was a much more consuming pain at the knowledge of the time and days you were not sharing. I was figuring this out right about now as I clenched the phone in my hand as the car wobbled down the gravel drive. I would focus of the forever, the always, the way we came back to each other. The way I loved her the same even after all these years.

I had loved other women in my life- but none like this. It was as if I sealed away my life that day on The Camelot balcony. Veronica Mars had a piece of my soul. She and I, our love, it was truly everything I ever said it was.

It was _epic._

* * *

 

**_A few days earlier..._ **

**Day 13- Morning**

Veronica:

I shifted in the bed, taking a handful of covers with me,twisting up in the comfy bedding. My eyes slowly opened to the familiar sight of windows filling with morning light, as I rubbed the sleep from them. I had grown used to Logan being gone when I woke up. He usually kissed my cheek softly before heading out the back door to greet the morning and beach- and today I expected no different as I sat up, with a large yawn.

I stretched a small growl of a groan escaping my lips, my peaceful morning ritual disturbed as I shook in a large quiver as I heard a string of expletives come from the kitchen.

I laughed as I recognized the voice, crawling out of bed and tip toeing around the corner. The sight of Logan Echolls in only his boxers standing in the kitchen - not one I was used to, but could definitely adapt to fast. He jumped up on one foot as he placed his thumb in his mouth as he sucked it as if it was venomous snake bite, his muscles tensing and contracting as he groaned, making it hard to worry of whatever his injury was.

I covered my mouth with my hand as a soft whisper of amusement escaped, him shooting his chocolate eyes instantly my way.

"No." He pointed at me with a commanding grin. "No, no. You get back in bed."

I gestured to my body and feet standing on the floor. "Already up, I am afraid."

He sighed with determination as he came toward me, angling my shoulders back towards the fluffy bed and patting my butt in encouragement to obey.

"I have our morning planned. So hop back into bed, that is an order."

"I am afraid I am not in the Navy, Lieutenant Echolls, I don't have to follow any orders. And when did you get so bossy?"

"Too much time with you, I guess you are rubbing off on me." He sweetly embraced my arms from behind as he planted a kiss on my cheek, I could feel his lips part as he smiled against my skin. "Good morning."

"Good morning." I cocked my head to the side.

"Do you take requests then?"

I raised my shoulders as I sucked in my lips, nodding my head in a so/so way. "Depends on who is doing the requesting."

"Yours truly."

I put one foot in and curled back under the covers. "Only for you."

"Be right back." He grinned as he disappeared around the corner, my eyes falling to the new, odd placement of Dick's large TV.

"Logan, I think the TV moved in our sleep." He came back around with a tray, placing it in the center of the bed.

"Nope. All part of our morning plans." I leaned forward as I studied the combination of breakfast on the small tray as he took a seat next to me. "These are the options of a good, nutritionally sound breakfast in the house of Dick Casablanca's. First option: dinosaur oat meal."

I nodded. "Always a sound choice."

"Next up. The pop tart- it will never let you down."

"True that."

"And if you are just feeling plain unadventurous, the Lucky Charms are your best bet. But the good news is that we do have the big kid drink- it is brewing now."

I squinted my eyes at my smorgasbord of childhood breakfast items. "Hm, well this is really not a difficult choice. Dinosaur oatmeal and a large cup of that drink all the cool kids are drinking."

He reached for the pop tart. "And thus breakfast has been decided." He jumped up, me enjoying the sight of his form as he headed back towards the kitchen.

"So, I have to ask. What attacked you in the kitchen a few minutes ago?"

"Your breakfast of choice." He hollered back.

"That is what happens when you mess with such untamed food."

He smiled as he handed me the large cup and held up a handful of DVDS with excitement. "You and I are having a moving marathon, Veronica Mars. Only breaks are for food, bathroom of course, and well if we decide we need a little exercise to work off said food." His lips played up in implication before he straightened his face out again. "These are the rules, no breaking them once you agree to the terms."

I slurped the coffee loudly as I nodded my head."I accept your terms. So which movie is first?" He held up the blue ray edition with a cheeky grin. "Big Lebowski. Fine choice, Echolls."

He opened the player as he placed the disk in. "I always appreciated your equal love of this movie."

"We should have realized back then our fated destiny." I quipped as he crashed back into the bed reaching for the pop tart on the tray. Our shoulders touched as the previews began to play, him biting on the strawberry pop tart as he selected the menu.

I nudged him with fond expression, his warm skin against my arm. "No morning waves today?"

He shook his head. "Nope, I had better plans."

"I am honored, Logan. Truly." I said with my best southern belle accent, all breathy and overwhelmed.

"Do I need to add no sarcasm or quick quips to the rules?"

"No, cause that is mostly our conversations, I am afraid. We would be silent all morning."

He shrugged as he reclined back. "True. I will keep the rule at bay for now." His eyes stayed glued on the screen as he opened his left arm, motioning for me to crawl into the space, him munching on his large bite.

Normally I would insert said comeback here, at the cuddling, but decided other wise as I curled into the space- the space I always noticed I fit perfectly. Though no one had to know of my notice of this observation.

The movie began to roll, Logan's face sparking with his usual thrill when this particular one was on. "I think I like your plans for today."

"Yeah, just you and me. I am afraid I don't quite care if there is anyone else." He smirked as he glanced down for a moment.

I snatched a bite of his breakfast, him not even reacting, as he continued to stare ahead. I nestled into the space around us as I joined him, being locked in on the movie now, the vision of the pop tart back in my face as he held it for me to take another bite.

"Always taking such good care of me." I played back.

He kissed the side of my head as he teasingly shushed me. "The movie is on, chuckles. Stop being distracting."

**Day 13- Afternoon**

Logan:

The battle at Dick's bathroom vanity had a pleasant annoyance to it. She and I juggling for the space, her applying her make up as I looked for an open moment to spit my tooth paste out.

She wiped at her shirt as she shot me the look from the view of the mirror. I took my moment, leaning in as I splashed the water into my mouth, drying my face off as I spoke.

"I take it a large bathroom is on the list for our new place."

"Yes, one with endless vanity space. So I don't have to share it with another girl."

"The grooming is what makes me so appealing to you, I believe."

"Nah, it is the wealth."

"Dammit, Dick has been right all along."

She cracked a smirk as she pulled her hair back into a low pony tail, the way it showed her neck line had always been a weakness of mine, me now planting a kiss on her soft skin.

"So any other must haves on that house of ours?"

"Hm, an office for me. Lots of windows."

"Good kitchen." I added.

"For you." She pointed at me. "To cook in. No putting unrealistic expectations on your woman now."

"I will gladly play the role of house keeper as you bring in the bad guys."

"I knew there was a reason I was so fond of you." She pulled at my white undershirt as she ran her palms flatly across my chest. "As much as I complain about sharing the bathroom with you, I do believe I will miss it, here soon."

"I've got to make sure you miss me somehow."

She thumped my cheek. "Yeah, I don't think that is going to be something you have to work at making me do."

"Oh."I linked my hands behind her back, the way her body formed into mine was warm and inviting and I kept from speaking of how much I would think of this feeling when gone. Had to keep it light for the pit bull here. "Are you saying you are going to miss me?"

She blinked, that stubborn look on her round face. "You are impossible."

"Most the time." I dropped my grip on her as I threw the crew neck sweater over my head. "So where are you going to go once I leave? Back to your dad's?"

She nodded, going back to the mirror as my question seemed to affect her. "Yeah, I guess so. Twenty- eight year old living with dad. I scream success."

"Soon you will have your own place."

"Yes, by the dollars of my wealthy man."

"The wealthy man that loves you and wants to share a life with you." I added. "There is no crime in that. In fact you would be wrong to make me live alone."

"You are kind of needy." She joked, her crystal eyes still giving way her heavy mood.

"Veronica, you have a law degree from Columbia. You were offered a job at a law firm in New York City. I do not believe anyone in our class can brag of such achievements. You are a success." I grabbed my watch now, fastening it around my wrist. "You chose to follow your dreams. You followed your heart- and in my book that is the greatest victory one can do."

Her face softened a bit as she nibbled her lip, gripping onto the counter. I could tell it, she wasn't going to say much more of it, but I had helped. "Those pep talks of yours- they have gotten better."

"Well, I have no doubt the low lives of Neptune are about to not know what hit them." I squeezed the side of her wrist before I exited the room. "You ready to go bustle about the civilians? Re-stock our food supplies?"

"I don't know if we have ever grocery shopped together." She lifted a furrowed brow as she walked behind me.

"Well, room service kept me fed in those years of my life."

"Ah, you live so humbly now."

I grabbed the keys as I opened the door. "After you smarty pants."

 

* * *

 

"Will that be all today?" The cashier asked as I nodded, sliding my card, my eyes catching on an in tune Veronica, focused on the screen of her phone with furrowed expression.

She stepped closer, as her hand grazed my back. "Can we stop by my dad's office on the way back?"

I nodded, certain this request was due to what just had her attention-but did not mention it. "Yeah, sure. No problem."

She relaxed a bit at the thought of achieving whatever she was planning and suddenly it seemed she had stolen my ease, trading me with tension.

She had a bounce in her step as she headed towards the Mars Investigation office, looking back at me. "I'll be right back."

I gestured, lifting my hand as I sucked at my bottom lip- the presence of how she always found trouble creeping back into my subconscious. And I was about to be thousands of miles away from the town I had seen her held at gun point multiple times in. My stomach clenched along with my fists at the memories, my head banging against the head rest. _I would love a girl always on the brink of danger._

She had no idea how her natural tendency was debilitating to me. Her bent was a constant reminder of my greatest fear- losing her. Something that was easily gained in my life- losing the people I loved.

She clopped down the stairs, with broad smile and high shoulders. She was on to something. I had seen that look before.

She slid into her seat and I waited. "You ready?" I asked hoping for a reveal, but with no shock she remained tight lipped.

"Yeah, ready." She buckled her seat belt, and despite how good she felt her poker face was, I always could call its bluff.

I glanced at the stack of paper peeking from the top of her bag, her oddly quiet now as she nibbled at her thumb with inquisitive wonder, locked inside that dangerous and beautiful mind of hers.

"What's that?" I pointed to her leather bag, her eyes shifting with complete guilt.

"Oh, nothing. Just case stuff." She fidgeted awkwardly in the seat, and I steadied the angry and uneven breaths her lying caused. Veronica lying always pissed me off. Veronica lying over something that could hurt her- that was a different level of anger.

I waited for the red light, using all sources of my jedi refluxes as I snatched her bag, her protests loud as I pulled the mysterious papers out.

"Logan." She growled with a faintness of regret as she seemed to lock up every tiny muscle of her body.

I chuckled, my less kind version returning as I scanned the sheet. "Screening for new boyfriends while I am away, Mars?"

She glared. "Listen, it is extra money-"

"Veronica." The edge surrounding my voice had not been present in years and suddenly I realized she had usually been the one to make it rear its ugly head. I shut my eyes tight as tried to cool the raging fire. "This guy is wanted for assault, robbery, sexual assault-"

"Nothing I can't handle."

I scoffed. "You aren't invincible you know?"

"I will be fine." She said defensively though I could see she was upset about me being angry with her.

"So what? I am gonna ship out and you are going to wave goodbye and head on the road to bring this here, classy gentleman to justice? So typical." I seethed, the influx of white to red in my knuckles an outward sign.

She eyed them as she got that stubborn and snarky expression she knew how to wear so well. "Oh yes that is right. Cause this is somehow about you."

"It isn't? Cause from where I am standing- it has something to do with me. You get hurt- it affects me."

She slouched, her arms crossing over herself. "It is $15,000 dollars, Logan. My dad is going to have a lot of medical-"

"I can give you anything you need." I cringed after the words. _Mistake, Logan. Big mistake._

She straightened with a sharp edge like a knife as she cocked her head at me, those tiny features expressing all levels of rage. "Oh that is great. Let's just throw your money around again- it is just the answer for everything."

My foot revved the accelerator as I bit at my cheek, jaw clenched with a force that would be sore tomorrow. "So the answer is you running off and potentially getting hurt? Without me or your dad able to look out for you?"

"Logan this isn't new news. You knew I was going to work on cases when you were gone."

"Bounties Veronica- those are just searching out danger."

"Wow, could you get any more condescending?" Her voice was harsh as she looked at the door, like she was actually contemplating getting out of the moving vehicle. _There was 19 year old Veronica, staring me in the face with similar loathing as she used to._

"Could you get any more stubborn?" I fired back. _One score for the 19 year old Logan on the board._

"You know, I can take care of myself. I have proven that time, and time again."

"Yeah." I nodded with a slow steady anger. "That is until your luck runs out."

She scoffed now. "You are unbelievable. Still with your hero complex." She paused a moment as she debated what thing to say next, the thing to cut me to the quick. We had always been good at that. "If I recall, I went years without you and I survived just fine."

My head jerked towards her with a flinching pain, as my eyes widened before they settled into a steady and emotionless stew. Her face stretched with a bitter regret, but that pride of hers won as she locked her scowl in place.

"Fine." I said as we pulled into the drive.

"Fine." She opened the door, slamming it like a teenager as she stomped off towards the house and I waited in the car as I needed to recover from the blow. I was afraid in a fight Veronica was like a wild animal, if she saw you were down, she would go back and finish the job. And the last thing we needed was to blow this relationship over this. I could see that, she would too, but right now I wasn't so sure if she could.

I waited until I saw her escape into the house before I released the large breath, it mimicking when being kicked in the gut. I guess I sort of had, figuratively. I leaned my head against the wheel. _Well that went to hell fast- and if you had any question of if the girl could still hurt you to the core, she just proved it._ I closed my eyes. _Yeah, that stung._

I raised my head up now as I opened my hands and shut them over and over, the repetitive motion had been a way I had learned to calm myself with commanding officers screaming in my face. Veronica Mar's fury - they had nothing on it, the thought making me laugh a bit as I thought of the fire cracker probably seething in the house right now. I opened my door now, determined to show I had matured at least some over the last few years. I steadied my steps as I approached the house, the creaky door announcing my entrance, her immediately coming out of the bathroom with fire, red tear streaks and runny nose.

"You, Logan Echolls, are still just as big of a jerk as you used to be." She growled like a small dog and I tried to hide the smirk, as she smacked my chest.

"Yes. I can be." I said evenly, my response triggering her more.

"Oh, you are going to be nice now?"

"Yeah, because I care about you and I am not going to screw this up again."

My words seemed to knock her back a few steps as she blew air out dramatically from her small mouth. It was silent a moment as she studied me, her face turning into a saddened contortion. "And I am still as mean as ever." She said with self loathing.

I grabbed her arms as I hugged her, her placing her nose directly into my chest with exasperated and dramatic sigh, arms hung at her sides. "No, you are just as fiery as you always have been."

"Aka, bitchy." Her voice muffled against the fabric of my shirt, making me laugh, her face bouncing off of me. "Don't laugh." She said still slightly annoyed.

"I am sorry, you just make me happy. I can't help it."

"You are sick."

"Perhaps. You have seen the family I come from."

This made her faintly show signs of the beginning of a smile as she let her arms surround me, leaving behind their dead state from before. She looked at my face, her lips separating frequently, though no words managed to come with the motion, her flinching now at the way the melting hardness caused her to feel. "I didn't mean it- the thing I -"

I cut her off. "We all say things we don't mean when we are upset."

"Yeah, but that was just cruel and -"

"Veronica." I cupped the sides of her face as I bent my knees to meet her eye for eye. "It is okay."

She pulled her lips in as she seemed to debate whether to believe me. "I am sorry, Logan."

I hugged her now, my voice carrying behind her head. "I am sorry too. I don't handle it well- the thought of you ever-"

"I know." She gripped me tighter. "It was stupid. You are right. I just have a point to prove sometimes, I suppose."

"You just took down a killer last week, can't that last you a few weeks?"

"Yes, I guess so."

"I just want you safe. I am sorry, I am selfish that way. And my anxiety of leaving you and not being able-"

"I will try, Logan. I will. That is all I can promise. You know that."

I nodded as I pushed her hair behind her ear in acceptance. I knew her- part of being with her was this aspect of who she was. And I knew it was one of the many reasons I cared for her, even if it drove me mad at times.

"I support you. I may be pigheaded sometimes, but at the end of the day, I support you."

"I know." She smiled before she motioned with her eyes to the door. "Now, can we return back to our normal lives. The one where we unload the perishable groceries from your super, fancy car?"

"You mean the one I bought with that money I am always throwing around?" I teased.

"Yes, that one. Exactly."

We bumped shoulders as we walked through the doorway, her face contorting a little in worry as she focused on the steps of her feet.

"It wouldn't be us, Veronica."

She looked up confused, the sun dancing through her hair as she managed to take my breath away in this random moment. "What?"

I smiled at the full stage of events that had taken place in such a short occurrence. "It wouldn't be us if we didn't get under the other's skin every so often."

"I know. That wasn't what I was thinking." I opened the trunk as she reached in for a bag. "I was thinking that I wish we learned how to navigate 'us' a long time ago."

"Well, I do believe they say with age comes wisdom."

"I believe you are right. But either way, let's us keep up the new habits okay? Let this side of ourselves reign and not the way our younger selves would have dealt with it."

"Deal." I grabbed an arm full of bags as I closed the trunk. " It is progress. I would say old me would have sped off, tire squeals and all."

"And old me would have stormed into the house, much like my earlier display." She laughed loudly, her eyes observing me as I held open the door for her, a wonderment in them. "Maybe you are a stabilizing influence, Logan Echolls."

"Yeah, surprising right?"

"I don't know. I guess you always were what grounded me."

**Day 14- Evening**

Veronica:

It was an odd sensation coming "home" to Logan, putting keys in the door, anticipation at seeing his smiling face. A familiarity coming with it now, one I enjoyed. Dick's front door always squeaked in a way that gave no way of a sneak attack, though he seemed to beat me to the surprise. The dancing candlelight bounced off the white walls, the darkness over taking the beach house, just the flickers of light, my small path- leading me towards his voice.

"In here." His voice inflection was soothing, a weird combination with the romantic atmosphere he had created. He somehow seemed to be both in my life now- fire and passion, yet stability and assurance.

The shadows danced across his face as he grabbed a bottle of champagne from the fridge, the light from the inside of it the brightest one now, him shutting it quick as he looked my way with guilty smile.

"So?" He asked, almost seeming to be waiting fro my smart quip to escape in reaction to the environment he created. He is right, normally I would have never let him live this down.

My mouth hung open at the sight of him, dressed in his dark jeans and black button up, the smell of a home made meal in the air and him holding the two champagne glasses in hand. Suddenly I felt very much like a girl, speechless as I stuttered. Or maybe I grew up enough to appreciate this side of him.

"I can't believe you did this for me-"

He cut me off, already expecting my verbal fight, though I had no intention of using it. "Okay, listen I know it is cheesy, but we have one last night. And I am sorry." He stepped closer leaning in, the darkness keeping me from seeing him clearly, just the cool mint of his breath and the faint smell of his cologne hitting my face. "But, I have to treat you every now and then. Even when you don't want it- and tonight seems like a night that should be special."

I put my finger to his lips making him laugh at the awkward placement, as I had to guess in the blackness around us. "Logan." I whispered against his mouth. "I love it."

He sighed with relief, his fading nerves fresh in the air surrounding us. "Okay, good. Well then follow me." He placed the bottle under his arm and grabbed my hand as the light grew brighter towards the patio. The small table placed in the center surrounded with the ideal amount of candles, it the perfect sense of that he did it himself. It caused a warmth to fill me, the romantic nature of it not lost on me. Something I never entertained the appreciation of until now.

Our plates were covered at the table, and the smell even in the outdoors was mouth watering.

"Wow, you have been busy." I eyed the scene as he placed the bottle in the ice, wearing a sense of pride and accomplishment in his dimpled smile, another sight I appreciated, now getting a good look at him. He was as handsome as he had always been in my mind, maybe even more so now. The charming combination of boyish good looks and chiseled features.

"Yeah, well I pulled out all of my best work, afraid it will be all down hill from here." He walked over to my chair, pulling it out as he motioned for me to sit, me still caught in the view before me.

"Such a gentleman."

"Only for you, of course." He sat as he put the napkin in his lap.

"Well, good. Between those skills and your uniform I am afraid all the women will be in love."

"Sucks for them, I am off the market if you were not aware."

I cocked my eyebrow in pretend surprise as he popped open the champagne, the sound always making me jump a bit, him chuckling in return. He used to shamelessly tease me about it long ago- seems he remembered the quirk.

"Really and who is the lucky lady?"

"Hm." He faked, thoughtful contemplation as he poured the drink into our glasses. "She is blonde, petite." He smiled wide much like he did, leaned against his locker, the memory coming back- me feeling completely shameless that I remembered and utterly consumed by the feelings attached.

I cut him off. "And does she still smell of marshmallows and promises?"

He seemed pleased by my remembrance, like he enjoyed that those times were etched in me as much as they were in him. "Awe, that she does. And I see you remember all my charms of high school?"

I nodded as I sipped the bubbly drink, it tickling my throat. "Logan, I may have been gone all those years, but I never forgot."

My serious tone, seemed to shock him as it wiped that carefree expression he wore so well, right off. He smirked thoughtfully as he steadily recovered, him always unsure how to react to my random blurts of honesty. Who could blame him I was never the stable one when it came to the "feelings" aspect.

I took a deep breath, the roar of the waves echoing around us as I unveiled the meal. The chicken and vegetable ensemble impressive, far past my culinary skills.

I pointed to it in shock. "You made this?"

He accepted the work in front of us as he began to cut into it. "Hey, you should feel special. I don't make this meal for just anyone."

"Oh, and who do you make it for?" I took the first bite, the flavor sparking my mouth alive, as my eyes widened. "This is incredible." I took another bite, it much bigger this time as he chuckled.

"Glad, you approve of my cooking skills."

"I approve of all your skills." I looked up from my plate seductively in overkill and still like in our first banters of foreplay I get the tingling of nerves and anticipation.

"Veronica, we just started dinner- I am hungry." His lone eyebrow teased with sarcasm as it played up in a small wiggle as he held back his smirk.

"Fine. You better be glad your mad culinary abilities are so good, cause you keeping me away from your lover skills is certainly something that would upset me under any other circumstances."

"I promise to fulfill all my talents to their highest ability tonight." His voice had that low, huskiness to it that always made me desperately aware of how it sounded in my ear.

I smile, and though I try to react playfully I can't help but feel the rush of red that takes over my cheeks at the thoughts of our later plans. He seemed to notice as he touches his foot to mine, and though the touch is electric, there is something sweet about it and I melt.

"So." I stab at the food on my plate in an attempt at resolution to not show his weakening powers over me. "This really is sweet of you, you know." Me expressing gratitude in any sort of feminine way had never been a strong suit.

He nods as he doesn't make a big deal of it, he knows me well. "Well, I wanted to."

We exchange a sweet and delicate glance full of tentative smiles as the peaceful sound of the ocean is our background noise. It is funny that still the presence of nerves of what would happen between us next always followed us.

"So how was your dad?"

"Good, much better. Doctors say he is ahead of schedule and that seemed to boost his morale. You know- he hates being locked up and unable to do anything."

"Yes, I imagine that is where you get it." He says behind the bite in his mouth. He swallows as he looks at me thoughtfully. "I am glad he is doing better."

"So you nervous about tomorrow?" I abruptly change the subject his face indicating the shock and suddenness of it.

"Uh, no." He says quickly as he recovers. "I am dreading it, though."

I sit the fork down, feeling the apple in your throat sensation, wondering why I brought up the heavy topic. I am not be able to find words as we just stare, the closeness of what is held for us is in just hours now. The days we have been dreading for two solid weeks- it is closing in on us.

"You know, I don't want to leave you." He states the obvious, though it is good to hear it still. I still don't say much as I shake my head in acknowledgment, him placing his utensils down now as his hand encompasses mine. I glanced at the contact being made, I had never told him how much I liked when he took my hand in his. I remember the first time he ever did it, his large ones swallowed mine and something about it made me feel safe. Even now I feel the same overwhelming security in the gesture and just like then, I still keep the sentiment to myself as he begins to speak. "If I could stay I would, I want nothing more."

I speak up now. "I know. I do. It just is hard to know how far you will be, and I know I will worry that-" My voice is sharp once I finish, coming off harsh, though I don't mean it as such.

"I am coming back."

I glare and I hate myself for this biting side to me. I guess I hated deep down when people made promises they couldn't keep, especially the ones I wanted to be true so badly.

"You don't know that. No one can know anything for sure."

His eyes wash with a seriousness, as they lose all magical spark that they usually possessed. "Veronica." He says my name slow and deliberate and it makes me lock up, the intimacy in how he says it, the revelation in the tone- all he knows of me and all we have shared is evident. "Look at me." He says in response to my darting eyes, and I settle them like a wild stallion. He smiles now as he rubs his thumb across the top of my hand. "I always come back to you. You ought to know that by now, right?"

I soften at his confident smile, it so sure that I almost believe everything he speaks with absolute and complete faith. "You better." I lighten the mood.

"I will do my best." He picks up his fork again. "Now come on- stop being such a Debby Downer and eat." He nudges my fork toward me with a smile as I grab it.

"I prefer Negative Nancy."

He seems happy at my change in mood though he and I both know I am still plagued by the darkness closing in on us, we both are.

"So I have seen a few houses for sale on the beach. Not huge, show boat mansions, something nice and practical. Hopefully one will still be available when you get back."

"And they are on the beach for sure? And not a shack with two walls?" He asks with playful tone not speaking of the reassurance he takes in my words of the future. I know Logan, even now he is scared I will bolt. It is something he fights, I can't blame him. I still fight my old demons as well.

"They are three and four bedrooms. Maybe not mansion and estate level, but I think we should do just fine." I smirk. "We can do without the extra 5 bedrooms."

"But where will all our pets sleep?" He quips .

"Pets huh?"

"Oh yeah. I was thinking ten dogs?"

"Hm, will a pit bull be among them?"

"Of course, we will find one to be leader of the pack."

"So we will be those old, dog people huh?" I am thankful for the presence of light conversation again.

"Better than old cat people, right?" He asks with an adorable expression, much like a baby faced version I once knew. "Not to mention." He says quietly. "Maybe a baby or two will lessen our crazy side."

I blink wide, as I let my eyes settle, a surprising amount of happiness filling me at his mention of a domestic life of family, me picking at my food again with a smile- not saying a word about the mention of babies. He chews deliberately as he eyes me with relaxed and content expression. _It seems we both want the same things. Logan and Veronica- house, kids, dogs... who would have thought?_

I glance over to the set of speakers next to us, cocking my head to the side. "You planning on performing a concert for me?" I motion to the equipment.

"Yes, I had all my favorite Stevie Wonder hits all prepared for you." I laugh as I still wait for his real answer and he wipes at his mouth as he stands. "Well, I actually had a plan for this." He does his grand, Logan type gesture towards the set up as he pulls his phone from his pocket, plugging it in. "You know I had a thought, we have never really had the right of passage of a first dance. I mean there was that time at Sady Hawkins, but other than that, our dance card has been empty."

I throw my hands up as I stiffen with an awkward smile. "Uh uh, nope. I don't dance. I have two left feet."

"You had no issue dancing with me that night, when you were all jealous of my attention not being on you."

I bit my lip in aggravation as I pointed at him knowingly, hiding my laughs. "You were going to verbally attack Gia, I had to save her."

Both of our faces fall flat at her name and we stare in silence as the weight of another experience we somehow survived together hits us, the thought enough to trigger my sentimental and sappy side. I cleared my throat as I eyed his sweet expression as he stares at me expectantly.

"Fine." I growl in defeat. _Life is short after all, and when the guy you loves asks you to do something as simple as dance you should do it, right?_

He eases his shoulders as he takes my hands. "Hey, I am not so good at this either. We will get through it together. Just thought we needed to add it to the list."

"The list?"

"Yeah, the one that keeps track of all we have done together."

I wrap my arms around his neck. "That must be quite a long list."

"It is, plan on making it a lot longer though." He says with a confidence that makes my face flush, him leaning down and taking me with him as he selects a song, something about it seeming deliberate as he scrolls through, like he has the perfect one in mind.

"No laughing at me." I point at him as we are both upright again, me adjusting the placement of my hands around him as the swell of the acoustic guitar and piano fill the speakers.

"Never." He smiled now, bringing me close, a sudden silence hitting us as the music takes over. A magical trance is present, as it feels the power of the intuition of everything I believe, begins to play out through the air. Suddenly the two people always ready for the next quip or joke, the next moment of light to diffuse any signs of heaviness- it seems they are totally and peacefully quiet as they let the moment of reflection fill them.

_She is my rock and my rolling thunder_

_I've been the spell she was under_

_I, I love that girl_

_She is my cigarettes and champagne_

_She's got me strung but I'm not running_

_I, I love that girlI, I love that girl_

The lyrics are lulling as I rest my hand against his chest, something about them seeming utterly familiar. Like they are unfolding a story I already know as the flickers of the candlelight dance across us, me studying the silhouettes of our shadows as I feel less preoccupied by my lack of skills with rhythm.

_She is the days I can't get over_

_She is the nights that I call home endlessly_

_For you I'll always wait_

_Caught in the waves of hesitation_

_Lost in the sea of my own doubt endlessly_

_For you I'll always wait_

_For you I'll always wait_

I close my eyes, as I lightly pull on the back of his shirt, his head coming to the top of mine as I hear a slight sigh escape his throat. The stillness seems suddenly overwhelming as his heart beats against mine in steady rhythm and now I am unaware as to why we never did this before.

_She is the flame and the fire she's raging_

_I've been the spark and the war she's waging_

_I, I love that girl_

_She came along and she spoke so sweetly_

_Changed everything, took my heart completely_

_I, I love that girlI, I love that girl_

I chuckle slightly at the words as I peer up, surprised by his loving smile. Seems he recognizes the woman in them, I recognize all it is saying. I smile in a way that captures everything I am understanding through his demonstration and his liquid brown eyes melt further as he rubs his thumbs across my jaw, teasing sweet kisses at my mouth.

_She is the days I can't get over_

_She is the nights that I call home endlessly_

_For you I'll always wait_

_Caught in the waves of hesitation_

_Lost in the sea of my own doubt endlessly_

_For you I'll always wait_

_And the city buzz and empty cars_

_It's 3 a.m. I wonder where you are_

_And the crooked smiles and worn out miles between us_

_Now I wonder where you are_

I bury my head into the crook of his neck, the action taking the tips of my toes being reached. Something about my action desperate as I clench him deeply now, the sway form before absent as he grips me, it seems now all motions of dancing are gone as we just hold the other. The morbid sense of all the time that had passed between us and the joy at somehow we managed not to completely screw it up is there heavily. Appreciation comes quick, that life gave us another chance. And now that tough as nails girl, is suddenly encompassed with a loving side.

_She is the days I can't get over_

_She is the nights that I call home endlessly_

_For you I'll always wait_

The song fades as he hold my suspended position, his arms nearly wrapped around me twice as I can feel all his sentiment and nostalgia take over, the lingering of pain still there and the hope of what all we could have. Almost a desperate plea to me for a forever - to not run again. And I squeeze back as I sniffle into the corner of his shirt, ashamed at the presence of the glistening tears as he pulls me back with a kind expression, wiping at them without a word.

I laughed as I break apart from him, brushing at the evidence of my emotion. "So, nice song choice." I tease.

His tone stays even and calm, no sign of humor or jesting. A way he had matured more than me. "You could say it was on my playlist quite a bit. Guess it reminded me of someone." He brushes the hair from my face as he now looks at my lips with desire, and expectancy. Just like he would gaze at them those days right after our first kiss and I smile at how in one moment I hardly recognize the older more mature version before me, yet in seconds time I see glimpse of the boy I once knew.

I look with certainty at both sides of him, I am in love with the old and the new. And my answer is yes to his silent request- I want this forever too. But something in me hesitates, as the words stay closed inside, just not brave enough to voice it out loud yet.

_\- But I want it- all ten dogs and babies in a beach shack._

Logan:

Veronica Mars- the most beautiful woman I had ever known, had a strikingness about her when she wore vulnerability. I kissed her lips, eyes on her intently as we slowly moved toward the house. She paused as she ran her hands across my chest studying it as her nose reached my mouth, playing against it in a moment of raw and unplanned need. The passion and sexiness was still there, though her wilder side took a backseat as she let the sweet side of her escape- the look in her eyes, the begging of all she needed. _Don't leave me- come back- don't make me regret this-_

I nodded in response to her silent requests as I delicately kissed her again, pressing further into her mouth as she went loose in my grip- me scooping her up like a groom does a bride, carrying her through the door. And something about now, seemed like a promise of so much more than the wait of six months. This seemed like a promise of forever, my eyes focusing on hers in the dark, the candlelight dancing across her beautiful face perfectly. I slowly traced my finger down her shoulder, as she let her skin slowly show in teasing fashion, my lips meeting each exposed area as they came.

With Veronica it had always been the most meaningful, the most intense, the most passionate, but she rarely ever took it slow. Tenderness and loving moments usually were not her speed as she seemed to have a need to feel in control- until now. Her eyes never usually stayed glued on me, but now they seemed to be ever fixed-like they waited in expectation at what I would say next in our silent communication.

I kissed her neck as I gripped her back. _I need you._

She melted against me as I picked her up again, carrying her toward the bed, placing her down slowly as her contact stayed intact, me leaning against her as I touched her with each type of emotion that fueled me. _Desire, longing, love, helplessness._ She sighed in response as I let my hands move down her. _Surely she had to know how much I needed her._

The small break in our connected gaze was interrupted and as we met again, the break seeming like eternity as she searched mine with urgency and I ran my nose along hers as I whispered to her beneath me.

" I am glad you answered your phone." My voice filled with a deep timbre as I could feel the want escape through it. The lack of detail or what I meant left unsaid as they escaped me before they passed through the filter.

She brought her mouth closer to mine as she met me with a heavy breath, it seemed she understood perfectly. "Me too." That was all she managed to utter before our mouths crashed harder into the other, the movement precise and fluid, though still as tender as before. She and I- we had reached a different plane and it could not have come at a more perfect moment, our time of re-establishing everything we were and were going to be, coming to an end. Veronica, finally seemed to get it. I wasn't going anywhere-

 

* * *

 

She curled into my embrace tightener than normal as she played her fingers across the arm holding her. "I don't want to sleep." She said softly.

I pressed my mouth to her ears. "We don't have to."

"But you have an early morning." She looked back at me with a frown.

"Yeah and I have one more night with you - and I want each second."

She smiled as she knocked her head against my chest, me playing with the ends of her hair as we both seemed to study each candle that had begun to slowly burn out.

"I liked that."

"I always like that with you." I turned her on her back as I sweetly laid her underneath me. I loved the feeling of her skin beneath me.

She seemed shy. "Yeah, it was just even different this time, though."

"Yeah." I said in happy remembrance as I traced each of her features.

"So what do you want to do now?" She asked, her still usual deflection of all things intimacy still there.

"Game?"

Her brow furrowed. "What game?"

" I spy or 20 questions. Always good choices."

She laughed now. "You are such a weirdo." She bit her lip with an idea, and the way she lit made me in response. The girl had a way of making anything exciting. "I say poker."

"Ah, strip poker?"

She shook her head. "We already are naked. I say good old fashion, like we played in the pool house."

"Yeah, when you turned me on with you card shuffling abilities."

"What?" She said surprised with a naughty and proud air.

"Come on, you knew that. You and your hot, confident self- always bossing me around. It was sexy. I liked it."

She shook her head as I jumped up, throwing on my discarded boxers as I went to fetch a deck. "You are a twisted man." She said as I sat back down, her slowly pulling my button up to her body as she slipped it on.

"Come on, baby. Show me those skills." I handed them to her as she seemed to embrace the job, her hands whipping the cards out in perfect precision, as she wore that same cocky grin.

I pointed at it with an amused head shake. "And there it is-my weakness."

"And don't you forget it. I have the power." She swallows presenting her Veronica presence in its best representation. "So is it a cliche or do you guys play lots of poker when you are on leave?"

"Actually not a cliche, something my former days have played to my advantage."

"Ah, and you don't lose?"

"Oh, I lose." I looked at her in exasperated recall of how baldy I have lost. "Trust me, they all like to play on the trust fund kid of the dead movie star."

She clears her throat as she eyes her cards with mischievousness. "So they know about your- dad?" She stutters a little. All these years and Aaron Echolls still was hard to mention for her. I could not blame her, it was still hard for me too.

I nodded." Unfortunately. That is something that spreads pretty quick."

"So, did they not like you for it- or?"

"Eh, most hated me. Some still do. I have friends, and those who I am close with understand me. But there are always those people with preconceived ideas."

She looked up from her cards again as she seemed to understand my words, thoughtful and knowing expressions were painted on her face for a moment before she escaped back to the game. "So." A naughty smirk was on her mouth now. "You have one of those call sign things?"

I chuckled. "Yes."

"And?" She wiggled her eyebrows. "You can't leave me hanging."

"Duke. It is Duke."

"Duke." She said it slow and deliberate as she let it play off her mouth. "Well, it is no Maverick, but I suppose it will do."

"Ah, I am sorry I could not fulfill your Top Gun fantasies."

She shrugged. "Eh, well just tell me you and your buddies have at least performed an off key rendition of 'You've Lost That Loving Feeling'. That will pacify me."

"That would be a negative, as well. Though I may have tried, I just had no Goose to back me."

"I would have been your Goose." She grinned crookedly looking over my stack, trying to get a glimpse.

I swatted at her. "No cheating." She glared stubbornly, that look always making her resemble a three year old."So if you are Goose than who would I be serenading?"

"Hm, a lucky dame, I suppose." She pursed her lips with all sorts of expectation coming before her words. "I hope you plan on recreating one scene from that movie with me. Make at least one of my Naval Aviator dreams come true. It is the least you can do, you know? I have got to get some benefits to my boyfriend being in the military."

"Ah, and what is that? I will try to oblige as best as I can. Got to make sure you stick around." I smirked in pre- amusement at what could possibly be next.

"Take My Breath Away. You and me, getting friendly." She winked suggestively as she rubbed the bed.

I laughed now. "Someone been obsessively watching Top Gun?"

"Fine, I'll take an intense volley ball match, complete with you clashing your teeth together with a confident swagger."

Her expression was reminiscent of all I had ever missed, the side she let me see- her playful and youthful one. The one not weighed down by murder and loss. I bit my lip as she awaited my response, throwing my cards as I pounced her, making her squeal.

"Screw the games."

She belly laughed as she looked up. "So, are you impressed with my knowledge?"

"Very." I dipped my head down. "So be honest. I never knew you to be so educated in that movie."

She smiled embarrassed but with happiness at the reveal. "I may or may not have watched it a few times when I heard you joined." She looked down at her nails in played sheepishness.

"Oh yeah? A few times?"

"Like 10- 15 I would say." She scrunched her tiny nose and I kissed it, letting my lips linger in appreciation to the way she still had cared.

I lowered my mouth to her lips as I hummed, her laughing at the tickling of the reverberation against her. "You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips." I pulled back, her grin wide now as she still laid on her back, hair everywhere on the pillow. "And there is no tenderness like before in your finger tips."

She sucked in a tight breath, knocking me back as she jumped to her feet on the bed, embracing her fake microphone with pride. Veronica always had a way of surprising me. "You're trying hard not to show it- But baby." She pointed to me. "But baby, I know it."

"You've lost that loving feeling. OHH that loving feeling." She continued as I knocked her legs out from under her, all blonde hair and legs in my view as I finished for her with emphasized deepness of my voice.

"You've lost that loving feeling- now it's gone, gone, gone." I lowered my head each time, biting at her.

Once the laughter subsided, all sides sore and breathless, she mumbled. "Beautiful." Applauding long and slow, she carried on. "I can die happy. My very own Navy fighter pilot serenading me of my lack of love."

"Hm." I pulled up on top of her. "And I thought your fantasy had to do with a different scene of that movie." I traced the delicate part of her thigh that made her squirm and come alive at the same time. "I think I know that song by heart too." I enveloped her mouth into mine as I clung my hands to her body, pulling back once her breaths quickened. "Watching every motion in my foolish lover's game-" I sang annoyingly off pitch in her ear.

Her hand cupped around my mouth, stifling my laughter as my eyes widened at her lifted head, her eyes narrowing on me. "Shut up, Echolls. No more singing." She removed her hand with a sly smirk. "Just kiss me."

 

* * *

 

**Day 15**

Veronica:

The texts stop coming, and it was like a severed chord of life. With the painful silence I finally managed to let my feet touch the ground. I am not sure why the first step out of bed felt so huge, maybe it was the first one I knew I would take in this new reality of normal. The one where he would be thousands of miles away and I would hold onto the small time of heaven we shared until he was back.

The floor felt colder now, and suddenly Dick's bachelor pad became more massive, more overwhelming perhaps. I eased down the hall, hands scrunched tightly into the fabric of his shirt, it was suddenly a security blanket. I felt all sorts of unimaginable ideas pop into my head as I continued down.

_If you got in your car now, you could chase him down- convince him-_

I turned on the faucet, the cold water pouring out. _I could what? "_ You silly girl. "I mumbled the last thought out loud as I splashed my face repeatedly with what I hoped would be liquid resolve. "Get it together, Veronica."

My breaths released in slow rhythms like I was walking around a land mine, my feet steady, turning on the shower- the presence of his left behind body wash meeting me behind the shower curtain. I hesitated as I reached out for it, chuckling at my weakness and slightly crazed self as I popped it open, inhaling the sweet scent. The smell hollowed me out, leaving an empty ache as it was lacking of all comfort that he possessed. Just proof of how void this time would be, his reminders jut slow stabs until I finally was enveloped in his presence yet again. My foot slipped against the slick floor of the shower, and I caught myself, hand gripping the white, subway tile. I let out a howl of laughter mixed with deranged levels of sobs and chuckles. I had truly lost it as I felt the mixture of my tears mix with the running water across my face, me losing grasp on which was which. My body shook as I lowered my head, the water cascading down my neck and into my face. _Cry, get it out, do it now. There is no going back after this._ The hard, inner self yelled at me with command and I suddenly felt a loss to that person, this one completely and totally vulnerable as the pricks of his absence were all over me.

I caressed my arm, gripping it for support, the reminder of his touch against me a mixture of peace and torture. I knew he would be back, Logan and I, we had a crazy connection. One romance authors dreamed of writing, and sometimes I found the ironies of it funny, but I could never deny the power of it. But even there my logic played at me, of the void he would leave if he never returned. Part of me ridiculed myself for letting him back in- in a way that would surely lead to my slow death if I lost him for good. The other part was angry at me for wasting years of weeks like these- another side happy for just one more chance. The weird flux of emotions was never something I was used to. I had vowed off the internal mix ups that he had brought- I thought long ago. Yet here I was even more deeply consumed by everything he was and is to me.

The water began to run cold, as the minutes kept passing, my hand still gripped to the wall. The cold had an awakening to it. I had survived the death of a best friend, losing my mother, leaving Logan and all of this world behind that summer before my sophomore year. I could do this, I had to do this, giving up was not an option.

I stood tall as I turned off the water, stepping out and rubbing my hand against the glass, the swollen and red face looking back at me. _Keep yourself busy ,Veronica. I had a whole town to clean up in his departure. That would surely occupy these 6 months._ Start now. _Pick up the pieces like you always do._ My mouth straightened as I began to place that girl from the shower back into the box that she belonged in the recesses of my mind.

I flung on the leather jacket, its empowering abilities useful as I gathered my bags, locking up the house as I looked on it with fondness one more time. I smiled.

"Thanks, house." I walked towards his car, my breath hitching in my lungs a bit, before I pushed the grin from before further. Soon enough he would be right back here with me. The sound of its familiar roar, the rumble beneath my hands, his scent still lingering- strangely filled me with a comfort, almost like a hug as I put the car in drive getting one last look at the beach. Images of him walking up the surf, board in hand, my last sight before I pulled off. It was the perfect departure.

Now back to the mission. I pulled out my phone, Mac answering quickly.

"You are up early, Miss Mars."

"Yes, well I was wondering. Do you have time this afternoon to meet me at my dad's office? I have something I want to discuss."

"Sure thing. Am I in trouble?" Her voice always played up in a way that made me happy,

"You will have to see."

"Suspense. I will see you soon."

"Okay, bye."

I thumbed through the contacts again as nostalgic feelings came creeping in.

"I am at work you know. Do you have no respect for my occupation at all?"

"I here there is an old table that still has our names on it?"

Wallace laughed. "Yeah, I still reserve the seat for my best friend."

"Well, consider it a date. I will see you at lunch. Procure me one of those pre-made salads okay?"

"Alright. And this is not in bribery for a permanent file?" He teased.

"Hm, no, this is strictly pleasure, no business."

The Neptune weather, oh how it used to haunt me, now its sunny skies my source of hope as it played along my skin. I was back, and life had not really changed too much at all. I eyed the familiar sights of long beaches and rocky cliffs. I saw a younger, much more innocent me in the back seat of a SUV, laughing with her three closest friends. The driver, looked as alive as she always did in my dreams, happy and exuberant- ready to take life for all it was worth. I smirked now as she seemed to eye me with knowing expression. Lilly took care of me. Sure, my course had been led down a dark one, mistakes laid through out its path. But my saving grace was the mission to bring her to justice, finding the real talents of myself in the journey. In tragedy she made good and I knew only I could owe her for that.

The spiky hair, bleach tipped boy laughing beside her struck my heart. I never knew the pain he carried back then, and though his life turned for worse, somehow he made it out alive- better even. I had no idea back then that I would fall madly in love with him. I had no idea how much he would mean to me. But even then, I knew he would be a part of my life forever. Us still over a decade later, laughing down these same paths of road- somehow we had come full circle- Logan's prophetic words so true. Ruined lives, and blood shed along the way. Years and continents surpassed between us all. But somehow, deep down we were still those people. Just better versions I hoped.

I reached down to my phone as I quickly typed out the words, that came so hard for me. The words I had only spoken to him once, this new found courage due to the clarity before me.

**I love you.**

I smiled at the phrase typed out, the usual presence of anxiety came with it, but I relished in it for a moment. I knew it would be awhile before those words escaped me again. So I would enjoy it. After all it was me.

My phone buzzed back now.

**I love you too.**

I placed the phone in the cup holder with content expression at my past and future colliding, as I took the exit toward Neptune High.

I was home.


End file.
